How am I? Oh, this looks interesting. I'm tired now, but I might be back tomorrow to answer this. 
How Are You?
- Thread starter RJDiogenes
- Start date
How am I? Oh, this looks interesting. I'm tired now, but I might be back tomorrow to answer this.
Oh come on DerangedNest you're not tired! I see you...you're still online.
What....me? Oh I'm doing great just watching an opera right now (Hells Kitchenio) with some wine (soda)...it's how I unwind. Next I'll read the times (the cooking instructions to a hot pocket) and solve those formulas for tomorrow class (charge my phone). Ya know it's just another night kicking around the house.
Or I'll answer now 
. Seeing as some of you, including the OP, have been so open and courageous in truthfully telling us about yourselves, I'll continue in that spirit. I hope you won't judge me too harshly:
Well, how am I? Not too good at the moment but on my way to being okay again. I had another of my periodic depressive periods recently, and I'm feeling very much alone. I find it very difficult, because I experience things and sense things and generally relate to things in a way very different from other people, and I think differently. This shouldn't be a problem, but it is, because other people tend to...well, they tend to be, in my experience, ignorant of one another. They're competitive whereas I'm cooperative. I don't mean they're hostile- not at all, my experience of people has always been if you stick with them long enough they won't be hostile at all- but they are always competing, jostling for position and brushing one another aside without even realizing they're doing it. They're antagonistic to each other- and to me- on such a basic level they don't even realize they're doing it. My friends always come to me to talk about their problems, they trust me, and the reason I suspect is because I'm not like that, I'm open to them, accepting of them, on a very...primal...level, whereas others on that level are antagonistic, unconsciously I guess, without even meaning to be or being aware of it. So, my experience with people is that they're nice, interesting, I respect them all, and yet...something always distances me, puts me off. I suppose frustration is a part of love, and as I'm just as frustrated with myself as with others, it's also not unfair.
My work and studies are going very well, so no problem there; my supervisors at the university think I'm on track for a First, so I'm pleased. I have many friends, and people near always seem to like me..but, all this doesn't make me feel good about myself. I've been told I lack self-esteem and I suppose I do. I go through periods of feeling unworthy, unworthy to achieve my life's goal of becoming a father in particular (and I think that's an illogical feeling, because I know I'll be a good parent, but the fear's there...), and it takes a real effort for me to feel comfortable confronting anyone with my beliefs (which surprises people who see me do it, I give the impression it comes naturally to me, people are surprised when they realize it doesn't). I feel very paradoxical about myself and everything else around me. On one level, I am far more at peace with myself than most people, as I have achieved a great degree of self-understanding. On another, I feel like I'm barely holding together. People always seem to like me- and I them- yet they also seem hostile (I can't talk about my experiences of the world because I experience things differently and people don't like it when you suggest you're different. I feel both accepted and rejected). The world seems paradoxically so shallow and small as well as so deep and vast. I spend long periods simply looking at and appreciating the buildings or the art or the intricacies of civilization as I walk, and they all fascinate me, and I find them beautiful, yet I long for something more. I'm successfully working my way through a course at one of the world's most prestigious universities, yet I feel that I'm not truly applying myself to anything or engaging with my people. I'm one of the biggest optimists I know, and yet I'm always a step or two away from despair. I feel lost, yet I'm never lost because ever since I was a young child I have had dreams and understandings that tell me what I need to do. My mind has always arranged itself, and it hasn't let me down yet! It knows what must be done to ensure its survival, yet I'm not sure the outcome is worth it.
You see, the way my mind works is that it builds up pieces and details into a larger whole, and that whole doesn't necessarily recognise linear progression. So, for my life to have meaning is a matter of the outcome, not the process. If, by my life's end, good memories and feelings and impact on my surroundings/service to my people outweigh bad memories and harm, then my life is meaningful. At present, I'm not sure my life is meaningful, and yet I recognise that it has the potential to be very meaningful. However, how much of that potential is me? I define myself in relation to my (hoped for) future wife and children, but sometimes I think I've idolized my future wife to the point that she doesn't really exist. If I define myself around personalities that do not exist, well, to paraphrase the Drakh from "Babylon Five", what am I but a shadow of a shadow? Maybe it's the depression, but I feel like a shadow, hollow. Like there's nothing inside of me- no me to speak of- because I've spent all my life so far (out of neccessity) blocking myself off from a world that's harmful. Until I was 11, I was quite a different person due to the way my mind blocked out a lot of things, to protect me (I couldn't have handled it until I was older and more developed). Therefore, there's very little the world has created in me. I also feel like there's nothing outside of me because, the way I sense things, most people ignorantly sweep me aside whenever I try to apply myself.
