DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO WRITE FOR VOYAGER?
A Quiz in 25 Questions
NOTE: The following was written just for fun. If you review my "Last Trek Episode" history, you know I watch (and enjoy) Voyager. It's just that... well, you know.
SECTION I - General Questions
1. About a quarter of the crew, including the first officer, are renegade members of an anti-Cardassian guerilla group and wanted by the Federation for war crimes. What should happen?
A. There's a full-blown Maquis mutiny at one point, with significant violence and casualties on both sides.
B. No actual mutiny occurs, but there's a lot of tense confrontations between the factions, for years.
C. The two crews ultimately work together, but a sizable group of Maquis jump ship when the opportunity arises.
D. The whole crew are eating out of Janeway's hand almost immediately, complete with Starfleet uniforms and hairstyles.
2. You have a newly graduated ensign from Starfleet Academy in your crew at the start of the mission. He proves to be an outstanding officer who exceeds all your expectations. And, it's long been established that a character can advance to a higher rank without changing jobs. In light of this, what rank should he hold at the end of seven years on the ship?
A. Lieutenant
B. Lieutenant Commander
C. Commander
D. Ensign
3. You have 38 torpedoes on the ship and it is clearly stated that you have no way to replace them. What is an acceptable number of torpedoes to fire over the course of the series?
A. 31. Let's have a handful left at the end, since it makes sense we would have saved a few for a rainy day.
B. 38. We got 'em, let's use 'em all up!
C. As many as we need to, we'll just have Janeway's captain's log spend ten seconds explaining that we traded with a species that uses compatible weapons technology.
D. As many as we want, and we won't explain anything. Those viewers are too stupid to remember anything that happened in an earlier episode.
4. What of the following should it be highly problematic for the ship's replicators and industrial modules to reproduce?
A. Multiple Type-9 shuttlecraft
B. An experimental quantum slipstream transwarp drive.
C. A 21-meter, warp-7 capable experimental shuttlecraft.
D. An eight-ounce mug of coffee
5. It is revealed multiple times that the ship can sustain a speed of Warp 9.975, or 5,000 times the speed of light. How long should it take to travel 70,000 light years?
A. 14 years, straight shot.
B. 17 years, allowing for refueling and a bit of exploration.
C. 25 years, because engines are typically more efficient at cruising speed.
D. 70 years, for some reason that's never explained.
6. Whose authorization should be needed to activate the ship's self-destruct sequence?
A. Three command-level officers.
B. Two, the captain and the first officer.
C. Two, the captain and another command-level officer.
D. Just the captain.
7. It's been revealed multiple times that any officer on the ship (including the captain) can fall under alien influence and act completely irrationally! Now SERIOUSLY, whose authorization should be needed to activate the ship's self-destruct sequence?
A. Three command-level officers.
B. Two, the captain and the first officer.
C. Two, the captain and another command-level officer.
D. Seriously, just the captain.
8. Which of the following are unacceptable means of getting Voyager home?
A. Steal teleportation technology in violation of another planet's Prime Directive.
B. Use an experimental trans-warp engine that could destroy the ship if it malfunctions.
C. Go back 26 years in time with futuristic weapons technology, completely devastating a timeline where most of the crew were faring quite well.
D. Have Janeway agree to bang fingers with Q, on condition that he returns Voyager to Federation space.
9. The holographic Doctor reveals that he would like a name. What would be a good name for him?
A. The name of the programmer who created him and gave him his face.
B. A name given to him by a woman he has deep feelings for, and who greatly influenced his evolution toward sentience.
C. One of the names he chooses for himself.
D. He shouldn't get a name.
10. Given that clothes often make the character, what should the show's Delta Quadrant guide/chef/morale officer wear?
A. The same Starfleet uniform worn by everyone else. He wanted one, and the gold version looks good on him. Besides, if it's good enough for the Maquis...
B. Those gray coveralls we sometimes saw Starfleet people wear when they were doing something messy.
C. Since he's a smuggler, something similar to what the Maquis wore.
D. Something resembling sofa upholstry.
11. What is an example of a good Voyager romance?
A. The captain and first officer, after years of sizzling-hot chemistry stymied by ship rules, finally lose control and fall into each other's arms.
B. The hologram doctor and the Borg ice princess suddenly realize that they've fallen for each other.
C. Over time, multiple crew come to Janeway and ask to be married, and Voyager's nursery is soon crawling with adorable new arrivals.
D. Two random characters with no definable chemistry or rationale for being together finally start showing interest in each other just before the series ends.
