Eye contact with strangers

[LeahBoBo]

I find it disturbing that quite a few of you are "weirded" out during routine eye contact. This is a basic social skill here people.

Too much time stuck in their parents' basements playing video games. No social skills required.

Yeah, that's exactly it.

I look at people. I say hello. I'll even strike up a conversation with someone in an elevator!

I just don't like looking into people's eyes. I'll look at their forehead or nose or temple...ya know, somewhere NEAR their eyes. I think it's just a personal space kind of a thing, to prevent them from looking into MINE.

A personal space kind of thing? Okay. Whatever. Someone standing on top of me is invading my personal space. Someone making eye contact is not. What are they going to do, read my mind or something?

 

[sidious618]

I make eye contact with two types of people:

-Hot women.
-People who look friendly.

 

[Kelthaz]

A personal space kind of thing? Okay. Whatever. Someone standing on top of me is invading my personal space. Someone making eye contact is not. What are they going to do, read my mind or something?

It's just a personal thing. Some of us don't like staring at or being stared at by random people on the street.

 

[RoJoHen]

Too much time stuck in their parents' basements playing video games. No social skills required.

Yeah, that's exactly it.

I look at people. I say hello. I'll even strike up a conversation with someone in an elevator!

I just don't like looking into people's eyes. I'll look at their forehead or nose or temple...ya know, somewhere NEAR their eyes. I think it's just a personal space kind of a thing, to prevent them from looking into MINE.

A personal space kind of thing? Okay. Whatever. Someone standing on top of me is invading my personal space. Someone making eye contact is not. What are they going to do, read my mind or something?

Read my mind? Please, don't be ridiculous.

They're going to steal my soul!

 

[Robert Maxwell]

So, basically, you don't know why they actually got arrested, and odds are it wasn't because they were within 10 feet of kids, "minding their own business."

Muncie is just as bad about child molesters, if not worse, and nothing like you describe happens there.

I don't know why they were arrested, but I do know the police were called because they were near the kids and the fear was that they were predators. One of the people on the neighborhood watch called our apartment to see if we had seen the guys before. We hadn't.

J.

I'm not surprised the cops were called on people loitering around kids, who didn't have kids themselves. That's a common "warning sign."

The cops cannot arrest you, however, for just being there. They have to have some kind of probable cause, which they evidently did, and neither you nor I know what it was. Could have been an old warrant, could have been a violation of a loitering code, could have been anything, but a cop has to have a reason to arrest you. They can't just do it because they think you look suspicious.

 

[LeahBoBo]

Yeah, that's exactly it.

I look at people. I say hello. I'll even strike up a conversation with someone in an elevator!

I just don't like looking into people's eyes. I'll look at their forehead or nose or temple...ya know, somewhere NEAR their eyes. I think it's just a personal space kind of a thing, to prevent them from looking into MINE.

A personal space kind of thing? Okay. Whatever. Someone standing on top of me is invading my personal space. Someone making eye contact is not. What are they going to do, read my mind or something?

Read my mind? Please, don't be ridiculous.

They're going to steal my soul!

Okay. I can go along with that.

 

[Amaris]

So, basically, you don't know why they actually got arrested, and odds are it wasn't because they were within 10 feet of kids, "minding their own business."

Muncie is just as bad about child molesters, if not worse, and nothing like you describe happens there.

I don't know why they were arrested, but I do know the police were called because they were near the kids and the fear was that they were predators. One of the people on the neighborhood watch called our apartment to see if we had seen the guys before. We hadn't.

J.

I'm not surprised the cops were called on people loitering around kids, who didn't have kids themselves. That's a common "warning sign."

The cops cannot arrest you, however, for just being there. They have to have some kind of probable cause, which they evidently did, and neither you nor I know what it was. Could have been an old warrant, could have been a violation of a loitering code, could have been anything, but a cop has to have a reason to arrest you. They can't just do it because they think you look suspicious.

You're probably right on that, but it did seem as if they had been picked up merely for being in the vicinity of kids, and even as you noted in your opening sentence, they consider it a warning sign. I'd rather not be hassled by the police for being in the vicinity of and smiling at a little girl, and God knows I can't give kids candy anymore. Well, on Halloween, but any other time of the year and it's bad juju!

J.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

I don't know why they were arrested, but I do know the police were called because they were near the kids and the fear was that they were predators. One of the people on the neighborhood watch called our apartment to see if we had seen the guys before. We hadn't.

