Bad Sexual Experiences?

[Shatmandu]

The dog stories made me remember a few odd moments.

1. This is back when my wife and I were first dating.

My dog, a Beagle named Steve, was staying with her for the night while I was out of town. Before I had left, she and I had done the freaky-freaky.

A few hours later, her parents came over for dinner.

During the meal, Steve the Beagle goes upstairs, digs through the trash, comes back, and proudly plunks down our used condom to contribute to the family feast.

I had only briefly met her parents once before, so basically, after this visit, they had spent more time with my hooie-balooie than with me.


2. Another Steve story.

When he was a puppy, Steve liked to play with stuffed animals. His favorite was a stuffed seal we named Whiskers. It was bigger than him; he'd grab it by the neck and shake it all over.

One afternoon, the wife and I were going at it. In the middle of it, she taps me on the shoulder and points off the side of the bed.

It was Puppy Steve, staring at us, matching me stroke for stroke on Whiskers. Eyes bulging, tongue hanging out, the whole bit.

Joe, who seems to have too many of these stories for comfort

 

[Kemaiku]

The worst? fingering a partner twice before finding out the needle mark on her arm was from an STD bloodtest two days before I turned up after having two Human and one dog (yup...) partner unprotected.

I have never been so greatful for my OCD and liquid soap.

 

[Crash]

Not very many, but....

1.) I was 20 or 21 and getting over a cold when I went down on my boyfriend. I was doing fine until he came and I coughed. I ended up with most of his spunk in my nose.

2.) A dog story. I used to take my youngest brother to get his haircut by the same lady who cut mine. She worked from home in her basement, and had this little terrier. One day we're sitting out in the living room waiting for her to finish up with someone, and he drags out this stuffed moose and starts going to town on it. I mean, he even had it turned so they looked like they were doing it missionary. We just start laughing, and finally she comes out to see what's up, and gets mad! She kept asking us why we didn't stop him, and my brother finally said "Jesus, would you want anyone to interrupt you?"

I think she eventually had the dog neutered.

 

[Peach Wookiee]

^Neutering or spaying doesn't always help. Yes, I said spaying. There are two female dogs in our family that go to town. My brother's dog likes doing that to pillows or stuffed toys... thankfully.

 

[Lumen]

This thread is amazing. I am both sad and happy I have nothing to contribute. I guess my worst experience is my "first" time, and that's not amusing or terrifying, just boring. We basically just couldn't figure out how to get it in, and ended up giving up.

 

[Gepard]

This thread has destroyed my libido.

Thanks, guys!

 

[Saratoga NX-3842]

One afternoon i was just really needing a piece, so i called this girl i had met through a friend who was an easy catch. set up a booty call. went to her house.

we're going at it, i'm into it, we switch positions, i grab her and turn her around into reverse cowgirls and slap her ass, then i see it.

this chick had a mole on her back that stretched down to her left butt cheek. the thing was about the size of a whitecastle, and there were these little black-red bumps on it, and hairs growing out of it.

I lost it. I lost all form firm penis and it just flopped over and gave up. Luckily wearing a condom, i instantly faked an orgasm and that was that.

never saw her again.

 

[Gary7]

At first I thought, "OK like this is going to last very long". It's good to see some relaxed moderation in this little corner of TrekBBS.

Funny stuff... a couple of these posts have had me laughing up a storm.

I can't contribute much other than... something I call the "hungry for tongue" incident.

I'm big time into kissing, especially when the girl is into it to. Nice long stretches of tongue-lip foreplay before getting down to business. Well, a few years back there's this girl that was in my aerobics class, where I had no idea she was hot for me. Then one night when a bunch of us from class met up for dinner, she showed up and got a bit sloshed. And then dropped enough of a hint that I finally "got it." So, I volunteer to take her home and we get to her bedroom, start kissing, disrobing, kissing... and then "nibble"--she bit my tongue. Not hard, but enough that it startled me. Never had any girl do that before. We continue. Then it happens again, only harder. A bite. "Ouch!" She giggles. "Funny--c'mon, stop it" I say. We continue, and we're really getting into it when TEETH CLAMP happens. "Yeeeeeeeeeowwwww!! What the FUCK??" She bit down so hard, she drew blood. "Oh... sorry. Tee hee."

