Bad Sexual Experiences?

[CaptJimboJones]

And once after a party when I was really, really drunk and I could not cum no matter how much the girl tried..That was frustrating.

That reminds me of one of mine (fairly lame compared to the others!) .. I was dating a girl in college and we started having sex for the first time after a party. I was quite drunk, and although I got it up I just simply could not finish the job. I kept going and going and going and finally she just told me to stop, she was exhausted.

Well a few days later we decided to try again, and sure enough, I hit the jackpot about 3 seconds after slipping into her. She just looked at me and said, "You really can't get the timing right on this, can you?"

 

[DonIago]

I've played around with that. I prefer a nice face-sit myself! -- RR

Your place or mine?

Only if you look like J. Lo and have a big caboose and a vagina! -- RR

Close your eyes and think of England!

 

[Red Ranger]

Your place or mine?

Only if you look like J. Lo and have a big caboose and a vagina! -- RR

Close your eyes and think of England!

Hmmm, let me think about it . . . nope! -- RR

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 

[DonIago]

^Maybe we should do a poll? (laughs)

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

Sounds like the plot to a porno i once saw ...

 

[jamestyler]

The first two that come to mind both revolve around women thinking that I'll find them talking dirty to me will turn me on. It annoys me more than it really should. I have been guilty of shouting "Will you shut the fuck up? I'm trying to focus here!"

The first time it happened it was some girl who just wouldn't shut up. She just kept going and going, eventually said "Keep going! Wheres you learn to fuck this good." and I don't know why, or what triggered it, but I had an urge to really put her off and I replied with "It's just like how my daddy used to fuck me."

She got off on it. I had to fake it and left her in my mates flat. I've been with some weird women, been in weird situations but that was too much. I had to go.

Though a more innocent time was when I was 16ish. It was Sunday, the family went to church and then visited the in laws, leaving us alone all day. For a 16 year old I was doing pretty well, we were at it for hours and it was good.

The next day my dad came into my room and sat us down to talk about 'discretion'. It seemed he was ill that Sunday and stayed home in bed, too afraid and embarrassed to say anything.

This was the same man who, many months later, walked in on me and the same girl and made sure he got a good long look.

 

[FlyingLemons]

This was the same man who, many months later, walked in on me and the same girl and made sure he got a good long look.

Yeah, that happened to me when I was 17, going at it with my ex and my Mum walked in asking if me and my friend would like a cup of tea. She looked, said "Oh, sorry to bother you" and walked straight back out, but it was too late. Shrinkage occurred, and it was all over before it ever came to anything...

 

[MetalPants]

Probably the worst sex story that I can share is me dozing off while getting a blowjob. She was impressed at my stamina, and I was impressed that Mr. Happy stayed awake while I wasn't.

 

[Shatmandu]

Probably the worst sex story that I can share is me dozing off while getting a blowjob. She was impressed at my stamina, and I was impressed that Mr. Happy stayed awake while I wasn't.

Other than that, did you enjoy Star Trek: The Motion Picture?

Joe, voyager

 

[TorontoTrekker]

This was the same man who, many months later, walked in on me and the same girl and made sure he got a good long look.

Yeah, that happened to me when I was 17, going at it with my ex and my Mum walked in asking if me and my friend would like a cup of tea. She looked, said "Oh, sorry to bother you" and walked straight back out, but it was too late. Shrinkage occurred, and it was all over before it ever came to anything...

I'm not laughing to embarrass you - I'm laughing because that reminds me of one I'd purged from my memory... my ex-husband and I lived with his parents and brother for about five years. One weekend morning, he and I were going at it when his mother walked in to ask us if we had any laundry that needed doing. She saw what was going on, said, "Sorry, carry on!" and left.

 

[An Officer]

^ That's one cool mama.

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

This was the same man who, many months later, walked in on me and the same girl and made sure he got a good long look.

Yeah, that happened to me when I was 17, going at it with my ex and my Mum walked in asking if me and my friend would like a cup of tea. She looked, said "Oh, sorry to bother you" and walked straight back out, but it was too late. Shrinkage occurred, and it was all over before it ever came to anything...

