Good, GOD, VILE SUBSTANCES!

[Trekker4747]

So, I went to make a new pitcher of iced tea (via my Mr.Coffee iced-tea pot). What I normally do is fill the pitcher up to "water" line with hot water I then stir in a heavy half-cup of sugar (this makes the tea evenly sweet without me having to do it when I pour it, it's also easier since sugar dissolves better in hot water than cold.) So, anyway, I go to do this and I noticed the sugar wasn't dissolving very well. Hmm. Odd. So I just stirred it more, dissolved it a bit more, poured it in the pot, placed 5-Luizianne tea-bags in the cistern piece and turn the thing on.

A few minutes later after the thing has ran and sat for a few minutes I release the reservoir, stir, and pour myself a glass.

PWWWAHHHHHH!!!!!

It seems I accidentally put kosher salt in the water rather than sugar. Stuff was vile, I doubt the ocean tastes as bad as this.

Ever screw up in such a manner where you mess up food, or drink, badly resulting in nasty results?

 

[SPOCKED]

 

[RoJoHen]

Ha! I remember that!

 

[Robert Maxwell]

One time when I was a kid I was making myself waffles, and I grabbed an appropriately-shaped bottle for syrup. I was kind of groggy so I didn't pay much attention, I just squeezed some of the stuff onto it. I took a bite and recoiled when I realized the syrup didn't taste anything like I expected. I went back and looked at the bottle--it was barbecue sauce, not syrup.

From then on, I was much more attentive when grabbing the syrup bottle.

 

[Capn Flukie]

^ hmm, add some bacon and it could be good.

 

[Miss Chicken]

I can't think of anything a mess up in that sort of way.

However I did once attend a friend's daughter's birthday party. My friend had made chocolate crackles for the party. For those that don't know this is Wikipedia's explanation of chocolate crackles.

are a popular children's confection in Australia and New Zealand, especially for birthday parties and at school fêtes. They are similar to Rice Krispies treats. The main ingredient is commercial breakfast cereal Rice Bubbles. The binding ingredient is hydrogenated vegetable oil (typically Copha, a brand of hydrogenated coconut oil), which is solid at room temperature. The hydrogenated oil is melted and combined with the other ingredients and portions of the mixture are placed in cupcake pans to set, usually in the refrigerator. Sometimes these are lined with cupcake papers – round sheets of thin, rounded and fluted paper. The hydrogenated oil re-sets to give each cake its form without baking.


As the recipe is relatively easy requiring only vegetable shortening, icing sugar, cocoa and dry breakfast cereal it is often used as an activity for young children. Alternate recipes include peanut butter, coconut or sultanas, or replace Rice Bubbles with Corn Flakes or crispy fried noodles.

My friend forgot to put the icing sugar in so the chocolate crackles tasted awful.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I tried to make pudding from scratch once. BIG MISTAKE. I ended up with scrambled eggs in the mix.

 

[Trekker4747]

Made cookies once, accidently used liquid smoke instead of vanilla in the batter, didn't realize this -somehow- until after the cookies were made and baked.

They were... interesting.

 

[Trekker4747]

I tried to make pudding from scratch once. BIG MISTAKE. I ended up with scrambled eggs in the mix.

You have to temper the eggs, add a little bit of the hot liquid to the eggs (maybe a third of it) a little bit at a time a whisk them in. This will slowly raise the temperature of the eggs, but they won't scramble. Once the third is worked in then you can add the two mixtures together and mix normally.

 

[gturner]

When my brother was in college he came home and his roommate was about to fry up a steak, I guess for the first time own his own. There was about half an inch of Crisco shortening in the pan (like someone would use to fry a chicken), and the roommate insisted that it was how you fry a steak. Later my brother saw the roommate dejectedly picking at the bizarre steak-shaped meat thing that resulted.

 

[Trekker4747]

It must be a regional thing but the whole "fry a steak" thing makes my brain twinge. Because, well, it implies just that, submersing something in oil and frying. Cooking something on a very hot, even a slightly oiled one, isn't "frying!"

