When I first watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I really couldn't stand Xander at all during seasons 1-3. I found him to be an amalgam of all the annoying, immature, sexist behavior exhibited by males of that age and a little older, but what made it worse is that I had the impression that I was supposed to like him. But then, with time, I started to tolerate him, and even like him - as a flawed man who is growing up and changing for the better, but still occasionally lapsing into his old immature, douchy behavior patterns. And even then, I thought that the show did a good job of showing us the reasons for his behavior (as in "Hell's Bells"), like his family situation. Then sometime halfway during season 7, he seemed to really have matured and gotten rid of most of those annoying traits.
But then I started reading Buffy-related forums a bit too much and came to the startling realization that the character is considered an epitome of a nice guy in a large portion of the fandom. To make it worse, I came upon comments such as:
(these examples are taken from this thread - it's an old thread and it's about season 8, so there's no point reviving it for an off-topic discussion)
First off, just how ridiculous it is to argue that two characters should get together because A "deserves" B? And Buffy doesn't have to "get over" anything. I get the impression that Buffy/Xander is something that some male fans fantasize about (maybe there are some female Buffy/Xander shippers, but I've never met them; female fans, if they ship, they ship Buffy with Spike or Angel), because they want to think that an average Joe "deserves" to get the strong, extraordinary girl, as a reward for being her long time friend. Well, it doesn't work that way. If we're going to use the word "deserve", then Xander deserves someone who really wants him, and Buffy deserves someone she really wants. And a real friendship should be a real friendship, not a means to an end - getting romance and sex as the real deal one day. This idea just cheapens the friendship.
But another thing that pisses me off is that Xander, IMO, is not a nice guy at all. (If you want an example of a nice guy on the show, it's Oz, when he wasn't going into werewolf mode.) And once I saw him treated as a nice guy, all my old annoyances with the character come back full force.
Now, don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like characters who act like assholes. Pretty much everyone in Buffyverse is a douche at some point or other, and my favorite characters, besides Buffy herself (who also has major douchy moments throughout the show) are Spike, Faith, Anya and Darla. But it's one thing when the show, the fans and the character himself/herself is owning up to it, and very different when people are not just ignoring douchy behavior and not calling it for what it is, but acting as if the character is supposed to be some sort of stand-in for the audience or 'everyman' moral arbiter, or 'nice guy'.
Xander's credentials for the role of the "Nice guy" are pretty much these: he was one of those guys who think that the fact that they have stuck around as a friend to a woman who has - shock, horror! - rejected their romantic advances, makes them somehow entitled to constantly pass judgments on her sexuality and her choices (which makes him a lousy kind of friend - exactly the kind that the female friend can't really confide in). Or, you know, those kind of guys who whine how they are getting rejected because they're too "nice" and that there's something wrong with womenfolk who always go for "bad boys". What they don't understand is that weak, average, insecure doesn't equal "nice", and the reason they're getting rejected is that they aren't really that nice at all, they're douchebags just as much as those other guys, and that women might simply prefer other guys because they're sexier, smarter, stronger, more confident, more fun, etc.
Therefore I was very happy when I recently came upon this Livejournal entry whose author has listed his reasons for hating Xander. I'll quote the parts that I pretty much agree on (and I'll add some that the author has forgotten about):
Addition: Xander has known about Willow's crush on him all the time, but he never showed any interest in her - he is more interested in bitchy, sexy and dangerous women. (Willow will eventually become the most dangerous of them all, but unfortunately for Xander, she'll realize she's a lesbian by that time....) Until she found a boyfriend, Oz. He is very disappointed when he realizes in season 2 finale that Willow loves Oz. And then in season 3, while he is dating Cordelia, Xander and Willow start secretly seeing each other. Where did this sudden interest come from? Xander really loves women he can't have, doesn't he. I don't criticize people for their romantic choices, but it is interesting in the light of Xander constant judgmental bitching about Buffy's love life. (Because, you know, she actually dares to choose other men over his wonderful self.) More about that later...
(to be continued...)
But then I started reading Buffy-related forums a bit too much and came to the startling realization that the character is considered an epitome of a nice guy in a large portion of the fandom. To make it worse, I came upon comments such as:
(these examples are taken from this thread - it's an old thread and it's about season 8, so there's no point reviving it for an off-topic discussion)
And this pisses me off on many levels. Let me count the ways...
