DS9 Caption Contest #58: Eddington, whose side is he on again?

[LeadHead]

Happy Saturday Everyone! Hope you've been enjoying your week, lets get things moving along!

First up to the plate, we have the "Geoffry Peterson" Award, going to:

"Welcome to the Late Late Show, I am your host, TV's Damar Ferguson. It's a great day for Cardassia, everybody!"

Next, we have the "Advanced Klingon Technology" Award, going to:

O'Brien: No no no, this isn't a piece of engineering equipment. It's what you balance your scrabble pieces on.

Next, we have the "Rookie Mistake" Award, going to:

Damar: "You fools! He's a major protagonist! You've run up against his Character Shield!"

Next, we have the "Coast to Coast on Cardassia" Award, going to:

Cardassian: "You! Are you supposed to be in here?"
Garek: "Uh...no, no. I'm looking for the Space Ghost Fan Convention, and that neon logo on your wall confused me."

Next, we have the "It's so tough to be an Evil Madman anymore" Award, going to:

Weyoun: You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have Jem'Hadar with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Now evidently my Cardassian colleague informs me that that cannot be done. Ah, would you remind me what I pay you people for, honestly? Throw me a bone here! What do we have?
Damar: Cardassian voles.
Weyoun: ...Right.
Dukat: They're MUTATED Cardassian voles.

Our Photoshop Award goes to:

Weyoun: "I feel so... Unmanly..."

"Hi Benjamin, I'm Corat!"

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congratulations to our winners! Lets get going with our next contest. Michael Eddington, would you stand up, please?

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

And now, Avery Brooks on True Blood...

Eddington: This briefing is classified. For some reason, rather than Starfleet telling the Captain directly and letting him tell you all of this they started with me.

Sisko: (thinking) Luckily, he'll never betray me.

Eddington: Oh, my god!

Sisko, Kira and Odo: Self Defense!

Eddington: So, I took the Defiant out for a spin...

O'Brien: Who was your Engineer on this trip?

Rom: Me.

Sisko: Oh, god.

Sisko: Q!

Dax: Why isn't he wearing anything?

O'Brien: Kicked out of the continuum again, eh?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

Dax: "It's that Beta XII-A entity I read about in Captain Kirk's old logs! Quick, everybody get happy!"

Eddington: "Oh, don't pay any attention to O'Brien. I've been on his shit-list ever since he caught me ogling a transporter trace of Keiko Ishikawa back on the Enterprise."

 

[Ln X]

Eddington realized a moment to late that making fun of Kassidy was a fatal mistake.

Every week, Sisko held a male-officer-of-the-week 'review' to keep Dax, Kira and Odo satisfied.

Eddington: What's going on?
Sisko: He threatened to shave off my goatee! He can boast all he wants, but NO ONE touches my goatee!

Kira: Hey Eddington! Wipe that leer off your face before I knock your teeth out!
Eddington: (thinking) Damn! My usual manly charms won't work on the major!

Odo: I don't know what you guys are looking at, but the changeling is by that corner of the bridge!

 

[-Brett-]

Do I have anything in my teeth?

Uhhh, Eddington? Your fly's open.

He was coming right at me.

Whew! Eddington, you've gotta lay off the mexican food.

How long has that security camera been there?

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Dax: "The Reflective One will now speak".

Sisko: "Request to join The Society is denied. Its collected secrets will remain closed to the uninitiated being, "Eddington".

Eddington: "But you let Worf in!"

Sisko: "Illuminatus Worf impressed with the improvised patter songs. Yours were pedestrian and uninspired".

Starfleet Emergency Protocol Zeta Four: Spider on the Bridge.

 

[Rush Limborg]

Sisko: Because you're boring! Do you hear me? You--are the most colorless addition to the recurring secondaries--EVER!!! I order you--do you hear me? I ORDER YOU--to do something...to justify your existance on this series!

Eddington: Careful what you wish for, Captain....

Eddington: Can I have your attention--
Put--that coffee--down!

