Funny/Memorable Favorite DS9 Lines.

[Marie1]

I really like that exchange, too. I can see why you like it so much, as it's probably the defining Jem'Hadar moment of the series...

Yep! Hilarious, we learn a ton, and see a Jemmie smile- with teeth!!

 

[flemm]

Weyoun (after gulping down a poisoned beverage): Oh my! That is quite toxic, isn't it?

Dukat: Are you insane?

Weyoun (chuckling): Vorta are immune to most forms of poison... Comes in handy when you're a diplomat!

 

[Rush Limborg]

Quark: Odo...you remember, on the summit...when I told you I hated you...and you said you hated me?

Odo: Hmph! Vividly....

Quark: I just want you to know...I meant every word of it!

Odo: Hmm...me too! Hm-hm-hm-hm-hmm--

Quark: Heh-heh-heh-heh-hehh....

Both: BWAH-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaa!!!

 

[Bones2]

Here are my 2 favorite Jadzia-Kira scenes from the season 2 episode "The Seige".

Jadzia: Have I mentioned how allergic Trills are to insect bites?
Kira: Really?
Jadzia: Well, the biochemical connections between host and symbiont can't tolerate the... oh! Whoa! What's that? Is that a spider or a dog?
Kira: Palukoo. The Bajoran moons are full of them.
Jadzia: Oh, I suppose you used to make them your pets and, uh, sing songs about them around the campfire.
Kira: No. We used to eat them. There it is.
*Kira and Jadzia approaching the aircraft/shuttle/ship whatever.*
Jadzia: Are you sure this thing is supposed to fly?
Kira: Oh, I've been in alot worse.
*After Kira opens the aircraft/shuttle/ship whatever.*
Jadzia: I guess the Bajoran resistance must've had a lot of short pilots.
Kira: Ha, no, just short engineers. They were alway building these things without thinking.
Jadzia: Encouraging.
Kira: Just bend your knees. You'll fit. Now the real trick will be to fire up these thrusters after all this time. It was hard enough to get them going when they were being used everyday.
Jadzia: We'll get them fired up. You don't have to worry about that.
Kira: Oh, you're sure, huh?
Jadzia: Yep. I have no intention of getting stuck here eating palukoos.

couple of scenes later...
Kira: You got it!
*Jadzia coughing*
Jadzia: Don't turn the engines off. We'll never get them started again.
Kira: Let's go.
Jadzia: Thank you, Tobin.
Kira: Dax, come on.
Jadzia: Oh, the hell with it. If it's gonna fly, it's gonna fly.
Kira: Problem?
Jadzia: No, everything's wonderful. OW!
Kira: The knees. Oh, listen to that sound. That sure brings back some memories.
Jadzia: How did you ever win a war in these things?
Kira: We were the insects, Lieutenant. The Cardassians were just as allergic as Trills. Is the proximity system working?
*Jadzia thumps it*
Jadzia: I think so.
Kira: All right, let's see if we can get out of here without bouncing off any walls.

Not really lines though, are they?

 

[Vulcan Princess]

From Shadowplay: (Bareil had just given an off-screen sermon at the temple.)

Bareil: So, what did you think?
Kira: Of your speech? I liked everything about it...except the content.

 

[DevilEyes]

Jadzia : Am I really that interesting? You've been standing there staring at me for the last two hours.
Virak'kara: You are part of my combat team. I must learn to understand your behaviour - anticipate your actions.
Jadzia : There must be something you'd rather do. Maybe get some sleep?
Virak'kara: We don't sleep.
Jadzia : How about getting something to eat?
Virak'kara: The white is the only thing we need.
Jadzia : Don't sleep... don't eat... What do you do for relaxation?
Virak'kara: Relaxation would only make us weak.
Jadzia : You people are no fun at all - I'm glad I'm not a Jem'Hadar woman.
Virak'kara: There are no Jem'Hadar women.
Jadzia : So what do you do? Lay eggs?
Virak'kara: Jem'Hadar are bred in birthing chambers. We are able to fight within three days of our emergence.
Jadzia : Lucky you. So let me get this straight: no sleep - no food - no women. No wonder you're so angry. After thirty or forty years of that I'd be angry too.
Virak'kara: No Jem'Hadar has ever lived thirty years.
Jadzia : How old are you?
Virak'kara: I am eight.
Jadzia : I would have guessed at least fifteen.
Virak'kara: Few Jem'Hadar live that long. If we reach twenty, we're considered honored elders.
[leans in]
Virak'kara: How old are you?
Jadzia : I stopped counting at three hundred.
Virak'kara: You don't look it.
Jadzia : Thank you.