 

[Canadave]

It must be a regional thing but the whole "fry a steak" thing makes my brain twinge. Because, well, it implies just that, submersing something in oil and frying. Cooking something on a very hot, even a slightly oiled one, isn't "frying!"

What, you've never heard of pan frying? Or stir frying? What the hell do you call it, then?

Granted, a pan fried steak generally isn't as good as a grilled one, but it can work in a pinch.

On topic, this reminds me of a time my mom was making the breading for schnitzel, and used cayenne powder instead of paprika. That made the recipe a little zippier than normal...

 

[Captain Ice]

^My reaction to his statement is the same. One would think that he'd never heard of Chicken Fried Steak.


On topic...Think of a cake with no flour. Been there, done that. Enough said.

 

[RoJoHen]

^My reaction to his statement is the same. One would think that he'd never heard of Chicken Fried Steak.

Such a tragic misuse of steak.

 

[Trekker4747]

^My reaction to his statement is the same. One would think that he'd never heard of Chicken Fried Steak.


On topic...Think of a cake with no flour. Been there, done that. Enough said.

Chicken Fried Steak is cooked in shallow oil. "Pan frying a steak" I've never heard of it. Searing a steak in pan I have. but frying, to me, means to cook something in oil.

Even "pan frying" is, by definition, done in a shallow bit of oil. But if you're cooking meat in a pan that's not been oiled or just has a glaze of oil on it to make the pan slick? That's not frying. It's more... sauteing. Which, ok, is kind-of like frying but I think that's taking things far.

To fry you cook in fat/oil. Not "cook the steak in a hot pan that's been greased with PAM."

 

[Canadave]

^ Well yes, there's still oil, but it's not, as you said, "submersing" it in oil.

 

[Captain Ice]

^My reaction to his statement is the same. One would think that he'd never heard of Chicken Fried Steak.

Such a tragic misuse of steak.

You've obviously never prepared it correctly.

Prepared correctly and served with fried potatoes and cream gravy it is heaven on a plate.

^ Well yes, there's still oil, but it's not, as you said, "submersing" it in oil.

Not recommending this, but I have cooked it in a fryolator on occasion (when in a hurry) and it comes out ok. Cooking time is about 2-3 minutes.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Dammit, now y'all got me remembering the turkey fryer my dad used to have. Oh, how that thing could cook an awesome turkey.

I mean, true, we had to get rid of the thing because of a minor garage fire, but hey, live a little.

 

[Timby]

The best way to cook a steak is to take a cast-iron pan, put it on your stovetop, get it hotter than the surface of the sun, and then sear the steak for about 40 - 50 seconds on each side. Then toss the pan into a 450-degree oven and let the steak cook for about 2 1/2 - 3 minutes, then flip once and let it cook for another 2 1/2 - 3 minutes. Remove the pan from the oven, let the steak rest for about five minutes so it can re-absorb the juices (this is essential; if you don't let a steak rest, you're doing it wrong), plate with some grilled asparagus, sit down and eat your medium-rare slab of fucking heaven.

Anyway, now that the steak de-rail is over...

I've mentioned this epic fuck-up before (and I see I'm in the same category as Trekker), but nothing in my culinary history will ever top the day I learned -- the hard way -- that no matter how much the bottles look the same, and no matter how very much you wish it to be true, vanilla extract and liquid smoke are not and will never be the same thing. Mmm, barbecue-flavored cookies.

And then there was the classic night that had me grumbling, "Why the fuck won't this roux come together? And what smells like caramel?"

And, finally, while reducing stock, in order to store it and use it in dishes later, is one of life's most beautiful and simple ways to take your cooking to a whole new level, it is something that should not be done late at night while drunk.

Uh, Timby?

Mmmmmpnnph.

Timby, it's 3 in the morning, what is hell that smell?

 

[Captain Ice]

^

Caramel? What the hell did you do to it?