DS9 Caption Contest 85: Certifiably Insane?

[Ln X]

Two words about the delay; damn computer. With that well behind me, we move on to...

Sisko: "SOMEONE TURN ON THE FUKKING LIGHTS !!!"

Captains Log: Quark recording. After taking control of Deep Space Nine, as part of his plan to retake DS9, Sisko has taken over the bar and is serving Creole food. This will be my last entry as Captain. Dangit.

Gul Dukat: Oh, come on, Benjamin! Surely a compliment wouldn't hurt. Say it!
Sisko, resigned: Fine. Fine! Diabolical, I'll give you. But I will not refer to your latest scheme as masterfully cunning.

Sisko: I still can't believe that Changeling porn exists, let alone that Quark has some.

Bashir: Rule 34, sir.

Weyoun: "Your move, Captain."

Sisko: "I love electronic Jenga!"

Worf: Prepare yourselves for the worst. Torture, malnutrition, inhumane conditions....

O'Brien: Worse than sipping international flavored cappuccinos with Keiko's book club?

Sisko: You're making Julian cry.

The multi-caption winners;

FEMALE CHANGELING: Push Odo. Push! The baby's almost here!

BASHIR: Wait, Odo's female?

FEMALE CHANGELING: Actually,all Changelings are female.

SISKO: Can I be the one to tell Kira?

Bashir: Why? Wasn't the "Uncle Kurzon is now Aunt Jadzia" talk with Jake hard enough?

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Here are the next five pictures for captioning purposes.

Have fun and happy holidays!

 

[Ln X]

O'Brien: What's with the bleedin' heavy metal outfits?

Dax: And how is Sisko going to explain this? It was the Prophet's will?
Kira: Good enough for me.

It was prophecized that the Emissary would be put to a fiery test...

O'Brien: Instead of an all-out assault how about we use the Jem'Hadar in this room to infiltrate the building?

*deathly silence*

Gowron: Kneel before my eyes!!!

 

[Nerys Myk]

O'BRIEN: Just how drunk was I last night?

BASHIR: You'd be surprised.

O'BRIEN: And what the hell did I do?

GARAK: You'd be surprised.

KIRA: They're real and they're spectacular.

SISKO: Dad, there has to be a better way to check the temperature of the oven!

ODO: Jem'Hadar? (snort) They're just Tosk with better make up.

They're right behind me, aren't they?

GOWRON: I'm Chancellor Gowron and you approve this message.

 

[Finn]

Captain's Log: Julian is missing and the Chief was found passed out in Quark's bar with a Terran Tiger sitting close by. I don't know how I'll tell Admiral Ross about this.

 

[Nerys Myk]

O'BRIEN: "What happens on Risa stays on Risa" is the slogan, right?

RISAN: Nope, it's "What happens on Risa goes viral."

O'BRIEN: Keiko's gonna kill me.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

O'BRIEN: I guess it's Tuesday.

DAX: What? Everybody thinks my sarcastic remarks with sexually aggressive overtones are cute, right?
KIRA: Okay. Back to planning Vedek Bareil's funeral.

SISKO: I have to save...my clock!

O'Brien was looking forward to the Gem'Hadar USO show, until he realized it was nothing but a guy listing all the ways to kill humans while worshipping the Founders.

GOWRON: The galaxy will fear the Klingon Empire. We will continue to be pointlessly aggressive to everybody even when it's clearly a bad idea! Any resistance will be met with more obstinate posturing.

 

[Avro Arrow]

Dax: It was really nice of the Jem'Hadar to invite us over to their mess hall for dinner.

O'Brien: Agreed. I'm famished. Computer, what's on the menu for tonight?

Computer: Today's specials are Trill, human and Changeling.

Gowron: And finally today, we have a story from the lighter side of the news. An adorable grishnar kitten caused a bit of a stir in the First City today when he climbed to the top of a tree and then couldn't get down. Rescue workers from the First City Fire Brigade were able to get the little scamp down by impaling him with a gin'tak spear. The Brigade has always asked the city's denizens to stay out of the trees; I guess you could say this little fella "got their point". Well, that's all the time we have for tonight. From all of us here at Qo'noS Evening News, goodnight and qapla'!

 

[Triskelion]

Thanks ftw Ln X!

Gowron: Could you put your female officer back on? Our women are...just the worst.

 

[T'Girl]

Gowron: " ... and if you like your holographic doctor, you can keep your holographic doctor, period."

 

[Triskelion]

Cardassian: You are free to go home to your wife.
O'Brien: What? Already? What if I told you I'm a changeling bent on galactic domination?

Kira: Has anyone seen Odo? I want to report the laundry service, they've shrunk my uniform again.
Kira's Uniform: Tee hee!

I'm beginning to think that Gul Bunny's Tanning Emporium has all been some kind of elaborate hoax.

First: Gee, ten sexy coeds and a terrified Jem'Hadar, guess who the hook killer is going to impale first.
Second: Do not go in the barn!

Gowron: Could you recommend us a qualified hairstylist? We discommodated our last one for numerous split end offenses.

 

[Ln X]

Kira: Has anyone seen Odo? I want to report the laundry service, they've shrunk my uniform again.
Kira's Uniform: Tee hee!

Worf: Major... Your uniform is talking.
Kira: ODO!!!

 

[Avro Arrow]

Kira: I now call this meeting of the "We Hate Sisko" Club to order. How should we go about getting rid of the captain?

Dax: Wait a minute... I thought this was the Transparent Skull Appreciation Society!

 

[CaptainBearclaw]

KIRA:Whatever it is, I may or may not have done it!

 

[Nerys Myk]

GOWRON: I am not a crook.

 

[Triskelion]

And in other news, cold water coed pools are without honor. That is all.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Thanks for the win, LnX.

Dax: Now that Sisko is gone, we don't have to pretend to take orders from you, Nerys. In fact, everyone here outranks you, even O'Brien.

Sisko: Kansas City-style BBQ? What's dad thinking? I'd rather go back to fight the Dominion.

 

[T'Girl]

Jadzia: "The JemHadar shouldn't be much of a problem, first we'll poison their "gods," then we'll destroy the white production facilities, then we'll ...

... they're right behind me, aren't they?"

 

[Finn]

O'Brien: *whispering* I'd be damned. Julian was right somehow. That old Shran hologram is keeping the Jem'Hadar at bay for some reason.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

O'Brien: "Let me guess... torture?"
Odo: "No. You got drunk last night and lost at strip domjot to Morn. Keiko will be here in a few minutes."
O'Brien: "Oh yeah... torture..."

Kira: "I have an announcement to make. I'm pregnant, and one of you is the father."
O'Brien: "Oh crap!
Worf: "Oh crap!
Jadzia: "Oh crap!
Bashir: "Oh... I wish I could say, Oh crap!"

Sisko "Just once, I'd like a regular, normal Christmas. A little eggnog... a fuckin' Christmas tree... a little turkey. But, no! I gotta crawl around in this motherfuckin' tin can!"

O'Brien: "I think I ate too much turkey."
Jadzia: "It's traditional. You can always get Julian to pump your stomach."
Odo: "Do we have to watch this? I only want to watch Doctor Who."
Jem Hadar: "Will you muppets pipe down, we want to watch this..."

"And now on KBC, it is 3pm, and time for the Klingon Chancellor's Kristmas Message."

 

[Triskelion]

Kira: So how do you like my breast reduction surgery?
<space crickets>