It is said that when Captain Robau and Bill Adama gaze at each other, the result is like standing between four black holes.
Facts About Captain Robau
- Thread starter Herkimer Jitty
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you will bow before Robau, or you will die.
(apologies for any duplicates…there are so many now…)
(…deep breath…)
His full name is Richard Rodriguez Ramirez Robau.
Captain Robau escaped the Delta Triangle all by himself.
His biography is called The Relentless Rage of Richard Robau. It is written ENTIRELY IN CAPTIALS BECAUSE THAT’S THE ONLY WAY TO EXPRESS HOW AWESOME CAPTIAN ROBAU TRULY IS.
How manly is Captain Robau? His girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
That time Britney Spears had a breakdown and shaved her head? That wasn’t drugs, that was after Captain Robau dumped her. He dumped her hard.
Captain Robau never sleeps.
Captain Robau never blinks.
How badass is Captain Robau? He once did a load of coke and didn’t feel a damn thing.
Captain Robau was deeply surprised that in VOY: “Threshold” everyone who went at warp 10 didn’t evolve into him. Then he realised, even at their most evolved potential, the Voyager crew are no match for Captain Robau.
Captain Robau wanted to get a tattoo one day but he’s so hard the tattoo needles just broke on his skin.
Captain Robau’s rage at nerds complaining about the new Star Trek causes climate change.
Captain Robau snorts Dilithium Crystal shards. He’s so badass the effect is only that of that of a cup of coffee for anyone else.
Captain Robau only allowed Nero to kill him so he could ascend to a higher plane of existence and slap the hell out of V’Ger.
The correct term for the total of reality is the Robauniverse.
Captain Robau read War and Peace in one sitting.
Captain Robau never went to Starfleet Academy. He just showed up one day and flew the Kelvin out of spacedock. No one had the balls to question him.
Captain Robau created the Delta Triangle one day when he sneezed.
Captain Robau created the Nexus one day when he farted.
Captain Robau created the Bajoran Wormhole one day by punching the air really hard.
Captain Robau decided to take up pottery one day. He named the result The Guardian of Forever.
Captain Robau decided to genetically-engineer a pet that was as badass as he was. He named the result “Cloverfield”.
Planets are round to better resemble Captain Robau’s smooth bald head.
Captain Robau shaves with a Bat-Leth.
Captain Robau’s phaser does not have a ‘stun’ setting.
Captain Robau once drank a whole bottle of bleach on a dare with no ill effects.
You know how Shatner is bald and wears a toupee? That’s just continuity: Captain Robau slept with Winona and is Jim Kirk’s real father.
Captain Robau killed Romulus, just because.
Captain Robau can defeat the Picard Maneuver.
If you say ‘Captain Robau’ backwards, bad things will happen.
Aliens vs. Predator vs. Captain Robau.
The Klingons didn’t make peace with the Federation because Praxis exploded, they did it because Captain Robau threatened to smash their heads in.
List of planets destroyed by the Relentless Rage of Richard Robau: Romulus, Praxis, the Xindi homeworld, all the planets in galaxy M-33, 31st Century Earth, Ceti Alpha VI, Ceti Alpha V.
Captain Robau told Pluto to fuck off and stop being a planet. It did.
Captain Robau built the Dyson Sphere. With his bare hands.
Captain Robau single-handedly tore up the surrounding star systems for the raw materials to build the Dyson Sphere.
Captain Robau laughs as hapless little ships crash into his Dyson Sphere.
The weird aliens from Enterprise built the spheres that built the Expanse so they could be closer to Captain Robau.
When Captain Robau met Jonathan Archer, he laughed in his face.
…and then pushed him over.
TOS Klingons have smooth foreheads because they’re trying to look more like Captain Robau.
Zefram Cochrane left Earth to escape the shadow of Captain Robau.
Captain Robau started World War III. He was bored that day and thought a massive exchange of nuclear weapons would brighten things up.
Radiation just makes Captain Robau stronger.
Q used to have a proper name but Captain Robau slapped him so hard he forgot it.
Whatever doesn’t kill you will only make Captain Robau stronger.
The Ferengi aren’t really bald… (you know the rest)
During his illegal pitfighting days Captain Robau was known as ‘The Cuban Destroyer’. Before that he was banned from WWE when he proved The Undertaker wasn’t really dead by murdering him in the middle of the ring.
