Dating

[Sean Aaron]

After fifteen years out of circulation I've dipped my toe into the online dating scene. When I was last dating it was all phone-based services and the Internet was still dial-up and BBSes with the web in its infancy so this dating online is kind of new for me.

I'm registered with a few sites: J-Date, Geek2Geek and match.com

J-Date has a pretty active chat room which is fun, though Glasgow has a smallish Jewish population and the room is dominated by women from New York and New Jersey and I'm uncertain of the whole long-distance thing being workable, though I am open to it.

match.com has a lot of ladies in my area which is good, but I haven't pursued that too aggressively because randomly sending out messages just feels a bit weird. I'd rather be able to chat in a "safe" environment like a multi-user chat room so I do hope they'll add something like that and I wrote to suggest it.

Geek2Geek is pretty much a waste of time as is Plenty of Fish from what I can see, though at least the latter is free. Message boards and chat on the former, but nobody home.

I've had some chat, but no actual dates so I'm taking the unusual step of a holiday in New York to address that, but again, LDR feels fraught.

I'm technically separated (divorce should hopefully come through in a couple of months) and I know that's a red line for a lot of women, so that probably explains my lack of luck thus far. I'm curious to know if anyone else on the board was active in any online dating sites and had stories to tell or sites to recommend.

 

[Jetfire]

You should just go out to clubs, pubs...etc...or join some sort of social group that has your interests.

[edit] I should add...the last woman I met online was crazy and all she wanted was to be "friends with benefits"...I want Love DAMMIT!

 

[JoeZhang]

Plenty of Fish from what I can see, though at least the latter is free.

Plenty of fish is really more of a place where you arrange to meet random strangers for sex, I doubt you'll find what you are looking for there.

 

[Deckerd]

Sigh

I miss Jayson, I do.

 

[Sean Aaron]

I'm really not a "hang around in bars" kind of guy. I attend meetings of the Glasgow SF Book Club which is a lot of fun, but it's also not really a place to meet chicks; the ones who do attend are taken.

Thanks for the tip on Plenty of Fish though, I'll bear that in mind.

 

[Jetfire]

But maybe someone at the book club knows someone...I met some great people from people I know who knows someone else.

 

[Sean Aaron]

You have a point there. I mentioned I was in an LDR to a woman to regularly attends and she did say if I wasn't doing that she might know someone. I broke that off (a little younger, not a lot of relationship experience wanted kids and living in Kansas City ultimately wasn't an appealing combination) so I'll mention it next time...

 

[gojiragirl]

I'm in the same boat that you are in, Sean Aaron. I wish you the best of luck. I haven't joined any dating sites, or really had any dates yet. I'm just putting myself out there meeting new people. It's a bit awkward after being in a long-term relationship.

 

[Myasishchev]

[edit] I should add...the last woman I met online was crazy and all she wanted was to be "friends with benefits"...I want Love DAMMIT!

Do I have to quote Jagger? I'll do it if I have to.

Sigh

I miss Jayson, I do.

Didn't read everything, and there's serious misogyny in them there hills, but this is the finest line I've had the pleasure of reading in some time:

Even if things don't work out with the stripper or the tranny or the lesbian or the girl in the wheelchair

Perhaps you could try assembling them like Voltron.

Anyway, after my breakup a couple months back I signed up for match.com, which is 1) pretty trash and 2)shockingly expensive for what it is, which is a Goddamn Facebook with less functionality.

90% of the women from this area are conservative Christians, which means that any likelihood of "love" is going to be low, with chances of fuckbuddery presumably about the same. The ones that remain often have presumptuous standards for people trying to use the Internet to get laid. (Six foot minimum? You may be great, but this is what's called "pricing yourself out of the market.") The spattering that don't tend to be Russian fraudsters. Da zdravstvuyet, sweetheart, and go to hell.

So I've gone to ground, and started hitting bars, which has provided some vague success, the vague part because I have a drinking problem and don't need to be hanging out in bars.

Plenty of fish is really more of a place where you arrange to meet random strangers for sex, I doubt you'll find what you are looking for there.

This may be more up my alley.

 

[Sean Aaron]

@gojiragirl (love the handle, btw): It is at that. I'm at least glad I got to "play the field" before getting married and learned enough from the marriage that I know more or less what I'm looking for.

Long Distance is difficult. I think some people are okay with it in theory, but in my case I'm not prepared to leave because my kid is here and she's still on the young side. So basically I'd need to click with someone, meet them and they'd have to be into in the idea of moving to Scotland. Given the tightening of immigration rules anyone who wasn't eligible to live here already (basically non-EU/Commonwealth citizens) would require marriage first, so that's a tall order for the Yanquesitas. I'd probably be better off sticking to the island or Europa really.

The fact that I don't drink is probably also working against me. Ah well, hopefully I can meet some interesting people at least.

 

[{ Emilia }]

The fact that I don't drink is probably also working against me.

How can that possibly be a problem???

 

[Jetfire]

Yeah...not drinking shouldn't stop you from going out.

 

[Myasishchev]

@gojiragirl (love the handle, btw): It is at that. I'm at least glad I got to "play the field" before getting married and learned enough from the marriage that I know more or less what I'm looking for.

Long Distance is difficult. I think some people are okay with it in theory, but in my case I'm not prepared to leave because my kid is here and she's still on the young side. So basically I'd need to click with someone, meet them and they'd have to be into in the idea of moving to Scotland.

See, to me, long-distance seems barely doable if you're already involved with someone who had to move away. Trying to do it the other way, with someone you're not involved with who has to move to you (or vice versa) seems almost impossible.

But, then, I've known people who've gotten married off WoW. So maybe I'm totally off-base.

How can that possibly be a problem???

Because a weird guy by himself in a bar is even weirder if he's not drinking?

Speaking of myself, not Sean, of course.

It's less odd if you've got people with you, of course. But coordinating my idiot friends is like masterminding Hannibal's march over the Alps. You get there eventually, but all the elephants are dead and you're short an eye.

 

[Deckerd]

I was a member of a really small messageboard (less than 200 people) and at the last count there were 4 long-term pairings from it, including several abandoned marriages.

 

[Sean Aaron]

The fact that I don't drink is probably also working against me.

How can that possibly be a problem???

Well, not to stereotype, but it's Scotland, you know? Drinking seems to be the social activity - at least if my IT colleagues over the years have been anything to go by...

Why aren't you part of that messageboard now Deckard?

 

[JoeZhang]

Have you considered the Guardian soulmates? I'm told that's pretty good.

 

[Sean Aaron]

Seriously? I looked, but that was it. I'll give it another look.

Added: That does look good. some soooofisticated ladies.

 

[JoeZhang]

Seriously? I looked, but that was it. I'll give it another look.

I've never used it myself but have had good feedback off mates.

 

[Deckerd]

Why aren't you part of that messageboard now Deckard?

Too many of the really interesting people left it (including me, I suppose). I still stay in touch with them and we meet up from time to time but those left on the board are mostly dull.

 

[Sean Aaron]

Seriously? I looked, but that was it. I'll give it another look.

I've never used it myself but have had good feedback off mates.

Account registered. Incredibly this is the first dating site I've seen that the office web filter hasn't blocked; possibly because it's guardian.co.uk rather than somedatingsite.co.uk. Now I just need to get home to upload my photos.

Uh, incidentally, if anyone from TrekBBS wants to track me down - you know to give me pointers on my profile, I'm Sean_A or SeanA or Sean_R_A on these various sites. Same photo as my current avatar.