And yet, I'm happy on many levels. When I post my 
here, as I do often, I mean them (I'm near-always truthful and open, it makes interacting with others so much easier. My friends always trust I'm truthful with them, which is why we've been able to bond as we have). There is much that makes me happy- I'm ridiculously easy to make happy, but of course there are layers to our minds, our being. On the layer of being with friends and/or having fun I'm content and pleased, but there are many other parts of me that are not. I need to not be hollow anymore. This need is so powerful I actually (and here we get into the things that are part of my everyday reality yet I can't talk about because others won't understand) relate to some of the energy fields I encounter- electrical, magnetic fields, etc- by absorbing them into my nervous system, seemingly naturally "grabbing" onto them and pulling them in, then having to expel them by relaxing my body and mind (difficult) to stop them "weighing me down". Because it's not that sort of energy I need, it's life energy, the experience of other's souls, so to speak (which, I will come out and say it, scepticism be damned, is a reality to me. You know when Bajorans talk of Pagh? I can, to some extent, sense something similar to that. I can't explain it. I'm not a scientist, and I'm not at all religious (I have no time for it, no offense to those who do). As I don't believe in gods or angels or spirits or whathaveyou there is nothing I can do but attempt to work it out scientifically, but science works on empiricism, and if other people tend not to sense these things ...well... there's a problem right there, wouldn't you say? And science fiction is of course no help, with talk of telepathy and so on. So, no science, no religion, no fiction to help. I have no idea what it really is or what it means or what, but its real to me and I need it- my own is not enough. I need to have my energy interact with others, but as I said, other people are seemingly unknowingly hostile with theirs, it competes for space rather than co-operating. I just wish people would make theirs "softer", more easily alongside others rather than fighting it. When I'm with close friends, our energies relax and intermingle to some degree (it doesn't mean much, just gives a nice, "warm" feeling, by which I mean an effect not an emotion. It's nothing of any interest, but it's nice ). Because I'm always open to be surroundings I can't block out sensory input, so I need quiet periods to try and push some of the "junk" energy that I receive or absorb instead of the "life energy", back out. All this must sound weird, I know. I long for two things- 1.freedom to be myself, to expand myself without coming up against those who will brush me aside/trample on me without even knowing or meaning to and where I seek only peaceful co-existence with them and mutual understanding and, 2. something to fill the emptiness within me. At the moment I have no place either within me or without, I exist caught in the middle, at home in neither. And yet, that part of me is happy and content. Also, I'm not saying argument and anger are a part of the competition necessarily- many of my closest friends our relationship began with a heated argument, because we got to see into one another, and once you've opened up to someone in that way, in peace or in anger, you're forever connected.
This whole thing must seem negative, but please be assured It's not that bad. We all must ask these questions of ourselves, I suppose. And I have been very lucky in many ways, and those around me very supportive in their way. So, that's my answer for "how are you", and I apologise if it was a bit too rambling, and I would like to close by mentioning how pleasant and interesting everyone here has been since I arrived two months ago. I have honestly not met a single poster here who hasn't been friendly, funny and generally pleasant. Well, good night!
. Seeing as some of you, including the OP, have been so open and courageous in truthfully telling us about yourselves, I'll continue in that spirit. I hope you won't judge me too harshly:Well, how am I? Not too good at the moment but on my way to being okay again. I had another of my periodic depressive periods recently, and I'm feeling very much alone. I find it very difficult, because I experience things and sense things and generally relate to things in a way very different from other people, and I think differently. This shouldn't be a problem, but it is, because other people tend to...well, they tend to be, in my experience, ignorant of one another. They're competitive whereas I'm cooperative. I don't mean they're hostile- not at all, my experience of people has always been if you stick with them long enough they won't be hostile at all- but they are always competing, jostling for position and brushing one another aside without even realizing they're doing it. They're antagonistic to each other- and to me- on such a basic level they don't even realize they're doing it. My friends always come to me to talk about their problems, they trust me, and the reason I suspect is because I'm not like that, I'm open to them, accepting of them, on a very...primal...level, whereas others on that level are antagonistic, unconsciously I guess, without even meaning to be or being aware of it. So, my experience with people is that they're nice, interesting, I respect them all, and yet...something always distances me, puts me off. I suppose frustration is a part of love, and as I'm just as frustrated with myself as with others, it's also not unfair.
