Dumped

[apostle83]

Last night, my gf of 15 months who I was in the process of purchasing an engagement ring dumped me because of something we have had dozens of conversations about: Perseverence of the Saints/Eternal security or whatever the hell you want to call the belief that once converted, you can do nothing to cause separation between you and God. I believe Apostasy is possible; she does not.

When I say that we have had literally dozens of conversations about this, I am not kidding.

My heart is broken. From the amount of bawling she has done, her heart is broken. She honestly believes this is irreconcilable.


I've been trying to work from home today, trying not to bring this up anywhere, but I can't.

I haven't slept since 8:30cst last night. I've been bawling like a baby most of that time. I love this girl. She loves me. She says we could get back together if the Lord changed her beliefs.

I'm blown away, as we are both fundamentalist Christians.

Excuse me, I think I'm going to go bawl like a blubbering baby some more.

 

[Hermiod]

Two words: Strip club.

 

[John Picard]

Dude, you're a nice guy and all, but religion just screws things up.

 

[Daedalus12]

Two words: Strip club.

He should've went to one last night.

 

[DanCPA]

Sorry to read this Apostle. I hope that you two are able to work past this difference of opinion.

Despite the fact that it rarely does, religion should unite us, not divide us

My prayers go out to you

 

[Roger Wilco]

You split up because of a theological argument??

I don't know what to say, except, that sucks.
But feel free to post revealing pictures of your ex here to take revenge on her.

 

[TheBrew]

What exactly is "Apostasy?" i.e. what side of the argument do you fall on?

 

[Kemaiku]

Wow, 15 months, engagement at the ready, argument over something non-existent that ends it, literally.

See, this religion thing causes nothing but trouble.

 

[Emher]

Okay, help me out here so I can understand the situation. What EXACTLY is is that you disagreed on? I'm not that big on any religion except Norse mythology so I don't know all the terms.

See, this religion thing causes nothing but trouble.

See I'd personally wouch for at one point, but things turned up so that it became clear that religion was not to blame, the lying bitch who dumped me was. Religion was just the excuse she used at the time.

 

[Garak]

Sorry to hear that apostle83.

 

[Holdfast]

apostle, I hope you find happiness, whatever that means to you.

Splitting up because of apostasy per se I can't really understand or empathise with, but I can understand not being able to stay with someone because of a fundamental incompatiblity in your worldview which sounds like what's allegedly going on here.

In any case, being dumped is nasty regardless of the esoteric cause. So, hope you feel better soon.

 

[JuanBolio]

Wow. I never thought I'd feel sorry for you.

I know where you are right now, man. I've been there. Its not fun. My ex-girlfriend and I had religious arguments all the time. She was a Seventh-Day Adventist (who's since become a Wiccan) and I was and am an agnostic/atheist. We had some pretty heated debates, and in the end she left because she couldn't stand the constant fighting. Its a tough lesson, but you (and she) need to learn to accept and love people for exactly who you are and not sweat the small stuff. For my girlfriend and probably yours, the constant fighting built up into a kind of unintentional emotional abuse. Assuming you two don't get back together, you'll blame yourself for this and be kicking yourself for a long time.

You have my sympathy.

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Despite how silly I think you can be in TNZ Apostle, I'm sorry to hear about your current circumstances.

At least it came to a head before your engagement and (hate to use the cliche) you've learned something about what you want in future and how you might find happiness instead of this again.

There are worse ways to split up and a lot you can be getting on with in the mean time.

 

[Kestra]

I had to end a relationship because of religious issues, once. It was heartbreaking, but in the end it was absolutely the right thing to do because our beliefs were irreconcilable.

Best wishes to you, and I hope the situation eventually resolves in a way that causes the least amount of pain to both of you.

 

[Colonel Green]

Bummer. Getting dumped sucks, or so I've been told.

This seems like a really outlandish reason for a breakup, were there perhaps other issues and this was just a convenient excuse to use for ending the relationship?

Perhaps you need to look for a girl who (or you yourself should) takes her faith a little less seriously. You can still be a christian but make a choice not to press certain minor details to the point of schism. The fact that you both accept Christ as your saviour should be enough to get past minor issues of doctrine.

 

[Crusher Disciple]

Dude, you're a nice guy and all, but religion just screws things up.

Well, usually the "religious reason" masks a deeper problem, but people like to pin the blame on God.

I mean, it's not like He's sitting on the couch behind you, bowl of popcorn in hand, yelling "Aw, no you didnt!"

 

[John Picard]

Dude, you're a nice guy and all, but religion just screws things up.

Well, usually the "religious reason" masks a deeper problem, but people like to pin the blame on God.

I mean, it's not like He's sitting on the couch behind you, bowl of popcorn in hand, yelling "Aw, no you didnt!"

Oh damn, that's funny!

Seriously, I was involved with a great woman for a while who had confided to a close friend about how great we were together, how I made her happy - blah, blah, blah. So what does her friend say?

"That's great, but is he on the same page with you as far as religion? If he isn't then it won't work."

Thankfully, she at least had the sense to overlook that remark.

I ended up being the dumper (which sucks) and it had absolutely nothing to do with religion.

 

[Mallory]

You have my sympathy apostle. But I have confidence that you'll find the happiness that you're looking for.

 

[captcalhoun]

who is this God person anyway?

who was the guy (on here) who was having girl trouble over his SO finding her faith with the Utah mob after she had a miscarriage? what happened in that case?

 

[PKTrekGirl]

Wow, what a bummer. Sorry to hear this.

However, it is quite disturbing to me that you guys think you have to agree on every single solitary shred of faith. Some religious issues are big - the requirements of salvation, for example. But this one, quite frankly, is not. This issue is not, in other words, a hill to stand on.

It's just not.

If you guys are both determined to only marry someone who agrees with you 100% about all matters of faith, regardless of how non-essential to salvation they are, then you both are destined to be alone forever.

And if something as non-essential as this is capable of breaking up two people who are supposedly in love, than both parties, IMO, have missed the entire point of Christianity - which is to change us so that we LOVE like God loves: unconditionally.

I would encourage you both to rethink this thing. Because as much as I feel badly for you and know what it's like to be hurt...it is of grave concern that something as non-essential to salvation as this could be capable of breaking you up, if you are really meant to be together.

I hope that you talk this thing out and get back together. But you really need to have a talk about what is really important. Yes, it is important to agree about the big stuff. But it is completely unrealistic to believe that you are going to find someone exactly like you in all respects, and who believes every single jot and tiddle that you do, without deviation on even the most minor of issues. And further, that is not what makes a good marriage in any event.

I really wish you the best, and hope that you get it sorted. But you both need to be realistic.