DS9 Caption Contest #31: Good Times... Good Times...

[LeadHead]

Happy Saturday everyone! Lets get down to business.

First up, we have the "Overcrowded Brig Facilities" Award goes to...

ODO: I've got a Code 20 in my office

SECURITY OFFICER ( over comm ) Again??? That storage locker's getting full and Sisko's getting suspicious.

Next, the "That's what I'd do in this situation" Award goes to...

Sisko: You know the gamblers' song, Quark? (Singing) "You've got to know when to hold them --
Quark, timidly: ...know when to fold them..
Sisko: WHAT TIME IS IT NOW, QUARK?
Quark: ...time to run.

Next, the "He was an IMPOSTER!" Award goes to...

Kira: Apparently, a lot of them are STILL trying to figure out what the disagreement between Riker and O'Brien was all about.

Bashir: Christ! Not this again.

Next, the "Genetically, not financially enhanced" Award goes to...

Bashir needed extra spending money, so he opened a McPlastic Surgery clinic.

Next, the "This is not the comedy we intended to do when the week began" Award, goes to...

Suddenly, after zero references since first airing, the crew remember the events of "Meridian".

Our Photoshop Award goes to...

Alien: "Forgive me Your Holiness. I have violated canon."
Pope Odo: "Harrumph. Throw him in the brig."

Sisko: "And then he asked me where the restrooms were, so I pointed him toward the number three airlock! Seriously, though, we should probably turn the ship around and go pick him up."

And here we have our new pictures!

 

[LeadHead]

O'Brien: Little help?

Odo: Whoever steps off that ship, I am SOOO gonna open a can of Whoop Ass on em!

Quark: Welcome back to Quarks! You'll be pleased to know we're now using real imitation Synthehol!

Dax: Worf, Everyone knows how far down the spots go.

Bashir: Not that room! You'll walk into a proctology exam- too late.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

"Bother" said O'Brien, "The access shaft must have shrunk while I was eating honey at Quark's".

"Silly old engineer".

Sisko (quiet, spaced-out): "Time keeping on the promenade was inefficient, inelegant, unsuited to the pacing of our lives. Insight came to me, cogs and gears turning in a whirlwind of inspirational mechanical beauty! So I took my saltah'na clock and recreated it at ten times the scale, soothing the chaos with its rhythmic song"

Odo: "Hmmm. And why is Quark strung up in the middle of it?"

Sisko: "I didn't notice".

Faced with yet more overblown and totally unexpected cheer, the FCA inspector was starting to get nervous.

After one too many drinks, the Dax symbiont found it hilarious to play "got your nose!", much to its host's annoyance.

Bashir: "Do you think she knows something we don't?"

Worf: "Why is your shipment of Cardassian Neurozine ticking?"

 

[AdmiralGarak]

The Irish Groundchief spots his shadow as he emerges from his hole, ushering in six more seasons of 'Make O'Brien Suffer' episodes.

Quark: "Oh yeah!? Well I once reprogrammed a Holosuite fishing simulation to allow me to instantaneously catch a fish at a minimum size of no less than THIS BIG!"

Dax: "I'm sorry, Worf. It's these damn lilac allergies, again."

Bashir: "I'm afraid you might not be cut out to be a gynecologist, Worf."
Worf: " "

 

[AdmiralGarak]

"Bother" said O'Brien, "The access shaft must have shrunk while I was eating honey at Quark's".

"Silly old engineer".

Winner.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kira: "Your legs won't be beamed over till Tuesday, chief."

Odo: "Yes, but is it art?"

The Bar: "MORN!"
Quark: "How's it going, Morn?"

...

...

The Bar: everyone laughs

Worf: "Hmm, Picard-facepalmitis. Looks like bad case. I'll call Bashir."

Bashir: "Laxatives will take effect in three, two, one. There we go."

Bashir: "Out of curiosity Odo, why have you been holding your chin all morning?"
Odo: "You ever have that feeling of an appendage going to sleep, Doctor?"
Bashir: "Why yes, a simple physical response to excessive pressure applied to nerves over..."
Odo: "Yes, yes. Well you solids don't have to stop said appendage dripping on the floor until it wakes up again."

 

[Distorted Humor]

O'Brien: Talarian Hook Spiders and Cardasian Moles behind me, and Kira is in one of her moods. I think I am in one of those episodes where I must suffer.

Odo: I must say, Quark's idea of bringing "Jello Wrestling" to his bar has some nice features....

The new race from the Gamma Quadrant, the Prozacks, did not understand happiness, Quarks tried to hard to change it.

Dax: I go on a two year stint being a Klingon party girl groupie, and I marry Worf, Kill me now.

Dukat in background: That can be arranged my dear...

Worf: What did you say?
Bashir: I told a funny Panda Joke, its Not that bad...
Worf: "Eats Shoots and Leaves?"
Bashir: Yes, that one!
Worf: I am leaving...

