DS9 CapCon 102: Whodunit?
- Thread starter Smellincoffee
- Start date
Sisko: *whispers* Old Man…Who's that O'Brien Look-alike?
Dax: *whispers*A black vole crossed the Chief's path this morning. Given the things that happen to him on a GOOD day, he decided to send in a decoy.
Dax: Will a neck massage help you go faster?
Bashir: Damned Cardassian unisex Ops bathroom.
Bashir: He died trying to get the lights to blink in sequence.
Sisko: I guess he didn't get my reference.
Odo: Ahem, not everyone keeps their genitals in the same place.
Quark: You just remember that when my staff's class action sexual harassment suit comes up.
Sisko: That reminds me, I haven't cooked Jambalaya in a while.
All: Eewwwww!
Sisko: I've got a dangerous mission that calls for the most experienced senior officers.
Primmin: Ohhhh?
Sisko: And one extra mission specialist whose name we've never mentioned before today.
Primmin: Awww.
Dax: Look at his little shmekel.
Clone: I'm working on it!
Dax: "...and then we leave Quark's and go for a long walk."
Bashir: "Nice..."
Dax: "Where I run my hands over your chest while making eye contact."
Bashir: "Sounds... plesant."
Dax: "Then we go to that quiet little spot and we make our for half an hour."
Bashir: "Oh, my."
Dax: "And I hold you hand and lead you back to my quarters..."
Bashir: "Yes..."
Dax: "Emotions running high and things getting hot and heavy..."
Bashir: "Yes, yes..."
Dax: "...and I go to the bathroom to freshen up and put something silky on..."
Bashir: "Oh, yeah! Keep going..."
Dax: "And I come back out..."
Bashir: "Yes, yes!"
Dax: "and you're not fucking there because you're off with O'Brien again IN THE FUCKING HOLODECK!!!"
Bashir: "I told you: we had a prior play date! God, you'll never let me forget it."
Sisko: "What is it?"
Bashier: "Based on the glaring uncessary lights, I'd say we've cloned a 21st century male named J.J. Abrams."
Sisko: Bashir, Dax, I want to know which one of you flushed the Constable down the waste reclamation system last night.
Odo: It was... unpleasant.
Bashir: I was with Chief O'Brien, I swear! We were playing Racquetball.
Dax: Don't look at me, I just move his furniture.
Primmin: *sweating* It was definitely one of them. It's not as if I did it. No sir. Not a chance.
Sisko: Kassidy Yates' ship is returning tomorrow, and I need -
Dax, Bashir, Odo: NOT IT!
Primmin: Oh crap.
Sisko: Computer, locate Mister Garibaldi. He'll get to the bottom of this.
Odo: Wrong again, Commander.
Sisko: Then this isn't Ambassador G'Kar?
Odo: No, sir. Wrong damn station, wrong damn aliens.
Sisko: So who was that creepy Psi Corps guy?
Dax: You mean Chekov?
Sisko: You know I don't read Russian literature, Ivanova.
Dax: Sigh. Yes sir.
Dax: I can give you the Mollari but I don't think it will help you get a "bald alien chick."
Bashir: It couldn't hurt.
Dax: Nope, couldn't hurt.
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SISKO: "Ok, i know it's hard, but how do you people intent to go through all 7 seasons without the comedy episodes? It's not like the life we're leading, all of this, you and me, all were just a dream! We need cheap episodes to fill in the holes!"
Dax: I could discover I have a split personality, or maybe a past life I never knew about.
Sisko: That's the stuff. Keep it coming.
Bashir: Maybe I have special intellectual gifts that will allow me do fast calculations and make witty retorts, just like Spock and Data.
Sisko: Comedy gold!
Odo: I was thinking that I might have come from a planet covered entirely with goo. Maybe it's sticky, maybe it's slippery, we'll need to screentest to see what looks better.
Sisko: Slapstick. I like. Lt. Primmin?
Primmin: I want to fight a war.
Sisko: If it comes to that, I'll shave my head.
SISKO: Make sure we never run out of ideas. We don't want to have to resort to just bringing in Ferengi and having them act annoying.
Odo: Things have really gotten out of hand since the sonic showers stopped working.
Dax: You really should have put up a sign Julian. People get desperate enough, this starts to look an awful lot like a bath.
Bashir: In my defence, this isn't the sort of thing you see coming.
Sisko: That's not the point! I can't count the number of health and safety regulations you violated by putting an acid bath out in the open like this!
Sisko: *whispers* Old Man…Who's that O'Brien Look-alike?
