Contest: ENTER DS9 CapCon 163: Back to the Future

Discussion in 'Star Trek: Deep Space Nine' started by Smellincoffee, Apr 23, 2018.

  1. Smellincoffee

    Smellincoffee Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    May 20, 2005
    Location:
    Heart of Dixie
    Annnd we're back! First up, the April Fools winners:

    Triskelion's "Out Damned Spot"
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    Amy: He's in your spot, Jim.
    Sheldon: I love you.

    JirinPanthosa's "Here be Dragons"
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    LIEUTENANT: We have arrived at a planet previously visited by the Enterprise. Captain Kirk observed that the planet had based their civilization on human mafia literature. Now it seems they have abandoned that pursuit and based it entirely on the human middle ages.

    Mr. Soak's "But What About 'Stand By Me'"?
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    Sheldon: I enjoyed Brent’s crazy scientist in Independence Day better than Wil’s student character in Toy Soldiers.
    *stare*
    Sheldon: What? There’s more to actors’ careers than Star Trek.
    *stare*

    tharpdevenport's "Bonk, Bonk on the Head"
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    Dude: "A Borg, a Klingon, and a bald 24th century Starfleet captain walk into a bar..."
    Dude's friend: "Heh -- don't think I've heard that one before."
    Dude: "No joke."

    Triskelion's "The Seduction Imperative"
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    WORF: I grow tired of this sitcom holoprogram! How do we escape?
    DATA: Controls are not responding. We must get to the end of the story to end the program.
    WORF: How do we do that?
    DATA: We must both get together with the woman who has been our friend for years but with whom we have had sexual tension.
    WORF: I must court a nerdy human female?
    DATA: It appears so. Safeties are offline, but I get a weird feeling that doesn't matter for this program.

    Bad Thoughts' "Don't Tell the Prophets"
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    Raj: If I am not going to enjoy linear procreation, I'm going to use this device to create a hole in space where past, present and future don't exist.
    Leonard: You can't run away. You have to take responsibility for your actions.
    Raj: The way I see it is that I am escaping aggressive, adversarial jocks who taunt me for knowing nothing about sports, like baseball.
    Howard: What are you going to do? Are you going to keep in touch?
    Raj: I'm bringing my collection of classic Science Fiction novels, Asimov, Rossof, Heinlein and Russell. And I can get messages to you through these orbs I've constructed.
    Sheldon: Those aren't orbs. Orbs are spherical. Those look like hourglases. They aren't spherical.



    And now, this week's run! As a nod to Earth Day, let's take the characters home to the pale blue dot!


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  2. Smellincoffee

    Smellincoffee Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    May 20, 2005
    Location:
    Heart of Dixie
    [​IMG]
    Avery Brooks: It's the year 2024, but where are the flying cars? I was promised flying cars! I don't see any flying cars. Why? Why? WHY?
    (Brooks on flying cars)

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    Bashir: What is a "domestic partnership"? Is it a business arrangment?
    Sisko: Just say no.
    Bashir: "No".

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    Dax: Thank God! There's these mutant turtles down there and they think I'm some woman named April!

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    Sisko: You wrote...baseball fan fiction?
    Bashir: Do you like it?
    Sisko: You're aware there are no wickets in baseball?
    Bashir: No? But I thought -- *tears*
    Sisko: Are you crying? There's no crying in baseball!
     
  3. Herbert

    Herbert Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2017
    Location:
    Yeoman Rand's Quarters
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  4. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Garth of Algar Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Algar
    [​IMG]
    DAX: ...okay turns out this isn't an escape hatch. And I'm gonna need new shoes.
     
  5. Bry_Sinclair

    Bry_Sinclair Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2009
    Location:
    Orbiting Urectum
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    Dax: Locking phasers and quantum torpedoes!

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    Sisko: This weapon may be primitive, but it doesn't half make me look even more bad-ass than I already am!

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    Bashir: Why do you think she is asking me about my religious beliefs?

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    Sisko: Be careful down there, Old Man, there were lots of rumours about alligators in sewers during this time period.
    Dax: No alligators, but there is some crazy shit going on down here. On an unrelated note, does your father have any good recipes for giant turtle soup?

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    Bashir: How did all of that happen, sir?
    Sisko: It was the legacy of one man who wanted to build walls, he just lied about where he was going to build them.
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2018
  6. Bad Thoughts

    Bad Thoughts Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2013
    Location:
    Bad Thoughts
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    It slowly sinks in how much they've fucked up history: it's ICE that runs the sanctuary districts.
    Lee: Mr. Bashir, I guess we'll deport you to Mexico.