J.

I'm not surprised the cops were called on people loitering around kids, who didn't have kids themselves. That's a common "warning sign."

The cops cannot arrest you, however, for just being there. They have to have some kind of probable cause, which they evidently did, and neither you nor I know what it was. Could have been an old warrant, could have been a violation of a loitering code, could have been anything, but a cop has to have a reason to arrest you. They can't just do it because they think you look suspicious.

You're probably right on that, but it did seem as if they had been picked up merely for being in the vicinity of kids, and even as you noted in your opening sentence, they consider it a warning sign. I'd rather not be hassled by the police for being in the vicinity of and smiling at a little girl, and God knows I can't give kids candy anymore. Well, on Halloween, but any other time of the year and it's bad juju!

J.

Didn't anybody tell you as a kid, "don't take candy from strangers?" You're the stranger now, dude!

 

[Amaris]

I'm not surprised the cops were called on people loitering around kids, who didn't have kids themselves. That's a common "warning sign."

The cops cannot arrest you, however, for just being there. They have to have some kind of probable cause, which they evidently did, and neither you nor I know what it was. Could have been an old warrant, could have been a violation of a loitering code, could have been anything, but a cop has to have a reason to arrest you. They can't just do it because they think you look suspicious.

You're probably right on that, but it did seem as if they had been picked up merely for being in the vicinity of kids, and even as you noted in your opening sentence, they consider it a warning sign. I'd rather not be hassled by the police for being in the vicinity of and smiling at a little girl, and God knows I can't give kids candy anymore. Well, on Halloween, but any other time of the year and it's bad juju!

J.

Didn't anybody tell you as a kid, "don't take candy from strangers?" You're the stranger now, dude!

[three successive strikes on violins]
[quick pan out and back in to focus eyes]
[low bassline]

OMG!

J.

 

[TrekkieMonster]

So, inspired by this thread, I've been making a concerted effort to make eye contact with people I meet in public this past several days, especially in my office building. I'm even more amazed than I was before at how uncomfortable people seem to be about making eye contact and -- Heaven forbid -- a simple hello. I can't even count the numbers of people who have literally "freaked out" and become completely discombobulated when I meet them on the street or in the hallway in my office building and I simply smile and say hello. Well over half of them are people I've seen several times a week at work for years now. Most people get this sudden frightened look and then look at the floor, ceiling, wall, or anywhere but at me. Some will mumble an incoherent grunt, but most just ignore me completely and act as if I'd said nothing at all -- in fact, they act as if I'm not even there.

Of the extremely few people who responded in kind, one actually spoke a few words, and I found out she's originally from the midwest. Big surprise.

And, the one time I tried to start a conversation with a guy in the elevator coming up from the parking garage, I thought his head was going to explode. I've admired his car for some months now, and am considering getting a similar model. We see each other frequently and ride the elevator together many times a month, so I thought it might be acceptable to start the conversation.

He just looked at me like ... with his mouth sort of hanging open. It was literally as if his mouth refused to work until the doors finally parted to let him escape 4 floors later.

What have we become ...?

UPDATE

So, I was out of my office yesterday and all morning today at a mediation. When I got back to my building about an hour ago, as I was rushing -- arms full -- to catch the elevator from the parking garage, who should stick his arm out to hold the door for me but "exploding head man" referenced above. For the record, he actually made eye contact with me as I slipped into the elevator, and he smiled when I thanked him. I decided not to try to say anything further, lest I anger the elevator Gods or something.

To my surprise, he started a conversation with me, thanking me for my interest in his car and saying he'd be happy to tell me anything about it that I might want to know. No other reference to our rather odd exchange the other day, but it was nice.

And he confirmed that the car does have all the features I thought and that it's as nice as I suspected, damn him .... I have a feeling this is going to cost me a lot of money ....

But I digress.

Just thought I'd share.

Maybe all it takes is for one person to be willing to take the first step.

 

[Amaris]

^ Yep. There's nothing wrong with not looking or talking to people, but sometimes it is really worth it. People like to be admired, they like to be liked, as it were. "We all want to be loved".

J.

