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Let's hear how bad ass he is. Come on people, I know we've all got list of reason why Chuck Norris is the shit; share them.
Chuck Norris can read Lady Gaga's Poker Face.
Chuck Norris tells Waldo where to hide.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch; he decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris simply walks into Mordor.
When Chuck Norris cums during sex, he blows apart the woman, and his seed travels of mock speeds; impregnating other women around the world.
Chuck Norris does not crap; he scares the shit out of himself.
Chuck Norris does not say "please" or "thank you", he simply round-house kicks you until you do what he asked you to in the first place. You comply.
Chuck Norris does not audition for parts; he kills you and assumes the role. You are thankful.
When Chuck Norris does "cum", he gives birth to new forms of powerful Supermen life. They all round-house kick.
Chuck Norris does not get Warned by MODs. He round-house kicks them to the head, and awaits for their apology.
When inspectors went to Iraq and asked to see the WoMD, they were lead to a secret door. When opened, Chuck Norris ran out and round-house kicked them in their heads.
You do not have arguements with Chuck Norris, you have multiple stitches.
There is no wind, there is only Chuck Norris moving faster than you can see.
Chuck Norris is the #1 cause of Sudden Infant Death syndrome.
Chuck Norris does not "coin a phrase"; he mass produces them.
Chuck Norris invented transparent aluminum back in 1970 and has kept it secret ever since.
Chuck Norris is the Father of Time.
Chuck Norris once farted while at the Yucatan peninsula 65 million years ago. No further explanation is required. Ditto Siberia in 1908.
When Chuck Norris was six, his teacher told him dogs do not have souls and thusly do not go to Heaven. He round-house kicked the teacher until she said otherwise. Incidentally, all Chuck Norris' round-house kicks have souls, with retroactive blessings from the Pope.
Chuck Norris does not personally have a soul; he has the souls of his victims.
Chuck Norris does not cower in fear; fear cowers at him.
Everyday Jackie Chan hops a plane to the U.S., takes a taxi to Chuck Norris' house, and holds Chuck Norris' dick while Chuck Norris takes a piss. Mr. Chan is thankful for the opportunity.
In Australia, dingoes do not eat your baby. Chuck Norris on the other hand...
There is no Halloween, but only people dressing in disguise from Chuck Norris on what is coincidently Chuck Norris' Hunting Day.
There were no WMDs in Iraq because Chuck Norris had them for breakfast the day before invasion.
Decades ago Chuck Norris attempted to get a package mailed and delivered that day. He was told it was impossible and round-house kicked the employees. And so the United States Post Office's Same Day Delivery was born.
Chuck Norris is not concerned who will win in a fight -- Kirk or Picard; to even bring that up in front of him is blasphemy.
Being a fictional character, Chuck Norris is deeply saddened he cannot round-house kick Jar Jar Binks to death. George Lucas, on the other hand, has made the Hunting Day List.
M. C. Hammer once had the gull to tell Chuck Norris he "can't touch this". M. C. Hammer was subsequently proven wrong.
Chuck Norris once watched an episode of "Full House". The show was cancelled months later in 1995, due to traumatic head injuries to all the cast. Except the Olsen Twins, which he consumed to replenish his energy.
Chuck Norris has donated a kidney an astounding eight times. Questions are never asked.
Chuck Norris is a human bunker buster.
There is no "Summer", only the warmth created by Chuck Norris' body as he travels around the globe.
Only three things are certain in life
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Chuck Norris
One of these is redundant.
Superman flying into the air, spinning around the Earth so fast it reverses the flow of time, in the 1978 film, is an almost verbatim and historically accurate account of what happened when Chuck Norris learned there would be no "Delta Force 2". The new timeline, incidentally, involved triple the amount of round-house kicks.
It goes without saying that "Candyland" and the "Game of Life" were the only two games not invented by Chuck Norris.
Thus far the only confirmed non round-house kicked person is Mr. T; Mr. T is just too awesome, and pity's the fools -- a technique that greatly reduced Chuck Norris' time in weeding them out.
There is no matter or anti-matter; only Chuck Norris matters.
Chuck Norris was originally cast as the iceberg in 1997's "Titanic", but opted for historical accuracy instead.
Chuck Norris pays for his ass-kicking boots with money from the donation jars at check-out lines.
Chuck Norris built a high-rise on a Lebanese burial ground and made ALL floors the 13th floor.
"Everybody Poops" was actually written by Arnold Schwarzenegger after an unfortunate encounter with Chuck Norris.
The famous song lyrics, "Once, twice -- three times a lady" were directly inspired by all of Chuck Norris' sexual encounters with female virgins.
Lightening does indeed strike twice in the same spot. Occasionally three times; even four. In fact, it pretty much strikes wherever the fuck Chuck Norris tells it to.
In January 2003, Mr. Rodgers did not welcome Chuck Norris to his neighborhood. He paid dearly.
When in Rome Chuck Norris did as Chuck Norris would do. The Romans wisely never asked for otherwise.
Silver, orange, and purple now rhyme with CN, in accordance with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once spared three small, furry, cute kittens from round-house kicks -- after consuming all the others.
When all else fails, there is always Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is a great admirer of the comedy group The Frantics...
Chuck Norris invented the time machine, traveled back in time, and his beard strangled all the dinosaurs to death.
Chuck Norris has eyes in the back of his head and those eyes have tiny legs that can round-house kick lice.
Chuck Norris was caught watching "Steel Magnolias" once, but in reality it turned out he was making a Round-House Kick List.
