Children

[Warp Coil]

I'm 29 and still feel no need to have children. To me they are a crushing obligation that will completely destroy your life for the next 19 years. They will take away all your freedom and personality and interests and free-time.

This. I just turned 29 and I still don't really see the appeal. I don't have the time, money or interest to deal with children. I'm entirely too selfish - when you have kids you have to sacrifice your own interests and well-being for theirs, and that does not appeal to me one bit. I have a very small family and my brother and I would be the end of the line if we don't procreate. So far neither one of us has shown any interest in starting a family, so I'd say we're pretty screwed.

 

[Tribbles]

Deranged Nasat, that was quite a sweet post. Sounds like you'll be a devoted daddy one day.


I'm 25 and married, but neither my husband nor I plan on having children. I want to travel and have a career, and children do not currently fit into that plan.... perhaps they never will. My husband simply doesn't like kids, I think. He also is very possessive of his free time.

In addition, pregnancy sounds terrifying to me, and every woman I know tells me horror stories about delivering the baby. It never seems to go smoothly! If we ever decide on having a child, I am more inclined to adopt.

 

[Naira]

I am surprised that half the people that have posted here do not want children. I am 26 years old and I really like the idea. I want to have children - ideally three of them - and have a good family. It seems more important to me than other things in life.

The only thing that feels weird to me is the 30-years-old limit. One one hand, it feels like I am still too young and have so many things to do, like finding a somewhat steady job, finishing my PhD, living with my boyfriend and possibly marring before pregnancy and generally spend some years as a couple together. On the other hand, I'd really want to have my children while I am young, I don't like the fact that "young parents" around me are getting old. I think it is unfair to both them and the children. A 40 year old parent does not have the same energy as a 30 year old one (everyone is different off course but I see that in the people I know).

 

[Emher]

I'm a bit similar like your husband Mirrors, I like my free time. I'm okay with being the cool uncle, seeing as I'm the eldest of four and they can continue on the family name if they wish.

Then again, being at 26 and being where I am, (single and just now getting my economy together by loads of work) it seems unlikely that I'd have the option anytime soon.

 

[Holdfast]

I am surprised that half the people that have posted here do not want children. I am 26 years old and I really like the idea. I want to have children - ideally three of them - and have a good family. It seems more important to me than other things in life.

I think the last sentence explains your surprise. You value the concept of having a family enough to prioritise it. That will always mean that you will be willing to make the sacrifices required to do so, and in fact, they won't seem like such big sacrifices to you, because the end goal (a family with children) is something you actively desire.

I cannot speak for the others in the thread who don't want children, but for myself, it is not.

I cannot see the joy and delight of it, only the cost, effort and time involved. When it really comes down to it, I do not really care about the next generation, do not feel particularly invested in what the world will be like after I am no longer here, and do not have a burning need to pass on my genetic material nor to create in that next generation upstanding future members of society.

I am content with my comfortable lifestyle. If others want to hear my advice, they can seek it out (and compensate me for the effort!) but I do not feel that my life will be of less import or significance if they do not. It is their loss, not mine. I am of course vain enough to enjoy imparting advice, but it is not so enjoyable that I would want to commit vast emotional and physical resources to that pleasure... which is what good parenting would require.

Mine is a fundamentally selfish position - my happiness is my number one priority - but I do not think that makes it incorrect. It is simply a choice.

 

[Omnius]

I'm pretty comfortable with babysitting the offspring my dear sister and her hubby are providing.
It takes two to tango as they say. I'll see how I feel about kids when that times comes.

 

[RandyS]

I will never have children. For a disabled man like me to become a father, then be unable to care for them, would be a crime worse than anything Hitler did.

 

[sidious618]

No, I don't want children. My thoughts line up with Holdfast's on this one. They're expensive, needy and time consuming. People tell me I'll change my mind but I honestly can't see that happening. I'm so opposed to it that something massive would have to happen for me to change my mind.

Now, don't get me wrong, I do like kids I just want to be able to hand them back to the parents.

 

[propita]

When I was younger, I felt that I was so worthless that I could not bring myself to impose that on an innocent child. While that feeling is (mostly) gone, it's a bit late but I don't really have regrets. Looking at my siblings and their kids, I've determined that there must be a genetic flaw predisposing my family to various expressions of depression and such. Just as well end that line, at my end at least.