Kira: Excuse me?

Eddington: Coffee's for closers....

Sisko: Forget it, Mike. It's Chinatown.

Eddington: Hence..."Like A Virgin".

(Long pause)

O'Brien: You're sick.

Eddington: Sheesh, and I thought Starfleet designs were stupid. The Cardassians have their command center in a ball overlooking the rest of the station. Lo and behold...where do invaders cut into the hull?

Everyone: Shut up!!!

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Bolian: "Oh, the horror, the horror!"

Kira: "Ensign Nog, sir, streaking again. We're trying to intercept him on deck three, but it was too late for Crewman Brelch here".

Sisko: "Get this man to sickbay...notify the counselling staff. I only hope he recovers".

Sisko: "Good news, people. It looks increasingly likely that the virus only affects Bolians!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

EDDINGTON: Come on, there has to be another chair!!!!

 

[shivkala]

Sisko: And another thing...Les Miserables couldn't hold a candle to Cats!

 

[Ln X]

Sisko: Any Bolians you see you kill them! Obey me or you will all die!
Eddington: Starfleet orders?
Sisko: My orders direct from the Prophets!
Kira: We can't disobey him Mr Eddington, he's the Emissary!

Eddington: Who's the prettiest on this station? Why the major of course, she makes Keiko look plain!
O'Brien: You watch your mouth you fat little f-
Sisko: We get the point chief. Eddington you're demoted, no one makes a pass at the major here!

 

[Thor Damar]

Sisko: "THANK YOU FOR THAT DELIGHTFUL GAME OF CHESS, WOULD YOU CARE FOR ANOTHER ROUND?"

Sisko: "Mr Eddington, my colleagues and I were wondering where that money that you owe us is.

My wife has been troubling me these past few days with her incessant questioning "Where is the money, when are you going to get the money, why have you not got the money now? and so on..."

{learning forward}

"So, where,is,the,money?"

(A couple of homages to one of my favorite animated sitcoms..)

 

[Nerys Myk]

SISKO: Are you sure you aren't Klingon?????

EDDINGTON: No, I just worry a lot!

 

[Isis]

Sisko: "Yes, Mr. Eddington, I am wearing dentures. But how in the world did you know that?"

Odo: "Hmmm...The Stinking Gorn...the name isn't bad, but the joint itself isn't exactly jumping."

Kira: "I realize the station is overcrowded, but this is ridiculous. Don't we have a few extra cots?"

 

[LeadHead]

Sisko: It's not as bad as it looks! I only stunned him, Kira's rifle was set to kill!

 

[BennyRussel]

Eddington: "Odo, you better not be staring at my ass again!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

EDDINGTON: Is that a boom mic?

BASHIR: And a camera??

KIRA: We're on some sort of TV program!!!!

 

[Supernuke]

Eddington:...and that's why when that Cardassian warship docks, we should leave it completely unguarded. Nothing to worry about, I won't plant a bomb or anything and scream out "for the Maquis". Of course I won't. That would just be stupid.

Odo: (snorts) I think Quark would make a better security officer than this guy.

 

[R. Star]

Eddington: It's a faaaaaaake...!
Sisko: NO! IT'S REEEEEEEEEEEAAAAL!!!!

Eddington: Come on guys, don't give me that look. So what if I sabotaged the Defiant. It was orders! That's why I betrayed you... I'd never do it again..!

Eddington: Me? Shoot him? Absolutely not... it was... the changeling, yeah... I'd never do anything against the Federation!

Eddington: That's right, Rom is joining me in the Maquis!
Rom: Uh.... I am?
Sisko: You can gave him. That will take you down more quickly than anything I do. I'm still going to punch you though.

Eddington: (thinking) Crap! They found my spycam!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Eddington: "Well, the heat-radiating panels in the tabletops were intended to warm the serving dishes and keep the food hot during dining. In short, we did it with the best of intentions, and we're really sorry about your ice sculptures."