Eye contact with strangers

[TrekkieMonster]

Here's an odd culture shock I've noticed since moving to New Jersey.

In Indiana, it's actually rather customary to make eye contact when you walk past someone, even to say "hello" or "how's it going?"

Here (New Jersey), you do not make eye contact with someone you don't know and aren't interacting with. You sure as hell don't say "hi." It's an invitation for begging, or worse. Not that you'll get that every time, but people here are very touchy about it. It's been a hard habit to break, because I feel like a bad person if I don't acknowledge the presence of someone walking past me. But you're just supposed to keep your eyes cast down and avoid running into people. Other than that, you don't interact with Joe Blow on the street.

Yeah, I had a similar experience. I grew up in Oregon and lived there until I was 25. People are relatively open and friendly and it was much more common than not to make eye contact and say hello to people there. Then I moved to Boston.

Like you say, the "rule" is that you don't make eye contact and you do not speak to people you don't know, unless you absolutely positively have to ... for instance to say, "Excuse me, I don't mean to intrude, but I thought you might want to know that your hair's on fire."

And the whole "no talking in the elevator" thing -- which I have been informed is a "universal rule" in this part of the country -- is still just bizarre to me. I mean, I can sort of -- sort of -- understand not speaking to people you don't know in an elevator, though it seems odd to me when it's the elevator in my office building and it's people I've seen every day for something like 7 years now. But, hey, it's "the rule." What I find really odd, though, is when I'm waiting for the elevator with someone I do know, chatting with them, and they clam up as soon as we step in that little box and act like I don't exist. Then, when the doors open, the conversation can continue. I mean ....

 

[backstept]

I hate eye contact . . .

 

[iguana_tonante]

I usually make eye contact with people I walk into on the streets, but sometimes the sidewalk is just too busy for that. However, I always make it with people on the elevator, usually accompanied with a half-smile and "g'day". Full smile and warmer greetings if they are cute.

Subway is a special case, I will only make eye contact with people I am really close, usually with apologetic intent as in "I'm sorry I have to be pressed against you like human sardines in a tin can". Besides, I'm usually reading, so it's not like a look up very often.

 

[DiSiLLUSiON]

I always make eye contact. Usually, I also nod hello. Keeping your eyes glued to the sidewalk always gives me an impression of being extremely unfriendly and frightened of the world. And, I usually talk in elevators.

 

[HighteeHeller]

I make eye contact with strangers, and say hi or smile as well. I live in a small community so this is standard practice.
Having moved here from a big city though, where no one makes eye contact i found it difficult at first to do. Now when i visit the city i find it hard not to make eye contact. I think it really freaks people out when a stranger says hi.

 

[Colonel Midnight]

Here's an odd culture shock I've noticed since moving to New Jersey.

In Indiana, it's actually rather customary to make eye contact when you walk past someone, even to say "hello" or "how's it going?"

Here (New Jersey), you do not make eye contact with someone you don't know and aren't interacting with. You sure as hell don't say "hi." It's an invitation for begging, or worse. Not that you'll get that every time, but people here are very touchy about it. It's been a hard habit to break, because I feel like a bad person if I don't acknowledge the presence of someone walking past me. But you're just supposed to keep your eyes cast down and avoid running into people. Other than that, you don't interact with Joe Blow on the street.

Yeah, I had a similar experience. I grew up in Oregon and lived there until I was 25. People are relatively open and friendly and it was much more common than not to make eye contact and say hello to people there. Then I moved to Boston.

Like you say, the "rule" is that you don't make eye contact and you do not speak to people you don't know, unless you absolutely positively have to ... for instance to say, "Excuse me, I don't mean to intrude, but I thought you might want to know that your hair's on fire."

And the whole "no talking in the elevator" thing -- which I have been informed is a "universal rule" in this part of the country -- is still just bizarre to me. I mean, I can sort of -- sort of -- understand not speaking to people you don't know in an elevator, though it seems odd to me when it's the elevator in my office building and it's people I've seen every day for something like 7 years now. But, hey, it's "the rule." What I find really odd, though, is when I'm waiting for the elevator with someone I do know, chatting with them, and they clam up as soon as we step in that little box and act like I don't exist. Then, when the doors open, the conversation can continue. I mean ....

The DC area is just as bad... One of the many reasons why I can't wait to get the heck out of here. It's... depressing. Everyone is either staring off into space, sucked into their little Crackberry world, etc.

The ironic part is that I'm originally from these parts. Then I moved West and got smarter.

Cheers,
-CM-

 

[Mr Awe]

I like making eye contact with strangers. I think it's a nice touch to any interpersonal interaction.

Mr Awe

 

[kimc]

It depends on where I am. For example I'll make eye contact in the Midwest but on the east coast not so much.

