DS9 Caption Contest 96: Old Man

[Smellincoffee]

Next up in our countdown to the big 100, the lovely lietenant (commander) Dax. She's the old man and a young woman, clever and fierce -- and three characters at once! See what you make of her, but first -- last's weeks winners!

TOUR GUIDE: Welcome to the Museum of Fine Arts. This piece is one we just acquired. By contrasting a vaguely human form with cold mechanical shapes, it explores and criticizes the role of technology in our lives, and suggests that perhaps it is the technology that is shaping us. This piece was done in 1994 by an artist living in New York, it is one of the earliest and some would say the best out of his modern phase.

Lwaxana: Found you at last, my sweet little Odo! Ooooo that's my boy! I'm just gonna wuv you forever and ever and ever and ever and ever...
Odo: I should have joined the Great Link when I had the chance.

[

Odo: Go ahead. Make my day.
Quark: I don't know, Woody Allen?

Odo: And now, our next song: My heart will go on.

Worf: This wedding reception is without honor!

"Hello? Bajor Plumbing? I need help with a clogged drain...No, I tried the plunger...yeah it's clogged bad...please just hurry it's starting to wave at me and I am kinda scared...ok I'll be here just ring the bell."

Annnnnnnd....

​

ODO: Okay. Quark. You caught me. I am wearing a wire.

Congratulations to the winners; and now, Dax! ..and Dax!

 

[Armored Saint]

KANG: Why can't a Klingon just read under a tree without be disturbed by an hyperactive know-it-all spotted chick.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

DAX: Captain's log. Really tired after last night. Since Worf is recovering in the infirmary, he left me in control of the bridge.

SISKO: Excellent job old man. Since I grew the beard you're the only one I trust to do my shaving.

KANG: She came from Trill she had a thirst for knowledge, she studied science at Starfleet Academy that's where I caught her eye. She told me that her last host was Curzon, I said in that case I'll have a bloodwine she said fine, and in thirty seconds time she said...

I want to live like Klingon people, I want to do whatever Klingon people do, want to kill like Klingon people, want to kill like Klingon people like you. What else could I do? I said I'll see what I can do.

DAX: What? All I told Emeny was that in the year 2373 she would lose the data rod for her favorite holodeck program, and that it rolled under the sofa!

JORAN: There he is. The writer who wrote this episode. You know what to do.

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Farrell: (thinking) Now I'm commanding the Defiant. Great now I'll never get to do any Science stuff again.

Sisko: Upset about my deceiving you last time around?

Dax: No, I'm upset about you calling me "Opaka" in bed.

Dax: What? So I borrowed a lock of Kirk's hair. We wont clone him until we get back to the 24th Century!

(Ezri fires the gun)

Ezri: It's just been revoked.

Joran: You know, he really didn't set you up for that line Ezri.

 

[Armored Saint]

DAX: Come on Ben, I took a Lieutenant uniform, not Yeoman, I'm not gonna sleep with Kirk, McCoy, Scotty or even Chekov.
SISKO: You didn't mention Spock, Chapel, Uhura, M'Benga, DeSalle, Sulu, Leslie, Galloway, Mulhall....

 

[Gil T.Azell]

(Ezri fires the gun)

Ezri: "I know what you're thinking. 'Did she fire six shots or only five'? Well to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I kind of lost track myself. But being that this is disruptor rifle the most powerful gun in the quadrant, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well do ya, punk?

 

[LeadHead]

(Ezri fires the gun)

Ezri: "I know what you're thinking. 'Did she fire six shots or only five'? Well to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I kind of lost track myself. But being that this is disruptor rifle the most powerful gun in the quadrant, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well do ya, punk?

Joran: You already shot him, he's dead.

 

[Triskelion]

TFTW Smellincoffee!

Jem'Hadar: We are a Jem'Hadar strike force. And you are...?
Dax: A Trill with PMS.
Jem'Hadar: Sorry to bother you.

Dax: Look at us! DS9 needs a proper barber with proper scissors! Or at least a mirror!

Dax: I'm sensing discomfort.
Kang: You're a Trill, not a Betazoid.
Dax: In that case get moving or I'll gut you like a targ, urinate on your corpse and then go kick some ridged Klingon ass myself.
Kang: Oh for a happy medium with females in this century.

Dax: Well you know how Uhura is always sitting on the bridge? I asked her if she was smuggling a tribble up her skant, and for some reason she got offended.