My work and studies are going very well, so no problem there; my supervisors at the university think I'm on track for a First, so I'm pleased. I have many friends, and people near always seem to like me..but, all this doesn't make me feel good about myself. I've been told I lack self-esteem and I suppose I do. I go through periods of feeling unworthy, unworthy to achieve my life's goal of becoming a father in particular (and I think that's an illogical feeling, because I know I'll be a good parent, but the fear's there...), and it takes a real effort for me to feel comfortable confronting anyone with my beliefs (which surprises people who see me do it, I give the impression it comes naturally to me, people are surprised when they realize it doesn't). I feel very paradoxical about myself and everything else around me. On one level, I am far more at peace with myself than most people, as I have achieved a great degree of self-understanding. On another, I feel like I'm barely holding together. People always seem to like me- and I them- yet they also seem hostile (I can't talk about my experiences of the world because I experience things differently and people don't like it when you suggest you're different. I feel both accepted and rejected). The world seems paradoxically so shallow and small as well as so deep and vast. I spend long periods simply looking at and appreciating the buildings or the art or the intricacies of civilization as I walk, and they all fascinate me, and I find them beautiful, yet I long for something more. I'm successfully working my way through a course at one of the world's most prestigious universities, yet I feel that I'm not truly applying myself to anything or engaging with my people. I'm one of the biggest optimists I know, and yet I'm always a step or two away from despair. I feel lost, yet I'm never lost because ever since I was a young child I have had dreams and understandings that tell me what I need to do. My mind has always arranged itself, and it hasn't let me down yet! It knows what must be done to ensure its survival, yet I'm not sure the outcome is worth it.
You see, the way my mind works is that it builds up pieces and details into a larger whole, and that whole doesn't necessarily recognise linear progression. So, for my life to have meaning is a matter of the outcome, not the process. If, by my life's end, good memories and feelings and impact on my surroundings/service to my people outweigh bad memories and harm, then my life is meaningful. At present, I'm not sure my life is meaningful, and yet I recognise that it has the potential to be very meaningful. However, how much of that potential is me? I define myself in relation to my (hoped for) future wife and children, but sometimes I think I've idolized my future wife to the point that she doesn't really exist. If I define myself around personalities that do not exist, well, to paraphrase the Drakh from "Babylon Five", what am I but a shadow of a shadow? Maybe it's the depression, but I feel like a shadow, hollow. Like there's nothing inside of me- no me to speak of- because I've spent all my life so far (out of neccessity) blocking myself off from a world that's harmful. Until I was 11, I was quite a different person due to the way my mind blocked out a lot of things, to protect me (I couldn't have handled it until I was older and more developed). Therefore, there's very little the world has created in me. I also feel like there's nothing outside of me because, the way I sense things, most people ignorantly sweep me aside whenever I try to apply myself.
And yet, I'm happy on many levels. When I post my
here, as I do often, I mean them (I'm near-always truthful and open, it makes interacting with others so much easier. My friends always trust I'm truthful with them, which is why we've been able to bond as we have). There is much that makes me happy- I'm ridiculously easy to make happy, but of course there are layers to our minds, our being. On the layer of being with friends and/or having fun I'm content and pleased, but there are many other parts of me that are not. I need to not be hollow anymore. This need is so powerful I actually (and here we get into the things that are part of my everyday reality yet I can't talk about because others won't understand) relate to some of the energy fields I encounter- electrical, magnetic fields, etc- by absorbing them into my nervous system, seemingly naturally "grabbing" onto them and pulling them in, then having to expel them by relaxing my body and mind (difficult) to stop them "weighing me down". Because it's not that sort of energy I need, it's life energy, the experience of other's souls, so to speak (which, I will come out and say it, scepticism be damned, is a reality to me. You know when Bajorans talk of Pagh? I can, to some extent, sense something similar to that. I can't explain it. I'm not a scientist, and I'm not at all religious (I have no time for it, no offense to those who do). As I don't believe in gods or angels or spirits or whathaveyou there is nothing I can do but attempt to work it out scientifically, but science works on empiricism, and if other people tend not to sense these things ...well... there's a problem right there, wouldn't you say? And science fiction is of course no help, with talk of telepathy and so on. So, no science, no religion, no fiction to help. I have no idea what it really is or what it means or what, but its real to me and I need it- my own is not enough. I need to have my energy interact with others, but as I said, other people are seemingly unknowingly hostile with theirs, it competes for space rather than co-operating. I just wish people would make theirs "softer", more easily alongside others rather than fighting it. When I'm with close friends, our energies relax and intermingle to some degree (it doesn't mean much, just gives a nice, "warm" feeling, by which I mean an effect not an emotion. It's nothing of any interest, but it's nice ). Because I'm always open to be surroundings I can't block out sensory input, so I need quiet periods to try and push some of the "junk" energy that I receive or absorb instead of the "life energy", back out. All this must sound weird, I know. I long for two things- 1.freedom to be myself, to expand myself without coming up against those who will brush me aside/trample on me without even knowing or meaning to and where I seek only peaceful co-existence with them and mutual understanding and, 2. something to fill the emptiness within me. At the moment I have no place either within me or without, I exist caught in the middle, at home in neither. And yet, that part of me is happy and content. Also, I'm not saying argument and anger are a part of the competition necessarily- many of my closest friends our relationship began with a heated argument, because we got to see into one another, and once you've opened up to someone in that way, in peace or in anger, you're forever connected. This whole thing must seem negative, but please be assured It's not that bad. We all must ask these questions of ourselves, I suppose. And I have been very lucky in many ways, and those around me very supportive in their way. So, that's my answer for "how are you", and I apologise if it was a bit too rambling, and I would like to close by mentioning how pleasant and interesting everyone here has been since I arrived two months ago. I have honestly not met a single poster here who hasn't been friendly, funny and generally pleasant. Well, good night!
