Indeed not. But when one's own health is failing, one's youth has been co-opted, and one's very future is in question, there's a time to significantly dial back, even to levels one vowed never to limit one's self to.
Depression/Suicide (This May Get Very Personal)
- Thread starter Brie
- Start date
I've been there, Gaith. Most caregivers get there because we think it's all on us. Even when people offer help, it's hard to take it.
Many caregivers in this type of situation also experience the kind of mental, emotional, and physical symptoms that J. Allen has alluded to. They are reactions to the chronic stressors, large and small, he deals with daily.
I would never question the devotion of a caregiver--my mother was the sole caregiver for her father in the years before his death, and offers of help were often met with uncertainty and sometimes hysteria on her part because she felt such immense guilt over leaving him for any reason. I also watched her personality change as she became someone short-tempered and depressed. At the same time this was happening I was getting an MA in sociology with sub-specialties in medical sociology and the sociology of mental health. I say this because it was here I learned the price of stress on the human mind and body, in study after study, interview after interview. I also got to watch it first hand with my mother. Intense, chronic stress changes you in ways you can't really control, and it's physical effects are terrible.
J. Allen, I strongly encourage that you talk to someone--a counselor, a pastor (perhaps a Unitarian Universalist), a doctor (the last time I went in for anxiety problems I just went to a regular gp, and actually that helped tremendously).
You mentioned that you gave your word that you would take care of your mother and that's all you have. To keep your word you must--you must--take care of yourself.
And one more thing: 35 is not too old, not by a long shot. For that matter, 40 or 50 isn't too old either. I'm 39, you see, so I declare we are not too old--for career changes, for getting degrees or certifications, for learning now skills, for putting ourselves on the market (whether it be the job or the dating market). You have, in being a primary caregiver, been developing a real skill anyway. Never, never, never give up.
And finally--where are you in Ohio? If you choose to share this info you can PM me.
Something that is also helping me is working on bettering myself in small doses each day. Given my situation it is difficult but I am trying. I am also trying to get a job again, even if I have to walk.
ETA: Working on my goals in small doses too. Months ago I couldn't even begin to write, I would get overwhelmed with learning about music and other than going to work/store I wouldn't go outside at all but now I go out in the morning when it is still cool and walk around.
ETA: Working on my goals in small doses too. Months ago I couldn't even begin to write, I would get overwhelmed with learning about music and other than going to work/store I wouldn't go outside at all but now I go out in the morning when it is still cool and walk around.
Generally when I'm dealing with stuff I write a lot or try to create something. I don't know what I'm going to do with it because I went to some dark and weird places. But I think that at least one person might enjoy it and that's good enough for me.
So I haven't logged on here in over a month because I was on the ship doing some training, and I had the best intentions of getting back on right when I returned but I had something beyond terrible happen.
So without going too deep into details this past weekend (4th of July weekend) I was the victim of, I'll just use the professional term, "sexual assault" if I wasn't already in a bad place before, I truly am now. It's one thing for me to struggle with my depression, but now I have this and I honestly don't want to go through all of the court proceedings and retelling of the incident. The only comfort I have at this point is that the guy was arrested, and even that doesn't make me feel any better. I seriously do not know what o do any more. I went from a few antidepressants to now I'm on about 8 or more pills a day just so that they can make sure I am numb enough to not do anything terrible. If ever there was a time I could use this community it's now.
So without going too deep into details this past weekend (4th of July weekend) I was the victim of, I'll just use the professional term, "sexual assault" if I wasn't already in a bad place before, I truly am now. It's one thing for me to struggle with my depression, but now I have this and I honestly don't want to go through all of the court proceedings and retelling of the incident. The only comfort I have at this point is that the guy was arrested, and even that doesn't make me feel any better. I seriously do not know what o do any more. I went from a few antidepressants to now I'm on about 8 or more pills a day just so that they can make sure I am numb enough to not do anything terrible. If ever there was a time I could use this community it's now.
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Amaris
Guest
Oh Brie, how awful! You have my best thoughts and wishes for your physical and emotional healing. 
Brie I am so sorry to hear this. I too will have you in my best thoughts and prayers.
ETA: We will be here for you.
I too will have you in my best thoughts and prayers.ETA: We will be here for you.
Sorry Brie. Point him out to us and we'll mess him up a little. Don't know what to say except I hope you feel better soon.
Brie, I'm very sorry to hear this. I hope you can find the support you need from the community.
Shipmate, my very sincerest condolences. It may be very cold comfort, but the fact that the creep was arrested, and (we all hope) will be justly punished, will ideally prevent him from being in a position to harm another woman in the future. In the meantime, our positive thoughts are with you, and you are indeed a valued member of this board.
Brie, we're all here for you.
Thanks guys. I'm just trying to find things to keep my mind off of it. I kinda just want to go back to work and act normal again. My office is so damn small I;m really worried that word will get out. I have a great chain of command so that's good, but I'm just living day by day right now honestly. Thanks again for all the support you guys have given me these past few months. It means a lot and it's one of the things that keeps me going is to know that there are those out there who I may likely never meet, but are there to support me when others can't. This really is the greatest community of people I could ever hope to talk to.