I'm not laughing to embarrass you - I'm laughing because that reminds me of one I'd purged from my memory... my ex-husband and I lived with his parents and brother for about five years. One weekend morning, he and I were going at it when his mother walked in to ask us if we had any laundry that needed doing. She saw what was going on, said, "Sorry, carry on!" and left.

That's awesome! I love that mom!

 

[jamestyler]

That is brilliant!

My mother would just be shocked, appalled and possibly pray for my soul. Years ago when I lived closer, she dropped by for a visit. In that flat the first thing you saw was a smallish bedroom then a massive living room on the left.

As she walked into the living room, she noticed a girl in my bed and asked who it was. She was horrified when I had to think for a few moments before replying "Kirsty... or Kristy... something like that."

Every time I see her now she finds a way to ask if I'm using protection. It's very unsettling.

 

[Koinek]

Losing my virginity to a girl with a very crooked cervix.

Very uncomfortable, wondered if I was doing it all wrong because I simply just wanted to stop...

I finally gave up and said "This isn't working" to which she replied "WELL IT WORKED FUCKING FINE FOR THE GUY WHO RAPED ME!!!"

Mood killer much?


Hugo - Been very lucky since

Oh.
my.
god.

Winner....

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

With my then girlfriend a little under twelve weeks pregnant, after we had finished I noticed some bright red blood on the sheets. A scare was followed (thankfully) by the first scan of our daughter, blissfully unaware of what had happened.

 

[Elemental]

I threw a girl onto a bed once in a sort of manly commanding way, unfortunately she cracked her head open on the bedside cabinet and started vomiting everywhere.

Not my finest hour

Sounds pretty serious but that is still one of the funniest things I've ever read. That would qualify as a mood killer.

 

[FlyingLemons]

This was the same man who, many months later, walked in on me and the same girl and made sure he got a good long look.

Yeah, that happened to me when I was 17, going at it with my ex and my Mum walked in asking if me and my friend would like a cup of tea. She looked, said "Oh, sorry to bother you" and walked straight back out, but it was too late. Shrinkage occurred, and it was all over before it ever came to anything...

I'm not laughing to embarrass you - I'm laughing because that reminds me of one I'd purged from my memory... my ex-husband and I lived with his parents and brother for about five years. One weekend morning, he and I were going at it when his mother walked in to ask us if we had any laundry that needed doing. She saw what was going on, said, "Sorry, carry on!" and left.

It seems to be a universal talent of mothers everywhere to interrupt their children in the middle of doing the big nasty. It's happened to a few others I know too.

 

[JimCasy]

Mine aren't near as bad as some these...

I once gave my boyfriend at the time a bloody nose by kneeing him in the face in bed.

Another time, one of my guy friends, and we were both really drunk...he thought he was the greatest in bed, that he could get any woman off...but when I'm drunk it's nearly impossible for me to get off, so he just kept going at it til I was finally like, "Dude, that's enough, it's not going to happen and you're going to have to accept it." Then I went to pee (you know, after having drunk that much, I had to pee really bad) but apparently he'd been banging away for so long he'd made something swell up and I couldn't pee. At all. I tried for like half an hour. I ended up going home and feeling sick for like two hours until I could finally pee.

Another time, with a British guy I was dating (who was very openly bisexual) and a friend I'll call John. The Brit and I had an open relationship, and neither of us knew that John was bi...but he propositioned us one night. We all went back to our place and were having a lot of fun...but then the Brit gets all pissed off at us because he said we were leaving him out. So John goes over to him and is trying to comfort him and bring him back to the bed, and the Brit just starts crying and yelling at us to get out of his room. Here's a bit of advice: don't ever start crying during a threesome. That was so incredibly embarrassing.

 

[Squiggy]

Summer after high school I was seeing a girl, sneaking into her bedroom after her parents went to bed...screwing for hours. You know, usual stuff.

Later on, she got a dog and usually kept it in her room at night. One night the mutt escaped, woke her mom up, and her mom walked in the room as I'm going down on her daughter. Being blind as a bat, she didn't notice me under the sheets and struck up a conversation about something...I don't remember what as I had a face full of sweet teen muff.

She never knew I was there.