Facts About Captain Robau

[Daneel]

In space, Robau can hear you scream.

In space --and anywhere else of course-- Robau can make you scream.

 

[Islander]

If the wind is God's sighing, and the rain is God's crying, then Robau is God's penis.

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau always gets a strike when he bowls. Because he uses a miniature Death Star.

 

[Islander]

Samuel L. Jackson requested BMF engraved on his lightsaber.

Robau had Bad Mother Fucker engraved on his dick, 48dpi size fonts.

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau was once held up in a diner by Hunny Bunny and her boyfriend. They'll never do that again. And by "that"...I mean breathe and walk.

 

[Islander]

Robau circumcised himself with his own teeth. He now uses his foreskin as a skull-cap to maintain his bald appearance.

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau is preferred by four out of five dentists who have a death wish.

 

[Islander]

The word "lesbian" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "She who has not yet been introduced to Robau."

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau turns lesbians straight. And straight women into flattened puddles of red ooze.

 

[Hartzilla2007]

It is impossible to reduce Captain Robau into a funky hexagon thing, the Kelvans found this out the hard way.

 

[Plecostomus]

The Kelvans were fleeing Andromeda to get away from Robau. They failed to notice they were fleeing to his home galaxy.

 

[Islander]

If anyone says, "Fuck you," to Robau, he replies, "As you wish," and proceeds.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

The Kelvans were fleeing Andromeda to get away from Robau. They failed to notice they were fleeing to his home galaxy.

Why didn't you tell them?!!! Dear god, why??!! A thousand Kelvan ships, on fire! Dead husks in the void! Gibbering wrecks of survivors, fleeing for home, weeping openly. Robau had come, and the sun had set on Kelvan imperialism.

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau once made love to a Kelvan. Ever since that day, the race has been fearful of humanity.

 

[Mentat Tir]

Gary Mitchell kneels before Captain Robau.
General Zod also kneels before Captain Robau.
Captain Robau is Winona Kirk’s baby’s daddy.
Captain Robau entered a badass competition and came in first, second and third.
Planets achieve a standard orbit around Captain Robau.
Deanna Troi accidentally screamed out “Captain Robau!” on her honeymoon.
Captain Robau was the last person pictured on a Wheaties box.

 

[cooleddie74]

Darth Vader cannot turn Robau to the Dark Side. Because Robau's already been there for years and can teach Vader a thing or three.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Captain Robau entered a badass competition and came in first, second and third.

If you exist in a universe featuring Robau, all badass competitions are obsolete.

 

[Islander]

Robau reads Japanese vomit-fetish manga purely for their artistic merit, in a totally non-sexual context

 

[cooleddie74]

Captain Robau does not watch German scheisse videos because they aren't badass enough for him.

 

[Islander]

Dairy Queen used to be Dairy King before Robau made it his bitch.