One of my favoirtes, too!

Also, later on in the episode:

Omet'iklan: I am First Omet'iklan, and I am dead. As of this moment, we are all dead. We go into battle to reclaim our lives. This we do gladly, for we are Jem'Hadar. Remember: victory is life.
Jem'Hadar: Victory is life!
[the Jem'Hadar march out]
Weyoun: Such a delightful people.
[O'Brien turns to face the assembled Federation officers]
O'Brien: I am Chief Miles Edward O'Brien. I am very much alive, and I intend to stay that way.
Sisko: Amen!

 

[Aretaku]

Odo: Madam, I am not like you! Every eighteen hours, I turn into a liquid!
Lwaxana Troi: I can swim
- The Forsaken

Kira: What do Klingons dream about?
Worf: Things that will send cold chills down your spine and wake you in the middle of the night. No, it is better that you do not know. Excuse me. [He leaves]
Kira: I can never tell when he's joking.
- Rejoined

Rom: I won't even tell them my name.
O'Brien: Rom, everyone on the station knows your name.
Rom: Well...I won't confirm it.
- The Assignment

Worf:I have a sense of humor. On the Enterprise, I was considered to be quite amusing.
Dax: That must've been one dull ship.
Worf: That is a joke. I get it. It is not funny, but I get it.
- Change of Heart

...and my favorite

Odo: (Takes the note, reads aloud) 'Dear Quark, I used parts of your disruptor to repair the replicators, will return them soon. -Rom'
Quark: I will kill him!
Odo: With what?
- The Way of the Warrior

 

[Rush Limborg]

From "The Quickening":

Worf: YOU!!!

Quark: Uh--as you can see, we're a little busy. Station business!

Worf: How...did you do it?

O'Brien: Do what?

Worf: I orded a glass of prune juice in the Defiant's mess--THIS...IS WHAT IT CAME IN!!!

Singing Cup: "Come to Quark's, Quark's is fun--"

 

[DonIago]

I liked Kira's line, though I have to paraphrase it a bit-

Kira - This better be fixed by the time we get back, or -I- will come to Quark's, and I -will- have fun!

 

[Rush Limborg]

From "Explorers", after Julian and Miles perform an exaggerated rendition of "Jerusalem":

O'Brien: HA!

Bashir: That was really beautful, Chief.

O'Brien: Huh.

Bashir: You know what we should do?

O'Brien: Wha?

Bashir: We should go to Quarks...and sing it...for everybody!

O'Brien: Uh, nuh--I-I-I think we should switch to synthale....

Bashir: NO! No, this isn't...(downs the rest of his drink)...a synthale kind of night! (grunts) She walked right past me, Chief...acted like I wasn't even there!

O'Brien: D' y'know what I think?

Bashir: What?

O'Brien: I think she's in love with you!

Bashir: I-I-I don't think so....

O'Brien: It's the ONLY EXPLANATION! Unless...(wheezing laugh)...unless she really...ignored ya, because...she can't stand you. (snorting laughter)

Bashir: Iz...Izn't there some explanation in between?

O'Brien: Well...you...you're not an in-between kind o' guy.

Bashir: What do you mean?

O'Brien: Well, people either love you...or they hate you....

Bashir: Really?

O'Brien: (with his mouth full) I mean...I hated you...when we first met!

Bashir: I 'member...

O'Brien: But now...?

Bashir: ...and now?

O'Brien: ...I don't!

(Bashir humphs)

O'Brien: And that...is from the heart, eh? I really do! (pause) ...not hate you!

 

[RyuRoots]

O'Brien: And that...is from the heart, eh? I really do! (pause) ...not hate you!

I really cracked up when I first watched the ep and got to that part. It's one of those great O'Brien lines.

 

[Rush Limborg]

^Yup. The whole SCENE had me busting a gut with guffaws--complete with tears in my eyes!

How DID the camera crew keep a straight face when they shot that scene?

 

[Rush Limborg]

From "Exteme Measures", as Bashier and O'Brien are recovering from being shot by an agent in Sloan's mind:

O'Brien: ...Should've left a note for Keiko...to let her know what we were planning....

Bashir: Ah, why worry her?

O'Brien: No, I w-w-want...her and the kids to understand why I had to do this.