^^ You're welcome and thank you. I'm glad you found it uplifting.
So "not too good" then?
at that time of the post here, before - I was just off work ... trying to get my friends business to float. A new computer store and I am a computer artist, so, with my ocd at play everything was like the fork in the road of life where one way was sane the other insane and me - not wanting to go any further then the forking thead workings.
----------------------------
Really I maintain a light-hearten happy go lucky like persona ... except when a situation like the one with my X happens and I do 4 days in county
but now as a result it is just anger management therapy rather then community service.,, it did not disturb me beyond any tolerance that I could not adapt to.Today I'm kinda lonely since most of my friends from school are dormers and I'm a driver so they're all back home. I'll be seeing one friend this Friday but then she'll be gone for three weeks. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with myself, I'll have to figure out some activities.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do with myself, I'll have to figure out some activities.
Could be worse, too.
Hopefully, things will improve....Sounds like you're an introspective guy, with your own unique outlook on life. It also sounds like you're pretty young. Just keep on going as you are, and I'm sure things will come more and more into focus for you as your life evolves. Great Post.
Good luck with that. Maybe something spontaneous will turn up. Anyway, it's good to have some "Me Time" occasionally.Today I'm kinda lonely since most of my friends from school are dormers and I'm a driver so they're all back home. I'll be seeing one friend this Friday but then she'll be gone for three weeks.
Sounds like you're an introspective guy, with your own unique outlook on life. It also sounds like you're pretty young. Just keep on going as you are, and I'm sure things will come more and more into focus for you as your life evolves. Great Post.
Thank you. I was a bit embarassed writing it, but seeing as you opened this so truthfully I thought I should reciprocate. As for age, yeah, I'm 19 so I guess I'm excused a bit of "oh-god-my-life's-a-mess" hand wringing...
Thank you again for your encouragement!Thespeckledkiwi
Vice Admiral
So sleepy...Damn OT...
Sounds like you're an introspective guy, with your own unique outlook on life. It also sounds like you're pretty young. Just keep on going as you are, and I'm sure things will come more and more into focus for you as your life evolves. Great Post.
Thank you. I was a bit embarassed writing it, but seeing as you opened this so truthfully I thought I should reciprocate. As for age, yeah, I'm 19 so I guess I'm excused a bit of "oh-god-my-life's-a-mess" hand wringing...
Most of us lament at one time or another how our lives suck. When I'm down in the dumps I try to think of people who are worse off then me and that usually can turn me around. Well thank you for sharing...sometimes just writing down your thoughts like this can help (which I'm sure you know).
^^ Reminds me of a poem written by Wiley in the comic strip BC back around 1970 or so:
In moments of adversity
When life's a total wreck
I think of those worse off than me
And really feel like heck
In moments of adversity
When life's a total wreck
I think of those worse off than me
And really feel like heck
No problem. Discontent is good. It spurs progress.Thank you. I was a bit embarassed writing it, but seeing as you opened this so truthfully I thought I should reciprocate. As for age, yeah, I'm 19 so I guess I'm excused a bit of "oh-god-my-life's-a-mess" hand wringing...
I'm going to post here as well (mostly because I'm inspired by Deranged Nasat's eloquence and the sincerity of this thread) but unfortunately I'm too upbeat to be introspective about myself at the moment.
I'll lay bare my inner demons soon...
I'll lay bare my inner demons soon...
I'm glad that many people in this thread seem to be doing well, and that others are feeling comfortable enough to open up. I hope everyone's doing okay currently.
As for me ... I feel like things just keep hitting me one after another. But I have people that support me in different ways and I feel so grateful for that. I've made some very large changes in my life recently. Some have helped me, and some have hurt. I feel like I'm in some sort of transition and I have no idea how it will turn out.
A lot of things that have happened could turn me into a cynic, easily. I find myself going to that dark place sometimes. But the people I meet and get to know, both online and off, keep me from that. They renew my faith and belief in the general compassion of humankind. And I am reminded that even with all the awful things that happen, the world can be such a lovely place.
