Eye contact with strangers
- Thread starter Witterquick
- Start date
Sorry but that really just did make me laugh out loud ~ Love you, all of you
Though I never make silly faces at children, I love kids as well. It's not easy, with how paranoid some people are.
When it's a guy or a granny sitting next to you on the subway, it's okay to smile, converse or otherwise pass the time, but when it's a little girl sitting next to you engaging you in conversation you're suddenly a pervert?
In defiance, I withhold myself from nodding and smiling at the parents or other "grownups" in the vicinity. If a child tries to get my attention, the child gets my attention (when I'm in the mood for it, of course), not the parents. Let them think whatever they want to think; it's their loss. I'm certainly not going to excuse myself for the simple reason of liking to interact with children.
LeahBoBo
Commander
Too much time stuck in their parents' basements playing video games. No social skills required.
Too much time stuck in their parents' basements playing video games. No social skills required.
Yeah, that's exactly it.
I look at people. I say hello. I'll even strike up a conversation with someone in an elevator!
I just don't like looking into people's eyes. I'll look at their forehead or nose or temple...ya know, somewhere NEAR their eyes. I think it's just a personal space kind of a thing, to prevent them from looking into MINE.
A
Amaris
Guest
I wish I could do the same here. You see, our society is so paranoid, that if I strike up a conversation with a little kid, no matter how friendly, and no matter how many people are around to witness, it gets very cold in that room, and from my peripheral vision I can see lots of people suddenly training their eyes on me.
There was one instance where, while I was sitting outside (I like to read when it's nice out), a little girl had fallen off her bike and she started crying. I called to her, and helped her up, checking to make sure she was okay. Well, her mother (I guess) comes along a few moments later and asked me what I was doing. I told her that her child had fallen off her bike, and her reply was "well I don't need any assistance so please step away". I mean, gee, I'm sorry for wanting to make sure the little girl was okay. God forbid I give a damn, you know?
I wish I could say let them think what they want, but in a paranoid society like this one, I could easily be arrested without a single action. The idea of hurting a child in any way forms knots in my stomach, but really, I can stand ten feet away from a child minding my own business, someone could call the police, and I would be arrested.
J.
^ I can definitely see where you are coming from, Jay. People tend to overreact to things; but then again, I guess that depends a great deal on where you live or happen to be at the time.
As an example, what parent wouldn't be worried if they saw a strange man interacting with their child in a downtown district? Is there a risk of over-protection? Even in a situation like that, absolutely; but then again, it isn't exactly a Bing Crosby kind of world.
As a child, I was the victim of over-protection. My mother automatically assumed that I was safe nowhere, and as a result I usually wound up being escorted into womens restrooms (to my personal dismay) or not being allowed to use the restroom at all in public places. It carried over into other parts of my life quite liberally; I wasn't allowed to play with anybody, go outside, or even look out the window or stand on the porch because of her fear of child-snatching. As a whole, I pretty much figure that the best approach with children is to let down the guard enough to rationally allow them to step out from under the umbrella... even if it means a little bit of risk.
As for the case of the woman who freaked out on you, she clearly had no grounds. The fact that the girl wasn't afraid of you and the three of you were all in plain sight is proof enough that the situation was entirely low-risk. What you've got to remember is that the maternal instinct runs pretty strong; it is hormone driven, unless I am mistaken, and leads women to act like savage animals if they think that their child might be in danger... no exageration.
It's like messing around with raccoon babies. The mother will be ticked off, even if you just saved the baby coon from certain death. She might even kill the baby because it smells like your hand.
As an example, what parent wouldn't be worried if they saw a strange man interacting with their child in a downtown district? Is there a risk of over-protection? Even in a situation like that, absolutely; but then again, it isn't exactly a Bing Crosby kind of world.
As a child, I was the victim of over-protection. My mother automatically assumed that I was safe nowhere, and as a result I usually wound up being escorted into womens restrooms (to my personal dismay) or not being allowed to use the restroom at all in public places. It carried over into other parts of my life quite liberally; I wasn't allowed to play with anybody, go outside, or even look out the window or stand on the porch because of her fear of child-snatching. As a whole, I pretty much figure that the best approach with children is to let down the guard enough to rationally allow them to step out from under the umbrella... even if it means a little bit of risk.
As for the case of the woman who freaked out on you, she clearly had no grounds. The fact that the girl wasn't afraid of you and the three of you were all in plain sight is proof enough that the situation was entirely low-risk. What you've got to remember is that the maternal instinct runs pretty strong; it is hormone driven, unless I am mistaken, and leads women to act like savage animals if they think that their child might be in danger... no exageration.
It's like messing around with raccoon babies. The mother will be ticked off, even if you just saved the baby coon from certain death. She might even kill the baby because it smells like your hand.
No offense, but where the hell do you live that something like that could happen? Because every place I've ever lived (Granted, only in the US, but several areas of the US), ain't nobody would get arrested for anything like you describe.
Jan
A
Amaris
Guest
Yeah. I do understand the need to be protective. It just put me off how badly she treated me. It makes people hesitant to help kids when they get hurt. I don't like to think that I would hesitate in an emergency, but who knows.
