DS9 Caption Contest 105: NOW IS THE PERFECT TIME TO PANIC!

[Smellincoffee]

Welcome back! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and didn't eat too much. Last week's winners are below.

BASHIR: (hic) I bet you...you can cut off my hand...and I can reattach it without any help.
O'BRIEN: It's a bet. Let me get a knife.
BASHIR: Wait. Is this the kind of bet we should be making when we're drunk?

Prophet: "The Sisko forgot to take out the trash."
Sisko: "Man you guys are geting really annoying."

Kira: ``You ... you wore the Velcro jacket again, didn't you?''

Dr. Mora: "I'd hate to break it to you, kid, but that's not how you play 'Got Your Nose.'"

O'Brien: Sorry, captain, we switched sides: we're on Jadzia's side now. We heard that they make candles, tell family stories, and watch Tahitian fire dancers.
Bashir: Sirella's condescening and egomaniacal, but she won't roast me over an open fire.
Sisko: The holodeck's safety protocols are on.
Quark, looking at Martok: No, they're not.
Martok: The road to Kal'Hyah is lined with burnt flesh.

QUARK: Come on Odo, I know it's you.

Odo: And now an old chestnut from the Dark Ages called, 'I Can't Rotate My Crops Because Three Field Crop Rotation Hasn't Been Invented Yet.' And a one, and a two....

The Shapeshifter award goes to..

LUCY VAN PROPHET: You were supposed to get a *good* tree. Can't you even tell a good tree from a poor tree?

And finally!

[

Odo: This means something.
Moira: Stop playing with your mashed potatoes.

Congratulations to the winners, and now -- this week's set. We're heading into the New Year, but don't panic!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Cadet: Sir, it's the Jem'Hadar. They want to talk to us about something called "Amway"...

 

[JirinPanthosa]

tftw!

ENSIGN: Come on, 8! Just another wheat and I can win Settlers of Catania!

QUARK: That's your plan? Kill me by poisoning my pie in the station's annual pie eating contest?

LIEUTENANT: Crap. I just realized we're going into a dangerous situation and I'm the only person here who isn't a main character!

SISKO: Damn it! Even when I lay down in the middle of the street a cab won't stop for me! What is wrong with this time period?!

GOLDSHIRT: Red 1! Bogey on my six!

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Ensign: Life-forms. You tiny little life-forms. You precious little life-forms. Where are you?

Garak: (chuckling) Have you ever noticed, the back of your head looks like a pair of boobs?

Lieutenant Sabrina Fitzpatrick, personal log, supplemental. I've got a bad feeling about this assignment.

Sisko: I slipped on a crab. Who put that crab there?

Watters: (os) Shepard! For frak sake, watch where you're going!

 

[Hutchy01]

ENSIGN: I've gone grey waiting but I'm finally more important than Worf!

QUARK: Garak your cooking is so bad you just killed Rom

LIEUTENANT: Shouldn't have looked in Odo's quarters.

SISKO: Double dumbass on you

 

[Nerys Myk]

Sisko decided hailing a cab was the best way to do a pub crawl.

 

[Nerys Myk]

LYTA ALEXANDER: Where the hell am I and who are these people???

 

[Rat Boy]

Ensign: "Oh, so that's why Riker always sat down like that. The things you learn on the Internet."

Shimmerman: "Did you really have to kill my stand-in?"

Sisko: "It's like she's a mind reader..."

Sisko: "...still better than Uber..."

Shepard: "But sir, we can't park there! That's the white zone!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

GARAK And that's number one of five hundred ways I can kill you using objects in this room. Care to see more?

QUARK: No. Consider your tab paid in full.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Shepard: Captain! We can't attack that Jem'Hadar battleship, it's suicide. Surely you can't be serious?

Watters (voice): I am serious. And stop calling me Shirley.

 

[Inactive-Shapeshifter]

GARAK: So... you still think you don't need a new suit? Because you know, these is a very dangerous station... There are so many things that can happen to a poor bad-dressed ferengi like you. Just look at this poor soul...

 

[Inactive-Shapeshifter]

Woman: I'm getting strange readings from the bridge captain.
Sisko: What type of readings?
Woman: I'm not sure, they are HUGE!
Bashir: But WHAT is it?
Lyta: MY GOD! IT'S A CROSSOVER!
Sisko: Not another one! Get us the hell out of here! NOW!

 

[Inactive-Shapeshifter]

Yelowshirt: Sir, abut those holodeck privileges we talked about...
Sisko: KEEP THE DAMN EYES ON THE CONSOLE YOU BASTARD!

 

[Inactive-Shapeshifter]

Ensign (thinking): DAMN! Lost another ship! Ok, let's see how you react to this Mr. Worf: F-5! I'm gonna sunk you'r destroyer!
Worf (thinking): Shoot in the water again.

 

[StarMan]

Ensign: "Sir! The space station has been compromised, but Superman is taking on the Cheney Starchild."

Sisko: "Mr Worf! Target those space piranhas. And Mr Garak - kudos on that Cardassian weed. It sure takes the edge off..."

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Handsome, but suspiciously older, ensign: I should never have made a deal with Q.

 

[bolak]

LYTA: Aw crap! You have Walter Koenig in your universe too?

OPS ENSIGN: I'll just pop a Hideki class here and see if Worf notices...

 

[Leviathan]

Sisko: SECURITY! Another one of those damn Bab 5 people snuck in again.

 

[Rat Boy]

Bashir: "I don't think we should send her back to K-7. She saw some Russian ensign from the Enterprise and had a panic attack."

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Sisko: Here's our chance to "punch through." Dax, make a run at the lead Jem'hadar ship. Lt. Alexander, hold your fire until we are within 5 meters. The Defiant emerging from the fireball will look badass.
Lt. Alexander, to self: Easy for him to say: he's protected by powerful, atemporal beings.