She was a short, blonde chick, right? Maybe 1/4 of an inch tall?The last time a chick and me had to break up due to religious differences it's because she thought she was God and I didn't.
Yeah that's the one! You know her???
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Yeah that's the one! You know her???
No prob. I'm going through the same thing myself, and anything I can do to help someone else I'm all for doing.
Can you go there this weekend and yell? It'll be good for you.
I might be able to.
I am just a bit mystified that a relationship could be broken up over such a small matter. Actually, my first reaction is that there had to be something else and after reading through the post I really am thinking that might be the case.
You said that she was heading to MA for a masters program. Getting a masters degree can take 1 to 2 years and that is a long time for a long distance relationship. The whole minor argument over a religious idea sounds more like an excuse than a legitimate reason to break up a relationship.
You said that she was heading to MA for a masters program. Getting a masters degree can take 1 to 2 years and that is a long time for a long distance relationship. The whole minor argument over a religious idea sounds more like an excuse than a legitimate reason to break up a relationship.
Apostle, first of all you have my condolences.
Ok short of the long, it sounds like the two of you have craptacular relationship skills. Don't worry, it's a condition that affects most of the population. Hell, for as good as my marriage is I still manage to screw up.
So I'm gonna give you some advice. I'm willing to bet you dont take me up on it, but here it is anways
Find a SECULAR marriage counselor.
Why? Cause its my experience that religion based ones will give you biased advice based on that religions particualr mandates and edicts and will chose to ignore certain issues or dismiss concerns as not being relevant to that particular religion. A secular marriage counselor will give you advice not based on dogma, but on real world experience and evidence. Seeing a marriage counselor is not a sign of weakness. Afterall if one cant rebuild a transmission on their own and they choose to go to a mechanic instead, that isnt a sign of weakness, now is it? Asking somone questions about a particular firearm that you have no experience with isn't a sign of weakness either. In fact those are signs of intelligent people admitting that they need help and then not letting their pride keep them from seeking that professional help. So why should getting the opinion and guidance of someone trained professionaly in relationship be a weakness?
So if you do take my advice, then you need to see if she is willing to go with you. Now if you two do go to see a counselor, you will need to find one that works for the both of you. Be prepapred to cut through counselors until you find one that works for her. Be prepared to find out that both of your shit does indeed stink. If she isnt willing to go, then go by yourself. You have enough relationship issues that you need some guidance anyways (once again, just like a lot of the population)
Keep in mind that this advice is coming from a man who went with his wife to see a counselor when his marriage was teetering on the edge of divorce. That was years ago, but guess what, we still see the counselor twice a year for check ups and if we run into a road block, which is usually caused by her unreasonableness (
) then he is prepared to help us and act as a refferee.
I have spoke, now go forth and take action.
Welcome to the big leagues then. Dude, my wife and I have the strongest marriage of anyone I know. We are still so madly in love with each other even after 20 years that it blows my socks off. But that doesnt mean we dont have knock down, drag out fights where if this were on PPV we would be instant gazillionaires. Look fighting in a marriage is normal. Shit happens. If you two didn't fight I'd be honestly scared. What does matter though is how you resolve the fights.But we never FOUGHT! In 15 months, no yelling. No anger. We had disagreements but our passion went into the things that we shared...
I cant speak for you, but I am willing to bet that your relationship skills are lacking as well. However if she indeed does what you accuse her of it sure aint helping anything. Not sharing ones feelings will destroy a master jsut as fast as a loss of trust.
When I say fighting, I'm talking yelling, going crazy - you know.
Happens to us all at some point or the other. But you'll get over it soon enough.I'm at work now and... I'm not doing so well working.
Ok short of the long, it sounds like the two of you have craptacular relationship skills. Don't worry, it's a condition that affects most of the population. Hell, for as good as my marriage is I still manage to screw up.
So I'm gonna give you some advice. I'm willing to bet you dont take me up on it, but here it is anways
Find a SECULAR marriage counselor.
Why? Cause its my experience that religion based ones will give you biased advice based on that religions particualr mandates and edicts and will chose to ignore certain issues or dismiss concerns as not being relevant to that particular religion. A secular marriage counselor will give you advice not based on dogma, but on real world experience and evidence. Seeing a marriage counselor is not a sign of weakness. Afterall if one cant rebuild a transmission on their own and they choose to go to a mechanic instead, that isnt a sign of weakness, now is it? Asking somone questions about a particular firearm that you have no experience with isn't a sign of weakness either. In fact those are signs of intelligent people admitting that they need help and then not letting their pride keep them from seeking that professional help. So why should getting the opinion and guidance of someone trained professionaly in relationship be a weakness?