Well that killed it for me. She apologized, said she wouldn't do it again. But it was too late... totally killed the moment for me. And it took a week before my tongue felt like it was back to normal! Later on, I became involved with someone else and didn't give her any notice... except a couple of times when she playfully chattered her teeth together when she passed me. Psychopath!

 

[Shatmandu]

this chick had a mole on her back that stretched down to her left butt cheek. the thing was about the size of a whitecastle, and there were these little black-red bumps on it, and hairs growing out of it.

Gep lost his libido, I lost my appetite.

Imagine if it whispered to you:

"Hey, buddy, you better pick up your game if you wanna be better than those black guys who just left."

-- or --

"If your thumbs aren't too busy, how 'bout one for her ass and one for me? Wouldja mind?"

Joe, word picturer

 

[Venardhi]

I have a permanently crooked penis due to an over-eager on-top ex-girlfriend. My crotch was bruised about 9 different colors for a week.

 

[FrontLine]

Having my age-two daughter walk in on us and hop on top of husband's back as we were going at it, then she yelled "HORSIE RIDE!"

Wasn't sure whether the embarrassment or the laughter would kill me first.

Yes, we locked doors after that.

Something similar happened, except she said "you are hugging mommy funny" and she broke out in laughter. It took me a month, a case of viagra, and some serious therapy to get it up ever again.

 

[Marc]

Mine actually came a few days afterwards. the girl (who'd I'd been to bed with on a previous occasion) told me a few days later that no she hadn''t wanted it on the night in question.

Now that comes after having previously said she was there for the taking, I just never made a move on her and while it didn't go quite all the way (she did say at the time she was a bit tired) she never said stop and when a girl puts her legs over my shoulders while having her pussy eaten she's obviously enjoying it.

sufficied to say I felt bad after she told me - but what was worse she goes on to prove the difference between a bitch and a slut.

 

[sbk1234]

One of my very first experiences; I pulled out without knowing it.

I've learned a LOT since then.

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

I have a permanently crooked penis due to an over-eager on-top ex-girlfriend. My crotch was bruised about 9 different colors for a week.

Wow. I feel your pain, man.

 

[Red Ranger]

I lost my virginity to the crease betwix a girl's thigh and crotch.

You told me I was your first!

Isn't that called the Princeton Rub? -- RR

 

[Red Ranger]

Well, this wasn't a bad experience for me, but I did feel badly about it. Most men's dream is to come in a woman's mouth, but those women are rare. I was separated from my ex-wife and getting back in the saddle -- I was in my late 30s -- and dated a younger girl briefly. She went down on me and I came very fast in her mouth. She spent the next 10 minutes gagging and rinsing her mouth out with mouthwash. The thing is, I felt so bad about it that the next couple of women I dated who gave me blowjobs, I warned them when I was going to come. One of them kept on sucking, didn't pull my cock out of her mouth, and swallowed it greedily. I was flabbergasted -- that's when I knew I loved her! She later told me I tasted sweet. -- RR

 

[RoJoHen]

This thread has destroyed my libido.

It kind of makes me wish I never had one.

 

[Australis]

I'm laughing at it all.

It's called the Human Condition, people. Part of life.

Damn, we're a funny species.

 

[FlyingLemons]

Never ever accidentally tip bacon grease on someone when she's giving you a blowjob in the kitchen and you're cooking. It hurts both parties...

 

[Venardhi]

Well, this wasn't a bad experience for me, but I did feel badly about it. Most men's dream is to come in a woman's mouth, but those women are rare. I was separated from my ex-wife and getting back in the saddle -- I was in my late 30s -- and dated a younger girl briefly. She went down on me and I came very fast in her mouth. She spent the next 10 minutes gagging and rinsing her mouth out with mouthwash. The thing is, I felt so bad about it that the next couple of women I dated who gave me blowjobs, I warned them when I was going to come. One of them kept on sucking, didn't pull my cock out of her mouth, and swallowed it greedily. I was flabbergasted -- that's when I knew I loved her! She later told me I tasted sweet. -- RR

My generation, or at least myself, seem to be lucky on this. Oral sex is such a given that both genders tend to develop a taste for the other by necessity. The list of notches in my bedpost that didn't swallow is limited to one and only one (and she was my first).