12. When the viewers complain about a given character being stuck at a low rank for about 4 years too long, do you...
A. Give them what they want! Have the ceremony where Janeway sticks a pip on his collar, applause from the crew, and a party in the mess hall afterward.
B. Quietly acommodate them, just have the character show up with an extra pip on his collar next week, and maybe mention his promotion in passing.
C. Don't do anything, just let it blow over.
D. Rub your viewers' noses in the fact that you're going to keep the character's rank right where it is, and if they don't like it, they can piss off.
13. Voyager must observe strict moral codes, in terms of what sort of romance it allows. Which of these is permissible?
A. Two members of the same sex in a loving and committed relationship.
B. The captain fraternizing with a crew member, especially after her fiancee on Earth dear-johns her.
C. A young and unmarried Vulcan in the deadly grip of pon'farr having life-saving relations with another crew member.
D. A man of normal age in a sexual relationship with a two-year-old.
14. Voyager needs a Big Bad, and those Klingon Lite Kazons didn't do it for us! Who should it be?
A. The Vidiians, a creepy species who are trying to stay ahead of a devastating plague and wind up literally dissecting those they overrun.
B. Species 8472, a very dangerous foe with next-level biotech and genocidal ambitions... but maybe not beyond negotiation.
C. The Krenim, who spend a full year ripping Voyager to pieces... and it isn't reset buttoned out of existence.
D. The Borg, only they're not scary anymore.
15. Voyager is an enlightened show that champions gender equality and respect for women. What should its new female civilian character wear?
A. The same Starfleet uniform worn by everyone else, only in blue.
B. A tasteful and reasonably modest civilian outfit, like Kes wore.
C. An outfit similar to Kira's (the non-MU version), flattering but comfortable to the actress.
D. A jumpsuit that looks like it was spray-painted on, making it hard for the actress wearing it to breathe.
SECTION II - Episode-Specific Questions
16. Parallax: What is an appropriate consequence for a Maquis crew member who assaults a superior officer?
A. Make an example of her: reduced rank and 30 days confinement in the brig.
B. Allow for the character's difficult and non-Starfleet background with a lighter sentence: a couple days' confinement to quarters and a very stern warning.
C. Allow Chakotay to deal with her (this time).
D. Promote her to chief engineer.
17. Non Sequiteur: A character known for wanting to get home finds himself there, with a nice house, a gorgeous fiancee, a great job with advancement imminent, a barista who knows what he likes... and no constant threat from Kazon or Vidiians. Should he...
A. Be overjoyed at his fantastic luck and embrace it immediately.
B. Agonize a little, but upon realizing that it's risky and may not be possible to go back, finally accept his good fortune.
C. Seriously consider remaining home, but decide that for the sake of Tom and his academy-mate (who's got a wife and kid), he has to go back.
D. Spend the whole episode trying to return to Voyager.
18. Elogium: How many children do the Ocampa need to produce per woman per generation to sustain their existence?
A. Five or six, because it's a dangerous universe and they need to rebuild their depleted population.
B. Three, allowing for accidents, foul play, disease, infertility, and unsiccessful elogiums.
C. Two, with the reveal that Ocampa reproduction yields two or three females for each male.
D. One, and they only get once chance to reproduce in their life.
19. Threshold: It's revealed that a new technology can get everyone on Voyager home in a matter of minutes, and the adverse effects can be reversed with medical intervention. How do we deal with this, assuming we're not ready to end the series just yet?
A. Have the whole bizarre incident turn out to be a bad dream: those leola root enchiladas can really mess with you.
B. Explain that the survival rate for the reversal process is quite low, and most of the crew wouldn't make it.
C. Have the "new dilithium" essential for the process unexpectedly decrystalize and become useless.
D. Never mention it again.
20. Threshold: We have the opportunity to show a future state of human evolution! So exactly what should it look like?
A. Glowing beings who can teleport.
B. Humanoids with telepathic and telekinatic powers.
C. Still human, but hyper-intelligent.
D. Giant, slimy salamanders that show no sign of sentience.
21. Tuvix: What should Janeway do?
A. Force an innocent crew member to undergo a procedure that effectively kills him, in the service of the greater good of the ship.
B. Force a crew member to undergo a treatment that she finds morally unconscionable in the service of the greater good of the ship (Nothing Human)
C. Put the entire ship's company at grave risk because a crew member gets whiny about having certain memories erased (Latent Image).
D. All of the above, because there's no inconsistency in these things.
22. Mortal Coil: The only Talaxian character onboard is returned to life after being dead for 18 hours. What should the implications be?
A. Every other crew member who dies afterward can be similarly revived, unless they've been vaporized or at least sustained catastrophic damage.