Bashir: She'll understand--she'll know. You did it for me.

O'Brien: That's what'll upset her the most. She...always said I...I liked you more than I liked her.

Bashir: Ha--tha-tha-that's rediculous!

O'Brien: Right.

Bashir: Well, maybe--maybe you do...a bit more.

O'Brien: What? Are--are you crazy? She's my wife--I love 'er!

Bashir: Of course you love her! She's your wife!

O'Brien: Yeah!

Bashir: I'm just saying...maybe you like me a bit more, that's all....

O'Brien: I do not.

(long pause)

Bashir: ...You spend more time with me....

O'Brien: We work together!

Bashir: We have more in common!

O'Brien: (exhausted) Julian...you are beginning to annoy me.

Bashir: Darts...raquetball...Vic's Lounge...The Alamo? Need I go on--

O'Brien: I loooooooove...my wife.

Bashir: (sighs) And I love Ezri...passionately!

O'Brien: Y'do?

Bashir: Yes....

O'Brien: Have you told her?

Bashir: Not yet.... But I will....

O'Brien: Oh, yeah? Heh! When?

Bashir: When I'm ready. It's just that I...like you...a bit more. See? There. I've admitted it.

O'Brien: (nodding, as he finally gets it) Yeah...well....

(long pause)

O'Brien: ...I love my wife.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Quark: "The Jem'Hadar don't eat, don't drink and they don't have sex. And if that wasn't bad enough, the Founders don't eat, and don't drink and don't have sex either... which, between you and me, makes my financial future less than promising." -

Tora Ziyal: "It might not be so bad. For all you know, the Vorta could be gluttonous, alcoholic sex maniacs."

For some reason, that always makes me laugh.

The scene in "The Way of the Warrior" with Quark, Garak and root beer is a great exchange, great because it has a serious point to make, and shows how alien civilizations can support the Federation, and appreciate it, without necessarily having to be assimilated into it.

I laughed at that one too

 

[Wes-Cutting]

From "Exteme Measures", as Bashier and O'Brien are recovering from being shot by an agent in Sloan's mind:

O'Brien: ...Should've left a note for Keiko...to let her know what we were planning....

Bashir: Ah, why worry her?

O'Brien: No, I w-w-want...her and the kids to understand why I had to do this.

Bashir: She'll understand--she'll know. You did it for me.

O'Brien: That's what'll upset her the most. She...always said I...I liked you more than I liked her.

Bashir: Ha--tha-tha-that's rediculous!

O'Brien: Right.

Bashir: Well, maybe--maybe you do...a bit more.

O'Brien: What? Are--are you crazy? She's my wife--I love 'er!

Bashir: Of course you love her! She's your wife!

O'Brien: Yeah!

Bashir: I'm just saying...maybe you like me a bit more, that's all....

O'Brien: I do not.

(long pause)

Bashir: ...You spend more time with me....

O'Brien: We work together!

Bashir: We have more in common!

O'Brien: (exhausted) Julian...you are beginning to annoy me.

Bashir: Darts...raquetball...Vic's Lounge...The Alamo? Need I go on--

O'Brien: I loooooooove...my wife.

Bashir: (sighs) And I love Ezri...passionately!

O'Brien: Y'do?

Bashir: Yes....

O'Brien: Have you told her?

Bashir: Not yet.... But I will....

O'Brien: Oh, yeah? Heh! When?

Bashir: When I'm ready. It's just that I...like you...a bit more. See? There. I've admitted it.

O'Brien: (nodding, as he finally gets it) Yeah...well....

(long pause)

O'Brien: ...I love my wife.

I laughed so hard when I first saw this episode.

Q to Sisko: "You hit me! Picard never hit me!"

Sisko: "I'm not Picard."

This is what really set the series apart from TNG for me. I am glad that had Q as a crossover character.

(after Garak's incident with the Klingons, in "Way of the Warrior" )
Bashir: They broke seven of your transverse ribs and fractured your clavicle!
Garak: Ah, but I got off several cutting remarks which no doubt did serious damage to their egos.

