Funniest Lines/Moments

[hux]

Voyager often gets kicked for various reasons but it's definitely the funniest show in the franchise as far as i'm concerned

TORRES: (reading Seven's padd) Subjects quarrel in corridor outside female's quarters. Male returns with twelve flowering plant stems, species rosa rubifolia, effecting a cessation of hostilities. Stardate 52648, oh three hundred hours. Intimate relations resume. How the hell do you know when we're having intimate relations?

SEVEN: There is no one on deck nine section twelve who doesn't know when you're having intimate relations.

I think Seven is insinuating that B'Elanna is the one making the noise but i prefer to think that's it's Tom (holding on for dear life)

And was Seven just hanging around their quarters at 3am?

 

[Catarina]

"Say, is this the ship of the Valkyries?"- Q.

"I look forward to reading it. -Tuvok (re: Chakotay's log. Threshold)

"Seems as though I've found myself on the voyage of the damned."- Doctor.

"Coffee. Black." "Make it yourself."

I could go on.

 

[Catarina]

EMH Mark II : The secondary gyrodyne relays of the propulsion field intermatrix have
depolarized!
The Doctor: In ENGLISH!
EHM Mark II : I am just reading what it says here!

hehe.

"Get the cheese to sickbay!"

"Shall I flog them as well?"-Tuvok.

The Doctor: I'll go first, Captain, and draw any fire if need be.
Daleth: Your crew is heroic, Captain--
The Doctor: I just happen to be invulnerable to phaser fire, but I appreciate the
compliment.

I love this show 20 (yikes) years later.

 

[Melakon]

"You became sexually aroused in my body!" --Seven to EMH.

 

[at Quark's]

"Message in a bottle"

The entire episode is hilarious, of course mainly because of the 2 holodocs interacting. But almost any player has funny lines:

Seven after electrocuting Hirogen "It was a mild shock. He will recover."
Janeway: "And when he does?"
Seven: "He wasn't responding to diplomacy."
Torres (after Janeway has left): "a mild shock... not bad"

The scene where Tom and Harry attempt to program a new EMH... i could go on and on.

 

[JanewayRulz!]

"Once Upon a Time"... the Voyager version.

NEELIX: Coffee, anyone? Captain?
JANEWAY: No thanks, I've had enough. One more cup and I'll jump to warp.

 

[Sparkle Fabulosa]

Neelix: I don't suppose you've ever heard of the Vulcan Rumarie?
Tuvok: The Rumarie is an ancient pagan festival.
Neelix: Full of barely-clothed Vulcan men and women, covered in slippery Rillan grease, chasing one another.
Tuvok: That has not been observed for a millennium.
Neelix: Well, it's time to bring it back!
B'Elanna Torres: [over the com] Lieutenant Tuvok, report to engineering.
Tuvok: Acknowledged.
[walks away]
Neelix: [shouting after Tuvok] I've been thinking of a Rumarie theme for the mess hall next week. Lots of high-fat, greasy foods, and if people want to take off their clothes and chase one another... Well, it certainly wouldn't hurt morale around here.

This is my favourite exchange of dialogue in the entire show!

 

[JanewayRulz!]

^^ Good one.

I just love Janeway's snarky comment at the end of this exchange in "Flashback".

RAND: You're not going to have time to drink that, you know. You're due on the bridge in five minutes.
TUVOK: It's not for me. It's for the Captain. I've observed that Captain Sulu drinks a cup of tea each morning. I thought he might enjoy a Vulcan blend.
RAND: Oh, I see. Trying to make Lieutenant in your first month? I wish I'd have thought of that when I was your age. Took me three years just to make Ensign.
TUVOK: I assure you, I have no ulterior motive.
RAND: Whatever you say, Ensign. See you on the bridge.
JANEWAY: (To Tuvok) You've never brought me tea.

 

[Kobayshi Maru]

Voyager often gets kicked for various reasons but it's definitely the funniest show in the franchise as far as i'm concerned

TORRES: (reading Seven's padd) Subjects quarrel in corridor outside female's quarters. Male returns with twelve flowering plant stems, species rosa rubifolia, effecting a cessation of hostilities. Stardate 52648, oh three hundred hours. Intimate relations resume. How the hell do you know when we're having intimate relations?

SEVEN: There is no one on deck nine section twelve who doesn't know when you're having intimate relations.

I think Seven is insinuating that B'Elanna is the one making the noise but i prefer to think that's it's Tom (holding on for dear life)

And was Seven just hanging around their quarters at 3am?

Well, Seven can go several days without sleep/regenerating....

 

[BorgKes]

PARIS: That's alright, Doc. I'm telling you, I feel fine.
Doctor: You require treatment. Twenty cc's nitric acid! A little proverbial salt in the wound.

Seven: Fun will now commence.

Doctor: Activate the photonic cannon!
Tuvok: Activating the "photonic cannon", sir.

Seven: Nevertheless, I am willing to explore my humanity. Take off your clothes.

 

[Kobayshi Maru]

EMH: Stop breathing down my neck!

EMH2: My breath is merely a simulation.

EMH: So is my neck, stop it anyway!



The Doctor: Now I can begin my carreer as a tricorder.

 

[Orphalesion]

The obvious one:

Janeway: There's coffee in that nebula.

Also when Seven gives B'elanna those shoes for her baby:

Seven: They're lined with biothermal insulation. Your infant's feet will be protected even if the external temperature drops below minus forty degrees Celsius

Voyager definitely did better at humor than most other Trek.

 

[Catarina]

EMH: Stop breathing down my neck!

EMH2: My breath is merely a simulation.

EMH: So is my neck, stop it anyway!

I laughed to tears the first time I heard that. That was a funny episode.

 

[Kobayshi Maru]

The Doctor (singing) : "Tuvok I understand,

You are a Vulcan man.

And you have gone without...


For seven years about."

 

[hux]

Well, Seven can go several days without sleep/regenerating....

Is Seven's alcove anywhere near deck nine, section twelve?

I'm not sure i like the idea of her just standing in the corridor watching Paris arrive with flowers then staying to listen (why didn't Paris tell her to bugger off....unless it was all part of his kinky sex game...come to think of it, he didn't seem anywhere near as concerned by Seven's eavesdropping as B'Ellanna)

Judging by this thread, the Doctor seems to get all the best lines though

And the best facial expressions

 

[F. King Daniel]

One that sticks with me, is Janeway getting all preachy and Picard-ish with Henry Starling in sickbay about humanity having supposedly bettered itself in the past 400 years, then immediately getting pwned when he escapes. A nice subversion by the writers.

 

[Kobayshi Maru]

...
Judging by this thread, the Doctor seems to get all the best lines though
...

That's because he does. How about that one?


The doctor (thinking he's about to die): "Mister Tuvok, I violated the most sacred trust between a physician and his patient. I told Mister Neelix about the cutaneous eruption you developed on your. That was indiscreet. I hope you can forgive me."

 

[Catarina]

...
Judging by this thread, the Doctor seems to get all the best lines though
...

That's because he does. How about that one?


The doctor (thinking he's about to die): "Mister Tuvok, I violated the most sacred trust between a physician and his patient. I told Mister Neelix about the cutaneous eruption you developed on your. That was indiscreet. I hope you can forgive me."

Don't forget where he tells Harry his saxophone playing sounds like a wounded Targ and how he should have put it more delicately.

 

[Catarina]

Another doc: "You'd be depriving yourself of a skilled leader for the sake of your ego!" EMH to Harry.

 

[Kobayshi Maru]

Doc: "Computer, delete iguana!"