As for me ... I feel like things just keep hitting me one after another. But I have people that support me in different ways and I feel so grateful for that. I've made some very large changes in my life recently. Some have helped me, and some have hurt. I feel like I'm in some sort of transition and I have no idea how it will turn out.
A lot of things that have happened could turn me into a cynic, easily. I find myself going to that dark place sometimes. But the people I meet and get to know, both online and off, keep me from that. They renew my faith and belief in the general compassion of humankind. And I am reminded that even with all the awful things that happen, the world can be such a lovely place.
I'm pretty pissed off right now (hence the reason it's past 2AM and I am still awake)
It all started about an hour ago. I was sitting with my husband on the couch, both of us were on our laptops. He was looking at his fantasy sports teams, which he is way too obsessed with (it's friggin fake trophies, people) and I was reading the news links.
It was reported that the Taco Bell dog died of a stroke Tuesday night at the age of 15. I told him "aww, the Taco Bell dog died, she was 15" and his response was "15, she lived her life."
Now, that pissed me off because my cat passed away in my arms last month after fighting cancer. She was 9 years old and was my life. All he could say was "she was 9, she lived her life, it's not like she was 2 years old". To me, it just doesn't sound like compassion at all, it sounds more like "meh, they lived their life and now they're dead" as opposed to having any sad feelings that these animals are no longer with us. It's not just the words themselves, it's the way he says it, like ' oh well, whatever'.
My pets are like my kids to me so to hear something like that hurts, actually. He loved her, too, which is why I don't understand how someone can say those words.
Anyways, after he said that about the Taco Bell dog, I told him "nevermind, can't talk to you about these things", not in an irritated tone, just in a general tone.
Of course, like a woman PMSing, he starts blah blah blahing and I tell him to relax, I was just saying that a comment like that sounds like he doesn't really care and he should show a bit of compassion because, to me, age doesn't matter when a pet or person dies, it's the fact that they aren't here anymore.
He throws his usual hissy fit and decides to go to the store (it's 24 hours) so he leaves for about 30 mins, comes back and decides to be a big baby and go hide in the bedroom to watch TV.
He's 12 years older than I am and acts this way. It's pretty ridiculous, especially when nothing major happened in the first place. It was so petty and I told him I didn't mean it whichever way he thinks it was but you can't reason with a man who has his panties in a bunch.
Since we're on the topic, back to the fantasy sports. He is literally obsessed with this shit. He logs on as soon as he wakes up and sits here almost all day on the weekends just watching a stupid virtual guy play fucking baseball (for those who are involved in yahoo fantasy sports, you will know what I am talking about). He NEEDS to win his games or he gets upset.
I've told him a million times he has issues because no one should be this obsessed with a stupid virtual fantasy league but you can't tell him this or he gets mad. YOU CANNOT TELL THIS MAN HE IS WRONG. He gets all offended and starts getting angry, will sometimes leave and go for his drive.
Now, this doesn't happen every single day but it happens enough that I seriously just want to punch him in the face and tell him to smarten up. I was laid off because of the economy so you bet your ass he likes to throw things regarding me having no job in my face when he was part of the reason why I was let go (we worked at the same place, different departments and different shift but HR didn't like us being in a relationship because both of us had high job titles) so it's pretty lame that he uses it against me when it wasn't really my fault. Us being together wasn't entirely an issue until he applied for a position one above mine, one below manager. They didn't like the idea of a co-ordinator being in a relationship with an operations specialist (me).
I do this man's laundry. I fold it and put it in the drawers. He likes to mess up the drawers in which I took all his clothes out and folded it nicely. He doesn't ask me to do this, I choose to do it, and he still shows his "appreciation" by tossing shit all over the place in those drawers.
If he needs something from the store, I offer to go and get it when he is at work. I have lugged home his precious bottles of water and whatever else he needs.
I always end up cleaning after him. You know when little kids eat something and leave the wrappers lying around? Only difference here is that it's a full grown man doing it.
We (or I should say 'I') usually tie the full garbage bags and leave it by the door so whoever goes out next can drop it off either outside in the dumpster or around the corner in the hall. Do you think he does it? LOLOLOLOL. Of course he doesn't, because garbage is dirty and he just couldn't let his pretty little hands grab onto a garbage bag, goodness, no! Plus, if the garbage bag in the bin is full, instead of him taking it out and tying it to leave it by the door, he'll stuff whatever he can in it and then use grocery bags as garbage bags so I get to wake up and find one or two grocery bags full of garbage on the kitchen counters. GREAT JOB.