 

[kes7]

Even the title of this thread makes my heartbeat faster. I can barely handle eye contact with people I know, so when strangers do it, I freak out a little inside. People often think I'm cold or aloof when they first meet me because of this.

It's not social interaction that freaks me out, it's the eye contact. I don't know why. Since moving to the sticks, I've been working on it, though. Sometimes I even smile at strangers now. It still freaks me out, but when they smile back, it also kind of makes my day. So I'm getting better, I guess.

 

[Jan]

Being in the hospitality industry for many years, I've been trained to make eye contact and smile/acknowledge guests within 10 feet of me. I've largely carried it over to being out in public simply because it's a nice thing to do.

Jan

 

[Zulu Romeo]

It's interesting how much eye contact appears as a marker of mood. I once went into a meeting with my supervisor in a really foul mood, not being able to keep eye contact at all, staring at the table and ground a lot. During the meeting, various things were being discussed, which did brighten up my mood, and by the end, I was making full eye contact with my supervisor, and left the meeting cheerful and contented. It all seems so subconscious at times.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

"When eye contact is imperative"...
At lunch yesterday there was the most adorable child with her parents on the table in front of us. She was 2'ish, chinese/asian,wearing the cutest long pink woollen dress which made her look like Maggie from The Simpsons. She was staring at me and grinning so I was smiling and making faces back. When her mother followed her gaze and saw me making faces I thought it was imperative that I make eye contact with the mother, smile, nod and mouth 'she's adorable'. otherwise I would have felt Very wierd!

 

[Mr Awe]

It's interesting how much eye contact appears as a marker of mood. I once went into a meeting with my supervisor in a really foul mood, not being able to keep eye contact at all, staring at the table and ground a lot. During the meeting, various things were being discussed, which did brighten up my mood, and by the end, I was making full eye contact with my supervisor, and left the meeting cheerful and contented. It all seems so subconscious at times.

That's an interesting observation. I'm thinking about it. It can work differently too. Thinking back to when I've been pissed off (which doesn't happen too often) I tend to glare at the person I'm PO'd at. But, when I'm happy, I'll make eye contact with a smile. I think only when I'm in a hurry will I not make eye contact.

Mr Awe

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Here's an odd culture shock I've noticed since moving to New Jersey.

In Indiana, it's actually rather customary to make eye contact when you walk past someone, even to say "hello" or "how's it going?"

Here (New Jersey), you do not make eye contact with someone you don't know and aren't interacting with. You sure as hell don't say "hi." It's an invitation for begging, or worse. Not that you'll get that every time, but people here are very touchy about it. It's been a hard habit to break, because I feel like a bad person if I don't acknowledge the presence of someone walking past me. But you're just supposed to keep your eyes cast down and avoid running into people. Other than that, you don't interact with Joe Blow on the street.

Yeah, I had a similar experience. I grew up in Oregon and lived there until I was 25. People are relatively open and friendly and it was much more common than not to make eye contact and say hello to people there. Then I moved to Boston.

Like you say, the "rule" is that you don't make eye contact and you do not speak to people you don't know, unless you absolutely positively have to ... for instance to say, "Excuse me, I don't mean to intrude, but I thought you might want to know that your hair's on fire."

And the whole "no talking in the elevator" thing -- which I have been informed is a "universal rule" in this part of the country -- is still just bizarre to me. I mean, I can sort of -- sort of -- understand not speaking to people you don't know in an elevator, though it seems odd to me when it's the elevator in my office building and it's people I've seen every day for something like 7 years now. But, hey, it's "the rule." What I find really odd, though, is when I'm waiting for the elevator with someone I do know, chatting with them, and they clam up as soon as we step in that little box and act like I don't exist. Then, when the doors open, the conversation can continue. I mean ....

One difference I have found here that's actually kind of funny, though: in Indiana, you do not talk in the men's room while you are using a urinal. You wait until you're both done.

In New Jersey--at least at my job--people will come in and talk to you right there are the urinal. It puts me off a little because I'm trying to get out of the bathroom as quickly as possible, and they want to strike up a conversation. I always have to look for a dropoff in the discussion and then make a quick exit. I don't know of a very polite way to say, "I'd love to stay and chat with you in the john, but I need to get back to work."

 

[Kelthaz]

I don't make eye contact with strangers cause they're strangers. Why would I want to look into their eyes? A little too intimate for someone I don't even know.

 

[JuanBolio]

I don't ALWAYS acknowledge strangers, but when I do I usually try to make eye contact on some level and give them a polite "Hello" or "Howya doin'?". I look in their general direction as I pass, and if they return the look I'll usually give a little greeting of some sort. If they look busy, troubled, or uninterested, I tend to let them pass by unmolested.