First off, just how ridiculous it is to argue that two characters should get together because A "deserves" B? And Buffy doesn't have to "get over" anything. I get the impression that Buffy/Xander is something that some male fans fantasize about (maybe there are some female Buffy/Xander shippers, but I've never met them; female fans, if they ship, they ship Buffy with Spike or Angel), because they want to think that an average Joe "deserves" to get the strong, extraordinary girl, as a reward for being her long time friend. Well, it doesn't work that way. If we're going to use the word "deserve", then Xander deserves someone who really wants him, and Buffy deserves someone she really wants. And a real friendship should be a real friendship, not a means to an end - getting romance and sex as the real deal one day. This idea just cheapens the friendship.
But another thing that pisses me off is that Xander, IMO, is not a nice guy at all. (If you want an example of a nice guy on the show, it's Oz, when he wasn't going into werewolf mode.) And once I saw him treated as a nice guy, all my old annoyances with the character come back full force.
Now, don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like characters who act like assholes. Pretty much everyone in Buffyverse is a douche at some point or other, and my favorite characters, besides Buffy herself (who also has major douchy moments throughout the show) are Spike, Faith, Anya and Darla. But it's one thing when the show, the fans and the character himself/herself is owning up to it, and very different when people are not just ignoring douchy behavior and not calling it for what it is, but acting as if the character is supposed to be some sort of stand-in for the audience or 'everyman' moral arbiter, or 'nice guy'.
Xander's credentials for the role of the "Nice guy" are pretty much these: he was one of those guys who think that the fact that they have stuck around as a friend to a woman who has - shock, horror! - rejected their romantic advances, makes them somehow entitled to constantly pass judgments on her sexuality and her choices (which makes him a lousy kind of friend - exactly the kind that the female friend can't really confide in). Or, you know, those kind of guys who whine how they are getting rejected because they're too "nice" and that there's something wrong with womenfolk who always go for "bad boys". What they don't understand is that weak, average, insecure doesn't equal "nice", and the reason they're getting rejected is that they aren't really that nice at all, they're douchebags just as much as those other guys, and that women might simply prefer other guys because they're sexier, smarter, stronger, more confident, more fun, etc.
Therefore I was very happy when I recently came upon this Livejournal entry whose author has listed his reasons for hating Xander. I'll quote the parts that I pretty much agree on (and I'll add some that the author has forgotten about):
Addition: possessed Xander also cruelly played with Willow's feelings, pretending to be about to tell her he has feelings for her, just so he could mock her "pasty face". Of course, he was possessed, so we can't hold it against him, but it shows that he knew about Willow's crush on him, which is interesting in the light of his later behavior.
Addition: Xander has known about Willow's crush on him all the time, but he never showed any interest in her - he is more interested in bitchy, sexy and dangerous women. (Willow will eventually become the most dangerous of them all, but unfortunately for Xander, she'll realize she's a lesbian by that time....) Until she found a boyfriend, Oz. He is very disappointed when he realizes in season 2 finale that Willow loves Oz. And then in season 3, while he is dating Cordelia, Xander and Willow start secretly seeing each other. Where did this sudden interest come from? Xander really loves women he can't have, doesn't he. I don't criticize people for their romantic choices, but it is interesting in the light of Xander constant judgmental bitching about Buffy's love life. (Because, you know, she actually dares to choose other men over his wonderful self.) More about that later...
Addition: "Into the Woods" - once again, Xander offers his amazing advice on Buffy's love life (because he has proved to be such an unbiased party when this subject is concerned), giving her a condescending speech about how awesome Riley is because he is a "long-haul guy" and how badly Buffy has treated him (by not being totally madly in love with him and not making him the center of her universe while she was worrying about her mother's illness). While I could sympathize with Riley's frustration (he didn't have a job anymore, his life started revolving around Buffy, he felt he wasn't needed, etc.), what Xander completely forgets is that the immediate reason for the breakup is that Riley has just been caught going to vamp whores for suck jobs. But he's too busy over-identifying with Riley. If you haven't chosen me, at least choose someone who can act as my stand-in! Well, sorta. 'Coz he's human and you're not really that into him. (It's hinted that it's because she has a thing for vampires. Which she does. But then again, it may also have something to do not with Riley being a human being, but with Riley being such a dull, traditional and closed-minded human being, with the lack of any chemistry between the two of them, and with the fact that he can't deal with his girlfriend being stronger than him.)
(to be continued...)
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