Captain Robau doesn’t beam anywhere – he just jumps out the Kelvin and falls to the planet below. Without a space suit.
Data blew himself up in Nemesis to try and be closer to Captain Robau.
When Captain Robau met Crewman Daniels from the 31st century, he despaired at how wimpy humankind will become in the distant future. His despair manifested itself throughout time and space in what we now call Black Holes.
Kahless was just some loser Klingon until Captain Robau told him to “man up”.
Captain Robau once gave Khan a nipple-twister until he cried.
Darth Vader wears his getup not because he’s horribly burned, but because he’s afraid Captain Robau will recognize him, go to his house and smash his face in.
The great barrier exists to protect the other galaxies from Captain Robau.
An experiment was performed to create a lifeform the exact opposite of badass Captain Robau, with the belief that only his complete opposite could destroy him. A softass, if you will. This engineered experiment child was named Wesley Crusher. Epic fail.
Stardate 0000.1 was the moment Captain Robau was born.
Captain Robau liked his title so much he changed his name to “Captain Robau”. Thus the proper form of address is “Captain Captain Robau”. He will smash your face in if you do not address him properly.
Captain Robau will shit the fuck out of you.
The Borg Queen is only so messed up because Captain Robau dumped her.
Homer Simpson isn’t really bald, either.
Sha Ka Ree is Vulcan for Captain Robau.
(…deep breath…)
His full name is Richard Rodriguez Ramirez Robau.
Captain Robau escaped the Delta Triangle all by himself.
His biography is called The Relentless Rage of Richard Robau. It is written ENTIRELY IN CAPTIALS BECAUSE THAT’S THE ONLY WAY TO EXPRESS HOW AWESOME CAPTIAN ROBAU TRULY IS.
How manly is Captain Robau? His girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
That time Britney Spears had a breakdown and shaved her head? That wasn’t drugs, that was after Captain Robau dumped her. He dumped her hard.
Captain Robau never sleeps.
Captain Robau never blinks.
How badass is Captain Robau? He once did a load of coke and didn’t feel a damn thing.
Captain Robau was deeply surprised that in VOY: “Threshold” everyone who went at warp 10 didn’t evolve into him. Then he realised, even at their most evolved potential, the Voyager crew are no match for Captain Robau.
Captain Robau wanted to get a tattoo one day but he’s so hard the tattoo needles just broke on his skin.
Captain Robau’s rage at nerds complaining about the new Star Trek causes climate change.
Captain Robau snorts Dilithium Crystal shards. He’s so badass the effect is only that of that of a cup of coffee for anyone else.
Captain Robau only allowed Nero to kill him so he could ascend to a higher plane of existence and slap the hell out of V’Ger.
The correct term for the total of reality is the Robauniverse.
Captain Robau read War and Peace in one sitting.
Captain Robau never went to Starfleet Academy. He just showed up one day and flew the Kelvin out of spacedock. No one had the balls to question him.
Captain Robau created the Delta Triangle one day when he sneezed.
Captain Robau created the Nexus one day when he farted.
Captain Robau created the Bajoran Wormhole one day by punching the air really hard.
Captain Robau decided to take up pottery one day. He named the result The Guardian of Forever.
Captain Robau decided to genetically-engineer a pet that was as badass as he was. He named the result “Cloverfield”.
Planets are round to better resemble Captain Robau’s smooth bald head.
Captain Robau shaves with a Bat-Leth.
Captain Robau’s phaser does not have a ‘stun’ setting.
Captain Robau once drank a whole bottle of bleach on a dare with no ill effects.
You know how Shatner is bald and wears a toupee? That’s just continuity: Captain Robau slept with Winona and is Jim Kirk’s real father.
Captain Robau killed Romulus, just because.
Captain Robau can defeat the Picard Maneuver.
If you say ‘Captain Robau’ backwards, bad things will happen.
Aliens vs. Predator vs. Captain Robau.
The Klingons didn’t make peace with the Federation because Praxis exploded, they did it because Captain Robau threatened to smash their heads in.
List of planets destroyed by the Relentless Rage of Richard Robau: Romulus, Praxis, the Xindi homeworld, all the planets in galaxy M-33, 31st Century Earth, Ceti Alpha VI, Ceti Alpha V.
