Claudia will not agree to disagree.
First, there's no mass-producing Thor, Captain America, Hulk, Scarlet Witch. So yeah keeping repulsor technology from giving us flying cars is a huge, huge, huge thing.
Second, conceding Stark has terrible control issues doesn't mean he's not capable of self-sacrifice in a crisis. Doesn't even imply it.
Third, it is Stark who has it both ways, no one else.
Fourth, wanting to kill someone who was not responsible for their actions is maybe understandable, but it's wrong, wrong, wrong. And it wasn't a matter of temper: Stark was totally calm when he didn't have any great difficulty with shoot at sight, which is wrong, wrong, wrong. This is like execution of the mentally ill, except without troubling with a trial and jury.
The problem tge Stark in this movie is that to justify all that money (or maybe satisfy Downey's vanity,) hamfisted failed tearjerking was foisted on us. The problem was not that Stark was a flawed hero, much less that Stark was really a villain. The objection is to the in universe adulation when not everyone should feel that way. Nebula---Nebula!---gets all sentimental about his first death scene!
As to Peggy Carter secretly marrying Steve Rogers? I suppose on second thought, allowing intelligence officers to have secret lives is exactly how SHIELD=HYDRA worked. It could not have been a simple matter of "us" not being told it was to Steve Rogers. Carter's employees knew Steven Rogers was Captain American and would have drafted him.