Down in the Dumps

[Gryffindorian]

I'm generally a cheerful person. I'm fairly content with my life, and although it could be much better, I consider myself lucky enough to have my family and friends, good health (I'm diabetic but it's under control), and a stable career in the government sector while enjoying a positive work relationship with others.

Although I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety eight years ago, I've managed my condition pretty well with the help of medication and by exercising regularly and trying to eat a healthful diet--and mostly with the support of people who are close to me.

These past few days, however, I've been feeling down. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the changing of the season. Maybe it's because I didn't get to travel this summer as I did in previous years. Not only do I get this feeling of lack of excitement in my life, but also I'm reminded of what I don't have or what I haven't done in life (like traveling), and there's a feeling of sad emptiness that comes with it. I start to think, "If only I were a better person physically, mentally, and emotionally, things would've been different and I would be a much happier person."

A friend suggested that perhaps I should get into a relationship. Being gay/bi, I have always been content with being single and have enjoyed the company of friends and family. It's been ages since I was last in a relationship with a woman back in my early 20s (my "straight" years). And to be honest, I've never been physically intimate with anyone.

Part of me is daunted by the very idea of being in a relationship. That's mostly because I like my independence--to do whatever I want, go wherever and whenever I want to, without being bound by the demands of a partner. Yet when I go out by myself, I see all these happy couples enjoying their dinner and a movie date. I've never really envied people in a relationship, at least not until recently.

So anyway, I just thought I'd share my thoughts ...

 

[Tosk]

I can only speak for myself, but seeking out a relationship just to have one is a bad idea. I've seen too many friends base their life/self-worth around their partner and it seldom seems to end well. Being open to a relationship though, that's another story...asking out someone you find interesting and attractive don't cost a thing.

 

[Gryffindorian]

And that's pretty much how I've felt all these years. I have friends who are single, in a relationship, married, or divorced, and most of them at least seem content with the status quo. I don't feel bad or lonely on Valentine's Day or any other time of the year. But what my friend said recently has got me thinking that it wouldn't be so bad to date or see someone. At the moment, I don't actively seek out a partner, and I wouldn't know where to begin anyway.

Edit:

Or maybe I'm just bored due to a lack of good TV shows. The new fall TV season is just around the corner.

 

[RoJoHen]

I feel pretty much exactly the way you do. Good family. Good friends. Good job. I am content. Unfortunately, I am growing complacent with being content, and it's been bumming me out a lot the last couple months. My life needs to be shaken up!

 

[Gryffindorian]

Wanna hook up? I jest, I jest!

But you're still young, Rojo. You've got your whole life ahead of you.

 

[wissaboo]

I have a history of depression as well. Sometimes I can feel myself slipping back down. Usually getting some exercise outside will right the chemicals in my brain again.

 

[Captain_Nick]

I'm in a similar position to you Gryffindorian, been feeling down a bit lately and for the same sort of reasons. But I've recently had to move to a different city; new job, new university, new friends, etc and that's probably just starting to sink in.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

That sounds potentially exciting Collingwood Nick.

 

[MacLeod]

I suspect many of us have those days were we feel a little blue, we can be perfectly happy for 99% of the year but there can be that 1% were for whatever reason we feel down.

 

[rhubarbodendron]

I've been single for the best part of the last 20 years and have to admit that it can get on one's nerves. Having a partner is quite nice when you are depressed. There's always someone who can hold you in his/her arms and comfort you.
The feeling of being chained to someone is a risk but it always depends on the person. While some tend to choke you or try to control your every step, others give you the freedom you need. The ideal partner should be like a safety net and be there to catch you when you fall but otherwise not get in your way. In my experience only few people can do that. Older ones and those who have been single for a long time are more likely to give you some rope while young and insecure people tend to get too tight. But there are of course exceptions to this general rule.

I'd suggest you keep your eyes open and give it a try. And don't give up if it doesn't work with the first person. Or the second or third or - well, you get what I mean.

And in the meantime, if you need a hug or a shoulder to lean on, we'll always be there for you

 

[Captain_Nick]

That sounds potentially exciting Collingwood Nick.