So if you do take my advice, then you need to see if she is willing to go with you. Now if you two do go to see a counselor, you will need to find one that works for the both of you. Be prepapred to cut through counselors until you find one that works for her. Be prepared to find out that both of your shit does indeed stink. If she isnt willing to go, then go by yourself. You have enough relationship issues that you need some guidance anyways (once again, just like a lot of the population)
Keep in mind that this advice is coming from a man who went with his wife to see a counselor when his marriage was teetering on the edge of divorce. That was years ago, but guess what, we still see the counselor twice a year for check ups and if we run into a road block, which is usually caused by her unreasonableness (
) then he is prepared to help us and act as a refferee. I have spoke, now go forth and take action.
Some times the small matter can be used as a mask, and some times what one sees as a small matter is a huge matter to another. It's all about perceptions. At this point though does it really matter?
It's entirely possible that she's found someone closer-- or thinks she has/is interested in someone, in terms of her geographic location, and whatever differences and minor problems the two [her and apostle] had over time were just magnified by distance. I'm not saying she was cheating, I'm saying in the back or her mind she could have been thinking "why am I putting up with this?".
Long distance takes more work, IMO and EXP, than a face to face relationship. You don't have the body language cues to let you know when someone is just being sarcastic or let you know when someone's had a bad day and you need to back off. Small problems to a more traditional relationship become big problems when distance is tossed on top of it. Lost track of the times that me and my wife (then girlfriend) both used the phrase "Well if your ass was here right now, this wouldn't have happened!" when we argued over the phone.
Long distance takes more work, IMO and EXP, than a face to face relationship. You don't have the body language cues to let you know when someone is just being sarcastic or let you know when someone's had a bad day and you need to back off. Small problems to a more traditional relationship become big problems when distance is tossed on top of it. Lost track of the times that me and my wife (then girlfriend) both used the phrase "Well if your ass was here right now, this wouldn't have happened!" when we argued over the phone.
Apostle - My thoughts and prayers are with you. I just finished up a divorce at the beginning of the year myself and all the physical manifestations you mentioned are ones that I, too, felt. There wasn't really a religious angle in my situation, but enough of others.
Go to the gym - start working out the extra energy. Register with eHarmony, bury yourself in work and talk to good friends who will cover your back no matter what. It will be hell for at least a year and she may try to exploit your emotional state. Remain strong and watch out for yourself. I know it sounds easy to say, but I've been there brother...recently...and I'm now finally feeling like I can move on - this after being married for 13 years - probably 10 years too long.
Good luck to you. Keep the Faith. And yes, yelling is good. I've also often found that destroying cordless phones is a good way of working out suppressed aggression.
that the problem with the person being dumped. You are still holding on, don't think things are beyond repair. Often, the person on the other side DOES think it's beyond repair, hence the breakup. Continuing to hold on is just going to make you miserable, and with time, make her angry with you. I'd be willing to bet you that there are way more issues/doubts going on here, and she just told you the religious aspect because it's something she thought you'd understand, and to let you down easier...
Best thing you can do is give her some space. Which is also the best thing for you right now. DON'T go help her move to MA. It's one of those services she lost when she dumped her boyfriend. Also, she'll just be using you for labor since you're a nice guy, but chances are that you're going to see it as more than that, or trying to get on her good side again. Don't put yourself through that right now, it'll just make it worse.
There's a chance that my advice is all total crap, but having been through an almost identical situation (minus the religious aspects), that's been my experience. Then again, in your place, I'd have ignored anything I was told to try and get another shot, but it just made me more miserable in the end, so live and learn, I suppose.
Especially with you two living far apart, doesn't seem like the sort of thing to repair itself very easily, and if she changed her mind and realized her mistake, you'd already know. Prior to our "real" breakup, the ex broke up with me about 6 months earlier. Called me the next morning, "i made a big mistake, can I come see you, etc". Things were good for a while, but the same issues were still there (fear of committment and settling down among them), and all it meant was that I got to go through the same breakup twice, and had more false hope the 2nd time, as she'd come back before...
Best thing you can do is give her some space. Which is also the best thing for you right now. DON'T go help her move to MA. It's one of those services she lost when she dumped her boyfriend. Also, she'll just be using you for labor since you're a nice guy, but chances are that you're going to see it as more than that, or trying to get on her good side again. Don't put yourself through that right now, it'll just make it worse.
There's a chance that my advice is all total crap, but having been through an almost identical situation (minus the religious aspects), that's been my experience. Then again, in your place, I'd have ignored anything I was told to try and get another shot, but it just made me more miserable in the end, so live and learn, I suppose.
