Facts About Captain Robau

[stonester1]

Robau uploads apps to his handheld devices by sheer intimidation.

In reality, Robau only really needs one handheld device.

His mighty cock.

 

[6079SmithW]

Robau uploads apps to his handheld devices by sheer intimidation.

Apps upload Robaus.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

The iRobau doesn't have a data plan or WiFi. Each iRobau is but one cell in the immense cosmic mind that is the original Captain.

 

[Aragorn]

Robau had a Facebook account once. But Facebook was unable to handle the sheer number of friend requests and they had to boot Robau off.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

^ Whereupon Robau's own brain became the new Facebook. Everyone wants to be Robau's friend. But only if he allows it. You don't friend Robau, Robau badasses you...

 

[barnaclelapse]

Robau is twelve angry men combined into one.

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau apps involve clicking on a picture of a bald badass totally owning your sorry hide.

 

[Eleanor_zhDarjel]

Robau does not need a computer to get online. Internet wants to conect to him.

 

[cooleddie74]

The Information Superhighway?

Robau's daydreams.

 

[Aragorn]

If Robau is caught surfing for porn at work, nothing is done about it. In fact, sometimes they make the other employees surf for porn too.

 

[Skellington]

If Robau is caught surfing for porn at work, nothing is done about it. In fact, sometimes they make the other employees surf for porn too.

Robau works on the bridge.

 

[6079SmithW]

Robau once ate a fortune cookie that's fortune said, "You are the supreme badass of the universe and nothing compares to your awesome." Robau agreed wholeheartedly.

 

[Set Harth]

Robau invented breakdancing. And spoons.

He's just that awesome.

 

[6079SmithW]

Robau invented spooning while break dancing.

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau invented breakdancing while asleep.

 

[6079SmithW]

Robau's dreams have been known to spawn their own independent universes that coexist with ours. Robau invented the Multiverse Theory in this way.

 

[Set Harth]

Robau knows that butter is way better than margarine.

He can see through the bullshit.

 

[stonester1]

Robau's dreams have been known to spawn their own independent universes that coexist with ours. Robau invented the Multiverse Theory in this way.

They've also gone on to be shown in theaters as movies. To sold out crowds. They clean up at the Oscars, too.

 

[Aragorn]

If Robau is caught surfing for porn at work, nothing is done about it. In fact, sometimes they make the other employees surf for porn too.

Robau works on the bridge.

"Helm, viewscreen -- display Debbie Does Ferenginar."

 

[Aragorn]

Hollywood has tried and failed to make a movie about Robau's life. They tried Steve McQueen, they tried Charles Bronson, they tried Clint Eastwood, they tried Mel Gibson, they tried Bruce Willis, they tried Arnold Schwarzenegger, they tried Chow Yun-Fat, they tried Vin Diesel, they tried Matt Damon, and most recently they tried Kiefer Sutherland, but no actor was deemed enough of a badass to inhabit the role.