Is. I'm sure I'll be right in time

 

[Gryffindorian]

I have a history of depression as well. Sometimes I can feel myself slipping back down. Usually getting some exercise outside will right the chemicals in my brain again.

This is very true. When I was first diagnosed, my doctor recommended regular exercise on most days. Of course, I already did that at the time, but it's good to help those endorphines going.

I'm in a similar position to you Gryffindorian, been feeling down a bit lately and for the same sort of reasons. But I've recently had to move to a different city; new job, new university, new friends, etc and that's probably just starting to sink in.

I suspect many of us have those days were we feel a little blue, we can be perfectly happy for 99% of the year but there can be that 1% were for whatever reason we feel down.

Apparently, I'm not the only one. Maybe it's just a phase I'm going through. In any case, I NEED some excitement in my life.

I've been single for the best part of the last 20 years and have to admit that it can get on one's nerves. Having a partner is quite nice when you are depressed. There's always someone who can hold you in his/her arms and comfort you.
The feeling of being chained to someone is a risk but it always depends on the person. While some tend to choke you or try to control your every step, others give you the freedom you need. The ideal partner should be like a safety net and be there to catch you when you fall but otherwise not get in your way. In my experience only few people can do that. Older ones and those who have been single for a long time are more likely to give you some rope while young and insecure people tend to get too tight. But there are of course exceptions to this general rule.

I'd suggest you keep your eyes open and give it a try. And don't give up if it doesn't work with the first person. Or the second or third or - well, you get what I mean.

And in the meantime, if you need a hug or a shoulder to lean on, we'll always be there for you

Great advice, and thank you all for listening and sharing your experiences as well. My friend suggested that I should probably get some counseling if I'm having anxiety about relationships. I don't think I'm relationship-phobic, and it would certainly be nice to eventually find someone to grow old with.

 

[jazzstick]

I'm generally a cheerful person. I'm fairly content with my life, and although it could be much better, I consider myself lucky enough to have my family and friends, good health (I'm diabetic but it's under control), and a stable career in the government sector while enjoying a positive work relationship with others.

Although I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety eight years ago, I've managed my condition pretty well with the help of medication and by exercising regularly and trying to eat a healthful diet--and mostly with the support of people who are close to me.

These past few days, however, I've been feeling down. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the changing of the season. Maybe it's because I didn't get to travel this summer as I did in previous years. Not only do I get this feeling of lack of excitement in my life, but also I'm reminded of what I don't have or what I haven't done in life (like traveling), and there's a feeling of sad emptiness that comes with it. I start to think, "If only I were a better person physically, mentally, and emotionally, things would've been different and I would be a much happier person."

A friend suggested that perhaps I should get into a relationship. Being gay/bi, I have always been content with being single and have enjoyed the company of friends and family. It's been ages since I was last in a relationship with a woman back in my early 20s (my "straight" years). And to be honest, I've never been physically intimate with anyone.

Part of me is daunted by the very idea of being in a relationship. That's mostly because I like my independence--to do whatever I want, go wherever and whenever I want to, without being bound by the demands of a partner. Yet when I go out by myself, I see all these happy couples enjoying their dinner and a movie date. I've never really envied people in a relationship, at least not until recently.

So anyway, I just thought I'd share my thoughts ...

Boy, this sounds all too familier...

I've suffered from depression for the last 21 years of my life (I'm 31 now) and have learned how to control it as you have with diet, medication and exersize but when it comes to living life, in my experince, for what it's worth, its definilty best shared! Nothing wrong with being independant, in fact its very importantant to be a good partner to someone but as General Martok said:

"We Klingons often tout our prowess in battle, our desire for glory and honor above all else. But how hollow is the sound of victory without someone to share it with. Honor gives little comfort to a man alone in his home... and in his heart..."


We all long for that connection, it's what makes us human, but I feel if you feel the need to be with someone, you should look within yourself and see what is missing and make sure its really a need to connect and not other issues that you not another person can only fix!

I myself went throught a relathionship that lasted a year and ended abruptly 18 months ago and looking back I can see some of the reasons why I stayed with someone who treated me so badly, and once I did, I got on that shit and fixed it but it all started because of that same longing and loneliness!! I wanted to be a better partner and a healthier person and never have a repeat of getting my heart ripped out and stomped on! If you have a need to travel and explore I can't possibly imagine it would hard to find someone who share's your love of the world! Besides the right person will never stand in your way! The right person will give you wings!