Especially with you two living far apart, doesn't seem like the sort of thing to repair itself very easily, and if she changed her mind and realized her mistake, you'd already know. Prior to our "real" breakup, the ex broke up with me about 6 months earlier. Called me the next morning, "i made a big mistake, can I come see you, etc". Things were good for a while, but the same issues were still there (fear of committment and settling down among them), and all it meant was that I got to go through the same breakup twice, and had more false hope the 2nd time, as she'd come back before...
If he helps her move, he's a chump. Move on.
I agree with your sentiment to a point. You should have at least one calm talk with her to determine if the relationship could come back. Find out if she truly thinks it's over or what it would take to restore it. If something can restore it, you then have to decide if you're willing to do what it takes.
It's so soon after that it could just be out of anger rather than a true desire to end the relationship. At least find out. But, if it is truly over, don't drag it out.
Mr Awe
Speaking as both a dumpee and a dumper, don't do it.
As the dumpee, you want to do it cuz you want that one last time and maybe in that one last time, something will happen and she will change her mind and all will be well again. Trust me. It's not going to happen.
As the dumper, all your presense will do is annoy her.
Remember, absense makes the heart grow fonder. Don't give her any reason to be annoyed and let her remember only the good times.
And, then ... maybe ... something might happen.
That's what you think you. Want you really want, are hoping for, is that one last trip together will change her mind and everything will go back to normal. Sorry, that's not going to happen. Even if you get back together, it'll never be the same, and there's a very real chance you could both end up resenting each other or one or both of you not trusting the other.
From what I've read (and I will admit I haven't read all six pages) it sounds like you worship her and she feels free to absolutely lose her shit yelling at you. That doesn't sound like a balanced healthy relationship to me. Be suspicious of any relationship with power dynamics like that.
hellsgate
Commodore
Screw the little dumb-ass. Find someone with a spine & a fuckin' brain. She dumped you over a fuckin' RELIGIOUS dream or some dumb shit like that? Trust me. I'm 32 years old & had this same numb-nuts kind of thing done to me in 1995.
The same little welfare-case will be pregnant with some carnival ride operator's kid inside of a year. These little shits go through phases. Guys with leather jackets, criminal records, aspiring musicians, drug dealers, etc.
They never see the "best-of-all-possible-worlds" scenario for them such as getting a job, moving out of her mom/dad's house, going back to school (college, university, etc.) right in front of them until reality sets in. They piss & howl about God, Virginity until marriage, etc. The ones that piss the loudest about morals/family values are usually the same type of skids that get busted later for something on the 6 o'clock news or show-up a few months later sulking in her wedding photos & several months prego with another guy's kid, calling you up & saying they're sorry while demanding to know where you were on their big day.
Reality for the kind of twat that dumped you doesn't set-in until after everyone else has moved on, nailed down a 9-to-5 job, married, shacked-up common-law, had kids, etc.
Usually meaning that your friends will no longer have room for your ex & her idiot boyfriend (& likely a kid or two,) on their couches after the twits have been evicted from the guy's apartment or booted out of both their parents' basements for whatever reason. A year or two from now, your ex will see you happy with nieces/nephews & a new girl checking you out as baby-daddy material. The ex will be homeless or close to it, after being taken for all her money in the middle of the night, likely tossed out in exchange for a new girl by the stud in her life when she left you.
Don't give the little street-walker another thought. As someone else here said, "Two words: Strip club."
The same little welfare-case will be pregnant with some carnival ride operator's kid inside of a year. These little shits go through phases. Guys with leather jackets, criminal records, aspiring musicians, drug dealers, etc.
They never see the "best-of-all-possible-worlds" scenario for them such as getting a job, moving out of her mom/dad's house, going back to school (college, university, etc.) right in front of them until reality sets in. They piss & howl about God, Virginity until marriage, etc. The ones that piss the loudest about morals/family values are usually the same type of skids that get busted later for something on the 6 o'clock news or show-up a few months later sulking in her wedding photos & several months prego with another guy's kid, calling you up & saying they're sorry while demanding to know where you were on their big day.
Reality for the kind of twat that dumped you doesn't set-in until after everyone else has moved on, nailed down a 9-to-5 job, married, shacked-up common-law, had kids, etc.
Usually meaning that your friends will no longer have room for your ex & her idiot boyfriend (& likely a kid or two,) on their couches after the twits have been evicted from the guy's apartment or booted out of both their parents' basements for whatever reason. A year or two from now, your ex will see you happy with nieces/nephews & a new girl checking you out as baby-daddy material. The ex will be homeless or close to it, after being taken for all her money in the middle of the night, likely tossed out in exchange for a new girl by the stud in her life when she left you.
Don't give the little street-walker another thought. As someone else here said, "Two words: Strip club."
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