Asexuality

[HIjol]

Oo

Once you give up on sex, and talk to women like they're men, they don't like it.

They reeeally don't like it.

So eventually you conclude that you still have to be nicer to women than you are to men, just so they don't slink away at speed because they have never been treated so poorly in their lives! ...So you might as well be trying the absolute minimum to sleep with them anyway just so they're not offended and become dramatic.

The absolute minimum is reserved for women who don't even pretend they like you as a human being, which is kinda hot. Even if they are actively offensive to you, they're still "not men" which is a third of a point better than a wealthy bloke who will pay your cable bill with the full sports package in exchange for some minor nude considerations.

Not that I have the "goods", but I do think you have a couple of points about treatment of Women. In my experience, humor and respect will get you acknowledged as a Human Being. The problem comes after that. I turn into Sam Seaborn and "...never know if they're lookin' ." I don't know all the signs. I used to admire the occasional "Haughty Hottie", if I may rename your "...absolute minimum..." woman, above, but I am well and truly tired of being treated badly, so I cannot agree with you there. Perhaps a month at "Guy's Gonzo Girl-Getting Guy Group Grope" sometime, but in the mean time, I think I will just trust my nature and be nice.

But, remember, the Brain is our biggest sex organ

Then how come my penis always defeats my brain whenever they engage in a battle of wits (for the right to make my decisions for me)


Fortune Cookie Wisdom say,
Man with Penis that always defeat brain whenever engaged in a battle of wits has tits on Brain.

Mr. Miyagi say, "...get head On, get head Off..."

I am too poor to pay for it.

Have you tried booze and stupidity. They continue to be very popular techniques round our way

Stupidity (and "encephalitis") always reign supreme when I try booze and Stupidity.

Hey, Heads Up!...er, um...ah, no...


Oo

 

[Robert Maxwell]

HIjol's checklist is a good place to start.

A common misconception about asexuality is that asexuals don't like/have sex. This is not true.

At the core, asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction. It is an orientation or, if you prefer, the lack of one. Homosexuals are attracted to their own gender. Heterosexuals are attracted to their opposing gender. Bisexuals are attracted to both. Pansexuals are potentially attracted to anyone without regard for gender (the distinction between bi and pan is fuzzy but at least pan is more inclusive of non-binary identities.) So, to be asexual is to be none of those: you aren't attracted to anyone.

But you may still have a libido and you may still want sex, because being asexual doesn't necessarily mean you lack a sex drive. You just don't look at a person and think, "damn, they're hot, I wanna fuck them!"

Some asexuals are repulsed by sex. Some aren't. It depends on the individual, but both are considered asexual.

There is also an "asexual spectrum" which is there things like "demisexual" and so forth come in.

"Aromantic" is not that hard to get your head around if you think about it for a moment. If we consider attraction to have two components--sexual attraction and romantic attraction--then "asexual" defines your sexual attraction, and "aromantic" can define your romantic attraction. If you are aromantic, you don't feel romantic attraction to anyone, either.

I have friends that are romantic asexuals, and aromantic asexuals, and seeing how they interact with their partner(s) is like night and day. The former are very cuddly and affectionate and behave like, well, people who are in love with each other.

The latter seem more inclined to ruthlessly tease and fight with each other (playfully) and tend to hate physical affection.

Of course, those are anecdotal observations and others may behave differently. What matters is finding the identity that best fits how you see yourself.

One of my best friends is a non-binary aromantic asexual, and spending time with them has been eye-opening, to say the least.

 

[Guy Gardener]

x = Effort.

y = Opportunity.

Z = Pleasure.

X - Y ≤ Z

 

[Melakon]

removed

 

[Robert Maxwell]

I think we tend to overdo it trying to classify people.

It's not about classifying people, it's about letting people have an identity to hang their hat on (so to speak), which is kind of important if you feel like there's no one who understands what you're going through. That's why there is an asexual community in the first place, because so many have struggled with just figuring out what particular identity applies to them. It's helpful to be able to say, "That's it! That's the word that describes how I've always felt!"

 

[Pingfah]

I think we tend to overdo it trying to classify people.

