Eye contact with strangers

[TheMasterOfOrion]

It depends on where I am. For example I'll make eye contact in the Midwest but on the east coast not so much.

Eye Contact on the Muni bus sets off the fireworks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JfPCt6lBvo

 

[iguana_tonante]

I don't make eye contact with strangers cause they're strangers. Why would I want to look into their eyes? A little too intimate for someone I don't even know.

I don't consider it really intimate. Just acknowledging them as people, opposed to trees, buildings or streetlights.

As a large, white, bearded male, I make absolutely certain that I make eye contact with the parent immediately upon being seen and say something along the lines of "She's precociously adorable" or something to that effect, and then smile smile smile, eyes twinkling to appear as Santa Claus would, until they relax and I can go back to eating lunch/reading my book. I love kids, which is why living in a world so paranoid makes it all the more difficult for me to enjoy their company.

I really cannot understand people's fascination with children. And I mean it in the most innocuous way possible. Why people make silly noises and faces at children? I treat them as any other people. I will look at them, smile, and then ignore them.

As Spock would put it: "Oochie-woochie-coochie-coo? What the hell is that?"

 

[Amaris]

^ I don't make silly noises, but sometimes I make a silly face.
I do it to make them laugh.


J.

 

[iguana_tonante]

^ But, why?

And I don't mean you particularly, I'm puzzled in general why people act like that. Maybe kids laugh, but they are laughing at you, not with you.

 

[Amaris]

^ But, why?

And I don't mean you particularly, I'm puzzled in general why people act like that. Maybe kids laugh, but they are laughing at you, not with you.

I love kids. I love to make them feel good. Maybe they just need a good laugh. When they get older they'll become adults with huge responsibilities and little time for fun, and so I like to precipitate a little laughter once in a while, just to make them feel good. It makes me feel good, too.

J.

 

[Colonel Green]

Here's an odd culture shock I've noticed since moving to New Jersey.

In Indiana, it's actually rather customary to make eye contact when you walk past someone, even to say "hello" or "how's it going?"

Here (New Jersey), you do not make eye contact with someone you don't know and aren't interacting with. You sure as hell don't say "hi." It's an invitation for begging, or worse. Not that you'll get that every time, but people here are very touchy about it. It's been a hard habit to break, because I feel like a bad person if I don't acknowledge the presence of someone walking past me. But you're just supposed to keep your eyes cast down and avoid running into people. Other than that, you don't interact with Joe Blow on the street.

That's New Jersey for you, The Dead Nations! I once lived in New Jersey for whole of my life. One day a several years ago, I strike up a conversation with this hottest chick ever across in Burlington Center Mall, I knew that it was my opportunity to pretending like I'm actually interesting in to buy cell phone for my cousin, the conversation went well as I expected. Nothing wrong with wanting to strike a conversation with hottest chick, but that almost got me in the big trouble, mall police were threaten to slap me with cuffs if I continue to strike a conversation with every people in the mall!

I ignored his warning and roaming free with random people I choose to having a conversation to begin with. Later on, they becomes my best friends, the conversation went on and on from times to times until I met this very unfriendly girl who worked in candy store, I went there to buy very popular candy when I was young, so there I decided to strike a conversation with this girl, that capture my attention when it comes to bear with candy, that burned my thoughts into to buying it, so I decided not to buying it anyways.

Mind you, the other day, I went to mall to buy dvd movies from suncoast, that's where the security people comes in the store to speak with me about something, I thought that I'm in big trouble for doing something or what, but I learned that I was banned from this candy store! This VERY unfriendly girl point the finger towards me that I make her feeling very uncomfortable! That's horseshit, I knew she's telling the lies, because I never did any wrongdoing!

Now I knew why she wasn't comfortable, because I was striking a conversation with my dear friends and she was very jealous that I'm looking good guy here who have good friends in high place around in the mall, that cause her to report it to police and that almost got me in jailed! That bitch have no idea how did she made my life so miserable!