I did babysit a lot, but never felt that "need" to have children to make me complete. I had hoped to find someone I loved who loved me. Got that. Not willing to push my luck.

Hubby also lacked a strong desire to have kids. He slightly regrets it, but prefers to hand his nieces/nephews back to their parents and not worry. We had been teased that he was Foghorn Leghorn and I was the (not-)Scrawny Chicken, so that if we had a kid, it would have been that really smart kid with the beanie and glasses who never spoke.

As it is, we will likely be taking in my 20yo nephew for him to attend the local college. If all goes well, he'll be staying with us for a few years. Maybe we can repair some of the damage caused by my sister and her husband. He's a good kid raised in a house filled with tension. Seriously, I won't go there because I can feel the tension upon entering the house. You've been in that kind of house, right? Don't know when the yelling will start and can't wait to get out of there?

 

[TerokNor]

I am surprised that half the people that have posted here do not want children. I am 26 years old and I really like the idea. I want to have children - ideally three of them - and have a good family. It seems more important to me than other things in life.

I think the last sentence explains your surprise. You value the concept of having a family enough to prioritise it. That will always mean that you will be willing to make the sacrifices required to do so, and in fact, they won't seem like such big sacrifices to you, because the end goal (a family with children) is something you actively desire.

I cannot speak for the others in the thread who don't want children, but for myself, it is not.

I cannot see the joy and delight of it, only the cost, effort and time involved. When it really comes down to it, I do not really care about the next generation, do not feel particularly invested in what the world will be like after I am no longer here, and do not have a burning need to pass on my genetic material nor to create in that next generation upstanding future members of society.

I am content with my comfortable lifestyle. If others want to hear my advice, they can seek it out (and compensate me for the effort!) but I do not feel that my life will be of less import or significance if they do not. It is their loss, not mine. I am of course vain enough to enjoy imparting advice, but it is not so enjoyable that I would want to commit vast emotional and physical resources to that pleasure... which is what good parenting would require.

Mine is a fundamentally selfish position - my happiness is my number one priority - but I do not think that makes it incorrect. It is simply a choice.

... .... I think I just found the opposite of me. Hello opposite!
I think there is not much more important then the future of this world, be enviroment like or society like. I think caring for the future generation, helping them to grow into responsible adults, who care for each other and other creatures on this planet, is THE goal society has to master. Without children (be it hopefully one day my own, but also the ones I work with) and without my animals there would for me be no real happiness.
Wow...how different people are.

Naira: 30-years-old-limit? I plan for children earliest with 35...more likely older...IF the fitting partner comes along. Earlier does not work...and before 30...my than I need to be really really really fast, better starting to try tonight.

Many of my friends and friend´s friends have gotten children in the last years and while they all say, it really is exausting and sometimes they wonder, why they decidet for children, they also all say, they are at the happiest ever with their children and would never truly wish them away again. They feel "complete".


TerokNor

 

[F. King Daniel]

I hate being around kids, and I have no wish to become a father.

 

[Amaris]

I'm 30, and I want to have children of my own.
I have always wanted children, as far as to when I was only 15 or 16 years old.
I wanted a family.

 

[Jetfire]

I too want a family...have always dreamed of having children...even wanted to adopt one or more...but with my life being such a wreck and if nothing short of a miracle happens...I can forget about my dream of being a husband and father.

 

[trampledamage]

The only thing that feels weird to me is the 30-years-old limit. One one hand, it feels like I am still too young and have so many things to do, like finding a somewhat steady job, finishing my PhD, living with my boyfriend and possibly marring before pregnancy and generally spend some years as a couple together. On the other hand, I'd really want to have my children while I am young, I don't like the fact that "young parents" around me are getting old. I think it is unfair to both them and the children. A 40 year old parent does not have the same energy as a 30 year old one (everyone is different off course but I see that in the people I know).

It is harder to cope with the physical exhaustion of looking after a baby if you're older, but it has its benefits. I was 33 when I had little miss and 36 for the young master. What you lose in energy I think you gain in life experience. I don't have the feeling that I've missed out on anything because I'd already had a career before we had kids, and I was certain we were making the right choice having a family.

I was always doubtful about having kids because I really do not like other people's kids, but then I really don't like other people so it's all one. I wasn't sure I'd be able to cope with the screaming and constant demands for attention, but it's amazing what you can achieve when the time comes.