 

[Witterquick]

So, inspired by this thread, I've been making a concerted effort to make eye contact with people I meet in public this past several days, especially in my office building. I'm even more amazed than I was before at how uncomfortable people seem to be about making eye contact and -- Heaven forbid -- a simple hello. I can't even count the numbers of people who have literally "freaked out" and become completely discombobulated when I meet them on the street or in the hallway in my office building and I simply smile and say hello. Well over half of them are people I've seen several times a week at work for years now. Most people get this sudden frightened look and then look at the floor, ceiling, wall, or anywhere but at me. Some will mumble an incoherent grunt, but most just ignore me completely and act as if I'd said nothing at all -- in fact, they act as if I'm not even there.

Of the extremely few people who responded in kind, one actually spoke a few words, and I found out she's originally from the midwest. Big surprise.

And, the one time I tried to start a conversation with a guy in the elevator coming up from the parking garage, I thought his head was going to explode. I've admired his car for some months now, and am considering getting a similar model. We see each other frequently and ride the elevator together many times a month, so I thought it might be acceptable to start the conversation.

He just looked at me like ... with his mouth sort of hanging open. It was literally as if his mouth refused to work until the doors finally parted to let him escape 4 floors later.

What have we become ...?

UPDATE

So, I was out of my office yesterday and all morning today at a mediation. When I got back to my building about an hour ago, as I was rushing -- arms full -- to catch the elevator from the parking garage, who should stick his arm out to hold the door for me but "exploding head man" referenced above. For the record, he actually made eye contact with me as I slipped into the elevator, and he smiled when I thanked him. I decided not to try to say anything further, lest I anger the elevator Gods or something.

To my surprise, he started a conversation with me, thanking me for my interest in his car and saying he'd be happy to tell me anything about it that I might want to know. No other reference to our rather odd exchange the other day, but it was nice.

And he confirmed that the car does have all the features I thought and that it's as nice as I suspected, damn him .... I have a feeling this is going to cost me a lot of money ....

But I digress.

Just thought I'd share.

Maybe all it takes is for one person to be willing to take the first step.

Yup that has sort of been my experience too. Sometimes I would nod or smile at people I pass in the park and they would be too shocked to smile back. But next time they see me again, they would smile at me.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

So, inspired by this thread, I've been making a concerted effort to make eye contact with people I meet in public this past several days, especially in my office building. I'm even more amazed than I was before at how uncomfortable people seem to be about making eye contact and -- Heaven forbid -- a simple hello. I can't even count the numbers of people who have literally "freaked out" and become completely discombobulated when I meet them on the street or in the hallway in my office building and I simply smile and say hello. Well over half of them are people I've seen several times a week at work for years now. Most people get this sudden frightened look and then look at the floor, ceiling, wall, or anywhere but at me. Some will mumble an incoherent grunt, but most just ignore me completely and act as if I'd said nothing at all -- in fact, they act as if I'm not even there.

Of the extremely few people who responded in kind, one actually spoke a few words, and I found out she's originally from the midwest. Big surprise.

And, the one time I tried to start a conversation with a guy in the elevator coming up from the parking garage, I thought his head was going to explode. I've admired his car for some months now, and am considering getting a similar model. We see each other frequently and ride the elevator together many times a month, so I thought it might be acceptable to start the conversation.

He just looked at me like ... with his mouth sort of hanging open. It was literally as if his mouth refused to work until the doors finally parted to let him escape 4 floors later.

What have we become ...?

UPDATE

So, I was out of my office yesterday and all morning today at a mediation. When I got back to my building about an hour ago, as I was rushing -- arms full -- to catch the elevator from the parking garage, who should stick his arm out to hold the door for me but "exploding head man" referenced above. For the record, he actually made eye contact with me as I slipped into the elevator, and he smiled when I thanked him. I decided not to try to say anything further, lest I anger the elevator Gods or something.

To my surprise, he started a conversation with me, thanking me for my interest in his car and saying he'd be happy to tell me anything about it that I might want to know. No other reference to our rather odd exchange the other day, but it was nice.

And he confirmed that the car does have all the features I thought and that it's as nice as I suspected, damn him .... I have a feeling this is going to cost me a lot of money ....

But I digress.

Just thought I'd share.

Maybe all it takes is for one person to be willing to take the first step.

Excellent, this is a good post ~ may people learn from it! Go TM

 

[MANT!]

I can usually tell that a person's a veteran when I walk down the street..they usually make eye contact for a second,then nod slightly and continue on..

Each and every time when I got to know a person who did that, it was a veteran...
(My theory...it comes from the obligatory salute reflex drilled into you in Basic)

 

[Michael Chris]

Possible. But I do that all the time if I'm busy and I'm definitely not a veteran.