I pay the rent by myself. He doesn't give me money because it's "our money"....yet we don't have a joint account. I am the one who takes care of our pets (two dogs, two cats) and has to go buy their food and litter and toys. I pay for my Visa. I pay for our cable/internet/phone bill. Granted he has a few bills of his own to pay but this is the thing:
He made more than I did when I was working yet I was able to always cover rent and bills without needing help (it was awesome pay, anyways, but still) yet he always seems to be dry of money. MAYBE IF YOU STOP BLOWING YOUR CASH ON PRO-LINE, YOU'D HAVE SOME MONEY.
Since being off of work, I have lived off of my package they gave me, which was a great amount of cash, but he still doesn't help me pay for things, considering the money wont last long with the amount of rent we pay and the other bills and shit we need to pay for.
Our rent is a ridiculous $1225 Canadian a month. When we first moved out, we were sort of forced because he needed a place to go due to his parents moving away and there was no room at my dad's house so we had to look fast and this is all we could get at the time. I STILL manage to pay the rent alone along with food and other necessities, on top of my own bills.
When we first moved in, he gave me rent money to put in my account for the first 4-5 months. After that, it stopped and I was on my own. Whenever I bring it up, he either says the old 'it's our money' line so I leave it at that or he gets all pissy about it and starts with the 'you do your thing and I'll do my thing", blah blah blah.
I don't enjoy arguing so I just don't bother with most things but it's pretty irritating. You just can't talk to him because he can't stand being wrong and takes everything as verbal attacks when it's simply a discussion of what I feel needs to be corrected in the relationship.
I FEEL MUCH BETTER NOW.
Edit: OH YEAH, HE JUST REMINDED ME RIGHT NOW THAT HE ALSO HAS TO BLAST THE TV, EVEN WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO SLEEP.
I just love my life right now.
It all started about an hour ago. I was sitting with my husband on the couch, both of us were on our laptops. He was looking at his fantasy sports teams, which he is way too obsessed with (it's friggin fake trophies, people) and I was reading the news links.
It was reported that the Taco Bell dog died of a stroke Tuesday night at the age of 15. I told him "aww, the Taco Bell dog died, she was 15" and his response was "15, she lived her life."
Now, that pissed me off because my cat passed away in my arms last month after fighting cancer. She was 9 years old and was my life. All he could say was "she was 9, she lived her life, it's not like she was 2 years old". To me, it just doesn't sound like compassion at all, it sounds more like "meh, they lived their life and now they're dead" as opposed to having any sad feelings that these animals are no longer with us. It's not just the words themselves, it's the way he says it, like ' oh well, whatever'.
My pets are like my kids to me so to hear something like that hurts, actually. He loved her, too, which is why I don't understand how someone can say those words.
Anyways, after he said that about the Taco Bell dog, I told him "nevermind, can't talk to you about these things", not in an irritated tone, just in a general tone.
Of course, like a woman PMSing, he starts blah blah blahing and I tell him to relax, I was just saying that a comment like that sounds like he doesn't really care and he should show a bit of compassion because, to me, age doesn't matter when a pet or person dies, it's the fact that they aren't here anymore.
He throws his usual hissy fit and decides to go to the store (it's 24 hours) so he leaves for about 30 mins, comes back and decides to be a big baby and go hide in the bedroom to watch TV.
He's 12 years older than I am and acts this way. It's pretty ridiculous, especially when nothing major happened in the first place. It was so petty and I told him I didn't mean it whichever way he thinks it was but you can't reason with a man who has his panties in a bunch.
Since we're on the topic, back to the fantasy sports. He is literally obsessed with this shit. He logs on as soon as he wakes up and sits here almost all day on the weekends just watching a stupid virtual guy play fucking baseball (for those who are involved in yahoo fantasy sports, you will know what I am talking about). He NEEDS to win his games or he gets upset.
I've told him a million times he has issues because no one should be this obsessed with a stupid virtual fantasy league but you can't tell him this or he gets mad. YOU CANNOT TELL THIS MAN HE IS WRONG. He gets all offended and starts getting angry, will sometimes leave and go for his drive.
Now, this doesn't happen every single day but it happens enough that I seriously just want to punch him in the face and tell him to smarten up. I was laid off because of the economy so you bet your ass he likes to throw things regarding me having no job in my face when he was part of the reason why I was let go (we worked at the same place, different departments and different shift but HR didn't like us being in a relationship because both of us had high job titles) so it's pretty lame that he uses it against me when it wasn't really my fault. Us being together wasn't entirely an issue until he applied for a position one above mine, one below manager. They didn't like the idea of a co-ordinator being in a relationship with an operations specialist (me).
I do this man's laundry. I fold it and put it in the drawers. He likes to mess up the drawers in which I took all his clothes out and folded it nicely. He doesn't ask me to do this, I choose to do it, and he still shows his "appreciation" by tossing shit all over the place in those drawers.
If he needs something from the store, I offer to go and get it when he is at work. I have lugged home his precious bottles of water and whatever else he needs.
