DS9 Caption Contest #51: Dukat, Loser of Popularity Contests!

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! At long last, I've come to my senses and decided to wait til tomorrow to stop the Reapers in Mass Effect 3. So what does that mean Vreenak?

That's correct! And we've got a whole bunch of winners ready to be crowned.

Starting with the "Having a little fun with TrekBBS History" Award, going to:

LEETA: Banned??? Banned!!!!!Who does that idiot Mod think he is?

Next, we have "The Biggest Sports Scandal Since Steroids" Award, going to:

Kira: "Don't look at me. If you three had only told me ahead of time about your thumb wrestling contest with Julian, I would have told you he's been genetically enhanced."

Next, we have the "Let them have the escape pods, we'll take the Defiant" Award, goes to:

Nog: "I can't see! What does that sign say?"
Leeta: "You must be this tall to ride the escape pod? What!?"
Rom: "That's so unfair."

Next, we have the "It's funny because it's true" Award, going to:

Kira: "It's sort of like standing at attention. Back straight, shoulders back, chest out. Believe me, this pose will get you anything you want from any man on this station!"
Leeta: "But...it's so blatantly obvious!"
Kira: "They don't care about that."

Next, we have the "You're Grounded as soon as your father says "i do.' Award" going to:

Good thing Nog hadn't known that she would eventually become his stepmom. Otherwise, it'd have been...awkward.

The Photoshop Award that launched many responses:

Leeta: "Oh my God! I can't believe you got them done!!"
Kira: "Well... I could let you upstage me for only so long, Leeta."

Kira: Leeta I'm afraid there has been an accident.
Leeta: Rom is he... is he dead?
Kira: I'm so sorry.
Leeta: Can I see him?
Kira: Not right now... Er... Bashir is trying to remove the rod impaled through both your husband's lobes.
Leeta: (wails out loud)
Kira: Oh Prophets! I shouldn't have said that!

Before we get to the new pictures to caption, I wanted to say sorry for the double winner errors in the last contest. I try to get things right everytime, sometimes I accidentally don't copy/paste correctly. I'll have to remind myself to proofread from time to time.

And now, Dukat!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Dukat was in love with the sound of his own voice, nobody else was.

Kira liked making Dukat cry over spilled milk, literally.

Odo: Did we really have to watch Dukat on "Inside the Tyrant's Studio?"

Sisko: Ah-ha! I've got you at my mercy Dukat. Your reign of terror has ended! There's no way you'll ever be a threat to anyone again!

Dax: Thank goodness!

Dukat: No officer, really, I DON'T know how the fire started!

 

[Thor Damar]

"You know the old saying, "there will be Hell to pay"? Well...

Your tab is due!"

{bursts into demonic laughter}


In that same vein...

Lucifer: "That's right I'm not human. Why are you so surprised by this..."

 

[Ln X]

Dukat: So at exactly 2120 hours the Major will be close to a metre away from Quark's bar, while Dax will be point 25 metres to the Major's left as they stand behind-
Garak: Dukat do you have to be so meticulously precise? This is a party for captain Sisko not some invasion plan!

Dukat: No, no, it can't be true!
Kira: And the best part is you made out with Weyoun!
Dukat: No! You're not real, you're lying!
Kira: Just ask Damar! HA!

Quark: Odo how can you listen to this raving lunatic?
Odo: Normally I wouldn't but I've read his speech in advance. I'm just waiting for the bit where he promises to kick you off this station.

Security guard: We found him in your quarters with Kassidy, and she seemed pretty distressed and er... undressed.
Dukat: I didn't do anything!
Sisko: You are starting to really piss me off Dukat. Hitting off with my girlfriend is the final straw. Take him to the Infirmary and ask Bashir to neuter Dukat, at least that way we can control Dukat's licentious impulses!

Dukat: You think this is bad? Just wait until we resurrect Justin Bieber. That obnoxious kid will cause every humanoid's head to explode!
Sisko: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

///

Oh yeah thanks for the Shiny Runabout Award LeadHead!

 

[boco]

Quark: See? I told you we're being watched by the Cardassian Big Brother!

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Dukat: "Okay, does everyone understand the rules? My game isn't complicated. Drawing a Benjamin is an instant lose, O'Brien cards are 3 points, Dax or Bashir cards are worth 5 points, Odo 8 points, the Garak card is wild. The Dukat card, now that's a win. Instant. The Kira card is good too, so keep that one very close...."

Kira: "That's it, we're playing something else!!"

Dukat: "50,000 lek on Darkhound Damar...why?!"

Announcer: "And Darkhound Damar still hasn't left the starting block! It seem to be sitting down for a rest, of all things...I pity anyone who backed this hound, let me tell you..."

Dukat: "This is Dukat. As you can see, I've taken control of every channel transmitting to Deep Space Nine. Until Odo surrenders his stash of naughty Kira pictures, no-one gets to see their programs!"

Quark: "Give him what he wants, Odo! I'm missing the Vulcan Love Slave Marathon!"

The surviving film of "Profit and Lace" is brought to the Paramount Fire Caves.

"Cast it into the fire! Destroy it!"

"Noooo...."

I was there the day the strength of men failed.

 

[bullethead]

Bashir: Look Dukat, can we wrap this up? We were planning to play Mass Effect 3 today.

Kira always knew how to hit Dukat's one sore spot: the fact that he looked like a turtle in his uniform.

Quark: Does he have to hijack every monitor on the station?
Odo: As if you are any better Quark.

Jadzia's ventriloquist routine was not well received by anyone.

Dukat: This is me, giving a fuck.