What I'm trying to saying here, mate, do be careful who you're striking a conversation with, because they can cause you a big trouble in the long run.

Maybe it wasn't that you have friends in high places in the mall (), maybe you just made her uncomfortable by starting an unsolicited chat. Perhaps you need to pay more attention to body language when selecting your conversation partners.

Here's a hint: people that you would describe as "unfriendly" are not good targets.

 

[iguana_tonante]

I love kids. I love to make them feel good. Maybe they just need a good laugh. When they get older they'll become adults with huge responsibilities and little time for fun, and so I like to precipitate a little laughter once in a while, just to make them feel good. It makes me feel good, too.

Still think it's weird, but at least there is a understandable motive under that.

 

[Supreme Admiral]

Here's an odd culture shock I've noticed since moving to New Jersey.

In Indiana, it's actually rather customary to make eye contact when you walk past someone, even to say "hello" or "how's it going?"

Here (New Jersey), you do not make eye contact with someone you don't know and aren't interacting with. You sure as hell don't say "hi." It's an invitation for begging, or worse. Not that you'll get that every time, but people here are very touchy about it. It's been a hard habit to break, because I feel like a bad person if I don't acknowledge the presence of someone walking past me. But you're just supposed to keep your eyes cast down and avoid running into people. Other than that, you don't interact with Joe Blow on the street.

That's New Jersey for you, The Dead Nations! I once lived in New Jersey for whole of my life. One day a several years ago, I strike up a conversation with this hottest chick ever across in Burlington Center Mall, I knew that it was my opportunity to pretending like I'm actually interesting in to buy cell phone for my cousin, the conversation went well as I expected. Nothing wrong with wanting to strike a conversation with hottest chick, but that almost got me in the big trouble, mall police were threaten to slap me with cuffs if I continue to strike a conversation with every people in the mall!

I ignored his warning and roaming free with random people I choose to having a conversation to begin with. Later on, they becomes my best friends, the conversation went on and on from times to times until I met this very unfriendly girl who worked in candy store, I went there to buy very popular candy when I was young, so there I decided to strike a conversation with this girl, that capture my attention when it comes to bear with candy, that burned my thoughts into to buying it, so I decided not to buying it anyways.

Mind you, the other day, I went to mall to buy dvd movies from suncoast, that's where the security people comes in the store to speak with me about something, I thought that I'm in big trouble for doing something or what, but I learned that I was banned from this candy store! This VERY unfriendly girl point the finger towards me that I make her feeling very uncomfortable! That's horseshit, I knew she's telling the lies, because I never did any wrongdoing!

Now I knew why she wasn't comfortable, because I was striking a conversation with my dear friends and she was very jealous that I'm looking good guy here who have good friends in high place around in the mall, that cause her to report it to police and that almost got me in jailed! That bitch have no idea how did she made my life so miserable!

What I'm trying to saying here, mate, do be careful who you're striking a conversation with, because they can cause you a big trouble in the long run.

Maybe it wasn't that you have friends in high places in the mall (), maybe you just made her uncomfortable by starting an unsolicited chat. Perhaps you need to pay more attention to body language when selecting your conversation partners.

Here's a hint: people that you would describe as "unfriendly" are not good targets.

I'm very good at pay attention to body language. She didn't explained to me why I made her feel uncomfortable somehow, but she left the mall long time ago, banning was lifted off and I'm free to coming back to candy store once more. I'm looking forward to coming back to New Jersey to buy my favorite candy without having to worrying about that bitch ever again.

Thanks for advice, though. Right now I'm being surrounded by new friends in high place here. Shari was the first friend I've ever got. After moving to my new apartment, I will have more and more friends in my life. I don't plan on to leave North Carolina so soon.

 

[Strider]

basicsocialskillsfortrekkies.txt

Next week's lesson: When (if ever) is it appropriate to shake a man's hand?

