Funniest Doctor Leonard McCoy lines

[Nero's Shadow]

From "Devil in the Dark": "I'm a doctor, not a bricklayer!"

Here,s another great line from DITD !!!!

God dam it jim i,m starting to think i can cure a rainy day !!!! LOL

And my personal favourite from the 2009 film .

Kirk to Mccoy Who is that pointed ear basterd .?

Mccoy Don,t know jim but i like him .?

 

[A beaker full of death]

McCoy makes a great straight man too:

McCoy: You realize if you give him that, you're changing the past.
Scotty: Why? Who says he didn't invent the thing?

It's McCoy's following "Hey... yeah!" and grin that really sells it.

 

[M'Sharak]

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_k9o95P6v99A/Sao6_SxV20I/AAAAAAAAAes/aFRZntZmXss/s400/LeonardMcCoy.jpg

From the episode "Friday's Child". Kirk, Spock, McCoy & Eleen (prego lady) climbing up a hillside.

KIRK: There's a cave in there. Probably the only shelter around here.
MCCOY: I'll need help getting her in there.
ELEEN: No!
MCCOY: Look, I'm a doctor, not an escalator! Spock, give me a hand!

This is one of the worst TOS episodes IMO, but that line cracks me up every time.

From the same episode, played pretty straight, but still funny:

KIRK: How did you arrange to touch her, Bones, give her a happy pill?
MCCOY: No, a right cross.
KIRK: Never seen that in a medical book.
MCCOY: It's in mine from now on.

And from the final scene of "Amok Time":

MCCOY: There's just one thing, Mister Spock. You can't tell me that when you first saw Jim alive that you weren't on the verge of giving us an emotional scene that would have brought the house down.
SPOCK: Merely my quite logical relief that Starfleet had not lost a highly proficient captain.
KIRK: Yes, Mister Spock. I understand.
SPOCK: Thank you, Captain.
MCCOY: Of course, Mister Spock, your reaction was quite logical.
SPOCK: Thank you, Doctor.
MCCOY: In a pig's eye!

The whole exchange is played beautifully.

 

[Joel_Kirk]

From The Apple:

AKUTA: Ah, yes. The holding, the touching. Vaal has forbidden this.
MCCOY: Well, there goes paradise.

Spock: I need your advice.
McCoy: Then I need a drink.

Gen. Chang: Doctor McCoy, what is your current medical status?
McCoy: Well, aside from a touch of arthritis, I'd say pretty good.

Somewhere in the crowd, a single Klingon laughs. McCoy smiles.

I like the way the camera goes into a close-up of McCoy, and we just randomly hear someone in the crowd....

 

[maryh]

With McCoy it wasn't always what he said, but the way he said it. One of my favorites:

This Side of Paradise
MCCOY: On pure speculation, just an educated guess, I'd say that man is alive.


There is a great exchange between Spock and McCoy in Conscience of the King
MCCOY: Did you know this is the first time in a week I've had time for a drop of the true? Would you care for a drink, Mister Spock?
SPOCK: My father's race was spared the dubious benefits of alcohol.
MCCOY: Now I know why they were conquered.

MCCOY: Illogical? Did you get a look at that Juliet? That's a pretty exciting creature. Of course your, personal chemistry would prevent you from seeing that. Did it ever occur to you that he simply might like the girl?
SPOCK: It occurred. I dismissed it.
MCCOY: You would.


From Requiem for Methusela
FLINT: Rayna possesses the equivalent of seventeen university degrees in the sciences and arts. She is aware that the intellect is not all. But its cultivation must come first or the individual makes errors, wastes time in unprofitable pursuits.
MCCOY: At her age, I rather enjoyed errors with no noticeable damage,


And then there is always:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2q6KzDhugDA&feature=related

 

[Captain Al]

From Tomorrow is Yesterday. Spock is examining the footage taken from Captain Christopher's jet, while Kirk's status was currently unknown.

Spock: Poor photography.

McCoy: Blast your theories and observations, Mr. Spock!

 

[kkozoriz1]

Dammit, do you want an acute case on your hands? This woman has immediate post-prandial, upper-abdominal distension

What did you say she's got

Cramps.

 

[jtkirk]

There is a great exchange between Spock and McCoy in Conscience of the King
MCCOY: Did you know this is the first time in a week I've had time for a drop of the true? Would you care for a drink, Mister Spock?
SPOCK: My father's race was spared the dubious benefits of alcohol.
MCCOY: Now I know why they were conquered.

That's funny!!
Here's another alcohol related quote from "Requiem For Methuselah"

MCCOY: Saurian brandy, one hundred years old. Jim?
KIRK: Please.
MCCOY: Mister Spock, I know you won't have one. Heaven forbid those mathematically perfect brain waves be corrupted by this all too human vice.
SPOCK: Thank you, Doctor. I will have a brandy.
MCCOY: Do you think the two of us can handle a drunk Vulcan? Once alcohol hits that green blood.
SPOCK: If I appear distracted, it is because of what I have seen. I am close to experiencing an unaccustomed emotion.
MCCOY: I'll drink to that. What emotion?