Dax: *whispers*A black vole crossed the Chief's path this morning. Given the things that happen to him on a GOOD day, he decided to send in a decoy.
nice
Thanks for the win a couple of contests ago! 
Odo: My analysis: Death by natural causes.
Odo: You know, Quark. I've been thinking about going into a life of crime.
Quark: Really? That's great! Petty theft? Fencing stolen goods?
Odo: I'm starting a hedge fund.
Bashir: I'm sorry Commander, we were hoping this would turn into Leeloo. Instead it's the clone of a random Bajoran.
Sisko: All right, people. We've got a lot of dangerous situations going on. The Cardassians are threatening the station, there was a murder in a holosuite and apparently any random guy in a gold uniform can just walk into my office!
Odo: My analysis: Death by natural causes.
Odo: You know, Quark. I've been thinking about going into a life of crime.
Quark: Really? That's great! Petty theft? Fencing stolen goods?
Odo: I'm starting a hedge fund.
Bashir: I'm sorry Commander, we were hoping this would turn into Leeloo. Instead it's the clone of a random Bajoran.
Sisko: All right, people. We've got a lot of dangerous situations going on. The Cardassians are threatening the station, there was a murder in a holosuite and apparently any random guy in a gold uniform can just walk into my office!
Dax, sweetly whispering: Do you realize how easily I could snap your neck right now? Yes? Stop following me around everywhere.
Bashir: Results are inconclusive.
Odo: Doctor, there's a knife in his back. His limbs are stiff. There are flies. He's dead.
Bashir: But the tricorder!
Quark: Your winnings, constable.
Odo: Ah, Quark. I was just telling the commander here -- he's new to the station, have you met him? -- how firm our anti-vice laws are.
Bashir: Apparently one of the science interns wanted a date in time for the Founding-of-the-Federation anniversary gala.
Dax. She's..shy.
Primmin, whispering: Constable, why are we here?
Odo: The commander intends on reminding the staff of regulations discouraging romantic liasons between officers.
Primmin: ...but we're not dating.
Odo: *sigh*
SISKO: "So I was watching FederationNetFlix last night, saw an old Earth television show called 'Spenser for Hire', think I'm going to go with the shaved head/goatee look. Whadda think?"
CRICKETS: "chiiiiirp ... chiiiiirp .... chiiiirp ..."
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OR:
SISKO: "So I was watching FederationNetFlix last night, saw an old Earth television show called 'Spenser for Hire', think I'm going to go with the shaved head/goatee look. Whadda think?"
DAX (THINKING): "That might look good, but then I got a thing for a man's head. I've dated a guy with a transparent skull, and might even find a klingon's boney head attractive ... anything but a Ferengi head, ugh!"
BASHIR (THINKING): "If I shaved my head and grew a goatee, would Jadzia think I'm hot?"
ODO (THINKING): "I hope he doesn't expect me to go that route"
PRIMIN (THINKING): "Oh man, that would be so badass, wish I could grow a beard!"
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Kira: Look at his little shmekel.
Corpse: I'm working on it!
Corpse (thinking) : If Dax was here it would already be huge ... If you know what I mean!
Kira: Look at his little shmekel.
Corpse: I'm working on it!
86,400 second warning!
Sisko: What do you mean, you FORGOT we were having a staff party after beta shift? Everyone loves my cajun gumbo.
Bashir: Very sorry, sir, but I have to train the nurses in ..catching up with the latest Starfleet protocols.
Dax: I have a date with yet another exotic species, Benjamin.
Odo: I'm...regenerating. And I can't eat your gumbo.
Primmin: But right b efore the captain came in, you were all saying how much you hated the idea of having to eat such spicy sh-
Everybody: Shut up, Primmin!
I forgot I was invited to a dinner party tonight, so add a few thousand seconds to that count. New contest by Monday night at the latest, as I have a full day tomorrow.
Sisko: What do you mean, you FORGOT we were having a staff party after beta shift? Everyone loves my cajun gumbo.
Bashir: Very sorry, sir, but I have to train the nurses in ..catching up with the latest Starfleet protocols.
Dax: I have a date with yet another exotic species, Benjamin.
Odo: I'm...regenerating. And I can't eat your gumbo.
Primmin: But right b efore the captain came in, you were all saying how much you hated the idea of having to eat such spicy sh-
Everybody: Shut up, Primmin!
I forgot I was invited to a dinner party tonight, so add a few thousand seconds to that count. New contest by Monday night at the latest, as I have a full day tomorrow.
Sisko (thinking) : Primmin may be my next Gumbo
