DS9 Caption Contest 83: Holosuite Fantasies

[Ln X]

First of all about the delay; I'm in university completing a masters in mathematical sciences. Also I let things slip a bit... Like two months, but I guess that was getting used to my altered circumstances.

Anyway on with the contests!

Kira: Wait, wait, wait, "'Scuse me while I kiss this guy?"

O'Brien: Yes! It's a common misconception to think he was singing, "'Scuse me while I kiss the sky."

Kira: Well, I'll be damned.

Sisko: Major, since when did you become a Hendrix fan?

Kira: Remember when we had to travel back in time to save your sorry butt from 2024, Gabriel!

Sisko: In that case, far out, man!

Bashir: I'm barred by Human Code to tell any Ferengi what we use these things for.

Worf:...Squirmy, smelly and whiny. Just like his father

Quark: You want me to spike the doctor's drink?
Garak: It's a...supplement. Vitamins. The dear doctor needs more minerals in his diet.
..Oh, and I'd like to reserve a holosuite for that same evening.

Odo's horrified expression when he realizes that bag contains all of Morn's Lurian sex toys...

Garak: Are you sure no one will find out?
Quark: Discretion is my top priority. (Wait until Rom hears Garak is into Bajoran porn!)

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In this contest we indulge in holosuite fantasies...

Have fun!

 

[Ln X]

Sisko: This is your idea of fun on a holosuite?
Bashir: Well-
Dax: And the child? What has she got to do with this?
Bashir: Well...
Kira: Don't! I don't want to know the inner workings of your mind!

Lwaxana: One more man and this party will be complete! Computer, add character Captain Jean-Luc Picard with Robin Hood attire.

Garak: Doctor, this whole spy lurk would be more fun if you and Dax ceased all this... closeness.

Call me Benny, Brother Benny.

The what-you-would-look-if-you-were-human holo-program was rather popular with DS9's non-human staff.

 

[R. Star]

Welcome back!

Dax: He have to imitate the steps.
Kira: Wait, you're sure no one will ever see this?
Sisko: We're Starfleet officers of integrity, Major.
Bashir: (whispering to self) I'm so recording this and putting it Youtube.

Deanna: (on com screen) Mother... what do you think you're doing?
Lwaxana: I would never date two men at once, Little One. Odo here's genderless. But he can be -anything- I want....

Garak: Excuse me, why settle for a fraudulent spy like him, when you can get the real thing over here?

Sisko: If you're lucky I'll shoot you and you'll die quickly. If you're unlucky I'll start punching you and you'll die slowly.

Producer: What? A serialized drama set on a space station with massive effects and focus on characterization? Do you know what decade this is? Next script idea.

 

[Nerys Myk]

BASHIR: Come on, who isn't a fan of Small Wonder?

LAWAXANA: What can I say, rank has its privileges.

ODO (under his breath): I'm not even a Federation citizen.

GARAK: What's she got, that I haven't got? Other than the obvious.

Sisko? My name is Hawk.

PABST: Tell Benny we're going ahead with it, but I want to change the name to Babylon 5

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Halt! Hammerzeit.

 

[T'Girl]

Sisko: "Sorry old man, but I don't think this new control panel design of your's is going to work in ops."

Dax: "Benjamin, you're so afraid of new things."

Sisko: "One more move Worf and I'll blow your head off."

Worf: "Honor insists that I inform you that you're looking at a mirror and I'M OVER HERE !!!!"

 

[JirinPanthosa]

BUCKBOKAI2332

Re: Wadi game worth playing?

Initially the idea of a completely virtual world made possible by a sustained transporter buffer seemed like an excellent idea. Using human beings as game pieces (Controlled by a fifth player outside the game) leaves open a world of cool opportunities to create any imaginable sort of fantasy obstacle. Unfortunately this world of creative possibility is never utilized. One obstacle simply required us to follow a young child singing a silly rhyme, and most of the others were either obvious or consisted of arbitrarily knocking somebody off. Thus while the Wadi game could have easily been a perfect 10, I must give it a mere 3 and recommend NOT trying this game until they hire someone seriously redesign the scenarios.

NURSE CHAPEL: Excuse me, I don't know where I am, but I think I was sucked into a time rift. Who are you and why are you acting like we have some sort of deep personal friendship?

BASHIR: Garak, after this is over, I'll need your help procuring a new holodeck program.
GARAK: Ask Quark. This is gross.

DR NOAH: Hey, at least my plan to destroy the world is more logically sound than most government programs.

HERBERT ROSOFF: You saying I'm a Commie? I'll show you. Sixty years from now smarmy comedians will make fun of people like you, and they'll be considered cultural icons!

