Facts About Captain Robau

[Islander]

Robau can break the sound barrier, even in space.

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau can break the SPACE barrier.

 

[EnsignRicky]

Robau can break the sound barrier with a glance.

 

[Islander]

Sound used to travel at the same speed than light until it disturbed Robau. Now it's scared shit of him and goes much more slower to be cautious...

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau even broke the GENDER barrier.

Yes. He's so mighty and badass...he FOUND a way.

 

[Aragorn]

Ashton Kutcher tried to punk Robau once. Robau was not amused. He hit Kutcher so hard that Bruce Willis died.

 

[6079SmithW]

Robau started global warming when he lit a fart.

 

[Cyke101]

It's dangerous for most drivers to simultaneously drive and talk on cell phones. Robau riding a horse that's texting while riding another horse, however, is perfectly fine.

 

[6079SmithW]

Darth Vader said, "The power to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force." He then added, "And the power of the Force is miniscule in comparison to the power of Robau."

 

[EnsignRicky]

Robau don't need no stinkin' badges.

He wear one, but he no need it.

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau don't need no stinkin' HAIR.

 

[6079SmithW]

If you write CAPTAIN ROBAU backwards the Big Bang reverses and the universe coalesces back into a single mathematical point which Robau holds in the palm of his hand.

 

[cooleddie74]

Captain Robau can do everything a supercollider can, and ALL inside his left nostril.

 

[6079SmithW]

If these walls could talk...they would tell you how badass Robau is.

 

[F. King Daniel]

From the recently-leaked first draft Star Trek XI script…

[The bridge of the Nerada. NERO sits on his throne. AYEL is questioning CAPTAIN ROBAU]

CAPTAIN ROBAU: Who is your commander? Is it him?

AYEL: I will speak for Captain Nero. Do you know the location of Ambassador Spock?

[AYEL tosses something to CAPTAIN ROBAU. It’s a hologram of SPOCK PRIME that bobs merrily in front of him]

CAPTAIN ROBAU: I’m unfamiliar with Ambassador Spock.

AYEL: What is the current stardate?

CAPTAIN ROBAU: The stardate? The stardate is whatever the fuck I say it is!!!

[CAPTAIN ROBAU suddenly reaches out and snaps AYEL’s neck. NERO stands, lifts his staff and charges, screaming like a madman. CAPTAIN ROBAU effortlessly murders him, and takes his throne on the bridge of the Nerada]

CAPTAIN ROBAU: Now who else will challenge me?

[ROBAU is met with meek glances by the Nerada crew. He owns the Nerada now, and her crew knows it.]

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Ashton Kutcher tried to punk Robau once. Robau was not amused. He hit Kutcher so hard that Bruce Willis died.

Days later and i am STILL laughing at this one!

From the recently-leaked first draft Star Trek XI script…

[The bridge of the Nerada. NERO sits on his throne. AYEL is questioning CAPTAIN ROBAU]

CAPTAIN ROBAU: Who is your commander? Is it him?

AYEL: I will speak for Captain Nero. Do you know the location of Ambassador Spock?

[AYEL tosses something to CAPTAIN ROBAU. It’s a hologram of SPOCK PRIME that bobs merrily in front of him]

CAPTAIN ROBAU: I’m unfamiliar with Ambassador Spock.

AYEL: What is the current stardate?

CAPTAIN ROBAU: The stardate? The stardate is whatever the fuck I say it is!!!

[CAPTAIN ROBAU suddenly reaches out and snaps AYEL’s neck. NERO stands, lifts his staff and charges, screaming like a madman. CAPTAIN ROBAU effortlessly murders him, and takes his throne on the bridge of the Nerada]

CAPTAIN ROBAU: Now who else will challenge me?

[ROBAU is met with meek glances by the Nerada crew. He owns the Nerada now, and her crew knows it.]

AWESOME!!!!!!

 

[Islander]

If these walls could talk...they would tell you how badass Robau is.

But they don't talk 'cuz Robau ripped their tongues out...

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau never gets hemorrhoids because his ass is SO bad that those puppies are too afraid to ever grow there.

 

[Aragorn]

For Robau, "the big bang theory" is that one time he had an orgy with the entire Maxim Top 100.

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau puts A1 steak sauce on his salads.