The force of Chuck Norris' orgasms are so intense that they send out level 12 shock waves which shatter the uteruses of nearby weaker females.
*Chuck Norris once won an Olympic event by pole-vaulting 50 feet in the air using simply his dick -- which received a gold medal.
Revenge is a dish best served cold, but nothing tastes so good as the sweet revenge of a powerful round-house kick.
Chuck Norris once employed a round-house kicked so forceful & quickly that the Earth's axis shifted; the tilt altered weather patterns and we now have Daylight Savings Time.
Dean Martin song, "Ain't that a kick in the head", which was in direct reference to an earlier encounter with Chuck Norris.
E.T. phoned home, but only because of Chuck Norris.
2x4 = Chuck Norris. Deal with it.
"Norris' is a suffix meaning "pain".
If at first you don't succeed, you are obviously not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris removes the tags from mattresses; in fact, he has a collection.
Now I lay thee head down to sleep; I pray to Chuck Norris my head he not kick.
Chuck Norris does not "smile"; the muscles in his legs are so large that they reach into his face, stretching it. A "smile" is a sure sign his leg muscles are flexing and preparing to round-house kick your head.
The last time Chuck Norris went to Russia, he was there for 13 days. This helped the world immensely and introduced the Russians to the previously unknown "vound-hoose kiek?".
There is no "I" in a Delta Force team; there is, however, a Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris produces his own currency (baring his face and name), the 1 trillion dollar bill. He is now the proud owner of 20 Delorians, 12 mansions, and Korea. Or as he calls it, "hunting grounds".
Chuck Norris once downed 10 canisters of liquid nitrogen and pissed an ice sculpture.
Chuck Norris bangs Mother Earth each year and as a consequence the leaves turn orange, like his beard.
The greatest achievement of mankind is in fact Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris pulls up beside you and asks if you have any Grey Poupon, you damn well better have some.
Chuck Norris also gets his kicks on Route 66.
It is without question that when Chuck Norris goes to Burger King -- or any restaurant for that matter -- that he has it his way
Everything is bigger in Texas, but even then that al pales in size to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was once carded at a Zales; he pulled the card out, slashed the employee's throat, drank the blood, and belched. Zales promptly went under.
For Chuck Norris, a stretch limousine is a "minivan".
Chuck Norris once has a star named after him -- Hulk Hogan (think about it a minute...)
Chuck Norris can open beer cans with his beard alone.
Centuries ago Chuck Norris turned water into wine, walked on water, and parted the Red Sea. It's widely unknown that "Chuck Norris" is spelled "jesus" in Hebrew.
Chuck Norris does not files taxes. Period.
Chuck Norris can grow his beard on command.
Shaved beard hair from Chuck Norris has been known to cure cancer, make orange dye, and make Earth fertile.
Chuck Norris does not suffer from hemorrhoids; he enjoys every second of it.
A stop sign is just a suggestions to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris Fact Lists are required reading in Chuck Norris Middle School.
Once upon a time there was Chuck Norris. The End.
There is nothing to fear by fear itself, and that fear is caused by Chuck Norris.
Countless millions have found "god" in what is commonly known as Chuck Norris round-house kick religion.
Chuck Norris sleeps on his back, with an eye open, and two fists at the ready.
Chuck Norris solved the Rubik's Cube in 10 seconds by simply telling everyone he had; they all fell into line.
When Ronald Reagan told Gorbachev to "tear down this wall", he conveniently forgot to mention he had Chuck Norris standing behind Mikhail.
Chuck Norris once won a hand in Poker with a pot SO LARGE that American went into The Great Depression. It was a bluff with two jokers, a Uno card, one two of hearts, and a card with rules to Old Maid.
The spinning from a Chuck Norris round-house kick creates measurable gale force winds, and slows times around it down by half a second -- prolonging the kick.
*Chuck Norris does not break wind. He annihilates it.
On the one hand, Chuck Norris can give a mean right hook; on the other hand -- he can do the same.
The meaning of life is Chuck Norris. Mystery solved.
Chuck Norris does not go "shopping", he goes looting.
And god said "Let there be Chuck Norris. And it was good."
Ever heard of Ranger Rick? Chuck Norris had and found out he was not from Texas. Big mistake.
Chuck Norris once played Polo in a red Corvette, in a Texas Ranger uniform, while killing Lebanese. It was awesome.
*In the time it takes you to bathe, eat, and drive to work, Chuck Norris has already killed Superman, Spider-Man, and Batman (the last one he deeply regrets).
Supergirl, he just plain fucked -- with his ranger boots on.
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. Or Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris loves the theme song to "Growing Pains". So do you. (Steve Dorff is thankful to be spared)
There are 43 muscles in the human face. Chuck Norris knows -- he has pulled each one out individually.
007 has a license to kill; Chuck Norris has a birth right.
The candle that burns twice as bright, lasts half as long. Chuck Norris burns like an endless song of a bitch.
Chuck Norris does not have A, B, O, or any blood type in his body. He has pure, refined, Grade A+ diesel. 100 round-house kicks per gallon.
In 1969 man landed on the Moon ... only after being round-house kicked there.
Chuck Norris once stepped on a crack and when it did not result in breaking his mother's back, he immediately set out to rectify the error.
Chuck Norris is the square root of awesome.
Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings, and trust me -- Chuck Norris knows for whom the bell tolls.
'stop, drop, and roll" was originally a description of what happened during the Alisa Ann Ruch Burn Foundation's first Chuck Norris encounter.
There is a right way and a wrong way. Then there is Chuck Norris' way.
Chuck Norris does not crap; he scares the shit out of himself.