Where I live there are 900+ sex offenders in our county alone, the majority of them Tier 2 or greater.
We live out in the country. Well, a country town. No, TDN, I'm not using dramatic effect.
J.
Then I'd like you to find me at least two cases of someone being arrested for merely being in the presence of someone else's kid, having done nothing wrong.
A
Amaris
Guest
And I'd like you to get off my back, please. You have this fixation with me lately where you challenge just about anything I say and it's not appreciated. I don't bother you, don't bother me.
I don't have two cases because that would require web links that don't exist. These were in our neighborhood, where unfortunately there are 79 child predators inside of a six block area. Two guys were arrested because they were near a playground with kids. It turns out neither of them had any criminal records, but the neighborhood watch complained, and they were arrested for suspicious activity. Oh, and before you ask, no they weren't together, it was two separate incidents. As if you'll believe me anyway.
J.
Supreme Admiral
Captain
Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, I understand where you're coming from, mate. It's true that our society is paranoid like leaf! But what I don't understand why would they training their eyes on you for no reason whatsoever, you did the right thing to helped her up to make sure that she's not injured, her mother was making so much drama queen when it comes to her daughter, perhaps she was suspected that you could kidnapped her, (I don't know what her mother was thinking), but, whatever, her comment sounds so rude that she doesn't need any assistance from you or everybody, I find that insulting to your kindred of helping her daughter.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to help strangers out, but we're too quick to judge to one other rather than recieving any assistance to strangers who are injured any way, people will be people, Jay. They always do training their eyes on one other for no reason whatsoever, arresting you with a single action is stupid, like you have no explanation.
People should minding their own business, but still, strangers should be helping strangers out always! I don't care if they're training their eyes upon me and suspecting that I would wanting to harm the child with my bare hands! I love to helping people out to making sure that they're not hurting at all. That's who we are.
I don't know if you heard the news not too long time ago, one man got railroaded by car and no one came to help him, but minding their own business, is that how we're living in our society? Our society is very selfish and paranoid in any forms. Jay, I'm here to telling you that you did the right thing to helped mother's child out to ensure that she's not injured. Her mother should be grateful for having you helped her daughter out and giving her thanks to you, but her action said otherwise. Be proud that you did the right thing.
It seems unlikely that someone would be arrested for simply minding their own business, especially without any sort of criminal record. I can see people being questioned, but not arrested.
I make faces at kids and wave at them and such all the time (and probably terrify them, because I'm not maternal at all). Sometimes I get looks from parents, but hey, their kid was staring at me first. I just smile at the parent. No one has said anything to me yet, but I'm not doing anything I consider wrong, so I wouldn't have a problem replying to them if they did say something.
I make faces at kids and wave at them and such all the time (and probably terrify them, because I'm not maternal at all). Sometimes I get looks from parents, but hey, their kid was staring at me first. I just smile at the parent. No one has said anything to me yet, but I'm not doing anything I consider wrong, so I wouldn't have a problem replying to them if they did say something.
A
Amaris
Guest
Thanks, SA. I'm hoping where we are now is a bit more relaxed. I'd like to make funny faces at kids and help them if they are in need without getting the 3rd degree.
In this situation, our area was particularly overprotective when it came to that. Well, I don't know about "overprotective", I mean, kids need to be safe from that, but for some reason we had a high concentration of sexual predators, and that put everyone on edge, including neighborhood watches. These guys apparently didn't have a good enough reason for standing around where they were.
We just moved out to this little town we're in now, so I'm hoping they're a lot less paranoid than that.
J.
Oh, I don't doubt that people are a bit overzealous like that. I've had the cops called on me because my car was sitting somewhere suspicious. That was ... unfortunate.
But there's a huge difference between the neighborhood getting upset or even calling the cops, and having some people actually arrested. Unless there was some sort of law against loitering or something? Or they reacted badly when they were questioned? I mean, what grounds were there for arrest?
A
Amaris
Guest
I'm not certain. All I saw was that they were they were talking to the police one minute, and getting put in the back of the car the next. Granted, it could have been on an unrelated charge, but I'm just going by what I saw. People were always getting arrested where we lived. Did I ever mention the time our downstairs neighbor caught her bedroom on fire? The fire department showed up and right behind them was the police asking questions. Turns out the lady had been toking up with her boyfriend when they left the joint laying on the mattress and it caught fire. Stuff like that happened all the time.
J.
So, basically, you don't know why they actually got arrested, and odds are it wasn't because they were within 10 feet of kids, "minding their own business."
Muncie is just as bad about child molesters, if not worse, and nothing like you describe happens there.
A
Amaris
Guest
I don't know why they were arrested, but I do know the police were called because they were near the kids and the fear was that they were predators. One of the people on the neighborhood watch called our apartment to see if we had seen the guys before. We hadn't.
J.
Sure, I make eye contact with strangers. Whenever I'm going on a walk, if there's someone around me I'll say hey and ask how they're doing (and mean it). Why on earth not?
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