B. This revival technique is only possible due to a unique aspect of Talaxian physiology, explained by the EMH's deft medical technobabble.
C. Do a creepy story with a "Flatliners" vibe: the character doesn't completely come back, his emotional state deteriorates steadily, and finally kill him off for good a couple episodes later.
D. None, we'll just never speak of it again.
23. Real Life: The EMH creates a holographic family for himself, so that he can experience everyday family life. Sadly, his daughter suffers a terminal injury. How should the Doctor react to this?
A. Order the computer to undo the event, or ameliorate it to an injury she will recover from. His purpose was to experience everyday family life, not a worst case scenario.
B. In his sorrow and emotional trauma, end the experiment.
C. Carry through with his remaining family members, and have them turn up in later episodes.
D. Have him go through the pain of loss, then slam the Reset Button, making it all meaningless.
24. Collective: There's a newly de-assimilated Borg infant onboard. What should we do with her?
A. Shoot a heartwarming 30-second sequence where the baby is safely returned to her people.
B. Add 8-10 seconds to Janeway's captain's log, revealing that the baby's people were found easily and she was safely returned to them.
C. Add her to the ship's company, like they did Icheb and the others.
D. Just forget about her and hope the viewers do as well.
25. Endgame: What final payoff after Voyager gets home should we get to see?
A. An emotional reunion with Tom and Owen, where he introduces his wife and daughter.
B. Tuvok reunites with his family, and gets his life-saving mind-meld.
C. The crew finally meets up with their geeky guardian angel, Reg Barclay.
D. A bunch of stuff that never happens because the timeline is deleted.
SCORING
It's simple. Count the questions you answered "D".
0-2 D's: You are highly capable at monitoring a story for inconsistencies. In other words, you are ludicrously ill-suited to be a VOY writer. However, you might have a future in a series where the writers know what they're doing.
3-7 D's: While you are not a paragon of nitpicking, you have a pretty good idea of what makes sense. You would not fit in very well with VOY's writing team.
7-15 D's: You have been known to let stuff slip past, but you do have some talent for catching mistakes. Work harder to ignore these inconsistencies, there might be a space on VOY's writing team for you.
16 or more D's: You have a talent for this sort of thing. If time travel is invented, or the series is rebooted, you should go and sign up!
A Quiz in 25 Questions
NOTE: The following was written just for fun. If you review my "Last Trek Episode" history, you know I watch (and enjoy) Voyager. It's just that... well, you know.
SECTION I - General Questions
1. About a quarter of the crew, including the first officer, are renegade members of an anti-Cardassian guerilla group and wanted by the Federation for war crimes. What should happen?
A. There's a full-blown Maquis mutiny at one point, with significant violence and casualties on both sides.
B. No actual mutiny occurs, but there's a lot of tense confrontations between the factions, for years.
C. The two crews ultimately work together, but a sizable group of Maquis jump ship when the opportunity arises.
D. The whole crew are eating out of Janeway's hand almost immediately, complete with Starfleet uniforms and hairstyles.
2. You have a newly graduated ensign from Starfleet Academy in your crew at the start of the mission. He proves to be an outstanding officer who exceeds all your expectations. And, it's long been established that a character can advance to a higher rank without changing jobs. In light of this, what rank should he hold at the end of seven years on the ship?
A. Lieutenant
B. Lieutenant Commander
C. Commander
D. Ensign
3. You have 38 torpedoes on the ship and it is clearly stated that you have no way to replace them. What is an acceptable number of torpedoes to fire over the course of the series?
A. 31. Let's have a handful left at the end, since it makes sense we would have saved a few for a rainy day.
B. 38. We got 'em, let's use 'em all up!
C. As many as we need to, we'll just have Janeway's captain's log spend ten seconds explaining that we traded with a species that uses compatible weapons technology.
D. As many as we want, and we won't explain anything. Those viewers are too stupid to remember anything that happened in an earlier episode.
4. What of the following should it be highly problematic for the ship's replicators and industrial modules to reproduce?
A. Multiple Type-9 shuttlecraft
B. An experimental quantum slipstream transwarp drive.
C. A 21-meter, warp-7 capable experimental shuttlecraft.
D. An eight-ounce mug of coffee
5. It is revealed multiple times that the ship can sustain a speed of Warp 9.975, or 5,000 times the speed of light. How long should it take to travel 70,000 light years?
