Bad Sexual Experiences?
- Thread starter Shatmandu
- Start date
Gave my ex a black eye. We were a little drunk and I was taking off my shirt and she had gotten behind me for some reason... it was funny at the time and still is.
Remembered another. Man, this was bad.
It is 1988 or so. I'm in the Air Force at Yokota Air Base, Japan. Living in a dorm room with a roommate. Nice guy named Tom.
My spicy Latina girlfriend and I were hanging out in the room with him, watching TV one hot summer day.
He goes for a jog, so my lady-friend and I tear off a piece.
I wipe the dick-spit off her buttcheek with a towel and toss it onto a chair. We get dressed.
Tom comes in right after that, very sweaty, and before I can react, he grabs the towel with my spunk on it and wipes his face.
I have just (indirectly) ejaculated on my roommate's forehead.
He was angry, I was horrified, and my girl thought it was the funniest thing she had ever seen in her young life.
Twenty years later, I'd say she was right. At the time, not so much.
Joe, agreed not to speak of it
It is 1988 or so. I'm in the Air Force at Yokota Air Base, Japan. Living in a dorm room with a roommate. Nice guy named Tom.
My spicy Latina girlfriend and I were hanging out in the room with him, watching TV one hot summer day.
He goes for a jog, so my lady-friend and I tear off a piece.
I wipe the dick-spit off her buttcheek with a towel and toss it onto a chair. We get dressed.
Tom comes in right after that, very sweaty, and before I can react, he grabs the towel with my spunk on it and wipes his face.
I have just (indirectly) ejaculated on my roommate's forehead.
He was angry, I was horrified, and my girl thought it was the funniest thing she had ever seen in her young life.
Twenty years later, I'd say she was right. At the time, not so much.
Joe, agreed not to speak of it
^Joe: Based on the many fucked up sex stories you have, I say you have a book in you! The Shitty Sex Stories of Shatmandu! -- RR, Book Agent!
How did it "get" weird? Wouldn't it have been weird as soon as you found out?
Because 1) I found out after the fact and 2) she started dating one of friends like 2 years later. So having dinner with her and him was really awkward.
I guess she was attracted to my animal magnetism.
Well, this story isn't as messed up, but it's a tryst that ended strangely. I was out drinking with some coworkers, and one in particular I was sweet on. We both got pretty drunk and wound up staying the night in a rundown motel in midtown Manhattan, as we were going to work the next morning. She was a voluptuous, big-breasted red-head and we had some great sex. Well, we woke up to the sound of the cops knocking on our door. It turned out there was a murder on our floor, and we slept right through it! My poor friend was really freaked out -- and we did go to work, but wearing the same clothes as the night before. Caused some tongues to wag! -- RR
You told me I was your first!I lost my virginity to the crease betwix a girl's thigh and crotch.
I have a couple, but they're damn tame compared to most everyone else.
My last ex really liked being on top, sitting up and facing me. This was great because it provided me a great view, but she would lean back and support herself with her hands on my legs. I'll just put it diplomatically...she wasn't a skinny girl. So I'm trying to enjoy the moment but there's this searing intense pain in my legs and I didn't want to ruin it for her by making her move, as she was really getting into it...needless to say she was amazed by my stamina, since I couldn't feel much of what she was doing when all I could feel was the excruciating leg pain. I even had trouble walking for a while afterward.
My other story...all I'm going to say is this girl had an impression of a starfish down perfectly. Maybe a dead starfish.
My last ex really liked being on top, sitting up and facing me. This was great because it provided me a great view, but she would lean back and support herself with her hands on my legs. I'll just put it diplomatically...she wasn't a skinny girl. So I'm trying to enjoy the moment but there's this searing intense pain in my legs and I didn't want to ruin it for her by making her move, as she was really getting into it...needless to say she was amazed by my stamina, since I couldn't feel much of what she was doing when all I could feel was the excruciating leg pain. I even had trouble walking for a while afterward.
My other story...all I'm going to say is this girl had an impression of a starfish down perfectly. Maybe a dead starfish.
okay, I surrender and will post...
Two times come to mind...
... GF and I are going at it, face to face... all of a sudden my balls are being licked as I perform. I'm like WTF? look down and her damn dog has joined in. I'm trying to get away from it and she is convulsing with laughter while the dog want's more and chases me around the room.
#2 - I won't go into details except to offer advice - no bondage if your partner is drunk and could possibly pass out. One extra piece of advice - The above is even more true if you are in someplace that will become public in a short while. THANK GOD cellphone cameras did not exist yet.
Two times come to mind...
... GF and I are going at it, face to face... all of a sudden my balls are being licked as I perform. I'm like WTF? look down and her damn dog has joined in. I'm trying to get away from it and she is convulsing with laughter while the dog want's more and chases me around the room.
#2 - I won't go into details except to offer advice - no bondage if your partner is drunk and could possibly pass out. One extra piece of advice - The above is even more true if you are in someplace that will become public in a short while. THANK GOD cellphone cameras did not exist yet.
I have had some expieriences that weren't that great because one of us was tired, wasn't feeling well, or it wasn't working right but I can't think of any really BAD experiences. I sort of threw up during oral sex once, but I hadn't eaten in a while so it was basically just water anyway, and it wasn't much (and it was not on the guy).
Shatmandu's puking story reminded me of this story my brother told me: He was involved in it, but not the sex part. He used to have a weekend job with a newspaper working in the local delivery office. As part of the job, he delivered one of the rural routes around town. About 4:00 in the morning, he's driving along a narrow single-lane road. It's foggy and he's trying to read his delivery map, so he's not paying a lot of attention to the road in front of him. It shouldn't be a problem because, again, it's 4:00 AM and he's on a road that's deserted at the busy times. Anyway, he glances up just in time to see a car parked in the middle of the road with the lights off--in time to see it, not in time to stop. So, he hits the car and soon thereafter a guy and a girl jump out of the back seat and he's zipping up his pants. She's complaining of whiplash and he's complaining about bruises on the inside of his thighs. I wonder if her tonsils were bruised too?
You mean you're not a girl?!?!?You told me I was your first!I lost my virginity to the crease betwix a girl's thigh and crotch.
Until this Thread, I thought "bad sex" was an oxymoron. Excuse me while I Google "Monastery."
I haven't had any bad experiences, except for the occasional shifting limb in a tender spot. The only thing that really comes to mind was a slightly embarrassing experience when I was wearing a brand new pair of underpants; turns out they left quite a bit of fuzz stuck to you-know-where. She said something like, "Use this thing much?"
I haven't had any bad experiences, except for the occasional shifting limb in a tender spot. The only thing that really comes to mind was a slightly embarrassing experience when I was wearing a brand new pair of underpants; turns out they left quite a bit of fuzz stuck to you-know-where. She said something like, "Use this thing much?"
