DS9 Caption Contest #66: Happy Holidays to you and your Space Station!

[LeadHead]

Happy Sunday everyone! I am somehow managing to be something approaching on time for once! Shocking, I know.

First up to the plate, we have the "Gonna need a Tie-Breaker" Award, going to:

O'Brien (sighs): "Okay, so far we've interviewed and voted on four candidates for the new operations position. Two were hot, young studs and two were gorgeous, young women. Each got two 'yes' votes and two 'no' votes. I think it's pretty clear whats going on here."

Next, we have the "Help from the Bullpen" Award, going to:

Kira: I'm stumped

Odo: *turns head* Hey you at home, Could you help us here? Did you see a scene with Quark buying the illegal cargo from the Ktarian Captain?

Next, we have the "Can't get out of a bet" Award, going to:

Sisko: A bet is a bet Mr Worf. You'll be singing "I'm a Little Tea Pot" in Quark's at 1900 hours.
Worf: How can a human drink that much?

Next, we have the "Vulcan Vengeance" Award, going to:

The crew learned a lesson today: Never tell a vulcan he has a stick up his butt. They are surprisingly creative with revenge.

Next, we have the "Plenty of backup" Award, going to:

SISKO:Guys, I'm gonna lay down some cover fire....try and swing around behind them... Guys? Guys? Crap!

We had so many Great entries this time around and in the spirit of the season, I've decided to add extra winners!

Kira: Oh, thank God, you're back. Look, we may be images on a TV screen, but we have feelings, too! Leaving us on pause like that, well, it's just plain rude! I know you had Taco Bell, but next time, could you take care of your business before you start watching?

Odo: And, another thing, that painting behind your couch, it's ugly, get rid of it.

and...

Starfleet top brass: You have to shave your hair for that captaincy!
Benjamin: NEVER!

And....

Sisko: Yippie-oh-ki-yay, motherf-
(explosion)

Great Photoshops this week, There was some solo and some group work! All of that was awesome! So, here they are awarded!

Kira: Huh?
Clayton Runnymede Odocott III: Just run with it, Major.

Kira: I don't think this is right either, is it?
Clayton Runnymede Odocott III: Another clerical error by Pete, no doubt. Damned Talaxians.

And....

KIRA: And the hedgehog?

ODO: I don't wanna talk about it.

Kira: "What are you still doing here?"
Odo: "It's over."
Kira: "Go home."

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, a new contest!

Enjoy and Happy Holidays to you!

 

[LeadHead]

Re: DS9 Caption Contest #66: Happy Holidays to you and your Space Stat

Weyoun: Yes! My first win in 3 days!

Bashir: Okay, I've brought the booze, the staff holiday party can begin.

Sisko: No, Major. It's still me, I'm just in a different type of Starfleet uniform.

Kira: What do you mean "That painting sucks?" I painted that!

Worf was surprised to find Jadzia singing "Santa Baby" when he got home.

 

[Ln X]

Re: DS9 Caption Contest #66: Happy Holidays to you and your Space Stat

Thanks for the win!

Weyoun: I've scored again!!! Wahey!
Dukat: (mumbling) And scored with the lady too...

Odo (o/s): What's this Doctor? Self prescribing your own medicines for what? Medicinal purposes or pleasure?
Bashir: Well if you must know, I'm working on a concoction to make me more feisty in the bed department.
Odo (o/s): I thought you were genetically enhanced?
Bashir: That part of me wasn't...

Lieutenant: According to these blood readings your grandfather sir is actually Stevie Wonder in disguise!

Kira: Why is that guys are more drawn to artefacts then women?
Jadzia: I mean we are the two hottest ladies in this station, right Benjamin? Benjamin?

Jadzia (o/s): Have you ever seen a woman naked before Worf?

 

[Ln X]

Re: DS9 Caption Contest #66: Happy Holidays to you and your Space Stat

Weyoun: I am the king of the world! Wooooohoo!
Dukat: Must you grope that Dabo lady as well?
Weyoun: I've never felt so alive!