 

[TrekkieMonster]

So, inspired by this thread, I've been making a concerted effort to make eye contact with people I meet in public this past several days, especially in my office building. I'm even more amazed than I was before at how uncomfortable people seem to be about making eye contact and -- Heaven forbid -- a simple hello. I can't even count the numbers of people who have literally "freaked out" and become completely discombobulated when I meet them on the street or in the hallway in my office building and I simply smile and say hello. Well over half of them are people I've seen several times a week at work for years now. Most people get this sudden frightened look and then look at the floor, ceiling, wall, or anywhere but at me. Some will mumble an incoherent grunt, but most just ignore me completely and act as if I'd said nothing at all -- in fact, they act as if I'm not even there.

Of the extremely few people who responded in kind, one actually spoke a few words, and I found out she's originally from the midwest. Big surprise.

And, the one time I tried to start a conversation with a guy in the elevator coming up from the parking garage, I thought his head was going to explode. I've admired his car for some months now, and am considering getting a similar model. We see each other frequently and ride the elevator together many times a month, so I thought it might be acceptable to start the conversation.

He just looked at me like ... with his mouth sort of hanging open. It was literally as if his mouth refused to work until the doors finally parted to let him escape 4 floors later.

What have we become ...?

 

[JustKate]

Here's an odd culture shock I've noticed since moving to New Jersey.

In Indiana, it's actually rather customary to make eye contact when you walk past someone, even to say "hello" or "how's it going?"

Here (New Jersey), you do not make eye contact with someone you don't know and aren't interacting with. You sure as hell don't say "hi." It's an invitation for begging, or worse. Not that you'll get that every time, but people here are very touchy about it. It's been a hard habit to break, because I feel like a bad person if I don't acknowledge the presence of someone walking past me. But you're just supposed to keep your eyes cast down and avoid running into people. Other than that, you don't interact with Joe Blow on the street.

I live in Indiana (I moved here from California - I grew up in a fairly small town, though), and yes, people do make eye contact with strangers a lot and even smile or say "hi." Not all the time, not if there are a bunch of strangers around, but pretty often, even here in Indianapolis, which is a reasonably large city.

In smaller towns - I work in Indianapolis but live in a much smaller town - this is routine. People hardly ever pass by each other without any acknowledgement at all.

All of which works out for me since my instinct is to at least smile when I pass somebody. I really don't like to pretend they aren't even there.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Here's an odd culture shock I've noticed since moving to New Jersey.

In Indiana, it's actually rather customary to make eye contact when you walk past someone, even to say "hello" or "how's it going?"

Here (New Jersey), you do not make eye contact with someone you don't know and aren't interacting with. You sure as hell don't say "hi." It's an invitation for begging, or worse. Not that you'll get that every time, but people here are very touchy about it. It's been a hard habit to break, because I feel like a bad person if I don't acknowledge the presence of someone walking past me. But you're just supposed to keep your eyes cast down and avoid running into people. Other than that, you don't interact with Joe Blow on the street.

I live in Indiana (I moved here from California - I grew up in a fairly small town, though), and yes, people do make eye contact with strangers a lot and even smile or say "hi." Not all the time, not if there are a bunch of strangers around, but pretty often, even here in Indianapolis, which is a reasonably large city.

In smaller towns - I work in Indianapolis but live in a much smaller town - this is routine. People hardly ever pass by each other without any acknowledgement at all.

All of which works out for me since my instinct is to at least smile when I pass somebody. I really don't like to pretend they aren't even there.

Yeah, I'm the same way, so it's kind of weird to be out east where it's completely different.

 

[LeahBoBo]

I'm pretty social, so I usually make eye contact with people, smile and/or say hello. If I don't I'm preoccupied, in a hurry or simply in a bad mood. I can strike up conversations with just about anyone. I'm also an ex-New Yorker who has lived in Phoenix, Tulsa and now Charlotte. I can honestly say that my behavior in this area has never changed.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

^ I don't make silly noises, but sometimes I make a silly face.
I do it to make them laugh.