A. 14 years, straight shot.
B. 17 years, allowing for refueling and a bit of exploration.
C. 25 years, because engines are typically more efficient at cruising speed.
D. 70 years, for some reason that's never explained.
6. Whose authorization should be needed to activate the ship's self-destruct sequence?
A. Three command-level officers.
B. Two, the captain and the first officer.
C. Two, the captain and another command-level officer.
D. Just the captain.
7. It's been revealed multiple times that any officer on the ship (including the captain) can fall under alien influence and act completely irrationally! Now SERIOUSLY, whose authorization should be needed to activate the ship's self-destruct sequence?
A. Three command-level officers.
B. Two, the captain and the first officer.
C. Two, the captain and another command-level officer.
D. Seriously, just the captain.
8. Which of the following are unacceptable means of getting Voyager home?
A. Steal teleportation technology in violation of another planet's Prime Directive.
B. Use an experimental trans-warp engine that could destroy the ship if it malfunctions.
C. Go back 26 years in time with futuristic weapons technology, completely devastating a timeline where most of the crew were faring quite well.
D. Have Janeway agree to bang fingers with Q, on condition that he returns Voyager to Federation space.
9. The holographic Doctor reveals that he would like a name. What would be a good name for him?
A. The name of the programmer who created him and gave him his face.
B. A name given to him by a woman he has deep feelings for, and who greatly influenced his evolution toward sentience.
C. One of the names he chooses for himself.
D. He shouldn't get a name.
10. Given that clothes often make the character, what should the show's Delta Quadrant guide/chef/morale officer wear?
A. The same Starfleet uniform worn by everyone else. He wanted one, and the gold version looks good on him. Besides, if it's good enough for the Maquis...
B. Those gray coveralls we sometimes saw Starfleet people wear when they were doing something messy.
C. Since he's a smuggler, something similar to what the Maquis wore.
D. Something resembling sofa upholstry.
11. What is an example of a good Voyager romance?
A. The captain and first officer, after years of sizzling-hot chemistry stymied by ship rules, finally lose control and fall into each other's arms.
B. The hologram doctor and the Borg ice princess suddenly realize that they've fallen for each other.
C. Over time, multiple crew come to Janeway and ask to be married, and Voyager's nursery is soon crawling with adorable new arrivals.
D. Two random characters with no definable chemistry or rationale for being together finally start showing interest in each other just before the series ends.
12. When the viewers complain about a given character being stuck at a low rank for about 4 years too long, do you...
A. Give them what they want! Have the ceremony where Janeway sticks a pip on his collar, applause from the crew, and a party in the mess hall afterward.
B. Quietly acommodate them, just have the character show up with an extra pip on his collar next week, and maybe mention his promotion in passing.
C. Don't do anything, just let it blow over.
D. Rub your viewers' noses in the fact that you're going to keep the character's rank right where it is, and if they don't like it, they can piss off.
13. Voyager must observe strict moral codes, in terms of what sort of romance it allows. Which of these is permissible?
A. Two members of the same sex in a loving and committed relationship.
B. The captain fraternizing with a crew member, especially after her fiancee on Earth dear-johns her.
C. A young and unmarried Vulcan in the deadly grip of pon'farr having life-saving relations with another crew member.
D. A man of normal age in a sexual relationship with a two-year-old.
14. Voyager needs a Big Bad, and those Klingon Lite Kazons didn't do it for us! Who should it be?
A. The Vidiians, a creepy species who are trying to stay ahead of a devastating plague and wind up literally dissecting those they overrun.
B. Species 8472, a very dangerous foe with next-level biotech and genocidal ambitions... but maybe not beyond negotiation.
C. The Krenim, who spend a full year ripping Voyager to pieces... and it isn't reset buttoned out of existence.
D. The Borg, only they're not scary anymore.
15. Voyager is an enlightened show that champions gender equality and respect for women. What should its new female civilian character wear?
A. The same Starfleet uniform worn by everyone else, only in blue.
B. A tasteful and reasonably modest civilian outfit, like Kes wore.
C. An outfit similar to Kira's (the non-MU version), flattering but comfortable to the actress.
D. A jumpsuit that looks like it was spray-painted on, making it hard for the actress wearing it to breathe.
SECTION II - Episode-Specific Questions
16. Parallax: What is an appropriate consequence for a Maquis crew member who assaults a superior officer?
A. Make an example of her: reduced rank and 30 days confinement in the brig.
B. Allow for the character's difficult and non-Starfleet background with a lighter sentence: a couple days' confinement to quarters and a very stern warning.
C. Allow Chakotay to deal with her (this time).
D. Promote her to chief engineer.
17. Non Sequiteur: A character known for wanting to get home finds himself there, with a nice house, a gorgeous fiancee, a great job with advancement imminent, a barista who knows what he likes... and no constant threat from Kazon or Vidiians. Should he...