You are in my thoughts... Someone told me that my pursuit of the case against the business that killed my son is actually therapeutic to people in my position. And I'm actually finding that out..after the deposition (and I also witnessed the deposition by the defendants) I truly think that I'm doing the right thing.. However your mileage may vary...
Do what makes you feel better in the short term and in the long term perhaps do something that will ensure that the person that hurt you will not hurt another person again..
Be brave (I actually think you are because it takes real bravery to say what you have said on this forum)..
Again, you are in my thoughts..
Do what makes you feel better in the short term and in the long term perhaps do something that will ensure that the person that hurt you will not hurt another person again..
Be brave (I actually think you are because it takes real bravery to say what you have said on this forum)..
Again, you are in my thoughts..
I have been trying to stay positive and find happiness with what I have in life and some days are better than others. I have a bad day here and there but over all I really do feel better.
The problem is my family continues to be negative, the house still continues to be a nightmare to live in and no body cares about anything except getting what they want, talking negative about other people in my family and even though I do as much as I can for my parents they don't think it is important to help me get on my feet. They would rather smoke, give my brother money and he works, his vehicle is operational and even though he doesn't live with them my mom makes his lunch!?!? My car isn't operational at the moment and I have tried to fine a job again but no luck and I was going to walk to the places I applied at. I have tried to stay in faith, I walk every morning, eat very little so I am not too much of a burden on my parents.
I needed my medication this month, even got a card to get it discounted and though my parents had the money for that and to get my car going they gave it to my brother instead. It is hard to stay positive when my parents rely on my to cook for them and I get their groceries(when I could drive) plus stuff around the house they act like they don't want me around.
I am just hoping/praying something will happen for me to get on my feet again and I can move on with my life.
The problem is my family continues to be negative, the house still continues to be a nightmare to live in and no body cares about anything except getting what they want, talking negative about other people in my family and even though I do as much as I can for my parents they don't think it is important to help me get on my feet. They would rather smoke, give my brother money and he works, his vehicle is operational and even though he doesn't live with them my mom makes his lunch!?!? My car isn't operational at the moment and I have tried to fine a job again but no luck and I was going to walk to the places I applied at. I have tried to stay in faith, I walk every morning, eat very little so I am not too much of a burden on my parents.
I needed my medication this month, even got a card to get it discounted and though my parents had the money for that and to get my car going they gave it to my brother instead. It is hard to stay positive when my parents rely on my to cook for them and I get their groceries(when I could drive) plus stuff around the house they act like they don't want me around.
I am just hoping/praying something will happen for me to get on my feet again and I can move on with my life.
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Amaris
Guest
I know it's difficult, believe me I know it's difficult, but just keep your head above water, sweetie, and watch for opportunities. I won't pretend good things come to those who wait (they often don't), or that good people get rewarded for their selfless kindness (they often won't), so keep watching for opportunities, and know that there are people out here who love you for who you are.
I appreciate the kind words J. 
I feel I have 2 options, stick around my family and continue to suffer emotionally and in some cases physically or just walk away into the unknown which is scary but I know I will be better off.
I feel I have 2 options, stick around my family and continue to suffer emotionally and in some cases physically or just walk away into the unknown which is scary but I know I will be better off.
Brie> You are so courageous for sharing your story so that you can release it and have support you deserve and possibly need.
My mother is emotionally abusive. It has taken therapy for me to recognize and acknowledge it. I've never been driven to panic/anxiety until recently and decided to do a difficult thing and distance myself from my mother whose approval I seek too often but I cannot handle the dismissal, the projection of her dark issues, the belittling anymore. And yes, Taylala, it's scary but I think we owe it to ourselves to explore what's out there and build healthy relationships with those willing to grow.
My mother is emotionally abusive. It has taken therapy for me to recognize and acknowledge it. I've never been driven to panic/anxiety until recently and decided to do a difficult thing and distance myself from my mother whose approval I seek too often but I cannot handle the dismissal, the projection of her dark issues, the belittling anymore. And yes, Taylala, it's scary but I think we owe it to ourselves to explore what's out there and build healthy relationships with those willing to grow.
It's tough to live in a house when you know you have battled depression most of your life and you know you have a family member that has it and feels like he can't do anything. My dad is definitely showing the signs and today he made a somewhat nasty remark because of the toe I quite possibly broke last weekend. He made a comment, sotto voce, about my milking the injury for all it's worth.
I know he's frustrated. Well, so am I!
I'm on prescription level pain meds and there's a part of me that's tempted to take too many. I know that I'm also dealing with hormones at the moment which tends to make my emotions more turbulent, but... damn...
ETA: I'm not planning to do anything, guys. But the knowledge is there.
I know he's frustrated. Well, so am I!
I'm on prescription level pain meds and there's a part of me that's tempted to take too many. I know that I'm also dealing with hormones at the moment which tends to make my emotions more turbulent, but... damn...
ETA: I'm not planning to do anything, guys. But the knowledge is there.
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