Keep your heart open and the people you are meant to have in your life will come to you!


You are not alone...you are never alone!

Also...Star Trek helps, lots and lots of Star Trek!

 

[Gryffindorian]

Interesting perspective. I like the Trek quote. I have a couple of very good older friends I mentioned before: one's a divorced lady in her late 60s and the other's a 70-something gentleman who has never married his entire life. They're both very dear to me, and I've always looked up to them and admired them for their independence and wisdom. I often think that someday--if I never get married or find a partner--I hope to be just as happy as these two friends of mine.

 

[BennieGamali]

I'm in the middle of losing a very close friend (or person I'm a bit obsessed with), so I can relate to the down in the dumpishness!
Things are a bit weird, he's leaving because he's obsessed with someone who might or might not be me. But I don't want to ask him about it or tell him how I feel because I know a relationship like we would have couldn't work, and I couldn't make him happy. It's terribly sad and difficult to let him go, but it's the right thing to do.
In other words, I do not advise getting into a relationship unless it's because YOU personally want one and because you are in love. Your partner shouldn't be a happy pill or a crutch. Getting into a relationship as a means to "fight" depression usually just makes you feel even worse.
That being said! I am certain this is very very opinionated. I am sure a lot of people see this in a different way than me.

 

[JarodRussell]

Ha, I love the "hey, just get into a relationship" advice. Like they were hanging from trees.

Part of me is daunted by the very idea of being in a relationship. That's mostly because I like my independence--to do whatever I want, go wherever and whenever I want to, without being bound by the demands of a partner.

Well, if you see relationships that way, it'd be better if you don't seek one.

 

[Gryffindorian]

I'm in the middle of losing a very close friend (or person I'm a bit obsessed with), so I can relate to the down in the dumpishness!
Things are a bit weird, he's leaving because he's obsessed with someone who might or might not be me. But I don't want to ask him about it or tell him how I feel because I know a relationship like we would have couldn't work, and I couldn't make him happy. It's terribly sad and difficult to let him go, but it's the right thing to do.
In other words, I do not advise getting into a relationship unless it's because YOU personally want one and because you are in love. Your partner shouldn't be a happy pill or a crutch. Getting into a relationship as a means to "fight" depression usually just makes you feel even worse.
That being said! I am certain this is very very opinionated. I am sure a lot of people see this in a different way than me.

I agree with you for the most part. I've always been content with solitude my whole life, but seeking out a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship doesn't personally appeal to me. You have to admit, though, that happiness often comes with being part of a relationship--one based on love, respect, trust, honesty, affection, etc. Why do people seek out partners if not due to loneliness or in order to find emotional fulfillment?

(EDIT: I'm not saying that would be my reason or justification for wanting to be in some kind of a relationship; I'd rather it be based on love and all the good stuff I mentioned.)

Ha, I love the "hey, just get into a relationship" advice. Like they were hanging from trees.

Part of me is daunted by the very idea of being in a relationship. That's mostly because I like my independence--to do whatever I want, go wherever and whenever I want to, without being bound by the demands of a partner.

Well, if you see relationships that way, it'd be better if you don't seek one.

I'm not saying I'm seeking a relationship; it was advised to me by a friend. And you're right. That is in part how I feel about being in a partnership. As I get older though, my perspectives may change, and I realize being in a relationship is not the be-all and end-all of happiness.

 

[Gryffindorian]

Money = Happiness (at least for me). I know I'd be a lot happier if I had more money, not that I'm saying I come up short or end up with nothing every pay period, but still it would be nice to win the lottery.

 

[Captain_Nick]

Fortunately, you can take direct action. Find a higher paying job, find a way to get a raise, or find a way to embezzle.

 

[tomalak301]

I admit, I don't practice what I preach on this, but have you thought about joining clubs or even going to the gym? Working out can not only help the body and your life heath, but there are times when I do it (Again, not as much as I should) where it's kind of therapeutic. The least it can do is take your mind off of bad things and keep it constantly working.