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Favorite "Family Guy"jokes?

MIne's gotta be in the "Man with Two Brians" where the new dog tells stewie how Rupert just laid there and took it will he humped him. Cut to Stewie dragging a bloody bag out to to the trash then peter reading a letter:

"And that is why I killed myself cut myself into many pieces and put myself in the trash."
 
Dick Cheney as a Wal-Mart greeter, saying the same thing to every customer as they enter the store:

"Go fuck yourself."
"Go fuck yourself."
"Go fuck yourself."

:lol:
 
I liked when Quagmire slept with Loretta and Cleveland was chasing him through his house with a bat. Everything he hit with the bat would reveal a Murphy bed.
 
That reminds me of when Peter meets Quagmire in the Navy, and Quag is naked shaving his pubes and shows his junk to Peter asking "does this make it look like a Q to you?"
 
- Nearly anything involving Brian's girlfriend Jillian
- The Kool-Aid guy bursting through walls, and then the time Peter smash through Kool-Aid guy's wall
- Lois trying to get Peter aroused by role-playing and dressing up as Grimace from McDonalds
- Stewie beating up Brian and asking for his money
- Stewie seeing a bunch of hookers walk into a bar, then running after them asking for his money
- Peter's bleeped-out rant to Lois after the FCC starts censoring real life
- Peterotica, as read by Betty White

There are countless more, but these are the first that pop in my mind.
 
Peter: "That's what they said about Benjamin Disraeli."
Cut to 19th century office with a British nobleman who looks up at the camera and says "You don't even know who I am."
 
Peter: "That's what they said about Benjamin Disraeli."
Cut to 19th century office with a British nobleman who looks up at the camera and says "You don't even know who I am."

:lol:

How about the first episode, with the flashback to the muscular Hassidic Jew in the gym being surrounded by women and the camera pans over to a scrawny Adolf Hilter, who just seethes with jealousy.

Or Peter hiding in Anne Frank's attic, eating potato chips.

I also liked their first episode back, where Peter rattled off all the shows Fox had canceled in the years they were off the air.
 
Meg: You're a smart fella, Dad.
Peter: And you're a fart smeller, Meg.
(Farts in her face)
 
I liked the bit where Quagmire's plane crashed. No one was hurt, but the news kept showing new versions of the crash where the resulting damage got progressively worse and worse. :lol:

When Shatner got hit by a car and red-shirted Ensign Ricky was standing over him: "Well, I didn't see that coming."

The Chicken fights
 
The FCC song was hilarious and catchy. Also, Peter blowing a raspberry whenever Chris said Meg was hilarious. I also liked the Chris Tucker & Jesus Christ buddy-cop movie trailer.
 
The dodgy salesman gets me every time as well.

"Sir, you really do need volcano insurance."
"Did I mention that the tank is also a tank?"

Which gives rise to one of my favourite quotes ever:
"Any problem caused by a tank can be solved by a tank!"
 
1. Brian picking up the rock and aiming, but then chaging and hitting Peter in the head and saying, "That's for rolling the damn window up in the General Lee!"
Totally out of left field and hilarious. The almost never follow up on a random joke from another episode like that.

2. Almost every part of Death's first episode. It's like the "Who Shot Mr. Burns?" of the "Family Guy" world. I love Norm MacDonald as Death. Wish he had been brought back for other Death episodes.

3. A season 1 episode where Peter is about to be arrested and is watching it on TV, but he's too stupid to realize that's his house on the news and police break in and while trying to subdue him, Peter shouts to the TV while the cops get him down, "Hit him! Use the billclub you stupid pig--"

4. And I've been enjoying this running gag of Peter in some weird circumstance tearing apart Cleveland's house, and Cleveland slowly slips down the crumbling second floor while in his bathtub naked saying, "What the hell?! No, no, no, no..."

5. Or Lois' Fat Guy Strangler brother episode where Brain and Lois are up in the room he is staying so Brian can prove it and there are two fat guys, one dead and when they are about to leave the living one says, "hey -- you going to eat that fat guy?"

6. And speaking of fat guys, the episode where Peter has a meeting full of really fat people. They all waddle in breathing heavy. They take forever to get seated, breathing heavy still. They after some time panting from thye walking and sitting down, they take out candy bars, eat, cough and gag, and the meeting conclude with Peter saying, "Okay ... I think we got a lot accomplished here today. Meeting adjourned.".

7. "This just in -- Diane being a bitch. Diane?" she turns to the camera and grins.

8. And beign a film & TV score lover, the awards ceremony for the best score in an adult film. Seen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWcURaMVWYw
 
- The vomit scene already mentioned. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRn5-LQCg2s

- The You've Got AIDS number.

- Stewie's fantastic voyage ship "Air Supply" joke.

- We're So Awfully Different duet with Stewie and Brian.

- The complicated fish robot and its creator who has no engineering background.

- Three's Company...ASIAN TOWN.

- Cell phone guy in the elevator that Stewie mauls.

- Adam West and Adam We

- Cool Whip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lich59xsjik
 
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The jokes that made me laugh the hardest the first time i ever saw them was:


  1. When Peter sits down in that toilet cubicle and starts having a farting competition with the guy in the next cubicle and they end up making music together.
  2. When Brian has worms and Peter say's he know what's going on and then proceeds to sit on his ass and says "you want a bum race, last one to the kitchen sucks" or something to that effect.
  3. When Stewie goes to the airport control room and tells one of the flights there's a new runway in the ocean and then he starts doing that "Maybe not!!" routine.
  4. When Lois get's locked up for stealing and the house ends up a complete tip and Stewie comes along with his dyper full of about 50 shits and he says something like "for gods sake somebody help me, i've not eaten in about 5 days, I just can't fit any more in there! (meaning the syper)"
  5. The one where the family are all fighting and peters head ends up going through the picture of the horse, everyone stops fighting and starts laughing and then all of a sudden Stewie runs in and wacks either Lois or Brian over the head and everyone starts fighting again.
  6. Peters chicken fights.
  7. The scene where Peter, Quagmire, Joe and Cleveland are in the Police van listening in on Lois' conversation and Peter turns it up full and we hear what Quagmire is thinking, the end where he start humming to himself is just fricking hilarious.
  8. Electric man.
  9. Where Stewie keeps saying cool whip and puts emphasis on the h.
  10. Where Stewie starts to like Lois and goes to her bedroom and keeps saying mummy, mum, lois, mam, mamma etc etc over and over till she flips and says WHAT and he says Hi and runs off giggling.
  11. The scene where Joe starts crying in the drunken clam because he didn't catch the thief and they all start sliding under the table and out the window to get away.
 
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