DS9 Caption Contest 88: Regrets, I've Had a Few

[Smellincoffee]

Not that everybody didn't have a wonderful Valentine's Day, but this week's theme is....mistakes and regrets. But first, some winners from last week!

NOG: He's mine! You'll never come between us!
WOMAN: I'll give you five strips of latinum.
NOG: Ten and he's yours.

Ziyal: "...and then I thought we'd sit & watch all 6 seasons of Sex And The Citadel! Oh, you'll LOVE it, Garak! Sometimes I feel like I was just like Candasa! And the CLOTHES..!"

b]Intendant[/b]: All right, love, ready to play Good Prophet / Bad Prophet?

"I am booking your reservation, right here. On my invisible keyboard".

Whatley: I'm looking forward to our appointment tomorrow, Doctor. Anyway, I've got to go change into a red uniform for my away mission.

And finally...

ODO: I'd love to help, but I just did my nails.

Thanks to all who participated -- a few of you made it difficult to just choose just one. And now -- no regrets?

 

[Nerys Myk]

O'BRIEN: Look, I'm telling you, Kieko is on vacation! That's why no one has seen her lately!

KLINGON: You're in my seat!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

tftw!

OPAKA: Do not be concerned with the fact that I must remain here. Whoever replaces me as Kai will be every bit as reasonable and helpful as I was.

KLINGON: Okay, you won the extradition trial. But seriously, you know Worf is a dangerous psycho unfit for command, right?

ODO: If you ever do date the other me, I will tell you upfront: I am willing to look like a muscular twenty year old, and all you need to do is ask.

NOG: I've had it! I'm not going to pretend to like a 1940s Earth crooner stereotype anymore! And I don't care how unpopular it makes me.

Sisko: Chief! Are you the one who superglued the Constable's hands to his elbows?

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Sisko: Kai Opaka, I wouldn't worry about Kira's piloting skills. I sent her to Starfleet to take advanced piloting training. Lieutenant Commander Chakotay had nothing but good things to say...

Cha'Pok: Captain, I wanted to speak to you...

Sisko: All I wanted was some peace and quiet. So Advocate Cha'Pok, I'm about to advocate for your butt to get kicked.

Kira: No, Odo. I can't do this. It's too painful.

Odo: I'm so sorry to have brought you here to your own grave.

Kira: No, that was interesting. Did Garak teach you nothing about fashion? That's the worst shirt ever!

Jadzia: Great, now you're rapidly aging. Do I have to?

Kira: Yup.

Jadzia: Fine, from now on, Sisko will call you "Old Man."

Nog had finally worked past his fears about the war, but could not face his greatest fear: tieing a bow-tie.

Sisko: Lets go through this again...

O'Brien: Julian said that his appendix was inflamed. He said he'd have to wait until Doctor Merani got back tonight to operate.

Odo: And then...

O'Brien: And then I dared him to operate on himself.

Sisko: Chief...

O'Brien: In my own defense, he came up with the idea to do the operation in Quarks on his own!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Opaka: "Keep you eyes on the spacelanes, Emissary, hands at ten to two."
Sisko: "Back seat pilot!"

Cha'Pok: "I will gladly refrain from killing you on Tuesday, for a targburger today."

Odo: "You died in the crash, but it's okay. I want you to know that I got over it."

Future Bashir: "I'm here to warn you about the future, about the Dominion War, the Founders, the Pah-Wraiths and Dukat that cause your death, Jadzia, all the times you get tortured, Miles, and that really bad haircut you have in six years, Nerys."

The look of a man who couldn't get laid even in a holosuite...

Odo: "You're accused of contributing to the torture and abuse of several Bajoran children and ten children of other races on this station, two Bajoran adults, and significantly reducing business traffic on the promenade."
O'Brien: "How the devil did I do that?"
Sisko: "You let Molly join the school choir. Keiko must be immune, but the other teachers are complaining. The rest of the class are having nightmares. Bashir has even had to treat several of the station's Cardassian Voles for stress.

 

[Armored Saint]

In the first draft of the script, the characters didn't return to their twelve-year-old bodies, but instead had their physical attribute swapped: Picard was black, Keiko was bald, Ro was asian and Guinan was Bajoran.