 

[Sector 7]

Not funny but one of my favorites. It helped really set up the character of McCoy:

"In this galaxy there's a mathimatical probability of three million Earth type planets, and in all the universe three million million galaxies like this, and in all of that, and perhaps more, only one of each of us. Don't destroy the one named Kirk."

When I heard this as a depressed teenager, it strongly affected me. For once, I realized I was unique and special.

 

[scotpens]

With McCoy it wasn't always what he said, but the way he said it.

Agreed. I've always loved this little sotto voce exchange between Kirk and McCoy on the bridge in “Mudd's Women”:

KIRK: What is it? Is it that we're tired, and they're beautiful? They are incredibly beautiful.

MCCOY: Are they, Jim? Are they actually more lovely, pound for pound, measurement for measurement, than any other women you've known? Or is it that they just, well . . . act beautiful? No. Strike that, strike that.

KIRK: What are they?

MCCOY: You mean are they alien illusions? That sort of thing?

KIRK: I asked you first.

MCCOY: No . . . an alien smart enough to pull this could also keep my medical scanner from going bleep!

KIRK: I don't follow you.

MCCOY: I don't either.

Not THAT funny in print, but like you said -- it's the way he said it.

 

[Ziz]

Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.

 

[Willieck]

Another one (approximate from memory)from the camp-fire scene. As a singer I really appreciated this one.

It's a song you green blooded Vulcan. The words don't matter, what does matter is that you have a good time singing it.

Having listened to some choir conductors telling us to "mean" the words on many occasions I often felt like saying something something like this.

 

[kkozoriz1]

Not funny but one of my favorites. It helped really set up the character of McCoy:

"In this galaxy there's a mathimatical probability of three million Earth type planets, and in all the universe three million million galaxies like this, and in all of that, and perhaps more, only one of each of us. Don't destroy the one named Kirk."

When I heard this as a depressed teenager, it strongly affected me. For once, I realized I was unique and special.

And Kelly just nailed the delivery. Established McCoy in a matter of seconds to me.

 

[FormerLurker]

MCCOY: It's a song you green blooded Vulcan. The words don't matter, what does matter is that you have a good time singing it.
SPOCK: I am sorry, Doctor. Were we having a good time?
MCCOY: Oh, I liked him better before he died!

 

[Hopeful Romantic]

Others beat me to it, but these are some of my favorites. And I agree, Kelley's delivery was priceless.

"God, I liked him better before he died!"

Kirk: Dr McCoy I believe your enjoying all this.
Spock: Indead Captain, I've never seen him look so happy.
McCoy to Spock: Shut up!

"I know engineers. They love to change things!"

MCCOY: Look, I'm a doctor, not an escalator! Spock, give me a hand!

KIRK: How did you arrange to touch her, Bones, give her a happy pill?
MCCOY: No, a right cross.

MCCOY: Of course, Mister Spock, your reaction was quite logical.
SPOCK: Thank you, Doctor.
MCCOY: In a pig's eye.

...And my favorite McCoy line from the new film:

Space is disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence.

Classic.

 

[Captain Rob]

MCCOY: It's a song you green blooded Vulcan. The words don't matter, what does matter is that you have a good time singing it.
SPOCK: I am sorry, Doctor. Were we having a good time?
MCCOY: Oh, I liked him better before he died!

Doctor, would you like a marsh-mellon?

 

[THX1138]

From "The Galileo 7" after Spock's gamble to ignite the fuel, their orbit is decaying, the shuttle is burning up, and death seems almost certain:

SPOCK: I may have miscalculated.
McCOY: (under his breath) At least I lived long enough to hear THAT...

HA! I spit out my iced tea the first time I noticed that one! Pretty cool customer in the face of disaster, that Bones.

It's my all-time fave line of his, and it's a great window into his rivalry / friendship with Spock.

 

[THX1138]

Also, from "Patterns of Force", McCoy's utter confusion when he's grabbed from Sick Bay, thrown into a Nazi outfit, and quickly beamed down into a closet where he finds Kirk & Spock dressed in SS uniforms is PRICELESS:

McCOY: (looks around the room) WHAT THE DEVIL'S GOING ON HERE???

His total exasperation is hilarious!

 

[maryh]

It's the delivery....

Spock: Doctor would you like to help me perform surgery on a torpedo?
McCoy: Fascinating!!

The delivery, look and smile on McCoy's face - very cute!

And from "The Ultimate Computer":

MCCOY: Did you see the love light in Spock's eyes? The right computer finally came along.

And finally - the way his eyes light-up:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvT-hWOt63w

 

[Red Ranger]

How could you be deaf with ears so big?

I think I flubbed the exact line, but it's obviously from Star Trek 3.

I believe the line is, "How can you be deaf with ears like that?" I'm sure someone will confirm that!

One of my other faves is also from that movie. Kirk has just explained to McCoy that he's suffering from a Vulcan mind-meld, and McCoy replies, "That green-blooded son of a bitch. It's his revenge for all those arguments he lost!"

Not funny, but here's a line I like from The Tholian Web. McCoy orders Spock to drink the theragan-derived cure to the area of space they're in. "Well, drink up, Spock. It's the human thing to do."