DS9 Caption Contest #46: QUAAAAAAAAAAARK!

[Ziriath]

Odo: "This is your first music video?"

Quark: "The various versions of me strut up to the camera and rap the chorus. There are random closeups of the me back at the dabo table sort of interspersed among it in a jarring way, which kind of matches the beat. Then a rewind where the server me "walks backward" and then forward again. Still rapping".

Odo: "And this is the Ferengi idea of art?"

Quark: ''And my next one will take place on a beach with a bunch of girls, and the lyrics will be about a three feet tall man. ''
Odo: (thinking) Should I throw him out of an airlock?

 

[Thor Damar]

Quark: "You see Morn, for my next brilliantly imagined scheme I'll.."

Morn: "I'm terribly sorry to have to impose upon you my dear friend but I have to confess to a certain weariness with you interminable maneuvers vis a vis the wider commonwealth, to wit this very station of which we have the distinct pleasure of currently residing upon. Your hair brained attempts, whilst momentary diverting for my own dear self have now reached the stage whereon I can no longer find it within to maintain an enthusiasm for such banality, tenacious as it maybe in principle. Might you humble client stood in repose before you offer instead a more agreeable prospect of the both of us most worthy of individuals retiring to one of your finest seating areas and partaking of the more...engrossing ales and libations that this marvelous bar has to offer?"

Quark: "Blessed Exchequer, your small talk is really something eh?"

 

[Deranged Nasat]

^

In our heart of hearts, we all know that Morn talks like that, don't we?

 

[Thor Damar]

To me he does (with the prerequisite British accent of course) . And the above is merely a brief sentence from the great man. Why legend tells of a time when Morn traveled to Cardassia Prime and took part in the first interdimensional monolguing contest and within mere days had managed to out talk the entire Cardassian Empire, the Romulan Senate and the ghost of Fidel Castro.

And he'd only just concluded his opening statement at the time...

 

[apenpaap]

Quark: "Have you seen the stupid coat they put my action figure in?"
Morn shrugs.

 

[LeadHead]

Quark Ferguson: And what do you have to say about that Geoffry Mornison?

Geoffrey Mornison: Balls.

 

[Thor Damar]

Morn: "I say old chap it seems that both of us likely fellows are rather popular targets for some spiffing satirical captions what? Must be my charm and eloquence coupled with your dashing entrepreneurship I'd wager."

Quark: "Yeah, I hope there's a merchandising deal that we can get in on..."

Morn: {Pats Quark on the shoulder companionably} "One would certainly hope so old friend."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Quark: "'Loose lips sink ships'? That's your entire explanation?"

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Jadzia: "Worf! We can't make that opening! Let the other ship through!"

Quark: "I told you he wouldn't be able to handle it. Two minutes in the jam, and he's putting his license on the line. Klingons!"

 

[Thor Damar]

"Today we usher in a new era, an era of unbridled consumerism and profitability. Yes, my dear customers, I Quark have refitted the bar to the highest standards that will allow..."

{as Quark drones on in the background, Dax is looking closely at the glass frosted centrepiece in the middle of the bar.}

Dax: {sotto voice} "You know what I think that that's actually an artists rending of a Terrarite's...um..Personal area!"

Worf: {Smugly} "I know. I'll just go tell Quark that, he'll love it..."

 

[NathanielM]

Quark: And now my rendition of "Boogie nights." Maestro please!"

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Bareil from below: "Ladies and gentleman, I'd like you all to take a moment from your libations to contemplate the suffering of the Bajoran war orphans."
Quark: "Boo! Boo!"
Morn: "Terrible, get off the stage."
Kira from below: "Have you no respect! You don't heckle a Vedek."
Quark: "No one heckled Winn, and now she's Kai."

...


...

Kira: "Fair point."

 

[Mistral]

"I don't know which one's worse, the frog or the bear."

 

[Isis]

Quark: "Hey kids, let's put on a show!"

 

[Isis]

Quark: "Damn grab bags. The only gift I ever seem to get is a snow globe."

 

[Isis]

Quark: "It's a good thing that waiter isn't coming so close."

Odo: "Oh really?"

Quark: "If he did, I'd be beside myself."

 

[Nerys Myk]

QUARK: Wow, look at the time. We must have been up here gabbing for hours!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Quark: "You know what I like about you, Morn? You always know just what to say."
Morn: "I never say anything!"
Quark: "Bingo!"

 

[Thor Damar]

Quark: "It's a good thing that waiter isn't coming so close."

Odo: "Oh really?"

Quark: "If he did, I'd be beside myself."

Good show!

 

[AdmiralGarak]

The bar drowning in debt, Quark had no choice but to go into partnership with a certain Hew-mon restaurant franchise.

Quark: "What!? The mob has taken over the RAF headquarters and you need help pulling off a heist to set everything back to normal!? What a shocking twist!"

Quark: "You're here to arrest Quark?"
Odo: "I'm here to arrest you."
Quark: "I'm a clone. Arrest me for another Quark's crimes, and I'll sue."
Odo: "Nice try, but that Quark over there said you were the original Quark."
Quark: "Prove it."
Odo: "... Damn it!"

Quark: "Look on the bright side, pal. You've still had more lines this season than Jake."