A. Be overjoyed at his fantastic luck and embrace it immediately.
B. Agonize a little, but upon realizing that it's risky and may not be possible to go back, finally accept his good fortune.
C. Seriously consider remaining home, but decide that for the sake of Tom and his academy-mate (who's got a wife and kid), he has to go back.
D. Spend the whole episode trying to return to Voyager.
18. Elogium: How many children do the Ocampa need to produce per woman per generation to sustain their existence?
A. Five or six, because it's a dangerous universe and they need to rebuild their depleted population.
B. Three, allowing for accidents, foul play, disease, infertility, and unsiccessful elogiums.
C. Two, with the reveal that Ocampa reproduction yields two or three females for each male.
D. One, and they only get once chance to reproduce in their life.
19. Threshold: It's revealed that a new technology can get everyone on Voyager home in a matter of minutes, and the adverse effects can be reversed with medical intervention. How do we deal with this, assuming we're not ready to end the series just yet?
A. Have the whole bizarre incident turn out to be a bad dream: those leola root enchiladas can really mess with you.
B. Explain that the survival rate for the reversal process is quite low, and most of the crew wouldn't make it.
C. Have the "new dilithium" essential for the process unexpectedly decrystalize and become useless.
D. Never mention it again.
20. Threshold: We have the opportunity to show a future state of human evolution! So exactly what should it look like?
A. Glowing beings who can teleport.
B. Humanoids with telepathic and telekinatic powers.
C. Still human, but hyper-intelligent.
D. Giant, slimy salamanders that show no sign of sentience.
21. Tuvix: What should Janeway do?
A. Force an innocent crew member to undergo a procedure that effectively kills him, in the service of the greater good of the ship.
B. Force a crew member to undergo a treatment that she finds morally unconscionable in the service of the greater good of the ship (Nothing Human)
C. Put the entire ship's company at grave risk because a crew member gets whiny about having certain memories erased (Latent Image).
D. All of the above, because there's no inconsistency in these things.
22. Mortal Coil: The only Talaxian character onboard is returned to life after being dead for 18 hours. What should the implications be?
A. Every other crew member who dies afterward can be similarly revived, unless they've been vaporized or at least sustained catastrophic damage.
B. This revival technique is only possible due to a unique aspect of Talaxian physiology, explained by the EMH's deft medical technobabble.
C. Do a creepy story with a "Flatliners" vibe: the character doesn't completely come back, his emotional state deteriorates steadily, and finally kill him off for good a couple episodes later.
D. None, we'll just never speak of it again.
23. Real Life: The EMH creates a holographic family for himself, so that he can experience everyday family life. Sadly, his daughter suffers a terminal injury. How should the Doctor react to this?
A. Order the computer to undo the event, or ameliorate it to an injury she will recover from. His purpose was to experience everyday family life, not a worst case scenario.
B. In his sorrow and emotional trauma, end the experiment.
C. Carry through with his remaining family members, and have them turn up in later episodes.
D. Have him go through the pain of loss, then slam the Reset Button, making it all meaningless.
24. Collective: There's a newly de-assimilated Borg infant onboard. What should we do with her?
A. Shoot a heartwarming 30-second sequence where the baby is safely returned to her people.
B. Add 8-10 seconds to Janeway's captain's log, revealing that the baby's people were found easily and she was safely returned to them.
C. Add her to the ship's company, like they did Icheb and the others.
D. Just forget about her and hope the viewers do as well.
25. Endgame: What final payoff after Voyager gets home should we get to see?
A. An emotional reunion with Tom and Owen, where he introduces his wife and daughter.
B. Tuvok reunites with his family, and gets his life-saving mind-meld.
C. The crew finally meets up with their geeky guardian angel, Reg Barclay.
D. A bunch of stuff that never happens because the timeline is deleted.
SCORING
It's simple. Count the questions you answered "D".
0-2 D's: You are highly capable at monitoring a story for inconsistencies. In other words, you are ludicrously ill-suited to be a VOY writer. However, you might have a future in a series where the writers know what they're doing.
3-7 D's: While you are not a paragon of nitpicking, you have a pretty good idea of what makes sense. You would not fit in very well with VOY's writing team.
7-15 D's: You have been known to let stuff slip past, but you do have some talent for catching mistakes. Work harder to ignore these inconsistencies, there might be a space on VOY's writing team for you.
16 or more D's: You have a talent for this sort of thing. If time travel is invented, or the series is rebooted, you should go and sign up!
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