I always end up cleaning after him. You know when little kids eat something and leave the wrappers lying around? Only difference here is that it's a full grown man doing it.
We (or I should say 'I') usually tie the full garbage bags and leave it by the door so whoever goes out next can drop it off either outside in the dumpster or around the corner in the hall. Do you think he does it? LOLOLOLOL. Of course he doesn't, because garbage is dirty and he just couldn't let his pretty little hands grab onto a garbage bag, goodness, no! Plus, if the garbage bag in the bin is full, instead of him taking it out and tying it to leave it by the door, he'll stuff whatever he can in it and then use grocery bags as garbage bags so I get to wake up and find one or two grocery bags full of garbage on the kitchen counters. GREAT JOB.
I pay the rent by myself. He doesn't give me money because it's "our money"....yet we don't have a joint account. I am the one who takes care of our pets (two dogs, two cats) and has to go buy their food and litter and toys. I pay for my Visa. I pay for our cable/internet/phone bill. Granted he has a few bills of his own to pay but this is the thing:
He made more than I did when I was working yet I was able to always cover rent and bills without needing help (it was awesome pay, anyways, but still) yet he always seems to be dry of money. MAYBE IF YOU STOP BLOWING YOUR CASH ON PRO-LINE, YOU'D HAVE SOME MONEY.
Since being off of work, I have lived off of my package they gave me, which was a great amount of cash, but he still doesn't help me pay for things, considering the money wont last long with the amount of rent we pay and the other bills and shit we need to pay for.
Our rent is a ridiculous $1225 Canadian a month. When we first moved out, we were sort of forced because he needed a place to go due to his parents moving away and there was no room at my dad's house so we had to look fast and this is all we could get at the time. I STILL manage to pay the rent alone along with food and other necessities, on top of my own bills.
When we first moved in, he gave me rent money to put in my account for the first 4-5 months. After that, it stopped and I was on my own. Whenever I bring it up, he either says the old 'it's our money' line so I leave it at that or he gets all pissy about it and starts with the 'you do your thing and I'll do my thing", blah blah blah.
I don't enjoy arguing so I just don't bother with most things but it's pretty irritating. You just can't talk to him because he can't stand being wrong and takes everything as verbal attacks when it's simply a discussion of what I feel needs to be corrected in the relationship.
I FEEL MUCH BETTER NOW.
Edit: OH YEAH, HE JUST REMINDED ME RIGHT NOW THAT HE ALSO HAS TO BLAST THE TV, EVEN WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO SLEEP.
I just love my life right now.
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I know you're filling us in on just the bad stuff now...does he have any good points? I hope he does and this is just a little bump in the road but......
I wish your situation was unique...but sadly a lot of relationships are like this. From what I've seen...most relationships suck most of the time and people are just unhappy! That's why I won't enter into another one until I know I'm not going to be going through this bullshit...can't put up with the bullshit. I love taking care of my man...but there is a limit..I'm not wiping his got damn ass and this "taking care of" better be reciprocated. You must find someone who is thoughtful and considerate -- your man doesn't sound like it.
This would not go over well with me being on Yahoo sports or any website all day on the weekends...not go over well at all. Then fuck the computer if you want spend all your time with it !!
Yeah..men. I have a Dad who, when being sick, is the BIGGEST baby on the planet! He's not pleasant to be around, and wants Mom and I to pity him and wait on him hand and foot! He can be pretty irritating at some times and he treats his vehicles like trash compactors. Like the other day, I was cleaning out Mom's car(cause he was using it for a while) and found some old KFC boxes in the car. I thought: no WONDER the car smelled like a rotten carcass..there's the culprit right here! I had never been more angry in my entire life than I was at him for doing that. He's a grown ass man and should pick up his OWN crap every now and then..we're not his mommy!
The coboss is no different either..he never gets anything or does anything himself and treats his poor mother like dirt, leaving her alone in a house while he runs around doing God knows what. His poor mother is 96 yrs old now and needs a friend! If I could I'd go up there to see her and visit with her for a while.
Anyway, I'm feeling a little tired and somewhat in a depressed mood this morning..but am hoping that things will be more up next week. I'm hoping for a call next week saying I got the assistant job at that place I went for my interview yesterday for. Even if I don't get it, at least I took the initiative to go for an interview. Maybe I'll get it..who knows?
The coboss is no different either..he never gets anything or does anything himself and treats his poor mother like dirt, leaving her alone in a house while he runs around doing God knows what. His poor mother is 96 yrs old now and needs a friend! If I could I'd go up there to see her and visit with her for a while.
Anyway, I'm feeling a little tired and somewhat in a depressed mood this morning..but am hoping that things will be more up next week. I'm hoping for a call next week saying I got the assistant job at that place I went for my interview yesterday for. Even if I don't get it, at least I took the initiative to go for an interview. Maybe I'll get it..who knows?