I'm the only one in my family to have kids (I have two sisters). Neither of them have ever had any interest in raising a family. Sometimes I feel jealous that my sister is able to do things like go to New York for a long weekend, but in the long-term I wouldn't change a thing.

But I'm lucky enough to have awesome kids, so other people's experiences might be different

 

[captcalhoun]

i don't have kids.

don't even have a girlfriend

can't afford kids and the way this buncha fucking right-wing cunts that 'run' the country are going, i'll never have kids cuz you'd need to be a fucking baronet's son or the heir to a stock-broker's fortune to afford it.

 

[BolianAuthor]

I don't want kids, nor do I like them. They are noisy, messy, and drain both your patience and money. I really see no practical use for them, other than an extra body to do chores.

I am mature enough to recognize that I do not have the level of patience needed to become a father, nor do I think such a level of patience would be "developed" in me once I had kids. Either way, given a choice, I'd rather not have children, and as a result, spend my time having a peaceful night's sleep, saving tons of money, and having much more sex with my wife.

 

[Shatnertage]

I love being a father. Yes, you lose a lot of the person you were, but you gain much, much more. I think you really grow into the responsibility, unless you're a complete waste. And after you get defecated on 2 or 3 times, you realize it's not such a big deal.

Having kids is basically like being in a relationship, multiplied exponentially. There's a lot of trading off, but that's just part of life no matter which path you choose.

Admiral Jarok (or the person who wrote his dialog) really hit the nail on the head, as far as I'm concerned.

 

[Naira]

I am surprised that half the people that have posted here do not want children. I am 26 years old and I really like the idea. I want to have children - ideally three of them - and have a good family. It seems more important to me than other things in life.

I think the last sentence explains your surprise. You value the concept of having a family enough to prioritise it. That will always mean that you will be willing to make the sacrifices required to do so, and in fact, they won't seem like such big sacrifices to you, because the end goal (a family with children) is something you actively desire.

I cannot speak for the others in the thread who don't want children, but for myself, it is not.

I cannot see the joy and delight of it, only the cost, effort and time involved. When it really comes down to it, I do not really care about the next generation, do not feel particularly invested in what the world will be like after I am no longer here, and do not have a burning need to pass on my genetic material nor to create in that next generation upstanding future members of society.

I am content with my comfortable lifestyle. If others want to hear my advice, they can seek it out (and compensate me for the effort!) but I do not feel that my life will be of less import or significance if they do not. It is their loss, not mine. I am of course vain enough to enjoy imparting advice, but it is not so enjoyable that I would want to commit vast emotional and physical resources to that pleasure... which is what good parenting would require.

Mine is a fundamentally selfish position - my happiness is my number one priority - but I do not think that makes it incorrect. It is simply a choice.

I see what you mean and I understand it. You are correct in your first paragraph. Indeed, sacrifices in other aspects of my life don't seem that important to me. However, the surprising part about other people not wanting children is more about - I am not sure how to put this - instincts. I mean, this whole "wanting children" thing is very natural to me, it is a desire (even need) that is not conscious, it just comes from somewhere inside me. And it is quite strong. So, it is surprising to me that so many people don't feel it, even milder.

 

[1001001]

We have two children.

And when I finally track down their real father, he's going to have some explaining to do. And some checks to write.



I could actually feel the evolutionary switch being turned on when my daughter was born. It's a transcendent experience, and not one you can convey to anyone who hasn't been through it themselves. My kids are awesome, and I'm very glad we had them.

Having said that, to each his/her own. If you don't want children, then its a very good idea not to have them.

Oh, and I hope you all choke on your big piles of disposable income!!

 

[Shatnertage]

I was rewatching ENT "Unexpected" last night, and had a real chuckle at Trip's panic over the lift in engineering--"What if a little person was in here? This thing is a deathtrap!"

Very true to life, in a comic, exaggerated way, of course. The nesting instinct is pretty strong once it kicks in.

It really does change the way you think. I was with my running group this morning on a 14-mile training run. I saw a dog running down the trail. I announce to everyone, "Look! It's a PUPPY!" in my 'oh-how-cute' voice.

I would have made an ass out of myself before, I'm quite sure. At least now I have an excuse.