Worf: Mint frosting!?! Floating!?!

 

[T'Girl]

Re: DS9 Caption Contest #66: Happy Holidays to you and your Space Stat

Ensign: "I swear sir, I though the phaser was set to "stun."

 

[Nerys Myk]

Re: DS9 Caption Contest #66: Happy Holidays to you and your Space Stat

BEN: Dad, put your clothes back on.

JOSEPH: Humph, used to be a man could do what he wants in his own yard! Damn police state is what this is!!!!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

Re: DS9 Caption Contest #66: Happy Holidays to you and your Space Stat

Thanks for the win!

DUKAT: Weyoun, don't bet the station on the next spin, it's a trick...
WEYOUN: Quiet! I'm on a winning streak!
DUKAT: *sigh* Your orders, Commander Quark?

BASHIR: Chief! I couldn't find a medical reason for your insomnia, so instead I've brought you an ancient cure that's been passed down in the Bashir family.

Jake proudly repeats all the things he's learned from Nog about women.

Jadzia turns the subject to escapades Ben and Kurzon had together during his bachelor days. Ben examines ancient Bajoran scrolls in a vain attempt to pretend not to be embarrassed.

Worf didn't think Counselor Troi would show up for his wedding.

 

[Valin]

Re: DS9 Caption Contest #66: Happy Holidays to you and your Space Stat

Worf: Jadzia, put that back where it belongs! Yes, I understand that when I married you, I married Dax, as well. But, I am not going to have relations with that slug just to consumate our marriage!

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Re: DS9 Caption Contest #66: Happy Holidays to you and your Space Stat

Parents, the one thing that'll make a bad-ass Starfleet Captain facepalm.

Kira [whispering]: Dax, do you think he knows?
Dax [also whispering]: You mean about the combadge?
Kira: Yeah. Aren't they supposed to be lower down?
Dax: Usually.
Kira: Shouldn't we tell him?
Dax [pause for thought]: Nah.

Worf finally understood why Sisko called Dax "Old Man".

 

[Triskelion]

Re: DS9 Caption Contest #66: Happy Holidays to you and your Space Stat

Dukat: Typical. When it's his round suddenly he's on a "streak."

Sir, about my employee evaluation -
Put them with the others, Commodore.

Jake: If I had sunglasses I would put them on and stare off into the distance. Say something humorously macabre.

Security Officer: Order the surf, get the turf.

Jake: Nailed it!

Kira: Your pores really stand out in this light.
Dax: I will shoot you in the face.

Wrong room. Sorry, Constable. Major. Commander. Doctor. Chief. Cadet. And -

Scruffy!

Scruffy.

 

[R. Star]

Re: DS9 Caption Contest #66: Happy Holidays to you and your Space Stat

Thanks for the win!

Weyoun: That's it! Don't stop rubbing down there! Oooh!
Dukat: Weyoun you realize while you're being serviced you're losing all your latinium on the Dabo wheel.

Bashir: Yes, this is what I take to all my medical conferences. Why do you ask, Commander?

Sisko: Take a sample.
Goldshirt: But sir, it's a pile of crap on the floor... and it stinks.
Sisko: That crap could be a shapeshifter! Sample, now!

Kira: I can't believe I let you talk me into this.
Dax: I just wanted to see how obsessed with this tablet he was.
Kira: You're right, but don't you think offering him a threesome is going too far? What if he said yes?
Dax: That would be fun.
Sisko: Shhh... I'm trying to figure this out.

Worf was surprised when he first saw Jadzia in the nude. Apparently she retained some of Curzon's features.

 

[Finn]

Re: DS9 Caption Contest #66: Happy Holidays to you and your Space Stat

Thanks for the Win!

Off-Screen Admiral: He's Vulcan?

Jake: Yes, He's Scandinavian unlike Tuvok!

 

[shivkala]

Re: DS9 Caption Contest #66: Happy Holidays to you and your Space Stat

Thanks for the win! I love it when I win a technical award!