Joran: Now say "Go ahead, make my day."
Ezri: Go ahead, make the day.
Joran: Make my day.
Ezri: Make my today!
Joran: Make my day!
Ezri: Make me my day!
Joran: What the hell is wrong with you, crazy skank!
Ezri: <Shoots everyone>

...Crazy skank with the space gun. Make my 26 hour day!

 

[Nerys Myk]

JORAN: I thought you said Jadzia was dead?

EZRI: She will be!

JADZI: Go ahead, call me a Kriosian one more time!

 

[Ihlecreations]

Thanks for the win!

"That awkward moment when she found out Worf has TiVo'ed Hellraiser 3"

"Mention Becker one more time...I dare you."

"DON'T TOUCH IT!! The bottle said if it lasts more than 4 hours to call a doctor, well he still has 20 minutes."

"No way Old Man, seven hours???"
"Seven Hours. When he lost all feeling in his legs he finally allowed us to call Julian. You should have seen it Benjamin, it looked like some engorged mutant tick, all different shades of purple and blue. Julian says due to loss of blood flow and nerve damage he might not walk again."

"Holy Crap! When you said no cats I thought maybe you had an allergy, I guess I was wrong!"

 

[Schistocerca]

Sisko: That Beehive hairdo!
Dax: What about it?
Sisko: It is pulled up so tight it has pulled all the wrinkles out of your face..hahaha
Dax: Oh yeh funny guy! Lets see if I Beehived your pubes how wrinkle free I can get your scrotum!!

 

[Schistocerca]

It was no good....no matter how many rubber ducks Ezri shot she couldn't hit enough to win him the giant teddy bear

 

[Schistocerca]

Dax: Wow that thing is still throwing off a lot of heat. You see now why it is so important to wash your hands after chopping up chilies!

Did I turn off the iron?

Dax's annual performance review took an unexpected direction!

 

[T'Girl]

Dax: "I'm Jadzia Dax, and I'm the the commander of the Defiant."

Worf: "Excuse me, but I'm the ship's commander."

Dax: "No I am.

Worf: "When Captain Sisko isn't aboard, the ship is mine."

Dax: "Oh bullshit, that's just Benjamin throwing you a bone."

Worf: "Simply because you call the Captain by his first name ..."

Kira: "Can I break in here?"

Dax/Worf: "NO !!!!"

Dax: "Okay, can we at least shave your back hair?"

Joran: "Ezra, it's just a spider, and a fairly small one at that."

 

[Armored Saint]

DAX: Look at me, I'm James T. Kirk, I just sat on the chair and boom, I'm Captain.
NOG (os): You know Kirk became Captain after ten years of legit service in Starfleet, right?

 

[Smellincoffee]

Dax: Call me Old Man ONE. MORE. TIME.

Dax: She shot you down?
Kang: She shot my wingman down. He is dead. She merely spurned my advances.
Dax: I'd forgotten how serious Klingons are about dating.

Dax: I TOLD YOU, BENJAMIN! I TOLD YOU. "ONE MORE TIME", I said.

Dax: Shouldn't there be a version of you dressed in white on my other shoulder telling me to arrest this guy and give him a firm talk about his being a bad boy?

Dax: Captain's Log. It may have been a mistake to challenge the Klingons to a friendly game of chicken.

Dax: Red isn't a good color for me, Benjamin! And I feel like I'm inviting a monster to eat me, or a rock will fall out of nowhere on me, or I'm going to walk around the corner and a madman will shoot energy from his fingers and kill me as a sacrifice to his gods!
Sisko: You have.... an active imagination, Dax.

 

[Armored Saint]

ANSARA: Maybe I look like this guy, but he's called Araya, not Ansara. Araya's an hispanic name, I'm Syrian. By the way, I only sign original stuff, not Back to Back's reedition.

 

[Triskelion]

Sisko: You know, the first interracial kiss hasn't happened yet. Want to make history?
Dax: You bet I do. Where's Uhura?

 

[Schistocerca]

Sisko: You know, the first interracial kiss hasn't happened yet. Want to make history?
Dax: You bet I do. Where's Uhura?

Oh that is very good

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Jadzia: So anyway, last spring we went to the fire caves on Bajor and had a picnic, then we covered Klingon space in nine days. Although we almost had to come home early because I got food poisoning from the gagh. Then we went to Risa, and after that, Wrigley's Pleasure Planet. Hey, are you listening?!??!

Kang: zzzzzzzzzzz