That's what she said!
Bad Sexual Experiences?
- Thread starter Shatmandu
- Start date
That's what she said!
You must have been doing it wrong.
Mine involves poop, and I'm not gonna tell it because you don't wanna know :P
Yes I can.
The best I've got is when we were fooling around on the couch this weekend. He got drunk as a skunk from the Seder wine (God- I LOVE dating a Jew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and we were going at it.
Then the cats started meowing at us. Then they started jumping up on the love seat next to the couch. Then it was time for me to put them into their room.
Then the cats started meowing at us. Then they started jumping up on the love seat next to the couch. Then it was time for me to put them into their room.
between marriages, I did the internet dating thing, and met up with a lady who seemed just perfect, well maybe too perfect..I met her at a bistro near her home, we seemed to hit it off and we ended up at her place..a filthly stinking condo that smelled like cat urine and dog shit..with the added fragrance of rotten meat..(that was from the sink BTW)..now I'm not a snob, but as she stuck her tongue down my throat I couldn't help but think "if her house is like this, what about her?"...I swallowed my pride and tried to get into the spirit but I then smelled her...wafting up as I peeled her pants off... That was anti-Viarga at it's utmost...and I beat a hasty retreat..
At an all-male sex party at somebody's apartment in Brooklyn. Rooms packed with hot guys, probably at least 40 of us, maybe more. I'm on my knees sucking off this hot young jock guy, decent sized cock if not gigantic. He's face-fucking me pretty hard. Now, I'm normally pretty good with controlling the gag reflex - guys have been impressed. But this guy is just not taking my signals when I need to come back up for air. And somehow he just triggers something, and I jerk back off his dick and immediately vomit all over him. Puke on his pubes, puke on his shoes, puke in a big steaming pile on the floor in a room full of rutting guys. The room is forced to evacuate from the stink, ruining more than 40 guys' nights, and it's at least a month before I can bear to show my face in public again.
That's a great story.
No bad sexual experiences only good ones but I thought I'd share a story a friend shared with me. Her boyfriend wanted her to use a vibrator on him. Well needless to say things didn't go well and they somehow got it stuck up his ass and they ended up at the emergency room.
She said that the various technicians and nurses who went in there had to stifle a laugh because the damn thing was still vibrating but the most humiliating moment came when the er doctor came into the room briefly looked at his ass and noticed the batteries had run out of juice and the damn thing finally wasn't working anymore. The doc proceeded to ask him, "So, are you here to have it removed or do you just want me to put fresh batteries in it and send you on your way?"
Both of them were shocked by that bedside manner but I told her how else would you approach such a bizarre situation.
That ER doc is my hero. I aspire to have that bedside manor.
No bad sexual experiences only good ones but I thought I'd share a story a friend shared with me. Her boyfriend wanted her to use a vibrator on him. Well needless to say things didn't go well and they somehow got it stuck up his ass and they ended up at the emergency room.
She said that the various technicians and nurses who went in there had to stifle a laugh because the damn thing was still vibrating but the most humiliating moment came when the er doctor came into the room briefly looked at his ass and noticed the batteries had run out of juice and the damn thing finally wasn't working anymore. The doc proceeded to ask him, "So, are you here to have it removed or do you just want me to put fresh batteries in it and send you on your way?"
Both of them were shocked by that bedside manner but I told her how else would you approach such a bizarre situation.
No kidding, that's the funniest thing I've ever read.
Sadly, I have nothing that really compares. Once when me and a girl I was seeing last year were doing stuff, we were going doggy style and I fell off the bed and hit my head on the corner of a desk. I had a whopper of a bruise.
But no, compared to the other tales in this thread that's hardly very exciting
I'm getting that "new Fox reality series" feeling here...
Sky One (owned by Rupert Murdoch) already produces a series with stories like this. Given the tendency of UK exports to go overseas, it's only a matter of time before it shows up on FOX...
All Seeing Eye
Admiral
My worst sexual experience was when I went to poke the hole and my foreskin ripped and about an arm full of blood came gushing out. Let's just say going to the toilet for a pee was one of the most excruciating pains i've ever had to go through and I had to go through it for about 2 weeks+.
Well, in her defense, it does take a little getting used to... I know I didn't know what to expect the first time, and it took me a few times to start enjoying it.
Wouldn't you do that anyway, even if only by inference by the frequency of "Oh God"s?
Ah. Eating pineapple pizza earlier, were we?
OK, more full disclosure -- many women have told me I tasted sweet. The one who gagged was in the minority! And actually, I try to eat vanilla ice cream before a woman goes down on me! -- RR
AARRGG! I am so glad I'm circumcised! -- RR
^Oooh, bondage.
I've played around with that. I prefer a nice face-sit myself! -- RR
^Oooh, bondage.
I've played around with that. I prefer a nice face-sit myself! -- RR
Your place or mine?
^Oooh, bondage.
I've played around with that. I prefer a nice face-sit myself! -- RR
Your place or mine?
Only if you look like J. Lo and have a big caboose and a vagina!
-- RR