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    Dax: Benjamin, we've traveled in time to the 21st century.
    Sisko: That's quick work for a star survey, Old Man.
    Dax: Not really. I can see ice at the poles.

    Thanks for the win, Smellin' Coffee!
     
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  7. Herbert

    Herbert Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2017
    Location:
    Yeoman Rand's Quarters
    [​IMG]
    Dax: C.H.U.D. ?? What's a Chud?
    Sisko: Oh, look at the time, I must be going.
     
  8. tharpdevenport

    tharpdevenport Admiral Admiral

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    "Oh, Frakes, thank goodness. Is Avery gone ye--" looks up, "Oh, Avery..."

    Avery: "Funs over."
     
  9. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Garth of Algar Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Algar
    [​IMG]
    DAX: What the?

    [​IMG]
    DAX: Oops. I had on the 23rd Century filter.
     
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  10. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    T4TW Smellincoffee! But "The Seduction Imperative" award was JirinPanthosa's caption!
    :lol::lol::lol:


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    Dax: Worf will never find me down here! Tell him a pah wraith got me!
     
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2018
  11. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Garth of Algar Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Algar
    [​IMG]
    BASHIR: Well?
    SISKO: Pretty good. But you misspelled a word.
    BASHIR: I do that to hide the fact I'm an Augment.
    SISKO: What?
    BASHIR: What?
     
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  12. JirinPanthosa

    JirinPanthosa Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2012
    Location:
    JirinPanthosa
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    DAX: La la la, I could burn off the entire atmosphere in a split second and nobody could stop me, la la la, so could almost any other ship that got this close to any planet, la la la none of this is terrifying at all.

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    SISKO: I don't know where the safety is on 21st century weapons. The safety might be on, or might be off. Do you feel lucky, PUNK?

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    SISKO: These sanctuary districts were originally built in 2019 to hold immigrants indefinitely without a trial by order of the president. Then they started throwing poor people in too.

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    DAX: Hey, if it's this easy to get in through the sewers how come nobody uses it to get out?

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    BASHIR: You're a holy figure for the Bajorans. You're the station commander and chief strategist on the most important outpost of the next war. And now, you're a historical figure who died to make people feel empathy for poor people again.
    SISKO: What is this?
    BASHIR: I nominated you for "The most interesting man in the galaxy".
     
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2018
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  13. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Garth of Algar Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Algar
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    Shift's over at 9:30. Any questions?
     
  14. tharpdevenport

    tharpdevenport Admiral Admiral

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    Lady: "Hey, guys, what's happening? Ahhh, we got sort of a problem here. Yeah, ah, you apparently didn't put one of the new cover sheets on your TPS reports."

    Bashier: "Oh, yeah, I'm sorry about that -- I forgot."

    Sisko: "Me, too."

    Lady: "Ummm, yeah, you see, we're putting the cover sheets on all TPS reports before they go out. Did you read the communication about this?"

    Sisko: "Yeah."

    Bashier: "Yeah. Yeah, I have a copy of the communication right here. I just, ah, forgot. But it's not being sent until tomorrow."

    Sisko: "There's no problem."

    Lady: "Yeeeaaahhh, if you could just make sure you two do that from now on, that would be great. And, ah, I'll go ahead and make sure you get another transmission of that communication memo. Okay?" gets up and walks away

    Sisko: "I got the memo communication right here..."

    Bashier: "I'm gonna set the ship on fire."
     
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  15. kkt

    kkt Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2014
    Location:
    Seattle
    "I don't like your hat and I hate Mondays!"
     
  16. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Garth of Algar Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Algar
    [​IMG]
    DAX: How the hell am I supposed to know how it got down there?
     
  17. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    [​IMG]
    Bashir: So, did no interior decorators need sanctuary?
    Worker: No, no lawyers either. No hipster barbers, no rich kids in sneakers, no luxury manual bicycles, and no celebrities speaking about politics.
    Bashir: So they finally achieved Utopia.
    Sisko: Ahem.
    Bashir: So close!
     
  18. Laura Cynthia Chambers

    Laura Cynthia Chambers Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2016
    Location:
    Mississauga
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    Julian Bashir assumes the standard position specified for all personnel submitting requisition forms. Failure to elicit sufficient sympathy results in immediate refusal.
     
  19. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Sisko: This requisition for a nurse/masseusse isn't filled out in triplicate, Doctor.
    Bashir: It's a digital file. It's easily replicated in however many files you need, sir.
    Sisko: Well, what's the problem then?
    Bashir: I only have the one PADD.
     
  20. tharpdevenport

    tharpdevenport Admiral Admiral

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    Dax: "Water go down thee hooollleee!"