The fun just never ends!
So, continuing from 4AM this morning, he decided to go out, yet again, for another one of his drives. I call him a zillion times and he doesn't answer. When he does decide to answer out of being annoyed at the ringing, I tell him the dogs are waiting for him so come home and take them out because I am not going out in the dark and it's his time to take them out anyways. He hangs up. OH WHAT A BIG MAN YOU ARE.
I call him again a zillion times (I make it as annoying as possible so he'll answer ) and he picks up and I ask him what the hell he is mad at because nothing even happened so I sit there for 30 minutes and listen to him whine over the phone about whatever bothers him. He finally calms down and says he is on his way home.
All is perfectly fine until 30 mins ago. A job, yet again, comes up and he starts saying 'everyone else who got laid off got a job' (which they didn't, only some did, because I have most on Facebook so we talk) and that ticks me off because I don't give a shit about other people, I am worried about us, not them, and it isn't my fault I got laid off so tell him to stop comparing me to people. He calls me crazy. OH, THERE'S A NEW ONE. Not.
He is getting ready for work at this point (he is on afternoon shift) and is all pissy for whatever fucking reason, even though he was the one who came out here and started shitting on me.
He starts getting his shoes on and I say to him "I can't seem to find this thing" (I was looking on the net for something) and he doesn't say anything. I say "what's your problem?" and the usual shit starts flying out of his mouth: "I don't care, I don't care", blah blah blah.
I simply tell him that whatever this anger problem is, he needs to get it checked because he gets mad at NOTHING.
Then he went to work all moody.
MUST BE THAT TIME OF THE MONTH.
I just can't believe he acts this way. His famous line for me is 'you're just a kid' (because of the age difference and he somehow thinks 25 is a kid and 37 makes you an ADULT) yet my way of dealing with issues is to talk it over and his way is to say "I don't care, I hate this place, I'm gone, I don't care about the pets".
Even when I am mad, I watch what I say because you never know when something is going to happen. I could get mad and say "whatever, I hope this place burns down" and then it burns down tomorrow. He is always talking about about not caring about anyone, etc. and one day, it will kick him in the face.
So, continuing from 4AM this morning, he decided to go out, yet again, for another one of his drives. I call him a zillion times and he doesn't answer. When he does decide to answer out of being annoyed at the ringing, I tell him the dogs are waiting for him so come home and take them out because I am not going out in the dark and it's his time to take them out anyways. He hangs up. OH WHAT A BIG MAN YOU ARE.
I call him again a zillion times (I make it as annoying as possible so he'll answer
) and he picks up and I ask him what the hell he is mad at because nothing even happened so I sit there for 30 minutes and listen to him whine over the phone about whatever bothers him. He finally calms down and says he is on his way home.All is perfectly fine until 30 mins ago. A job, yet again, comes up and he starts saying 'everyone else who got laid off got a job' (which they didn't, only some did, because I have most on Facebook so we talk) and that ticks me off because I don't give a shit about other people, I am worried about us, not them, and it isn't my fault I got laid off so tell him to stop comparing me to people. He calls me crazy. OH, THERE'S A NEW ONE. Not.
He is getting ready for work at this point (he is on afternoon shift) and is all pissy for whatever fucking reason, even though he was the one who came out here and started shitting on me.
He starts getting his shoes on and I say to him "I can't seem to find this thing" (I was looking on the net for something) and he doesn't say anything. I say "what's your problem?" and the usual shit starts flying out of his mouth: "I don't care, I don't care", blah blah blah.
I simply tell him that whatever this anger problem is, he needs to get it checked because he gets mad at NOTHING.
Then he went to work all moody.
MUST BE THAT TIME OF THE MONTH.
I just can't believe he acts this way. His famous line for me is 'you're just a kid' (because of the age difference and he somehow thinks 25 is a kid and 37 makes you an ADULT) yet my way of dealing with issues is to talk it over and his way is to say "I don't care, I hate this place, I'm gone, I don't care about the pets".
Even when I am mad, I watch what I say because you never know when something is going to happen. I could get mad and say "whatever, I hope this place burns down" and then it burns down tomorrow. He is always talking about about not caring about anyone, etc. and one day, it will kick him in the face.
I'm sorry but he does sound like an asshole! I'm still waiting on if he has any positive points??? But you're too predictable in the way you deal with him. You need to change the way to react to him -- you two have "got your dance" down...so it's time to add some new steps to the mix.
He is actually really caring (when he's in a good mood and doesn't say something stupid, haha) and he is fun to be around. He is always joking around and looking out for me, he just says stupid things in the heat of the moment. He's a good person, he just has a short fuse.
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