 

[Thor Damar]

Odo: "Over ten thousand channels..."


Quark: "...And all of them Dukat"

"Why yes indeed I am a fire starter, wicked fire starter."

Despite his own lofty option of himself, Dukat was, and never would be, the Most Interesting Person in the universe...

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

Bashir (sighs): "I know everything is computerized these days, but I miss those big, old, polished wood and brass roulette wheels."
Dax: "Shut up and place your bet!"

Kira: "Never happened to you before? HAAAAA-HA-HAA! Oh, yeah, I'm sure that's true!"

Odo: "He's on every screen on the station! Claiming his name is 'Duke Headroom'!"

 

[DS9 Gal AZ]

Dukat: So a Klingon, a Ferengi, and a Bolian walk into a bar...
Bashir: Heard it.
Kira: Me too.
Garak: Good lord Dukat, how many times are you going to tell that joke?
Dax: *thinking* Lamest party ever.

Dukat: No! I don't believe you! Me laying eggs is not practically a meme around these parts, that's too humiliating!
Kira: But it's true!
Dukat: Wasn't the thorn in my butt bad enough?!
Kira: No! And I can tell you right now, an egg is the only thing you're going to be laying around here!
Dukat: *sobs*
Kira: *evil laughter* Muwahahahahaha!

Odo: Quark, I don't think there is any single person in this universe that irritates me more than you!
*Dukat's face suddenly appears on every viewscreen on the station. Quark looks at Odo.*
Quark: Well?
Odo: Alright, fine. I stand corrected.

 

[DS9 Gal AZ]

Oops, missed a few!

Sisko: You know Dukat, you seem curiously reasonable in this episode ... perhaps they are planning a redemption arc for you?
Dukat: I think so, Captain. It'll be interesting to see how this plays out, won't it?

Dukat: Aw crap.
Sisko: Yeah, sorry that whole "redemption arc" thing didn't work out for you.
Dukat: Didn't work out?! What am I, the Devil now?
Sisko: Yeah, and I'm Bajoran Jesus. Deal with it.

 

[Thor Damar]

UFP President Jaresh-Inyo (for it is he) OS: "So this is the famed Gul Dukat, slaughterer of millions, conquer of entire empires and meme generator extraordinaire.

Not quite as manly as I thought."

The Sisko: "Well, he is Cardassian Mr President..."

Gul Dukat (MBFC {Magnificent Bastard First Class}): "I do have a manly purple hat you know!"

Dukat's attempts to get everyone into World of Warcraft met with the expected outcome...

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Dukat's attempts to get everyone into World of Warcraft met with the expected outcome...

Dax: "Okay, let's try Warhammer 40,000..."

Dukat: "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!!! Sorry, sorry, got carried away there..."

 

[Thor Damar]

^.

Mind you I've never even played Warhammer Nth years or whatever nor have I read any of the tie in novels but it does seem the sort of thing that a Cardassian nerd would play...

 

[Rush Limborg]

Thanks for the win!

See if you all recognize the motiff, here....

Dukat: Please, allow me to introduce myself. I'm a man of wealth...and taste!

Dukat: Ah! I see what's puzzling all of you is the nature of my game!

Kira: Puzzled? More like annoyed--

Garak: Major...don't encourage him.

Bashir: Too late....

Sisko: So, let me get this straight: you claim to have been complacent in killing the Kennedys--

Dukat: Come now, Commander. After all, it was you and me. So technically, you're complacent, too.

Dukat: Just as every cop is a criminal...and all the sinners, saints...

Quark: You know...I'm actually starting to like this guy, Odo.

Dukat: Please, Major--have some courtesy! Have some sympathy--have some taste!

Kira: Or what? You'll lay my soul to waste?

Dukat: (groans) I'm starting to think this was a bad idea.

Kira: If--if you'll excuse me--I'm in need of some restraint....

 

[Thor Damar]

The first sort by their own suggestions fell,
Self-tempted, self-depraved: man falls deceived
By the other first: man therefore shall find grace,
The other none

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Dukat's appearance on Cardassia's Got Talent involved settnig fire to the studio. Strangely enough, the viewing audience loved it.

 

[Thor Damar]

Dukat: "I'm having a Hell of a time with this caption contest!"

 

[Ln X]

Ha ha that's Sympathy for the Devil Rush Limborg! Unfortunately I could not restrain myself from doing this:

Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around since the occupation
I destroyed so many lives

And I was 'round when the Sisko
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Damar
Washed his hands and sealed his fate

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game

I stuck around the Federation
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the Cardie ministers and their lackies
While Ghemor screamed in vain

I rode a warbird
Held a gul's rank
As the Klingon hordes raged
And the bodies stank

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah

I watched with glee
While the powers that be
Fought for twenty decades
For the empires they made

I shouted out,
"Who enraged the Dominion?"
When after all
It was you and me

Let me please introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
And I laid traps for spies
Who were killed on their way to Cardassia

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what's confusing you
Is just the nature of my game

Just as every Prophet is a demon
And all the sinners saints
As heads is tails
Just call me the evil one
'Cause I'm in need of some restraint

So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, have some taste
Use all your well-learned grovelling
Or I'll lay your soul to waste, mmm yeah

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, mmm yeah
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, mmm mean it, get down

 

[Rush Limborg]

Absolutely, mate! Though, I'd have had Kai Winn doing the washing and sealing.

I can just imagine--an album of Star Trek spoofs of the classics. Mark Alaimo doing "Sympathy for Dukat" (perhaps a dramatic reading to the music, as opposed to singing)...my own Trek version of "American Pie"....

And so on.