Anyone here have a hard time turning down the opposite sex?

[RAMA]

or same sex I suppose if you're gay...anyway...

This applies mainly to people in long-term relationships/marriage.

I've been married a long time, I'm generally pretty happy, can't complain much, but I go through stretches where I have lots of women come on to me...I usually am told that I have a "taken" look and I try not to be flirty, so as to deter potential interest, but lately I've had a lot of women show interest(not for a relationship mind you, but sex), and its been harder and harder to turn them down..each one has been hotter than the next...It seems like women of all ages don't care if you're married anymore, it amazes me. So far I've done nothing but talk to a couple, but its always in the back of my head. I know that it should be easy not to think these thoughts at this point, but I'm a normal healthy male and well..we're not perfect..

RAMA

 

[Guitarded]

It's a Star Trek forum. Most of us probably have a hard time finding the opposite sex.

 

[Nowhere Man]

I have always been bad with getting women. I don't have any girls coming on to me. My marriage is on the verge of collapse. If we do split up I would be so lost on how to get back into the game. I have been with my wife for almost 8 years. The thought of dating someone is scary and exiting all at the same time. So if I ever had a girl that did find me interesting, I probably would have a hard time turning her down if she was hot.

 

[sojourner]

It's a trap! Your wife is behind it and testing you.

 

[Kai "the spy"]

As if I'd get the chance.

 

[Guitarded]

It's a trap! Your wife is behind it and testing you.

I know this is a joke, but stranger things have happened.

 

[BolianAuthor]

It's a Star Trek forum. Most of us probably have a hard time finding the opposite sex.

^

This.

Personally, I would just thank them for the compliment, and stay true to my wife, but that's just me... I wouldn't want to frak up a good marriage by a moment of weakness.

 

[Kestra]

Trekkies here are perfectly capable of being attractive and having sex.

Anyway, I've never been tempted by the thought of casual sex. You might want to see what's going on in your relationship or if something has changed recently. Ultimately the reality of cheating is likely to be far less appealing than the fantasy.

 

[O'Dib]

Well, you'll be my hero if you keep walking the line, but who are we kidding. I guess in the way of advice, try not to be too drunk when these situations present themselves.

 

[cyph]

Well, yes and no, depending on my mindset. My girl is super awesome, a dork like I, beautiful and all that, but when she's away... I've turned every girl down thus far, but sometimes it was stupid-hard to do so. Especially when:

1. I've been drinking
2. We've both been drinking
3. She's the aggressor

Usually though, as the relatively young guy that I am, I'll participate in some harmless flirting, just to see if I'm still sharp and smooth. But when things heat up, I can usually let go. Sometimes, when I'm buzzing, it's difficult for me to let go smoothly, so I let the alcohol talk, turn into an asshole, and scare them off. But I feel your pain though; it's difficult. VERY difficult when THEY'RE the one chasing especially.

I think this is just a general truth. I think women, who generally get hit on much more than guys, have developed a much higher tolerance to it, but even then. We all like to feel adored, to feel beautiful/sexy/wanted, and when someone gives it to us, it's up to you to make the ultimate decision; is it worth it? Cracks turn into canyons, brother.

cyph

 

[BolianAuthor]

I guess you just gotta ask yourself just what that ring on your finger represents and means to you. If you're willing to risk it, that's your business. I can only offer advice from my own perspective, which is that if I were in your place, I wouldn't even think of cheating on my wife or my vows... I wouldn't want to ever risk frakking up the good thing I had.

But, as Kestra has indicated... maybe there is something going on in your lives that might cause something to change... IDK if it is, and quite frankly, that's none of our business. But my take on the situation is what I have said here, for what it's worth.

 

[cyph]

I wouldn't even think of cheating on my wife or my vows... I wouldn't want to ever risk frakking up the good thing I had.

Well, maybe I'll turn into my father one day, but I actually get why some people cheat on their partners. Sometimes the relationship is dead, maybe its resentment, maybe its open and mutual, and sometimes, guys are just dogs. I know a couple of guys that juggle girls, they always have their "main" (THE girl) and the rest are more for getting off than falling in love.

There's a Chris Rock movie about him being in a sexless married relationship, and he starts flirting with the idea of cheating on his wife with a sexy young thing. I get it, and though I'm not advocating adultery, at the same time... sometimes a guy's just gotta get off. You're an adult, you know the consequences and what's at stake, but honestly, if you knew you'd never get caught, then... eh?

 

[BolianAuthor]

Even if I knew 100% I'd never get caught I wouldn't do it... the whole idea of getting married is to devote yourselves to each other. You promise to love, honor, and cherish. If that doesn't mean anything to you, then either don't get married, or have an open relationship... or become swingers.

It's not a matter so much of getting caught, as it is of love and respect. If you truly love and respect what you have, the thought would not occur to cheat, because you would have enough respect to not want to risk ruining the trust and the relationship you have.

Again, just my two cents.

 

[Myasishchev]

Answer: yes.

 

[Amaris]

No. I have turned down the advances of a fair number of women, most of it occurring in my mid to late teens. These days, I don't really get anything like that.

 

[Servo]

Yes. Which is why it's a good thing I'm not married or anything.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

In my current situation, I have turned down a number of people (OK, admittedly not many) before. It's never been easy, firstly because I'd be denying myself a chance at some form of relationship despite all the other things going on in my head; but also I'd be wondering how they may feel to see an opportunity for a relationship collapse before their eyes, and feel bad for them. On certain occasions it's been downright painful, especially if I consider the friendship too much to ruin. I predict that future rejections will not be easy either.

Now, if I was attached to someone (by legal means or otherwise), I might feel more comfortable and inclined to easily dismiss someone else's sexual advances, especially if my own relationship was robust. Even if this situation was an open relationship, one where we were free to pursue our own sexual desires independently and in spite of the marriage or whatever, I'd feel uncomfortable about diving in head-first (as it were) unless my partner was emotionally OK with it. I don't really know how I'd act if this hypothetical "attachment" was strained and in trouble - I'd probably still default to saying "no" in order to honour what's left of the relationship and prevent it from becoming worse.

 

[The Inquisitor]

Ever since I got together with my girlfriend I seem to attract far more women than when I was single. It's bloody weird and quite annoying as the second brain in my pants gets confused and tries to persuade me to follow up on these advances. Thankfully I have learned from mistakes in my past so I will never cheat on my missus.

I remember reading something a while back about this very topic. The jist was on the lines of a taken man being more desirable as another woman has already 'vetted' him as it were. I think it's a deep seated evolutional instinct at play. Il have a root around over the weekend and see if I can find the article in question.

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

I'm in a 12 year relationship and I have a hard time getting her to come on to me.

(Actually that's not true. For two overweight people in our 40's we are actually quite happy in that regard)

I do seriously sometimes worry that the fact that she is the only girl I have ever been with will one day become a troublesome issue with me should temptation present itself. I am honestly not the cheating kind at all, but i also tend to be weak willed when it coms to temptation.

 

[The Mirrorball Man]

No woman has ever spontaneously expressed any interest in me, trying to find love has always been hard work for me. So yeah, I guess I would have trouble turning down the opposite sex.