Clean Joke Thread...

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by Sector 7, Apr 22, 2012.

  1. Sector 7

    Sector 7 Vice Admiral Admiral

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    FRIDAY

    A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership....

    Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.

    Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120.

    Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

    Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

    The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.":guffaw:


    [MODS: I could not find any recent clean joke threads. If I missed it, please merge. Thanks.:techman:]
     
  2. gazomg

    gazomg Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    Mathematics - Lesson for the day

    1) "To find a woman you need time & money" therefore:

    Time x Money = Woman

    2) "Time is money" therefore:

    Woman = Money squared

    3) "Money is the root of all problems" therefore:

    Problems = Money squared

    In conclusion we can see that:

    Woman = Problems
     
  3. The Dominion

    The Dominion Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    Re: Mathematics - Lesson for the day

    Old joke is old.
     
  4. sojourner

    sojourner Admiral In Memoriam

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    Re: Mathematics - Lesson for the day

    There's an error in your math in step one. You say "To find a woman you need time & money".

    This clearly means

    Time + Money = Woman.
     
  5. trekkiedane

    trekkiedane Admiral Admiral

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    Re: Clean Joke...

    I lifted this off the SETI@home forum:

     
  6. Tora Ziyal

    Tora Ziyal Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Re: Clean Joke...

    ^I love it!
     
  7. Miss Chicken

    Miss Chicken Little three legged cat with attitude Admiral

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    Re: Clean Joke...

    ^^^ Haha, good one Trekkiedane.

    Your isn't bad either, Sector 7.
     
  8. trekkiedane

    trekkiedane Admiral Admiral

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    Re: Clean Joke...

    Isn't it strange though that the longer a joke the flatter the punchline...

    Same source (but different poster):




     
  9. Tora Ziyal

    Tora Ziyal Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Re: Clean Joke...

    Yikes, that place is full of good ones! :rofl: at the venison one.
     
  10. Locutus of Bored

    Locutus of Bored Having the Time of My Life Moderator

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    Re: Clean Joke...

    There isn't one, because I just made Gil's frequent bad joke posts into one thread. If you don't mind, I'll just make this another general joke thread, since that's needed. :)

    [edit] I'm changing the title slightly and merging gazomg's joke thread with this one if there's any confusion.

    If anyone wants the dirty/bad jokes thread, it can be found here.
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2012
  11. Mr. Laser Beam

    Mr. Laser Beam Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    Re: Clean Joke...

    I was going to write up a bunch of jokes like this and enter them in a contest. Came up with ten of them and sent them off, hoping at least one of them would win.

    Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. ;)
     
  12. trekkiedane

    trekkiedane Admiral Admiral

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    ^I see and raise you:

    If religion teaches you anything it is that magic can be applied whenever reality doesn't do the job quite well enough :)
     
  13. Mr. Laser Beam

    Mr. Laser Beam Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    "Last summer I was skiing in England. I went halfway up the ski-lift with this guy I didn't know. Then he turned to me and said, 'This is the first time I've been skiing in ten years. You want to know why?'

    I said, 'No, not really...' then I said 'All right, you'd better tell me why.'

    He said 'I pushed a total stranger off a Ferris wheel.'

    I said, 'I remember you.'"

    - Steven Wright
     
  14. Tora Ziyal

    Tora Ziyal Vice Admiral Admiral

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    I think my :rofl: is coming from a different perspective than yours. I used to teach kids and adults -- including at least one Baptist that I can recall -- who were preparing to become Catholic. :)
     
  15. trekkiedane

    trekkiedane Admiral Admiral

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    ^Then it would've been my guess that you've heard these before :confused:

     
  16. cooleddie74

    cooleddie74 Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    This joke's not G-rated and dripping with family values, but it's clean.


    Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

    It was dead.
     
  17. Kirby

    Kirby Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    A giant grasshopper walks into a bar.
    The bartender says to him "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"
    To which the grasshopper replies "You have a drink named Steve?"
     
  18. trekkiedane

    trekkiedane Admiral Admiral

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    ^Your avatar made me post this:

    [​IMG]
     
  19. Kirby

    Kirby Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    ^^^ LOL!
     
  20. trekkiedane

    trekkiedane Admiral Admiral

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    I've never actually seen the guy on TV -but I luv the meme he's at the center of.