Facts About Captain Robau

Discussion in 'Star Trek Movies: Kelvin Universe' started by Herkimer Jitty, Dec 6, 2008.

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  1. F. King Daniel

    F. King Daniel Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    ^I skimmed as far as "200 pages". This thread's on page 504 on my settings. Oops.

    But I'm cool with another 439 facts about the Captain.
     
  2. barnaclelapse

    barnaclelapse Commodore Commodore

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    Robau sold Robert Mitchum his first bag of weed.
     
  3. Rush Limborg

    Rush Limborg Vice Admiral Admiral

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    (Dennis Miller):

    Look, I don't wanna go off on a rant here, but to say Captain Robau is awesome is like saying that Helen of Troy was pretty.

    I mean, it's an understatement so bland that it reminds me of what happens when you leave the pack of extra sharp chedder cheese open in the refigerator--the taste is all gone, and you might as well be muching on last week's stuffed flounder special! You get more for your tongue's buds that way.

    Let's be honest folks, words cannot describe how totally awesome Robau is. All I know is that the size of his awesomeness can only be compared to the amount of physical "enhancement" the Borg apparently did not consider to be irrelevant when they assimilated Annika Hansen into the notorious bombshell who saved the fledging ratings of a certain underrated TV sci-fi and then went on to destroy the political carrer of a poor guy who's only crime was to flirt with her in a stripper joint--after they got married! (Which, BTW, is especially pathetic considering her own innocence, or lack therof, in referring to her most famous assets as her "girls", among other raunchy actions and words. But I digress....)

    Back to Robau. Look, I realize that "awesomness" and bada--ery" are abstract concepts which have so far sufficed in describing the qualities of Robau--but let's be honest, folks. No modern word can describe what he's got.

    So I say it's about time we invent some new term to sufficiently capture all his "awesomeness", "bada--ery", and whatever else we call it. He's Captain Robau, for pete's sake! I mean, all this time, our respect has been so darn understated, it's like saying Ezri Dax is the cutest girl in the universe. GET ORIGINAL, PEOPLE!!!

    'Course...that's just my opinion. I could be wrong. :mallory:
     
  4. 6079SmithW

    6079SmithW Vice Admiral Admiral

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    I understand your argument that words like "awesome" and "badass" are just too pedestrian and limited to succinctly describe what Robau is and the qualities that define him. However, in my time reading this thread and contemplating The Robau, there is one term which I believe does encompass the entirety of our beloved Captain, and that term is Captain Robau. I mean, Captain Robau is no mundane modern word. It is a summary of all which we know to be true about The One Whom We Worship and a statement of his Oneness and absolute command of all that is. Captain Robau is all that is. I am limited by my mortal language in trying to convey to you all the things that Robau is. Therefore, whenever someone asks us to define Robau using words I believe the best and most accurate response to make without diminishing His Lordship is, "Captain Robau is Captain Robau." For all true believers, this statement is enough.
     
  5. M'Sharak

    M'Sharak Definitely Herbert. Maybe. Moderator

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    Just for the heck of it, I'll quote Antony's post from the Announcements forum here:
    Truth is, I've been thinking for a while that it was getting closer to being time for wrapping this and a couple of other long-running threads up. "Facts About Captain Robau" has been going since December 2008 - nearly two years; the "Shouting Spock" thread started more than three years ago (though, true, there was a six-month hiatus somewhere in the middle of Page 3); even the relative upstart "Blue Warp Nacelles?" thread has been starting to get a little long in the tooth.

    I've left them alone this long because people are still coming to the forum for them and besides, it's not like we've had a great deal of fresh news to talk about. I think that's beginning to change, though, and maybe it's time to begin to let these institutions associated with the last movie go and see what might turn up to take their place for the movie upcoming. Now, I don't mean that anyone should go right out and post something tomorrow, saying "This is going to be the new 'Captain Robau' thread. That isn't the way any of these started, and I don't believe you can intentionally start a thread which is guaranteed to develop the kind of legs these have had. The process is more organic than that, as is perhaps most apparent when you look at the first few pages of the "Blue Warp Nacelles?" thread; the opening post gave absolutely no clue of what was to come, and the person who posted it was probably more surprised than anyone when he saw it happening.

    Anyway, there's not going to be an immediate closure of this thread or any of them--there's still some room left--but if board performance dictates that threads which reach X many pages/posts have to close, then that's pretty much the way it's got to be. I have no doubt, however, that sooner or later, something will spring up from an unexpected quarter to take on a life of its own in much the same way these did. I know you guys - you're creative like that. ;)
     
  6. Eleanor_zhDarjel

    Eleanor_zhDarjel Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    Close? Man, don't scare me like that!
     
  7. rgb1701

    rgb1701 Captain Captain

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    Weed smokes Robau's eyebrow trimmings to get high.
     
  8. barnaclelapse

    barnaclelapse Commodore Commodore

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    Captain Robau doesn't rant. He just explains things very...VERY...carefully.
     
  9. SalvorHardin

    SalvorHardin Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    The mods dared to close down the looong running Facts About Captain Robau thread in the Prime Universe.

    Captain Robau simply took his ship, filled with his trusted minions and created the nu-universe erasing the Prime in the process as punishment.
     
  10. cooleddie74

    cooleddie74 Arguably The Best Poster Named cooleddie Moderator

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    Robau can get high off his own beads of sweat. And the rest of his crew gets the most awesome contact high ever recorded.
     
  11. Eleanor_zhDarjel

    Eleanor_zhDarjel Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    Robau created fire, invented wine and did 10 women. At the same time.
     
  12. cooleddie74

    cooleddie74 Arguably The Best Poster Named cooleddie Moderator

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    Robau is the reason the Mayan Calendar ends in 2012.
     
  13. Boxyno1

    Boxyno1 Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Robau wouldn't mind this thread to be closed, as none of the comments, NONE of the comments, have so far been adequate enough to describe him, in his opinion, and his opinion is pure fact.
     
  14. 6079SmithW

    6079SmithW Vice Admiral Admiral

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    God used to have a Robau Complex but then Captain Robau kicked his ass in hand-to-hand combat and humbled him.
     
  15. ITL

    ITL Vice Admiral Admiral

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    I think you'll find he took his trusted onions, not minions. And yes, those onions earned his trust. I'm not exactly sure how, but they did. In any case, The Robau knows why. And that's good enough for me.
     
  16. T'Girl

    T'Girl Vice Admiral Admiral

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    prior to the mods closing the robau thread

    robau will close the mod thread

    (be nice) the mods think that they are real people, and not just fantasy characters in the robau universe
     
  17. Boxyno1

    Boxyno1 Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    If Robau is satisfied with a comment before the 8000th post then he might just consider not destroying this universe and making a new one
     
  18. Hartzilla2007

    Hartzilla2007 Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Conan tthe Barbarian wishes he was as badass as Robau.
     
  19. Rush Limborg

    Rush Limborg Vice Admiral Admiral

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    So...The One Who Must Not Be Named's deranged hatred of me...is His Awesomeness's idea of keeping me humble.

    HAVE MERCY, OH MIGHTY ROBAU!!!
     
  20. cooleddie74

    cooleddie74 Arguably The Best Poster Named cooleddie Moderator

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    Robau does not close threads.

    He simply transforms them to a higher level and state of being...where they become even MORE badass than before.
     
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