DS9 Caption Contest 117: If You're Going to San Francisco

[Avro Arrow]

Leyton: So we're at war with the Dominion. What can we do to increase security here at Command?
Sisko: Well, for starters, I'd have the building that houses all our top brass protected by something more than just a wooden gate. Or at least, you know, *close* the gate!

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

The audience began to suspect that the creators of Star Trek had gotten San Francisco geography wrong when Disneyland and the Amazon Rainforest were suddenly both in walking distance of Starfleet Headquarters.

Joseph Sisko: (off screen) Look kid, do you know the difference between Cajun food and Creole food?

Sisko: (thinking) Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes...

Lieutenant: No.

Joseph: Sit down, everyone. I've got some great things to tell you.

Sisko: (thinking) This is why I don't visit.

Leyton: Did I ever tell you about the time I was the leader of the Vulcan High Command?

Bashir: What do they mean "cos-play?"

 

[Starpaul20]

Male Goldshirt: Sorry Sir, but under Starfleet General Order 214, I have to place you under arrest for facepalming. Regulations state that only Picard is allow to facepalm.

 

[Ithekro]

Male Goldshirt: Sorry Sir, but under Starfleet General Order 214, I have to place you under arrest for facepalming. Regulations state that only Picard is allow to facepalm.

Sisko: But under General Order 214, subsection 12, officers that have defeated a Q may be allowed to facepalm. I punched Q square in the face.

 

[T'Ressa Dax]

Leyton: Drink this, Benjamin. It'll relax you and you'll see everything's just fine. I'm only doing what's necessary.

 

[Avro Arrow]

Leyton: Spare change?
Passerby: I thought we didn't use money?
Leyton: Self-betterment can't go in a cup.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Odo: Saints in paradise? This still looks like a military complex, dressed up with gardens.
Sisko: Don't act like a spineless wimp. Go to your medical exam, and if they inject you with something, take it like a man.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Jake: Dad, why does Grandpa keep referring to the constable as Colonel West?

Leyton: To Ben Sisko, the Space Messiah!
Sisko: ...
Leyton: That's our little nickname for you here at Headquarters. It used to be "Space Jesus", but some bureacrat made a fuss.

Bashir: Why don't these people just order food from the replicators?
Sisko: You really weren't kidding when you said history wasn't your speciality.

Markok: Good thing they restored ferry service.

 

[Hutchy01]

Leyton: To Ben Sisko, the Space Messiah!
Sisko: ...
Leyton: That's our little nickname for you here at Headquarters. It used to be "Space Jesus", but some bureacrat made a fuss.

Finally someone else who calls Sisko "Space Jesus"

 

[LeadHead]

Markok: Good thing they restored ferry service.

Sisko: Yeah, but BART's gonna be a nightmare til that's fixed.

 

[kkt]

Markok: Good thing they restored ferry service.

Sisko: Yeah, but BART's gonna be a nightmare til that's fixed.

You think BART is going to reach Marin County by the 24th Century?

 

[Nerys Myk]

Markok: Good thing they restored ferry service.

Sisko: Yeah, but BART's gonna be a nightmare til that's fixed.

You think BART is going to reach Marin County by the 24th Century?

It found it's was to San Jose in the 21st Century, so anything is possible.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Sisko: Admiral, a question I've always had...how on Earth is the military of a fleet that covers the galaxy run from one relatively small building on Earth?
Leyton: Sloppily. Outsourcing helps.

Quark attempts to sell Starfleet Academy on the virtues of privatization.

Bashir: My god, their uniforms are worse than ours. They could be sanitation workers if it weren't for the guns.

Martok: Starfleet Command says it was a weather balloon.
Sisko: I heard whales talking to aliens were involved.
Martok: Interstellar whale communication?! HAH! And I thought the weather balloon story was fishy.

 

[Hutchy01]

Bashir: My god, their uniforms are worse than ours. They could be sanitation workers if it weren't for the guns.

Sisko: They're Ghostbusters.

 

[Karzak]

LEYTON: Would you like some wine? It's a 1984 Falcon Crest cabernet sauvignon, my favorite vintage.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Siddig: You know, you only got the part because, well, I was too young and too good looking.
Avery: I got the part because I'm a badass who can grow his own facial hair, and the thought of you punching out Q made them double over in laughter.

 

[Catarina]

I'm trying to redesign the "She Pee" and I need some feedback on which looks more futuristic and therefore desirable.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Bashier: "And so Kirk held the Penisrock firmly, kind of like this..."

Sisko: "Ummm, tell me more..."

 

[Smellincoffee]

52 hour warning!

(Tomorrow night I'll be in the midst of a four-hour board meeting after work, so...can't exactly warn anyone then, can I?)

 

[Triskelion]

Leyton: Space Yahtzee!