I've not had sex for almost 20 years, before that last flurry of activity covering about 3 or 4 years, before that there was a dryspell of about 8 years, and before that, the first encounter 8 years after a divorce, and before that, a marriage that lasted less than 7 years. Eight months before that, I was a virgin at 20.

Reasons for not having sexual relations have included health or emotional problems, finances, social awkwardness, religious background, but mostly because if I'm not in a relationship, I put the thought of having sex on a back burner. I still go through all the fantasy daydreams with thinking about it and all, but when I don't have any potential prospects, I don't tend to go out hunting for one.

I would prefer to be in a relationship, but there are enough things wrong physically, financially, and emotionally right now, I don't think it's fair to burden someone else with it.

Well thanks for the life story, but I hope you understand none of this has anything to do with asexuality?

 

[Melakon]

Well never mind then, I'll blank the post. I made t because I was trying to understand it.

 

[Pingfah]

I wasn't trying to offend or make light of your situation, it just seems that there is a misunderstanding that "not having sex" = asexual.

 

[Pingfah]

Perhaps I'm not being very helpful here, but asexuality really isn't any more complicated a concept to grasp than homosexuality or heterosexuality.

For example, think about how you feel when you think of having sex with Margaret Thatcher. Perhaps not revulsion, but I would imagine a complete lack of sexual attraction? Now imagine you feel that way about everybody.

I'm not saying that encompasses the entire sphere of what an asexual person might feel, but it's an example of how many asexuals may feel.

 

[CorporalCaptain]

[yt]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hf67SPzC3tQ[/yt]

 

[iguana_tonante]

Asexuality, as in the lack of sexual attraction, is probably one of the most difficult things to understand for me. I'm an utterly sexual being.

Not that there is anything bad about it. My understanding is not required at all, of course, and it doesn't change my respect for people. But it's still strange to me.

 

[Gryffindorian]

HIjol's checklist is a good place to start.

A common misconception about asexuality is that asexuals don't like/have sex. This is not true.

At the core, asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction. It is an orientation or, if you prefer, the lack of one. Homosexuals are attracted to their own gender. Heterosexuals are attracted to their opposing gender. Bisexuals are attracted to both. Pansexuals are potentially attracted to anyone without regard for gender (the distinction between bi and pan is fuzzy but at least pan is more inclusive of non-binary identities.) So, to be asexual is to be none of those: you aren't attracted to anyone.

But you may still have a libido and you may still want sex, because being asexual doesn't necessarily mean you lack a sex drive. You just don't look at a person and think, "damn, they're hot, I wanna fuck them!"

Some asexuals are repulsed by sex. Some aren't. It depends on the individual, but both are considered asexual.

There is also an "asexual spectrum" which is there things like "demisexual" and so forth come in.

"Aromantic" is not that hard to get your head around if you think about it for a moment. If we consider attraction to have two components--sexual attraction and romantic attraction--then "asexual" defines your sexual attraction, and "aromantic" can define your romantic attraction. If you are aromantic, you don't feel romantic attraction to anyone, either.

I have friends that are romantic asexuals, and aromantic asexuals, and seeing how they interact with their partner(s) is like night and day. The former are very cuddly and affectionate and behave like, well, people who are in love with each other.

The latter seem more inclined to ruthlessly tease and fight with each other (playfully) and tend to hate physical affection.

Of course, those are anecdotal observations and others may behave differently. What matters is finding the identity that best fits how you see yourself.

One of my best friends is a non-binary aromantic asexual, and spending time with them has been eye-opening, to say the least.

Perhaps I'm not being very helpful here, but asexuality really isn't any more complicated a concept to grasp than homosexuality or heterosexuality.

For example, think about how you feel when you think of having sex with Margaret Thatcher. Perhaps not revulsion, but I would imagine a complete lack of sexual attraction? Now imagine you feel that way about everybody.

I'm not saying that encompasses the entire sphere of what an asexual person might feel, but it's an example of how many asexuals may feel.

Thanks for the clarification. To me, the variations in romantic attraction (or lack thereof) make asexuality harder to define. It appears asexuals differ from one individual to the next.

