DS9 Caption Contest #63: Welcome Aboard!

[DS9 Gal AZ]

Bashir: Miles, why did you shoot them all?
O'Brien: They said you liked Garak better than me! Bu it's not true, is it Julian?
Bashir: Um ...
O'Brien: No!
Bashir: I'm sorry Miles, he's just too damn charismatic!

Sisko: O'Brien, a stare-off doesn't work if you don't look me in the eye ...

Quark: Don't shoot me, I'm not a changeling! I swear, the changeling is posing as major Kira!

Changeling Quark: *thinking* Hah, stupid solid fell for it!

Siddig: Look, it's our careers after Deep Space Nine!
Lofton: I don't see anything.
Sidding: Exactly.
Lofton: Oh come on, aren't you going to be in that "Syriana" movie?
Siddig: Yeah, and an episode of "Merlin." Ah well, I guess it's better than opening a restaurant or something...
Lofton: Yeah, I guess it - HEY!

BTW, thanks for the win!

 

[Nerys Myk]

O'BRIEN: Okay, I was wrong. It's not a time machine.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Sisko: "I just want my baseball back. So...whoever took it, just leave it on the deck here, and we'll never mention it again."
*long pause*
O'Brien: "Well, are you at least going to turn your back?!"

 

[Mistral]

O'Brien: "I'm getting the strangest sense of deja vu here..."

Bashir: "So am I! I swear we were just in this caption photo a few months ago!"

 

[Mistral]

Sisko: "According to the eyewitnesses, the person who shot Major Kira was wearing a mustard colored shirt."

O'Brien: "What are you looking at me for? This kid next to me-his sweater is a sort of stone ground mustard color. Did the witness say what kind of mustard?"

 

[Mistral]

Bashir: "Any idea what happened here, Miles?"

O'Brien: "It's pretty obvious that they were conducting experiments relating to the creation of Higgs-Boson particles when an unexpected element crept into the situation and killed them all."

Bashir: "What was that?"

O'Brien: "Me. The bastards wouldn't quit whistling Lady Gaga tunes while they worked. It was driving me crazy."

 

[Triskelion]

Sisko: You're in my spot.

Eddington: Kirk.
Kira: P..i...carrrrrrhhhhd.

Bashir: Quark's?
O'Brien: Julian, we just killed seven people.
Bashir: Vic's?
O'Brien: Vic's.

 

[shivkala]

Sisko: You're in my spot.

O'Brien: So sit next to me.

Sisko: Nooo. I sit there.

O'Brien: What's the difference?

Sisko: What's the difference?

Dukhat: Here we go.

Sisko: In the winter that seat is close enough to the radiator to remain warm and yet not so close as to cause perspiration. In the summer it's directly in the path of a cross breeze created by opening windows there and there. It faces the television at an angle that is neither direct, thus discouraging conversation, nor so far wide as to create a parallax distortion. I could go on but I think I've made my point.

 

[Triskelion]

^ Extra points if you wrote that from memory, shivkala!

 

[shivkala]

Sorry, I have to admit, it's not from memory. I thoroughly researched it. Sorry to disappoint!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

These are the humans.
These are the Cardassians.
These are the Bajorans.
And this is...
SOAP.

Pa'Dar (thinking): Something VERY familiar about all of this...

 

[Isis]

LeadHead, TFTW.

Sisko (OS): "OK, Quark, you're out. I didn't say 'Simon says.'"

 

[Isis]

Announcer (OS): "M & M's. Melt in your mouth, not in your hands."

Director (OS): "Sorry Mr. ---er--- [reads down list] Quark. That wasn't quite the look we're going for. Don't call us, we'll call you."

 

[Isis]

O'Brien: "What do you have to say for yourself?"

Bashir: "I can't tell you why this flu epidemic is still knocking people out. The vaporizer usually works."

O'Brien: "I hate to be a 'back seat driver,' but maybe it's not the vaporizer. Maybe you didn't use enough Vapo-rub?"

 

[inflatabledalek]

Bashir: So me, a Doctor, and you, a middle aged man, just took out a crack commando team that had the element of surprise from a species that's been at war for decades. Are we brilliant, or were they shite?

O'Brien: A little of both.

Sisko: Since we've discovered the Cardassians have planted deep cover agents in Star Fleet surgically altered as humans we're calling everyone in to check they're not really a Cardassian. Don't worry though, it's just a formality as I have complete faith in all of you.

Shimmerman: So can I charge this much for my autograph as I was on Buffy as well?

Eddington: The graffiti in the toilets was right, she does look good on her back. A somewhat extreme way of finding out, but I wouldn't have slept well tonight without double checking.

Bashir: This invisible yo-yo is awesome!

 

[Triskelion]

Bashir: Isn't that your ball Jake?
Jake: Yeah! After two hours of looking! Now - hey, where did our clubs go?
Bashir: The wolverines got them, remember? You did insist on historical accuracy for this game.
Jake: Hobo-Polo is much more than a game, Doctor.

Eddie: Oh she did SO not revert back to a decrepit old she-witch. That Garak is such a liar.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

O'Brien: I think Chili Cookoff Night was a failure, Julian.

 

[Isis]

Bashir: "Chicken soup?"

O'Brien nods.

Bashir: "Funny, you don't look Jewish."

 

[Ln X]

Bashir: Was that really necessary chief?
O'Brien: NO one touches MY tools!

Sisko: We will decide Rugal's fate with a punch-up; Pa'Dar vs Proka. Last man standing takes custody of Rugal!

Eddington: (thinking) Rigged station security. Check. Fooled everyone. Check. Get away plan. Check. A new girlfriend to replace my wife... (sees Kira) Hmm...

Bashir: Not thinking of chickening out are you?

 

[Triskelion]

O'Brien: You mean this isn't Starfleet Medical's secret experimental lab?
Bashir: No, it's not. It's the cafeteria.
O'Brien: Crap. And...that?
Bashir: Salisbury synth tank.
O'Brien: So not the experimental White analog processor.
Bashir: No, it is not.
O'Brien: And these....
Bashir: Are not surgically-altered Jem'Hadar supersoldiers. They are the lunch ladies.
O'Brien: Are you sure, Julian?
Bashir: Yes, Miles. Quite sure.

O'Brien: Sir, I mean, it's a nice impression and all, but - I've seen the Don Rickles hologram at Vic's, and I don't remember him threatening to send the audience to Pah Wraith hell.

Eddington: Sorry. I thought you were a studio executive.

Bashir: Is that a bobcat or an ocelot?
Jake: Ooh, that is the elusive nocturnal Caracal.
Bashir: Caracal.
Jake: Caracal.
Bashir: Looks hungry.
Jake: Yep.
Bashir: Caracal.