 

[shivkala]

TFTW, Ln X!

Nana Visitor: I wonder if Babylon 5 is hiring...

Director: *offscreen* What is going on? None of this is in the script!

Majel: Do you know who my husband was?

Director: Yes...

Majel: Maybe you want to double check your script, then?

Director: I'll be damned, look, my script suddenly includes a scene where you have a three-way with Rene and Siddig!

Majel: Why it's my own personal Menage-a-Troi!

Director: Didn't they use that...

Majel: Oh, Gene, I miss you so much!

Director: What I meant to say was, that's funny and original Mrs. Rodenberry!

Garak: I take it back, my dear Doctor, you are not Ds9's LaForge. He couldn't even score with his holographic crush!

Who's the black commander
That's a sex machine to all the alien chicks?
SISKO!
Ya damn right!

Who is the man that would risk his pagh
For his Bajoran brother man?
SISKO!
Can you dig it?

Who's the emissary that won't cop out
When there's Pah Wraiths all about?
SISKO!
Right On!

They say this cat Sisko is a bad mother
SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
I'm talkin' 'bout Sisko.
THEN WE CAN DIG IT!

He's a complicated man
But no one understands him but his woman
BEN SISKO!

Armin: Someone want to tell Ln X that this is a Prophet vision and not a holosuite fantasy?

Rene: Not if the captioneer wants to win these contests again.

 

[Leviathan]

Douglas Pabst: 50% pay cut because we're not wearing the makeup? I knew this episode was a scam.

 

[soapp]

Holosuite fantasies...

Dax: Seriously Bashir, all this time I thought you and O'Brien where playing some real intense holosuite program, and this is what you've been doing with all your time together.
Kira: What the h*** Bashir! Seriously grow up, I got better things to do then play these kid games.

Loxanna; This holodeck program of Odo and Bashir will be great, we get to play Doctor and police officer at the same time, and the Police officer can give me the frisking on my life. D

Garak: Great this means you'll free us! Now just untie our bonds. .... ... any time now... guys... ... lets go? .... ... *gasp*

Sisko: Say What again! Say it what again, I dare you, I double dare you !!
Worf: What...?
Sisko: God Da** it Worf, I wasn't talking to you!

Boss: This is HBO, you need to add totally pointless nudity and sex in your plot, otherwise will never get the ratings we need.
Writer: But the plot and characters are really in depth and interesting, it's some of the best writing I've ever read!
Boss: So? what's your point?

 

[IzzyAtWarp9]

Kira: Hmmm... interesting puzzle... I wonder how to solve it...?
Dax: Look at the patterns... and her feet...
Julian: Guys, seriously, do you not recognise this?! It's just hopscotch! I know you're not all human but, Commander, you should know!

Lwaxana: What? Oh, yes, these two. I just, umm... picked them up on the way here.
Julian: I am here against my will. She's got a phaser in her dress.
Lwaxana: Ha oh, you with you're jokes. Yes we will have to be going now.
Odo and Julian together: (mouthing) Help. Me.

Well that just proves it.
Bow ties are cool.

Sisko: If you have come with your spiritual problems, turn the Hell around and leave while you still can. Now. Is. Not. The. Time.

Rene: OK, here's the next story they want us to have a holosuite of.
Armin: Really? 50 Shades of Grey?
Siddig: Who comes up with this stuff?!
Visitor: Come on, this is just turning into fanfiction now!

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the Win

Ambassador's Log. I wish Odo could morph into Jean-luc, and Bashir grow a beard and look like Riker did when we were kidnapped by the Ferengi. I'd be in Betazoid Heaven!

 

[bbjeg]

Thanks for the Award.

Producer: Star Trek on a space-station? That'll never work.

 

[Ln X]

Thanks for the Award.

Producer: Star Trek on a space-station? That'll never work.

Writer: That's it! I quit! If I have to write another planet-of-the-week story I'll go batshit crazy!

 

[Nebusj]

Welcome to Seventies Game Show Night here on the fantastic Deep Space Nine!

Classic romantic tangle: boy meets girl, girl meets goo, goo meets Great Link of liquid-shapeshifters out to control the galaxy...

Garak: Doctor! And on our anniversary?!

Worf: Captain, you do not have the authority to steal all our viewers' noses.

``And if we play our cards right, we can be a cartoon in The New Yorker!''

 

[Finn]

Armin: *thinking* I can't wait until the scene is over. Wearing this pair of glasses is very uncomfortable.

 

[Ln X]

The next contest will be ready tomorrow morning.

 

[Ln X]

The new caption contest is now up!