DS9 Caption Contest #30: What are you looking at?

[LeadHead]

Happy Friday everyone! So glad to see all these entries for the contest!

Up first the "Religious Misunderstandings" Award goes to:

Ezri: "For the last time Rom, I'm not a boy."

Rom: "Theeeeennn, why are all the Vedeks attracted to you?"

Next, the "Klingons are not vulnerable to those eyes" Award goes to:

Worf: "For the last time, no, we cannot have a pet sehlat! And you can knock off the doe-eyes! I'm immune!"

Next, the "Tag-Team/Pregnancy/Cameras are Evil" Award goes to:

Ezri: Is it my imagination or does Kira look pregnant sitting down like that?
Bashir: Hmm...
Odo (thinking): If I find the bastard who did that...

Kira: Come on--it's the camera's ten pounds, for Prophets' sake!

Next, the "Sisko FAIL" Award goes to:

Ezri: The UFP sign isn't fooling me Benjamin. We both know you're in your office and just wanted to sneak a peek at me in my nightie.

Odo, Bashir, Worf and O'Brien (offscreen): Haha, busted!

Next, the "Garrus Vakarian" Award goes to:

O'Brien: "I hope Bioware does something about these bloody elevator load times."

A Special Award to honor T'Girl and all of the posts dedicated to you this time around...

Ezri: Is it just me or are the lights suddenly extremely bright?
Bashir: Yeah, I believe T'Girl is messing with the brightness again.
Odo: Someone has to stop her.

Sisko: You are the psychologist, old man. That woman has to stop screwing with the contest pics.
Ezri: I think it's just her monitor, Ben. It's probably not calibrated.
Sisko: It better be, otherwise I'm going to recalibrate her head.

Ezri: What do you think?
Worf: I find it extremely... irritating. That woman must not be allowed to further commit these acts of photoshop violence.

A Contest Crossover Award goes to:

Kang: "Did you hear about the controversy over on DS9 about T'Girl turning the brightness up on the lights?"
Kirk: "Well, to each his own, I guess, but I've always found that women who like the lights on tend to be a lot more fun!"
Kang: "... You may have something there."

Sisko: Welcome to the Federation Shopping Network. As you can see, I've modelled this lens flare on my head. It can be yours for only 500 credits!

Congrats to our winners and thanks to all participants!

Here we go!

 

[LeadHead]

Odo had to remind his duputies to bring corpses to the morgue and not leave them on his desk.

Sisko: You ran a betting pool on which season I would shave my head?!

Bashir: Nothing on sensors.

Kira: Maybe if we all lean i really close, that'll change.

Bashir: I've never detected this much Tequilla in a Cardassian before.

Kira: They thought I was Pregnant in the last contest?!

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Kira: "There! Someone just made a mistake about the length of the Enterprise-D!"

Jadzia: "Preparing to post..."

Worf: "The Eyemorgs stole all their brains?"

Bashir: "Brain? What is brain?"

Worf: "I should have stayed on the Enterprise."

Pakled Captain (offscreen): "Hi, little ship. We are all around you. We will blow you up, because we are strong."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

Sisko: "And then he asked me where the restrooms were, so I pointed him toward the number three airlock! Seriously, though, we should probably turn the ship around and go pick him up."

 

[Skywalker]

Sisko: "Major Kira, if I said 'Commander Worf's head looks like a fanny,' would you join me in a laugh?"
Kira: "Yeah, I could get in on that."
Sisko: "Alright, then, here goes: Commander Worf's head looks like a fanny!"
*the entire bridge crew starts laughing*
Worf (O.S.): "You can both suck my ridges!"

 

[AdmiralGarak]

Alien: "Forgive me Your Holiness. I have violated canon."
Pope Odo: "Harrumph. Throw him in the brig."

Sisko: "Dammit, Paramount! This is the best stunt double you could find for me!?"

Kira: "Oh, no! We can't last much longer!"
Dax: "I can still pull this off. I know I can!"
Bashir: "It's hopeless, Dax. Even I don't have the reflexes to maneuver all of these squiggly blocks into place at this speed."
Kira: "Why does it never drop line pieces when we need them!?"

Janeway: (comm) "...Are you sure that this Wormhole doesn't lead to the Federation? Our scans said..."
Sisko: "No, no. This is the... umm... Andromeda Galaxy. Yeah. That's it. Andromeda."
Janeway: (comm) "Oh? Then I guess we'll continue on our way."
Sisko: "Have a nice trip."

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Donny the Dopterian: "Oh, stretchable one, we of the sentient rubber community pledge allegiance to your cause. Teach me the Way of Flubber, that I may transcend the limits of my mold".

Odo: "Rise, Lord Donny, and join the ranks of The Rubba Bruthas. Your loyalty will be rewarded...".

Sisko: "Kasidy's curtains!"

Quark: "I don't know what you're talking about".

Sisko: "I recognise that floral design...they've been missing for days...WHY ARE YOU WEARING MY WIFE'S CURTAINS?"

Quark: "Brunt shut down the bar again; I'm broke!"

Kira: "The bastard! According to this series review, the most tortured and troubled character is...O'Brien! What, was that whole occupation-terrorist backstory not good enough?"

Bashir: "I knew he made a yearly tradition of it, but I had no idea he was aiming for gold".

Jadzia: "Well, I had several symbiont-related traumas over the course of -"

Bashir and Kira: "Shut up".

Bashir: "These virtual reality helmets are supposed to encourage healthy meditation. Why are Garak's brainwaves still so agitated?"