After seeing this one I wanted to alway be more like Garak

Jadzia : Am I really that interesting? You've been standing there staring at me for the last two hours.
Virak'kara: You are part of my combat team. I must learn to understand your behaviour - anticipate your actions.
Jadzia : There must be something you'd rather do. Maybe get some sleep?
Virak'kara: We don't sleep.
Jadzia : How about getting something to eat?
Virak'kara: The white is the only thing we need.
Jadzia : Don't sleep... don't eat... What do you do for relaxation?
Virak'kara: Relaxation would only make us weak.
Jadzia : You people are no fun at all - I'm glad I'm not a Jem'Hadar woman.
Virak'kara: There are no Jem'Hadar women.
Jadzia : So what do you do? Lay eggs?
Virak'kara: Jem'Hadar are bred in birthing chambers. We are able to fight within three days of our emergence.
Jadzia : Lucky you. So let me get this straight: no sleep - no food - no women. No wonder you're so angry. After thirty or forty years of that I'd be angry too.
Virak'kara: No Jem'Hadar has ever lived thirty years.
Jadzia : How old are you?
Virak'kara: I am eight.
Jadzia : I would have guessed at least fifteen.
Virak'kara: Few Jem'Hadar live that long. If we reach twenty, we're considered honored elders.
[leans in]
Virak'kara: How old are you?
Jadzia : I stopped counting at three hundred.
Virak'kara: You don't look it.
Jadzia : Thank you.

I laughed some more at this exchange, plus it added so much info into the unknown back story behind the Jem'Hadars.

 

[Damask]

O'BRIEN
(rubbing his nose)
I can't go to the holosuite
tonight. Kira and I have to work
some things out.

BASHIR
Still fighting, eh?

O'BRIEN
Who said we were fighting?

Bashir has to cover quickly, not wanting to admit
he was eavesdropping.

BASHIR
Word gets around. It's a small
station.

O'BRIEN
It's a huge station!

Meaney's reading of "it's a huge station" is fantastic.

 

[urbandk]

NOG: Lions and Geigers and bears.

JAKE: Oh my.

 

[PSGarak]

One of my favorite exchanges comes after Bashir is lecturing Garak about "The Boy Who Cried Wolf". Garak's initial reaction is to admire the boy for being so clever, then Bashir tries to put him in his place.

Bashir: If you lie all the time, no one is going to believe you, even when you're telling the truth.
Garak: Are you sure that's the point, Doctor?
Bashir: Of course. What else would it be?
Garak: That you should never tell the same lie twice.

Didn't quite work out the way he planned.

 

[Rush Limborg]

Quark's "Don Corleone" moment, from "The Nagus":

Nava: Eh, the thing is...uh...Nagus...I feel I've done all I can--i-in the field of...gouge mining.

Don Quarko: You wish to find profit elsewhere.

Nava: Heh-heh...yes, Nagus.

Don Quarko: And...where would that be?

Nava: (looks behind him to see Rom and Krax standing with intimidating postures) Uh...I'd like the chance...to introduce...synthehol...to the Gamma Quadrant.

Don Quarko: (petting his "cat") ...A very lucrative...opportunity....

Nava: Uh, heh-heh....

Don Quarko: Tell me, Nava...when Zek announced that I was to succeed him...were you pleased...?

Nava: Uh...no--Nagus....

Don Quarko: (gets up, walks to the blinds, and looks out) Did you come to me...and offer your support?

Nava: ...No...Nagus....

Don Quarko: (turns to him) Yet now you call me "Nagus"...but is it out of true friendship? No...you only pretend to show me respect, so I will grant you this immense op-or-tu-ni-ty!

Nava: (desperate) Which...I'm willing to split with you! FIFTY-FIFTY?

Quark: (reverting to his old self) WELL, in that case--let's hope the Gamma Quadrant developes a taste for synthehol! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!

(Nava bolts up, kisses the staff--and rushes out)



WHY, oh WHY did they make ROM the Grand Nagus--Quark would've been AWESOME! Oh, well....

 

[BrotherBenny]

It might not be funny. But it is memorable, from one of the darkest episodes in the series, and one of the best.

"This morning, at oh-eight-hundred hours, station time... the Romulan Empire formally declared war against the Dominion. They've already struck fifteen bases along the Cardassian border...So it's a huge victory for the good guys... perhaps the turning point of the entire war. There's even a "Welcome to the Fight" party in the wardroom tonight...

I lied. I cheated. I bribed men to cover up the crimes of other men. I was an accessory to murder. But most damning of all... I think I can live with it.

And if I had to do it all over again... I would. Garak was right about one thing -- a guilty conscience is a small price to pay for the safety of the Alpha Quadrant. So I'll learn to live with it.

Because I can live with it.

I can live with it.

Computer -- erase that entire personal log."

Best. Scene. Ever.