Clean Joke Thread...

[cooleddie74]

Mitch Hedberg:

"The color coding for traffic lights and bananas is different and kind of confusing.

With traffic lights, green means go...yellow means wait...red means stop.

With a banana, green means wait...yellow means go...red means 'Where on earth did you get that banana?!?'"

 

[trekkiedane]

^Actually, in the case of the banana, red means something completely different!

But then you couldn't post it in the clean jokes thread...

 

[cooleddie74]

Good catch.

I'm quite the masterful little editor when I wanna be.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

One of the few completely clean George Carlin routines:

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[trekkiedane]

Good catch.

I'm quite the masterful little editor when I wanna be.

I'd call it falsifying an original without adding anything of value.

But that's just mho -you are in good company; George Lucas made a killing doing the exact same thing

 

[cooleddie74]

It didn't help I had to draw the joke from my addled memory on half a night's worth of sleep. But yeah, at least you recognized the joke and got what Mitch was saying. I did it no favors with my mangled interpretation, that's for sure!

 

[trekkiedane]

Sure I recognized the joke -I think; might be a totally different one for all I know

But I don't know who Mitch is!

(now on to Wikipedia )

 

[cooleddie74]

YouTube his standup routines. You won't be sorry.

 

[trekkiedane]

^That'll indeed be the next logical stop on such a tour of enlightenment

 

[flandry84]

So this tightfisted guy pulls into his driveway to find a plumbers van already parked there."God"he says to himself "I hope the missus is having an affair".

 

[cooleddie74]

What do you call a brunette standing between two blondes?

Interpreter.



Why did the blonde keep staring at her can of frozen orange juice for over an hour?

It said "concentrate."



A blonde and a brunette are walking in a park when the brunette notices a dead bird and pokes the blonde to get her attention.

The blonde looks up into the air and goes "Where?"

 

[trekkiedane]

They sent my Census form back! AGAIN!!!
In response to the question: "Do you have any dependents?"
I replied - "12 million illegal immigrants; 3 million crack heads; 42
million unemployable people, 2 million people in over 243 prisons; Half of Mexico; and 535 more in the U.S. House and Senate.
Apparently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.

.