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

O'Brien: "Hey! Here's ol' Miles again, popping up when you least expect him! You just never know where ol' Miles is gonna pop up next!"
Kira: "If you don't stop bothering me, I'm going to tell Keiko."

Quark: "That's our show for tonight, ladies and gentlemen! Remember, we're The Aristocrats, and we're here five nights a week!" (To Rom) "You can send in the clean-up crew now."

Worf: "How the hell was I supposed to know you wanted me to make a play for you? You invited me up here for coffee!"
Dax: "Oye!"

 

[Smellincoffee]

Odo: I STILL say she looks pregnant.
Bashir: I had nothing to do with it.

Bashir: RUNNING AWAY WILL NOT CHANGE THE RESULTS! ...congratulations, Mr. Worf.
Worf: *beams*

Captain Sisko was NOT amused by the station's reaction when he and Kasidy slept together for the first time. "Dry spell" indeed!

Worf: It is only a toilet seat. I do not understand your concerns.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRA:All you can eat lunch buffet at Quarks, again?

ODO: I'm still not seeing a sailboat.

Ding Dong

FERGUSON (o.c.): Who's that at the door?

SECRETARIAT!!!!!!

BASHIER: All I said is that it wouldn't be gay if there is a chick in the middle.

WORF: Wrong chick to ask...I'll check with Jadzia

DAX: No

 

[Rush Limborg]

(long pause)

Kira: ...It's called Slim-Fast, Chief.

O'Brien: For the last time--I am not FAT!

Odo: Hmm...I never knew a humanoid could be so ugly.

Bashir: And...you say this woman was a star in Earth's 21st Centry?

Sisko: Apparently, dark lipstick and other bizzare forms of make-up were fasionable back then.

Odo: Hmmph--Lady "Gaga" indeed....

Filming commences on the new "Slug-A-Cola" infomercial....

Quark: ...But WAIT! There's MORE! Call within the next twenty minutes--and Slug-A-Cola will send you the PARTY PACK, FUN-SIZE! That's ONE HUNDRED CANS, for the prise of THIRTY!

Leeta: (whispering through her teeth) Ah...Quark?

Quark: Not now, Leeta! Just hold up that can and look cute and cuddly!

Leeta: (still through her teeth) But Quark--you're head's blocking the view!

Quark: Oh.

Director: (O.S.) Cut....

Jadzia: UGH--what is that smell?!?

(long pause)

Worf: No comment.

The Annual Bajoran Militia Marathon had some interesting twists and turns....

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRA: No movement on this end.

SISKO: Well I'm not staring at his ass all day, suggestions?

ODO: Phasers

BASHIR: Phasers.

O'BRIEN: I can move a bit... (struggles)...really just give me a little push!!!!!

 

[Mysterion]

O'BRIEN: It's no good, Major. No matter how much I adjust those circuits, you're still out of focus.

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

O'brien: "Just one leprechaun joke and you're dead!"

Odo: "He has reach, she has flexibility... very interesting."

Quark: "Heeeeeeey macarena!!"

Jadzia: "I regret keeping the nose ridges..."

Bashir: "You'll never be able to outshine Running Spock!"

 

[Admiral Shran]

Thanks for another win!

O'Brien: Major, the Captain wants his door fixed immediately. He says crawling under it like this isn't befitting his rank.

Quark (offscreen): The Aristocrats.

Upon hearing the news that Grand Nagus Zek's voice finally changed, there was much rejoicing.

Worf: GUNG, GUNG, GUNG!

Dax: It's not sexy anymore, Worf.

Kira (to Sisko and Dax, offscreen): Nobody excepts the Spanish Inquisition!

 

[Isis]

Worf: "Trust me, Jadzia. If someone tells you your nose is running, you don't need to check whether it's still there."

Worf: "Trust me, Major Kira. Your feet can multitask. Although they're propelling you fast enough for everyone on the station to be graced with your presence, that in no way blunts their ability to smell."

 

[Kirby]

Worf: It is a Bolian Breathe-Right strip. You will be able to breathe better at night, but the searing pain from the nasal attachment hooks will prevent you from sleeping.

Bashir: Well, she was right here when her diarrhea came back...

 

[Isis]

This year's Mr. Ferenginar was only partially acclimated to the role. He had the wave down perfectly, but unfortunately he couldn't get the sash over his favorite jacket."

 

[Balrog]

O'Brien: If anyone is curious, I found where the Cardassian architect put the john for Ops...

Odo: So I can make myself into anything perfectly, but I still can't do a face?

If it ha been allowed to continue, nostalgic DS9's Season 11 would have featured "Disco Quark's"

Dax: It doesn't matter that you're a Klingon. You're my HUSBAND, which automatically makes you wrong!

Bashir: Cardassian Rabies? No problem. It will only take 30 or so painful shots in the abdomen. Ready, Major.... Major?

Worf: You promise the shots WILL hurt, right doctor?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Bashir: "Your exam's almost finished, Major. All that's left is the drug screen. I'll need a urine sample."
Kira: "I've got one in my quarters! Be right back!"
Bashir: "Hold it right there!"