Caption Contest 35: u sank my battlestar!

[Triskelion]

Well pinch my neck and call me pointy, there's another one for the anals of history.


But first a public service announcement:

...and now back to our regularly scheduled mayhem:

And now:
​

First Image:

The Romulan Star Empire's first attempt at recreating the fabled Federation supertechnology known as the "sombrero".

Gareb: "Ah, welcome to my underground lair, mister Sh'Bond. As you can see, the telepresence doomsday super-fun Andorian devestation device is in my possession. In my underground kingdom, my word is law, and soon all the Alpha Quadrant shall tremble before me. Unless you want to see little Timothy lowered into my tank of Denobulan razorfish, I suggest you drop your weapon and...HOLD MY CROWN OF OPULENT SUPREMENESS STABLE, MINIONS!"

Second Image:

Shran: "This hasn't been a very good day. I guess I'm just feeling a little blue."

'Chop Shop Award:

Aenar: YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST FRAT BROTHERS EVER!!

Romulan: Shut up pledge.

Man you guys don't make judging easy! It was impossible to choose between all the great references to other sci fi I decided to avoid it altogether! But honorable mentions go to all those chops and captions.


Congratulations to the very funny and always consternating winners Herkimer Jitty, Deranged Nasat, Alrik and thedude!


Your prize:



Your very own set of....



Vulcan Lawn Darts!

Just point and throw at your friends!



Our next contest is a little game of Stratagem,in which a couple of headbangers compare tats, battleships are sunk, and aliens bored into comas:

_____________________________________________
Play 'em off, Keyboard Cat!

 

[Triskelion]

Mayweather: I can see my quarters from here.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Archer: "Aren't you forgetting something?"
Degra: "What?"
Archer: "The space-heroin"
Degra: "Man, I can't be expected to remember everything. We got something else to shoot up around here?"
Archer: "Just coolant."
Degra: "That'll do."

Ceiling Cat: "I wonder which one will masturbate first..."

Phlox: "He's about ready for another session, but I don't advise..."
Archer: "Your advice isn't necessary Doctor, just your cooperation. This time... put a hickey on his neck. I want to mess with his head some more."

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Wow, another win, thank you For some reason, the Enterprise forum is seemingly where I get my best ideas, or at least those that people find amusing- the pictures you choose are just so inherently funny!

Degra: "The mark of the Beast? But why?"
Archer: "Seven Million people, remember?"
Degra: "But why are you here?"
Archer: "Possibly for that time I put itching powder in T'Pol's official Vulcan ceremonial robes".

Archer: "I've called you here today to discuss something of great importance, and great sadness too. New budget cuts have been announced, and one of the crew will have to be-"
T'Pol: "Mayweather"
Trip: "Mayweather"
Reed: "Mayweather"
Phlox: "Mayweather"
Hoshi: "Mayweather"
Mayweather: ....."Porthos?"
Archer: "Off."

Degra thought of all the indignities he would be subjected to in Caption Contest 35. He would be shamefully and undeservedly edited on photoshop, lewd sexual innuendo would be made with little regard for his sensibilities, Keyboard Cat would musically assist him in his exists. It was too much. Archer, no stranger to these contests, looked on with pity.

 

[Thor Damar]

Phlox: Captain, have you been making another speech about gazelles again?


Archer: (sullenly) Maybe.

 

[Alrik]

WOO-HOO! A win! Thanks Triskelion!

Degra: "Space Herpes?"

Archer: "Afraid so."

Archer: "Repair status?"
Trip: "Complete Cap'n."
Archer: "This next step is going to require some tricky piloting. We better get Mr. Mayweather's input. T'Pol, have Travis join us."
T'Pol: "Sir..."
Travis: "Uh, I'm right here, Sir."
Archer: "Oh, so you are. Honest mistake."

Archer: "So it lasted for more than 4 hours?"

T'Pol: "4.6, to be exact. That is why I called for Phlox."

Archer: "Hell, I would have called the Guiness Book."

 

[cooleddie74]

DEGRA:"Try the Risan blend...it's cut differently. It leaves fewer visible tracks."