J.

^ But, why?

And I don't mean you particularly, I'm puzzled in general why people act like that. Maybe kids laugh, but they are laughing at you, not with you.

It does encourage children to interact. If I get a smile from a kid with their parents having dinner it's almost like a secret thing ~ they are trying to make contact outside their circle, that should never be met with a blank, but with encouragement.

It's not about the cutsie, cutsie thing ~ it's about welcoming eye contact at an early age and not discouraging it, otherwise we will all end up looking at the floor.

And end up bumping into each other and spilling coffee etc etc...

 

[Amaris]

^ I don't make silly noises, but sometimes I make a silly face.
I do it to make them laugh.


J.

^ But, why?

And I don't mean you particularly, I'm puzzled in general why people act like that. Maybe kids laugh, but they are laughing at you, not with you.

It does encourage children to interact. If I get a smile from a kid with their parents having dinner it's almost like a secret thing ~ they are trying to make contact outside their circle, that should never be met with a blank, but with encouragement.

It's not about the cutsie, cutsie thing ~ it's about welcoming eye contact at an early age and not discouraging it, otherwise we will all end up looking at the floor.

And end up bumping into each other and spilling coffee etc etc...

You make another excellent point. As I was growing up, my parents' friends (many from their local church) would smile at me, they'd tell me jokes, they'd ride me around on their shoulders, and interact with me, pretending to take me seriously (which I of course took seriously). It ended up making me more engaging and gregarious, more friendly to others.

J.

 

[Cakes488]

I will look at someone's general face area, but it weirds me out when someone tries too look directly into my eyes.

I find it disturbing that quite a few of you are "weirded" out during routine eye contact. This is a basic social skill here people.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

If I'm out in public, I don't make eye contact with anyone. What's the point? I've got no business looking at people I'm not actually talking to.

Now if I *am* talking to somebody, like at work or at home, I try my best to make eye contact. But that's with somebody I *should* be talking to, not just some random stranger.

I get nervous when strangers talk to me (a pet peeve of mine is when pushy sales people keep at me with this "Anything I can help you with" talk ), and I suspect that if I did this to other strangers, I'd make them nervous too.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

^ I don't make silly noises, but sometimes I make a silly face.
I do it to make them laugh.


J.

^ But, why?

And I don't mean you particularly, I'm puzzled in general why people act like that. Maybe kids laugh, but they are laughing at you, not with you.

It does encourage children to interact. If I get a smile from a kid with their parents having dinner it's almost like a secret thing ~ they are trying to make contact outside their circle, that should never be met with a blank, but with encouragement.

It's not about the cutsie, cutsie thing ~ it's about welcoming eye contact at an early age and not discouraging it, otherwise we will all end up looking at the floor.

And end up bumping into each other and spilling coffee etc etc...

You make another excellent point. As I was growing up, my parents' friends (many from their local church) would smile at me, they'd tell me jokes, they'd ride me around on their shoulders, and interact with me, pretending to take me seriously (which I of course took seriously). It ended up making me more engaging and gregarious, more friendly to others.

J.

Thank you It's never too early to learn social skills or too late to encourage them ~ I do however have a very serious frown for kids that are just basically a pain in the arse, and their parents

 

[Kestra]

I will look at someone's general face area, but it weirds me out when someone tries too look directly into my eyes.

I find it disturbing that quite a few of you are "weirded" out during routine eye contact. This is a basic social skill here people.

It's a difficult one, for some people. I had to really work at making eye contact with people and I'm still not entirely comfortable with it, thought I doubt it shows.

 

[Amaris]

Thank you It's never too early to learn social skills or too late to encourage them ~ I do however have a very serious frown for kids that are just basically a pain in the arse, and their parents

Oh, me too. You can really put me in a bad mood if you have a kid who likes to do those high piercing screams, and you don't do anything about it, and they've done it like, oh, 13 or 14 times. Yeah. I put on my angry face there.


J.