Funniest Doctor Leonard McCoy lines

[jtkirk]

From the episode "Friday's Child". Kirk, Spock, McCoy & Eleen (prego lady) climbing up a hillside.

KIRK: There's a cave in there. Probably the only shelter around here.
MCCOY: I'll need help getting her in there.
ELEEN: No!
MCCOY: Look, I'm a doctor, not an escalator! Spock, give me a hand!

This is one of the worst TOS episodes IMO, but that line cracks me up every time.

 

[Tribbles]

Hee, that is a funny one, indeed! My very favorite "I'm a doctor, not a _____" line.

I love this one from The Corbomite Maneuver (quote copied from tv.com):

Kirk: You saw the alarm lights flashing from there, McCoy. Why didn't you tell me?
McCoy: (yelling as Kirk leaves sick bay) I finally finished a physical on you, didn't I? What am I, a doctor or a moon shuttle conductor? (to himself) If I jumped every time a light came on around here, I'd end up talking to myself.

Ha, poor Bones! His job is trying, to say the least.

 

[Captrek]

McCoy: Where’s the logic in offering me a ride home, you idiot?

McCoy: That green-blooded son of a bitch. It’s his revenge for all those arguments he lost!

McCoy: What about my age?
Data: Sorry, sir, if that subject troubles you.
McCoy: Troubles me? What’s so damned troubling about not having died?

(after Kirk and Marta kiss)
McCoy: What is it with you?

BTW, De Kelley’s worst moment of the series: His Southern drawl in This Side of Paradise. However, it should be noted that Kelley’s accent wasn’t the only thing layered on about seven layers too thick in that episode. Maybe it was the director.

 

[Nerys Myk]

He's from Georgia, how could he go wrong?

 

[T'Girl]

Ruth: "You're not giving me an examination, are you?"

McCoy: "Oh no. I wouldn't trust my ... my ... my judgment."

 

[SRFX]

My favourite McCoy line ever is during The Doomsday Machine and he's arguing with Commodore Decker and he turns to Spock and says:

"Well Spock - DO SOMETHING!"

And Spock just turns slightly and sighs at the futility of the situation.

I love McCoy's total exasperation at the situation but yet he still has some faith that Spock has some idea of what to do next.

 

[Ssosmcin]

Just a few from all over the map:

"I'd give real money if he'd shut up."

"I don't know about you, but I'm gonna call her Gem."
"Gem, doctor?"
"Well, it's better that 'hey, you'!"

"I never should have reconnected his mouth!"

"Is that how you get girls to like you? By bribing them?"

"You were about to make a medical comment, Jim?" It's all in the delivery.

"You ready, doctor?"
"No, but you're not gonna let that stop you."

"Shut up Spock, we're rescuing you."
Trumped by Spock's comeback: "Why thank you, Captain McCoy."

"God, I liked him better before he died." Glorious!

 

[barnaclelapse]

"I'd give real money if he's shut up" gets a laugh out of me every single time.

 

[maryh]

From The Apple:

AKUTA: Ah, yes. The holding, the touching. Vaal has forbidden this.
MCCOY: Well, there goes paradise.

 

[Sector 7]

From "Devil in the Dark": "I'm a doctor, not a bricklayer!"

 

[mb22]

From "The Menagerie Part 1":

[FONT=Arial]VOICE: "You're needed aboard the Enterprise, doctor.
Medical emergency."[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]
MCCY: "Well, what is it?
Sickness, injury... how bad is it?"

VOICE: "That'sall we have on it, Doctor.
Just needed aboard."

MCCOY: (after a beat) "Probably somebody discovered a hangnail..."[/FONT]

 

[mb22]

From "The Menagerie Part 1"

VOICE: “You're needed aboard the Enterprise, doctor.
Medical emergency.”

MCCOY: “Well, what is it?
Sickness, injury... how bad is it?”

VOICE: “That's all we have on it, Doctor.
Just needed aboard.”

MCCOY: (after a beat) “Probably somebody discovered a hangnail…”

 

[Sky]

Spock: I need your advice.
McCoy: Then I need a drink.

 

[RobertScorpio]

There is a scene from LIGHTS OF ZELTAR where the possessed woman is on the med-bed. Kirk asks "how is the girl doing?"

McCoy, eyeing the young babe, stretched out on the med-bed, responds..

"I think she looks pretty good."

She did..she was hot!

Rob

 

[Ziz]

Gen. Chang: Doctor McCoy, what is your current medical status?
McCoy: Well, aside from a touch of arthritis, I'd say pretty good.

Somewhere in the crowd, a single Klingon laughs. McCoy smiles.

 

[sbk1234]

"You really piss me off, Jim."

 

[Ghrakh]

Dammit Spock! You and your infernal Vulcan logic. You just talked them out of a shrimp cocktail, possibly two!

 

[estar9821]

Journey to Babel:

McCoy: How does that Vulcan salute go?
(Spock demonstrates)
McCoy: That hurts worse than the uniform.

 

[jtkirk]

From "The Deadly Years"...

SPOCK: I wondered if perhaps there was something which could lower my sensitivity to cold.
MCCOY: I'm not a magician, Spock, just an old country doctor.
SPOCK: Yes. As I always suspected. (leaves)

 

[RobertScorpio]

"You really piss me off, Jim."

Great pick..Star Trek V gets much hate on this board. But the campfire scene you quote from here, and the later scene in the observation area when Sybok makes them face their fears, more than make up for the lazy FX..IMO...

Rob