One of my earlier points was that some asexuals may feel a romantic attraction to others without the sexual element. But the same could be said of other individuals, regardless of their sexual orientation. For example, I have a crush on Julie Andrews and I think she's a very fine lady. Do I want to sleep with her? No.

Asexuality, as in the lack of sexual attraction, is probably one of the most difficult things to understand for me. I'm an utterly sexual being.

Not that there is anything bad about it. My understanding is not required at all, of course, and it doesn't change my respect for people. But it's still strange to me.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

For example, think about how you feel when you think of having sex with Margaret Thatcher. Perhaps not revulsion, but I would imagine a complete lack of sexual attraction? Now imagine you feel that way about everybody.

Is this her dead or alive? At her prime as the empress or just before she carked it?

 

[Spot's Meow]

Asexuality, as in the lack of sexual attraction, is probably one of the most difficult things to understand for me. I'm an utterly sexual being.

Not that there is anything bad about it. My understanding is not required at all, of course, and it doesn't change my respect for people. But it's still strange to me.

I feel like I understand it pretty well, because I feel that there were periods of my life where it fit with my identity. It wasn't that sex was icky or bad, just that I never thought about it, unless I was forced to by ads/jokes/discussion/etc. It just wasn't a path of thought that even occurred to me. It became very annoying to watch TV and movies, or read the internet, because it seemed like everyone was so damn obsessed with something that was so insignificant to me. Sex pervades our society, and most probably don't notice on a daily basis since it is so natural to them, but it became super obvious to me when it was something that wasn't important to me.

It almost seemed like religion to me...if you are on the inside of a religious group, it may be something very important to you, and may affect the way you live your life on a day to day basis. It isn't just a "hobby," it is your way of life. However, if you aren't religious, you may not understand what the big deal is, and are likely to become annoyed when you talk to this religious person who always seems to want to bring their religious beliefs into the conversation. For you it may be a non-entity in your life, so you get sick of hearing about it, while for the other person it may be the whole purpose of their life.

 

[USS Triumphant]

The thing that I think gets me about it is the need to have a special label to try to get folks to just leave people who don't want to have sex/relationships/kids the same way they do the hell alone.

I've been married for 22 years, so unless my wife and I find you attractive and you're down with that, I don't give a fat rat's behind how you like to get your rocks off - or don't - as long as it doesn't involve hurting anyone (against their consent), and I don't need a special label for you aside from your name.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I am not asexual. I'm sure sex is great, and I do want to have it someday. I'm just not into casual encounters, that's all.

 

[Kemaiku]

Because having a word for something that actually happens is useful when discussing it. Or to help quickly relate a distinct trait about a person.

 

[USS Triumphant]

Because having a word for something that actually happens is useful when discussing it. Or to help quickly relate a distinct trait about a person.

It is, and I'm not against there being a word - words in and of themselves are tools, neither good nor bad. I just don't have a lot of use for it, because I respect people generally, and don't give a crap whose chocolate their peanut butter is or isn't in. I think words to classify people by sexual preference or gender identity are mostly useful to people who want to divide and discriminate - though, admittedly, the classification words those people use are rarely as polite as "asexual".

 

[Kestra]

I think it can be really useful to someone who has struggled with their own identity as well. It's a way of learning that you are not alone and no, there's nothing wrong with you. It's not just something people made up because they don't want sex/relationships/kids.

 

[RoJoHen]

I have never been an overly sexual person. It's just not something I have ever cared about, and it's still not something that I care about. For a long time I used to think there was something wrong with me.

It's not that my sex drive doesn't exist. It just has very specific requirements. The only women I have ever ben attracted to are women that I've known for a while and have formed a solid friendship with. Annoyingly, by the time I realize this attraction, every single one of these women has gotten married or started dated someone else, so it's never something I've been able to act on.

It's not just something people made up because they don't want sex/relationships/kids.

The odd thing, and I think the most frustrating thing, is that I've always wanted to be a father. I look into my future and can see myself raising a child, but there's never a mother in the picture. If I could reproduce asexually, I would do it in a heartbeat.