CEILING CAT:"I'm watching you wish you didn't have to do the finale...

MEOW."

ARCHER:"Is he totally out of it?"

PHLOX:"For now...yes. But in less than an hour he WILL find your teeth marks on his genitals. So we'd better leave soon."

 

[cooleddie74]

The episode so horrible...even the script died and had an out-of-body experience.

 

[ChristopherPike]

Degra: "I see tattoos are traditional on Earth too."

Archer: "Sure are. This one here is my old sweetheart. I met her on Alpha Centurai. Ever been there?"

Degra: "Actually I have. I once fell for this amazing girl in a chorus line."

Archer: "No kidding. Well, to make sure I never forgot her name and that night together, I had it tattooed on my arm. She was a real demon in the sack."

Degra: (mind wandering) "Oh yeah."

Archer: "Her name was Becky."

Degra: (pauses, then looks down at his arm)

"I'll get my coat."

Archer: "I've brought you all here on a matter of the upmost urgency.

When I woke up this morning, Porthos was gone and the door to my quarters was wide open. His water bowl had been drained completely dry and my secret stash of cheese completely devoured.

He's out there people. Mostly likely marking his territory on every deck. We have to find him before the Tellarite Ambassador does."

Archer: "I think it's working, Phlox. He certainly seems to be under."

Phlox: "Now listen to sound of my voice... You're feeling very relaxed.

When you wake you'll no longer turn the channel over during the opening titles. In fact, you will learn to love the theme tune to Enterprise... then stay for the whole episode."

Degra: (opening one eye) "LIKE HELL!"

Archer: (punches the air in frustration)

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Archer: "I've brought you all here on a matter of the upmost urgency.

When I woke up this morning, Porthos was gone and the door to my quarters was wide open. His water bowl had been drained completely dry and my secret stash of cheese completely devoured.

He's out there people. Mostly likely marking his territory on every deck. We have to find him before the Tellarite Ambassador does."

 

[ChristopherPike]

 

[cooleddie74]

DEGRA:"Ahhhhh...I see you were in Kappa Fail Kappa as well! Did you pledge?"

ARCHER:"Only never to rat on the guys with the tiniest penises."

ARCHER:"So...you guys disabled the bridge webcam right? I'm not gonna see any of this on subspace later?"

(*Snickering*)

PHLOX:"He could not hold his Jim Beam, Captain."

ARCHER:"But he never GOT to try any of Trip's Jim Beam..."

PHLOX:"In that case, he's lactose intolerant."

 

[Kirby]

ARCHER: Thank you all for comming, the Hungry Hungry Hippos tournament will now begin.

Phlox: He'll be out for at least another hour.

Archer: Good, someone get me a bowl of warm water... Hee hee hee, this'll be great!

 

[cooleddie74]

TRIP:"Small problem, sir.

HOW the hell are we all gonna be able to find Zelda on this screen at the same time?"

PHLOX:"I did a synaptic scan, Captain.

He's dreaming of naked, greasy pecs and kittens."

 

[Skywalker]

Archer: What the hell am I looking at?! When does this happen in the show?!
Hoshi: Now. You're looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now is happening now.
Reed: Oh, God, not this again...

 

[Mistral]

Archer: "Ok, this is the most detailed 3D model of the ship we have on file. Now, everybody look hard! There's got to be a goddamn toilet here somewhere!"

 

[Mistral]

Archer: "Good job, Phlox! He looks extremely life-like!"

Phlox: "Ah, that's, ah, because he is, Captain. Alive, that is."
*under his breath* "Fucking moron! Go play with your gazelles!"

 

[Kirby]

Archer: I found him! C-deck section 10 corridor 2.

T'Pol: I fail to see the logic in spending valuable staff meeting time to look for Ensign Waldo on the interor sensors every day.

Archer: Who's up for some Minesweeper?

 

[NXOner]

REED: Fingernail inspection Sir? I haven't seen that in the regulations!

TRIP: Quit stalling Malcolm - you got something to hide?

 

[JiNX-01]

AHLEN: Wow, I've never knocked up two at the same time before!