I remember being in the UK and getting some alarmed and mildly hostile looks for doing so. My girlfriend later informed me that saying hello to strangers on the street is not something often done over there, and the people were probably unsure of what to make of me. Cultural differences will be the death of us all.

 

[Amaris]

"When eye contact is imperative"...
At lunch yesterday there was the most adorable child with her parents on the table in front of us. She was 2'ish, chinese/asian,wearing the cutest long pink woollen dress which made her look like Maggie from The Simpsons. She was staring at me and grinning so I was smiling and making faces back. When her mother followed her gaze and saw me making faces I thought it was imperative that I make eye contact with the mother, smile, nod and mouth 'she's adorable'. otherwise I would have felt Very wierd!

As a large, white, bearded male, I make absolutely certain that I make eye contact with the parent immediately upon being seen and say something along the lines of "She's precociously adorable" or something to that effect, and then smile smile smile, eyes twinkling to appear as Santa Claus would, until they relax and I can go back to eating lunch/reading my book. I love kids, which is why living in a world so paranoid makes it all the more difficult for me to enjoy their company.

J.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

I don't make eye contact with strangers cause they're strangers. Why would I want to look into their eyes? A little too intimate for someone I don't even know.

Eh, a stranger's just a friend you haven't met.

 

[Supreme Admiral]

Here's an odd culture shock I've noticed since moving to New Jersey.

In Indiana, it's actually rather customary to make eye contact when you walk past someone, even to say "hello" or "how's it going?"

Here (New Jersey), you do not make eye contact with someone you don't know and aren't interacting with. You sure as hell don't say "hi." It's an invitation for begging, or worse. Not that you'll get that every time, but people here are very touchy about it. It's been a hard habit to break, because I feel like a bad person if I don't acknowledge the presence of someone walking past me. But you're just supposed to keep your eyes cast down and avoid running into people. Other than that, you don't interact with Joe Blow on the street.

That's New Jersey for you, The Dead Nations! I once lived in New Jersey for whole of my life. One day a several years ago, I strike up a conversation with this hottest chick ever across in Burlington Center Mall, I knew that it was my opportunity to pretending like I'm actually interesting in to buy cell phone for my cousin, the conversation went well as I expected. Nothing wrong with wanting to strike a conversation with hottest chick, but that almost got me in the big trouble, mall police were threaten to slap me with cuffs if I continue to strike a conversation with every people in the mall!

I ignored his warning and roaming free with random people I choose to having a conversation to begin with. Later on, they becomes my best friends, the conversation went on and on from times to times until I met this very unfriendly girl who worked in candy store, I went there to buy very popular candy when I was young, so there I decided to strike a conversation with this girl, that capture my attention when it comes to bear with candy, that burned my thoughts into to buying it, so I decided not to buying it anyways.

Mind you, the other day, I went to mall to buy dvd movies from suncoast, that's where the security people comes in the store to speak with me about something, I thought that I'm in big trouble for doing something or what, but I learned that I was banned from this candy store! This VERY unfriendly girl point the finger towards me that I make her feeling very uncomfortable! That's horseshit, I knew she's telling the lies, because I never did any wrongdoing!

Now I knew why she wasn't comfortable, because I was striking a conversation with my dear friends and she was very jealous that I'm looking good guy here who have good friends in high place around in the mall, that cause her to report it to police and that almost got me in jailed! That bitch have no idea how did she made my life so miserable!

What I'm trying to saying here, mate, do be careful who you're striking a conversation with, because they can cause you a big trouble in the long run.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

"When eye contact is imperative"...
At lunch yesterday there was the most adorable child with her parents on the table in front of us. She was 2'ish, chinese/asian,wearing the cutest long pink woollen dress which made her look like Maggie from The Simpsons. She was staring at me and grinning so I was smiling and making faces back. When her mother followed her gaze and saw me making faces I thought it was imperative that I make eye contact with the mother, smile, nod and mouth 'she's adorable'. otherwise I would have felt Very wierd!

As a large, white, bearded male, I make absolutely certain that I make eye contact with the parent immediately upon being seen and say something along the lines of "She's precociously adorable" or something to that effect, and then smile smile smile, eyes twinkling to appear as Santa Claus would, until they relax and I can go back to eating lunch/reading my book. I love kids, which is why living in a world so paranoid makes it all the more difficult for me to enjoy their company.

J.

T'is unfortunately true.

I don't usually like children in restaurants but she was so cute and so well behaved. Her parents had just bought her a little box of farm animals and were going through them with her whilst waiting for the meal and she said 'bye' to me and the man on the other table that she had charmed. Absolutely adorable... Then other children in restaurants ~ that's another thread