Nurse: "According to this, Doctor, he spliced the meditation program with "Cardie Week on Risa".

Suddenly, after zero references since first airing, the crew remember the events of "Meridian".

 

[Distorted Humor]

Odo: Great, now ALPHA quadrant races think I am a god.

Sisko: Quark, I am officially very upset, but I must say, you should of seen Solok face when he relized the Baseball program was crossed with "Vulcan Love slave".

Kira: They think Ezri is a BOY? Doctor, don't you sleep with her?
Doctor: She a girl alright. Sorry Dax.
Dax: Why should I be sorry, Ezri Tigan is a nice girl.
Kira and Doctor: her name will be Ezri Dax
Dax: Guess I should talk to that Ted Danson guy my agent keeps telling me about...

Unlike Tribbles and Tribulations, the episode that was a homage to "Spock's Brain" called "Three brains and some goo" never made it past the test shooting phase...

Sisko: The Aristocrats!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Odo: You will take me to Jabba now.
Bib Fortuna: I will take you to Jabba now.
Odo: You serve your master well. And you will be rewarded.

Worf: This hair salon is without honor.

 

[Rush Limborg]

Thanks for the (joint) win!

Odo: All right, all right--get up. What's your complaint?

Alien: Your Supreme Awesomeness...I am unworthy to look upon your face. Furthermore--I feel unworthy to bring my problems before you....

Odo: (thinking) Hmmph--so this is what Bashir meant concerning the aftereffects of Robau-brand cologne....

Sisko: Quark--Spencer is on this station!

Quark: Yes...?

Sisko: A nemesis of mine from...the old days. I want you to deal with him for me....

Kira: You're leaving DS9 for that?

Bashir: Indeed. I'm amused, frankly. The protagonist is supposed to be a counselor...and he is certifably an obnoxious, foul-mouthed piece of--

Jadzia: That's the humor of the show, Julian! Haven't you ever seen House?

Bashir: That's not the same thing. I'm just--

(long pause, eyes glued to screen)

Kira: Did he just--

Jadzia: Yes...he did.

Kira: SHEESH, I'd kill a therapist who'd talk to me like that....

Worf: Doctor...may I ask why you are focusing most of your attention on the Cardas--

Bashir: Mr. Garak...has yet to finish mending my dinner suit, Mr. Worf. My appointment with a certain fair maiden is tonight. Understand?

(pause)

Worf: How may assist?

The crew's reaction upon seeing Darth Vader's cry at news of Padme's death....

 

[Smellincoffee]

Odo, with a sigh: Fine, Mr. Vladok. I will assign an extra man to look for your stolen...'pookie'. This is a teddy bear?

Sisko: You know the gamblers' song, Quark? (Singing) "You've got to know when to hold them --
Quark, timidly: ...know when to fold them..
Sisko: WHAT TIME IS IT NOW, QUARK?
Quark: ...time to run.

Kira, reading slowly: "All...your bases...are...belong...to us." The hell does that mean?

Sisko: ...the clown can stay, but the Ferengi in the gorilla suit has to go!

 

[Isis]

Bashir needed extra spending money, so he opened a McPlastic Surgery clinic.

 

[Nerys Myk]

ODO: I've got a Code 20 in my office

SECURITY OFFICER ( over comm ) Again??? That storage locker's getting full and Sisko's getting suspicious.

KIRA: Odd, there are no rumors about a DS9 movie anywhere on the internet.

DAX: I wonder what that means?

 

[Distorted Humor]

Sisko: Don't Make me go all Sisko on your Ass...

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Sisko: "What the hell is this I hear about a program on your holosuites called 'Sisko the Satyr'?"

 

[Admiral Shran]

Thanks for the win!

Odo: I want you to tell us everything. Everything!

Alien: Everything? Okay, I'll talk. In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.

Dukat (offscreen): You know, I'm really starting to like this guy, Odo.

Sisko: Where! Is! My! Hair!

Quark: Captain, do you know how much the Bajorans are willing to pay for just a small piece of the Emissary himself? I made quite a handsome profit.

Kira: Apparently, a lot of them are STILL trying to figure out what the disagreement between Riker and O'Brien was all about.

Bashir: Christ! Not this again.

Bashir: Apparently, they're all suffering from severe alcohol overdoses.

Worf: Jadiza's parties are not for the faint of heart, Doctor.

Sisko: So, they built it on the ground!

 

[Skywalker]

Worf: "What's going on?"
Nurse: "Doctor Bashir's doing brain scans on the writers of Smallville."
Worf: "I see. Have you found anything?"
Bashir: "Nothing, I'm afraid. Not even a single brain cell between them."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the win...

Sisko: "400 years of cultural evolution, of learning tolerance, temperance, experience with the unknown, developments in literature, science, the arts, and this remains the peak of human achievement..."

From viewscreen: "He rode a blazing saddle He wore a shining star
His job to offer battle To bad men near and far
He conquered fear and he conquered hate
He turned our night into day
He made his blazing saddle A touch to light the way"

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Thanks for the win...

Sisko: "400 years of cultural evolution, of learning tolerance, temperance, experience with the unknown, developments in literature, science, the arts, and this remains the peak of human achievement..."

From viewscreen: "He rode a blazing saddle He wore a shining star
His job to offer battle To bad men near and far
He conquered fear and he conquered hate
He turned our night into day
He made his blazing saddle A touch to light the way"

Jadzia (O. C.): The Sisko is near!

Everyone bursts out laughing.

 

[Mistral]

"I don't care what we owe you! There was a sehlat in my soup and I'm not paying for the meal! Do we understand each other?!?"