 

[Finn]

Odo: *thinking* I shouldn't tell her about the video camera Bashir hid in her quarter back on the station. I'll tell my younger self to reroute the feed to my office. Same with Dax. Only if they knew all the things that bastard told me in his deathbed.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Worst. Cialis commercial. EVER.

Ch'Pok: I wish I knew how to quit you.

"Good evening, I'd like to talk to you all about Amway."

 

[Smellincoffee]

Kai Opaka's commentary made her a great comedian, but a lousy confessor.

Sisko, thinking: I don't care if you're Kahless himself, NO ONE interupts my first RAKAJINO!

Odo said she had been a faithful wife, but where did the children with nose ridges come from?

Is there any hand worse than a 16 in blackjack?

 

[Roddenberry]

Sisko: If she pushes the assistance button one more time, may the prophets help her.

Ch'Pok: Have you no honour? You take my seat, my breakfast, what next, my bed?
Sisko: I believe you're confusing me with Gul Dulox.

Odo: I've been a tree.
Kira: I know, but I think you got the wrong end of the stick when I said I wanted to put down roots.

As Julian's genetic engineering had recently started to produce strange side effects and growths, everyone tried their hardest not to stare.

Nog (upset) : TV has lied to me again, bow ties aren't cool.

Sisko: I sent the woman I Love to prison.
Odo: I can't express my feelings to the one I love.
O'Brien: I married Keiko.
Sisko & Odo (In unison) : You win!

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Nog: "Nog!, James Nog."

 

[shivkala]

Though, Sisko was snubbed for Best Actor, "Flying Kai Opaka," won the Oscar for "Best Remake of a Movie That Didn't Need a Remake," a category added to the Oscars when it became clear more remakes were being made than original movies in 2018.

Cha'Pok: What is that?

Sisko: Are you telling me you can't identify Raktajino?

Cha'Pok: Of course I can, but why would you be drinking something we use to clean our toilets?

 

[Nerys Myk]

CHA'POK: You just gonna sit and drink water or are you gonna order something?

 

[Armored Saint]

¸
CH'POK: ...the dreadful Imperial Klingon judicia...
SISKO: *spit* So dreadful that Worf's grandpa had been able to avoid death penalty for a longtime sworn enemy of the Empire at a staged trial for presidential assasination?
CH'POK: If you were a...
SISKO: Bla bla bla, any other man, bla bla bla, on a Klingon space station...bla bla..without honor...petaQ...

 

[Peach Wookiee]

Kai Opaka had no idea that Sisko was readying himself for a speech to the Federation. Unfortunately, humans still relied on the advice to pretend one's audience was in their underwear.

Klingon Ambassador: I love you, man.
Sisko: You're still not getting my raktajino, patakh.

Kira: Odo, this isn't exactly a great first date.
Odo: Why not?
K: It's downwind of the latrine!

No one was sure how to tell Julian that his fly had been open for three days.

Breaking Bad: The Ferengi Edition.

"There's a 'Torture me' sign on my back?!"

 

[Triskelion]

Kai Opaka: Does the Emissary want a Slim Jim?

A Klingon woman would laugh you out of bed for motorboating like that!

Odo, when they pilloried me for taking snapshots in the women's showers....
Yes?
I knew it was you disguised as me.
How?
I'm not circumcised, and also, I don't need to be.

Nog: I could have done better with the ladies if my wingman were here.
Vic: Oh? You mean that kid who got a job as a journalist three hundred years after the death of the newspaper? What was he going to do - conjugate a double entendre?
Nog: Never mind.

Odo: This is ridiculous. We all saw you doing it.
O'Brien: I said I don't want to talk about it.
Sisko: Nice geisha outfit, though.

 

[Nerys Myk]

NOG: Three shows a night and seven days a week. I'm a Ferengi! How did I let Vic trick me into such a lousy contract?

 

[Smellincoffee]

24 hour warning, tomorrow I'll be picking some winners! Getcher captions in while the gettin's good!

 

[Vulpes]

Sisko: Look! Cows!

Ch'Pok: Hey there. Lookin' good.
Sisko (thinking): I wish people wouldn't use my head as a mirror.

Nog: I might as well face it: I can't pull off a bow tie the way Bill Nye can.

Odo jealously guards his Blu-Ray collection.

 

[Triskelion]

Sisko: It's 90,000 light years to the Gamma Quadrant. We've got a full reactor of warp plasma, half a packet of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses...

Kai Opaka: Hit it.