Dukat loved the fact that, due to his Vorta heritage, Weyoun was so patient, he would maintain the same pose for hours until someone finally, "hit him up top."

Julian was less than satisfied with his Christmas gift, the "Do it Yourself" version of Quark's bar.

The rules were simple, whoever blinked first before Sisko pried his eyes away from artifact, loses.

Sisko hated the fact that his father had to show that picture of him, naked in the bathtub, to everyone that visited.

Worf, on the other hand, was just surprised that the picture was recent...

 

[Nerys Myk]

Re: DS9 Caption Contest #66: Happy Holidays to you and your Space Stat

SISKO: Our name is "Sisko", Dad. Not "Cartwright".

JOSEPH: Tired of living a lie, son!!!!

GOLDSHIRT: Gonna have to arrest him, sir.

 

[Triskelion]

Re: DS9 Caption Contest #66: Happy Holidays to you and your Space Stat

Jake: What happened to Old Man Cartwright?
Security Officer: Cylons.
Sisko: Cylons.
Security Officer: Actually, their robot army, sir.
Sisko: Robot army.
Security Officer: Left behind by an extinct race of reptilians. Much the same way Frankenstein was the scientist and not the monster, Cylons were the reptilian masters, not the robots. But everybody calls the robots Cylons.
Officer in Back: That's a Battlestar Galactica Original Series reference, Jake.
Jake: It's just "Battlestar Galactica," übernerds. Cylons are hawt.

 

[Isis]

Re: DS9 Caption Contest #66: Happy Holidays to you and your Space Stat

Weyoun: "Oh no! Not another effing snow globe!"

Bashir: "All I can say is I did much better with the Secret Santa than Weyoun did."

Sisko: "Oh no! I left the Christmas gifts at the Station!"

Sisko: "How nice of you two to take me out for lunch for Christmas. I just wish you'd give the gossiping a rest, at least while we're here."

 

[Nerys Myk]

Re: DS9 Caption Contest #66: Happy Holidays to you and your Space Stat

DAX: What Sisko looking at?

KIRA: It's painting by Data, he got it as a Christmas present.

DAX: Christmas was days ago.

KIRA: Yeah, he's been trying to figure out what it is, ever since.

 

[Triskelion]

Re: DS9 Caption Contest #66: Happy Holidays to you and your Space Stat

Kira: Is there any particular reason Data named it "Dax with Aureola"?
Dax: No idea.
Sisko: At least it's not "Dax with Wormhole."

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Re: DS9 Caption Contest #66: Happy Holidays to you and your Space Stat

Dukat: "Weyoun... the Dominion occupation is over. Starfleet retook the station three days ago".

Weyoun (pausing): "Ah."

Bashir: "Quark! When I bought these "exotic liquors" from you, I paid good money. And just as I was going to try one, what do I find? One of my own medical labels fixed to the bottles. This is my missing supply of laxatives!"

Quark: "No refunds!"

Sisko: "Quick, Jake. This is a shrouding technique I learnt in my earliest years of training. It renders me totally invisible to security".

Jake (to security): "Just play along".

Season three of "Watching Paint Dry: Bajor" was widely considered inferior, but Sisko stubbornly insisted it was just as good as the first two series. No-one was impressed.

"Morn? Why are you in my chimney...by Kahless! Of course!"

 

[Rush Limborg]

Re: DS9 Caption Contest #66: Happy Holidays to you and your Space Stat

BTW--thanks for the win, a couple contests ago!

Weyoun: GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!!

Bashir suddenly realized he didn't need to bring more--even the decorators were already dead drunk.

Lieutenant: So...how do I hold it--like this? Do I hold it like this, again? Captain...? Captain--do I hold it like this?

Kira: And after all that analysis...you're expert opinion still is that it's "a rock with writing on it?"

Jadzia: Geez, Nerys! Do you in fact have expertize in these markings? Maybe...if we stare at it long enough... Captain? Captain?

That awkward moment when you realize you'd left the seat up.