Captain Robau told Pluto to fuck off and stop being a planet. It did.
Captain Robau built the Dyson Sphere. With his bare hands.
Captain Robau single-handedly tore up the surrounding star systems for the raw materials to build the Dyson Sphere.
Captain Robau laughs as hapless little ships crash into his Dyson Sphere.
The weird aliens from Enterprise built the spheres that built the Expanse so they could be closer to Captain Robau.
When Captain Robau met Jonathan Archer, he laughed in his face.
…and then pushed him over.
TOS Klingons have smooth foreheads because they’re trying to look more like Captain Robau.
Zefram Cochrane left Earth to escape the shadow of Captain Robau.
Captain Robau started World War III. He was bored that day and thought a massive exchange of nuclear weapons would brighten things up.
Radiation just makes Captain Robau stronger.
Q used to have a proper name but Captain Robau slapped him so hard he forgot it.
Whatever doesn’t kill you will only make Captain Robau stronger.
The Ferengi aren’t really bald… (you know the rest)
During his illegal pitfighting days Captain Robau was known as ‘The Cuban Destroyer’. Before that he was banned from WWE when he proved The Undertaker wasn’t really dead by murdering him in the middle of the ring.
Captain Robau doesn’t beam anywhere – he just jumps out the Kelvin and falls to the planet below. Without a space suit.
Data blew himself up in Nemesis to try and be closer to Captain Robau.
When Captain Robau met Crewman Daniels from the 31st century, he despaired at how wimpy humankind will become in the distant future. His despair manifested itself throughout time and space in what we now call Black Holes.
Kahless was just some loser Klingon until Captain Robau told him to “man up”.
Captain Robau once gave Khan a nipple-twister until he cried.
Darth Vader wears his getup not because he’s horribly burned, but because he’s afraid Captain Robau will recognize him, go to his house and smash his face in.
The great barrier exists to protect the other galaxies from Captain Robau.
An experiment was performed to create a lifeform the exact opposite of badass Captain Robau, with the belief that only his complete opposite could destroy him. A softass, if you will. This engineered experiment child was named Wesley Crusher. Epic fail.
Stardate 0000.1 was the moment Captain Robau was born.
Captain Robau liked his title so much he changed his name to “Captain Robau”. Thus the proper form of address is “Captain Captain Robau”. He will smash your face in if you do not address him properly.
Captain Robau will shit the fuck out of you.
The Borg Queen is only so messed up because Captain Robau dumped her.
Homer Simpson isn’t really bald, either.
Sha Ka Ree is Vulcan for Captain Robau.
One time, a pregnant lady was caught between two simultaneous supernovas, and survived. When her baby was born, he grew up to be Captain Robau.
Captain Robau thinks the Death Star isn't powerful enough.
Captain Robau can make the Kessel Run in less than one follicle.
The phrase "badass robau" is now growing exponentially in the tag cloud.
Robau INVENTED the tag cloud.
Plecostomus
Commodore
Robau made lunch today. Rage-Broiled Traffic Cop with as side of Awesome Fries and a nice tall glass of ice-cold Badass Cola.
Robau thinks men with hair are TOTALLY gay.
If Robau were gay, people would start insulting other people by calling them TOTALLY straight.
Plecostomus
Commodore
Robau cares not about sexual preferences because you cross him you are fucked regardless.
Robau cares not about sexual preferences because you cross him you are fucked regardless.
Captain Robau swings both ways.
On a jungle gym made of the flesh and bones of his enemies.
Plecostomus
Commodore
Captain Robau punched a hole in the wall of the local bank and blamed it on some old lady-driver with vision and hearing problems.
Plecostomus
Commodore
The crew of the pirate skiff that hijacked that American ship recently thought the captain of said ship would make a great hostage...
...until they realized they abducted Captain Robau... and it is WAY PAST his bedtime, bitches.
...until they realized they abducted Captain Robau... and it is WAY PAST his bedtime, bitches.
Captain Robau is baned in 39 states. When he heard this he bitched slaped said states so hard they literally fell off the map.
Hence why the United States has only 51 states.
Anyone remember that guy who used to post here who lived in that state Aldernay?
Anyone remember that guy who used to post here who lived in that state Aldernay?
Captain Robau gets the Badass Discount on his mega-gulp coffees at BK.
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